To be completely honest, nobody had tried to befriend me in the last two years, excluding Jamie and Mark. They had taken me under their wing, ignoring my attempts at maintaining a safe, bitchy distance from everyone I had to deal with. They essentially bullied their way through my attempts at shielding myself, but nobody else had. At least not until this year. Not until Crimson and Jax both decided to try and get to know me.
"Where are you from?" Jax questioned, giving me an encouraging, patient smile.
"Toronto," I answered. "You?"
"I'm from British Columbia, originally. I was born there. My mother came from Hawaii, actually. I moved to Ontario six years ago. My parents are still in British Columbia." Jax's answer made mine seem so vague and boring.
"Do you see them often?" I asked, sipping my coffee.
"No." Jax's jaw clenched slightly, but then he relaxed his features into another genuine smile. "What about you? Do you see yours often?"
"My dad is dead, has been since I was a little kid. I don't see my mom often. She lives in North Bay now with her new husband."
"Do you like her new husband?" Jax inquired, titling his head slightly.
"Why do I feel like I'm in an interview?" I laughed, feeling uncomfortable, as if Jax was trying to peel back each and every one of my complicated layers.
"Well, technically...this kind of is an interview," Jax confessed, leaning back against his chair. He had a playful glint in his eyes and a bemused smile teasing his thick, kissable lips upward.
"And what position is the interview for?"
"Multiple ones, if you're game." Jax grinned, unable to hide the boyish delight in having me walk right into his dirty joke.
I shook my head and rolled my eyes, trying to resist the urge to smile back. "Very funny. Okay, if this is an interview, I'm going to ask more in-depth questions. Where do you see yourself in five years?"
"Hopefully opening up my own Mixed Martial Arts gym for troubled youth," he answered easily. His answer threw me off guard. I wasn't expecting him to actually know. I figured he would stumble and give some awkward answer with a run of the mill job. "What about you?"
"I don't actually know," I said, almost laughing. My smile faded as I returned to my generic answer. "I want to be a writer, but I also want to help women who have been abused."
"That's heavy," Jax commented, looking at me with respect. I shrugged, feeling even more exposed. I ran my fingers through the tangles of my wavy hair, giving myself something to do with my shaking hands.
"Where abouts do you live?" I asked, trying to draw the conversation away from weighted topics and on to lighter ones.
"In a house with a bunch of other students. It's about as horrible as it sounds." Jax laughed, shaking his head. "What about you?"
"With my best friend, Jenna," I answered. "In an apartment kind of near here."
"Cool. And are you single?" Jax asked, raising his eyebrows at me.
I frowned. "I thought we were trying for friends here."
"I made it clear: we're interviewing for multiple positions...and I'll be honest," Jax said, leaning towards me. He kept his arms on his side of the table, but the way he was looking at me made it hard for me to breathe. "I like you. I would settle for being your friend, but I don't want to settle. I want to get to know you and I can't promise you that I won't try to kiss you."
"That's a problem," I told him, not at all sure that it was. I didn't know what I wanted anymore.
"Probably." Jax grinned, unaffected. "Let me take you out on a couple of real dates, I promise I will try not to kiss you...unless you want me to."
I already do, I thought before I could stop myself. I sighed. "Fine. And what kind of 'real dates' are you planning on?"
"You'll see. I'll pick you up on Thursday, if you're free?"
"Sorry, I work." I smiled, trying to hide my nerves and the butterflies that were exploding in my chest.
"When don't you work?" Jax inquired.
"I'm only off on Tuesday." I shrugged. "And the occasional Saturday."
"I guess we'll have to have that date sooner than I planned. Tuesday it is. I'll pick you up at eight," Jax said, grinning.
At eight the next night, I paced my bedroom anxiously, chewing on my lip and casting nervous looks towards the full-length mirror on my closet door.
I wasn't an insecure girl; I knew I was pretty. I knew men were drawn to me. I knew there was nothing wrong with my appearance. I had curves that made men stare, long dark hair that made other women envious, and a delicate yet strong facial structure that made me stand out. I had been told before that I could model, only I knew that was bogus. I wasn't thin enough to model. I had curves and I was okay with that.
I didn't hide my body, even after all it had been through. I wasn't ashamed of myself; I was confident in my skin, but I still found myself pacing, my nerves frazzled as I tried to detect any kind of outward flaw to fix. I knew it had less to do with my body and my appearance and everything to do with the fact that my most insecure part was my mind.
Aside from my body and appearance I was worried that I would have nothing to offer.
Sure, I was smart. That didn't set me apart from any other girl who landed herself a spot in University. You needed brains to get in and brains to stay in.
I suppose it had a lot to do with keeping people around. I wasn't very good at that. I didn't let people in, and when I did...they didn't tend to stick around. The only exceptions to that rule was Lauren, and now Jenna. They weren't romantic relationships either.
I guess I was worried that Jax would get to know me; that he would take the time to peel back all the layers I surrounded myself in and find me lacking.
I had done my eyes in a smoky dramatic look and left my hair fall free in thick, curly tresses around my shoulders. I chose a form fitting wrap dress that was pewter in colour and stopped just below my knees. I fretted that the dress wasn't me, as it wasn't a colour I would normally wear. I worried that Jax would think that I was trying too hard. I worried that I was trying too hard. It had long sleeves and dipped in the front and the back, revealing a touch of cleavage and almost all of my tattoos.
I had a quill and ink pot on my right forearm, six minimalistic birds in flight across my left collarbone, a phoenix tattooed on my right calf, and a cherry blossom tree that crept up my right ribcage and cupped under my breast.
I didn't think about them often, but then and again, I often hid the majority with my clothes unintentionally. Each and every tattoo that I had was important to me...they told a story of my life, and for some reason, I found myself worrying that they would give away too much of me. I didn't know if I was ready for someone else to learn my story.
The quill and ink pot symbolized my love of writing. The minimalistic birds in flight were a friendship tattoo I'd gotten with Lauren. The cherry blossom was a beautiful piece that I'd gotten to hopefully express inner beauty, and the phoenix—my most recent tattoo—represented rebirth; rising from the ashes.
I frowned as I searched out any and all flaws.
"You're over thinking, like, everything," Jenna pointed out, leaning against my bedroom door and giving me a sympathetic look. She'd been just as nervous about her date with Lucas. I could tell that's what she was remembering.
"I know." I sighed, dropping my shoulders in defeat.
Before Jenna could impart any words of wisdom on me, the sound of someone knocking on our apartment door broke the silence. Jenna's face transformed to one of excited delight. I knew she was ecstatic to meet the guy that had me so twisted up after so few encounters. Before I could stop her, she flew away from my door and down the hall. I heard her open the front door, then I heard Jax's deep voice saying hello and Jenna's bubbly tone introducing herself.
"I'll go let Harlow know you're here," I could hear Jenna say. I closed my eyes, willing myself to collect my nerves and become stoic and calm.
I opened my eyes, seeing Jenna in my doorway. "Jax is here."
I gave h
er a look that let her know I was perfectly aware of that. I slipped on a pair of simple black pumps and grabbed my clutch from the bottom of my unmade bed. My room was a stark contrast to Jenna's. It wasn't messy per se, but I definitely wasn't religious about making my bed and matching accent pillows to the comforter.
I walked past Jenna and she gently reached out to squeeze my arm. "He's hot," she whispered, grinning. "And sweet."
I stepped into the hallway, seeing Jax standing completely at ease by the island as if he wasn't nervous in the slightest. His confidence and self-assurance made me waver. He was holding a bouquet of flowers: pink cherry blossoms and white roses. My eyes dropped to the flowers and widened in surprise.
The sound of Jax releasing a gust of air brought my eyes away from the bouquet and up to his gold laced eyes. "You look incredible," he said, taking in my body like it was water and he was extremely parched.
"Thanks," I muttered, still shocked and unnerved by the flowers. I wasn't aware that guys still did that whole romance thing, and I hadn't exactly pegged Jax to be one of them.
"Too much?" Jax asked, gesturing to the flowers and appearing a little worried. I drank him in, noticing his casual outfit and pulled back hair. He had shaved the careless stumble he usually sported. I smiled, realizing that he had dressed up too. I suppose that was expected of dates.
"No. How did you know?" I asked, tilting my head curiously. He held the flowers out to me and I accepted them, drawing in their fragrance with my eyes closed.
Jax looked sheepishly at me.
"In class, when you stretched, I saw your tattoo and figured you liked them." He shrugged, seeming a little uneasy with the confession. I smiled, touched that he had taken notice of a rather small detail, and relieved that he too seemed nervous.
"Well thank you," I said sincerely, heading into the kitchen to look for something to put them in. Jenna and I didn't exactly have a vase, so I ended up filling a juice jug with water.
"Guess I should have thought of that." Jax laughed. "Not everyone has vases lying around."
"We've never had a reason to get one before." I shrugged. "But knowing Jenna, she'll buy twelve now," I added, casting a bemused look at Jenna, who was not-so-discreetly observing us from the living room. She grinned, nodding in agreement.
"Ready?" Jax asked, smiling. I followed him out of the apartment, glancing at Jenna once more. She gave me a thumbs up and nodded enthusiastically to show me her approval. I rolled my eyes at her before I closed the door.
We got out onto the street and Jax headed over to a huge black Chevy Silverado. He hit unlock on his remote then opened the passenger door for me. The truck screamed Jax. It was massive, sleek and impressive and completely customized. There was no chrome anywhere, just matte black and huge rims.
"Do you like?" Jax asked, amused by my open-mouthed expression.
"You know what they say about guys with big, modified trucks..." I climbed into the cab with some difficulty.
"What?"
"They're over compensating," I said, winking as I closed the door on him. He threw back his head and howled with laughter before walking over to the driver’s side.
"You know, I've kicked girls out of my truck for less," he warned, sliding into the cab effortlessly with his long legs. He put the key in the ignition and the truck roared to life.
I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. I had to admit, I was definitely impressed.
"How old are you?" I asked, the question appearing to come from nowhere.
"I'm twenty-five," Jax answered, curiously looking at me. "You?"
"Twenty-one," I answered, narrowing my eyes as I looked at him. "I'll be twenty-two in January."
"I'll be twenty-six in July." Jax grinned.
"An older man," I joked, almost wincing after the words spilled from my mouth. Iain was eleven years older than me and Jax was six. Still, Jax seemed pleased by my comment. "So, what's the plan tonight?" I demanded, eager to change the topic from age.
"We're going to do your stereotypical, run-of-the-mill first date: a movie." Jax winked. "Something action packed or scary."
"Action packed," I answered, knowing that the only scary movie in theaters was one about a girl who gets kidnapped by a serial killer. That kind of thing didn't mesh well with me.
"Awesome! Looks like Furious 6 it is." Jax drove to the movie theater and I played with the stereo, selecting CD to see what his musical tastes were. I raised an eyebrow at him in question as Dierks Bentley's "I Hold On" blasted through the speakers.
"Country?" I asked, amused.
"Born and raised," Jax admitted shamelessly. He'd thrown his arm across the back of the seats while I was preoccupied.
"Interesting." I smiled. "I'm not one to criticize other peoples' choice in music, but I had you pegged for heavy metal."
"Really?" Jax asked, his eyebrows shooting up with amusement. "It's the hair, isn't it?"
"Of course it's the hair." I laughed.
Jax shook his head, smiling with amusement as he pulled into the theater. He found a parking spot and pulled in with ease. I didn't know how he did it. I certainly wouldn't have been able to. Then again, I had never been behind the wheel of something so massive.
Before I had time to register his fluid movements, Jax was out of the truck and walking around to the passenger side. He moved fast and gracefully, opened the door and held out his hand for me to take. I took it, about to climb down. My tread-free shoes slipped on the sidestep and I fell forward into his arms. My hands rushed out in front of me, connecting with his chest.
He held me effortlessly, as if I weighed nothing. He held me close to his body, anchoring me to him with his large hands encasing my hips. My heart jumped madly in my chest, the sudden movement catching me completely off guard and awakening the potent desires I had for him. My lids felt heavy, and I half closed my eyes in response to the heated look in his.
"Harlow," Jax said, his voice deep and laced with the same lust I was feeling. I thought he was going to kiss me. I found myself hoping he would, but then he slowly lowered me to the ground. When I opened my eyes, he was looking down at me with longing and restraint.
"Let's go, before all the good seats are taken," he finished, his eyes lingering on my face a moment longer than necessary. I hoped he couldn't read the disappointment I felt from not kissing him. My hips still tingled from his touch long after he released me. We walked towards the theater, not touching save for the occasional brush of the back of his hand against the back of mine. Even that small contact ignited a fire in the pit of my belly.
It was cheap night, so the movie theater was crowded. We used the self-serve ticket booths to get our tickets. I made a feeble attempt to pay for my own, but Jax was ahead of me in the lineup and beat me to the punch.
"I could have paid for my own ticket," I told him, crossing my arms as we waited in the concession stand line up.
"I thought this was a date," Jax said, sounding amused by my irritation.
"It is, I guess."
"Well that's typically how dates work...haven't you ever been on one before?" Jax asked curiously. His question stung a little, although that hadn't been his intention.
During our relationship, Iain and I couldn't be seen out in public together. Obviously, date nights out on the town couldn't happen, and if they did, they happened out of North Bay. Iain took me on a few weekend getaways. We went to Niagara Falls one weekend, and then for my birthday, he took me skiing at his family's cabin. I could still recall how foolishly hopeful I felt.
There was also the time I came out to Ottawa to meet with Jenna's lawyers. Iain followed, and we remained in town for another weekend escape. Iain took me out to dinner at a Thai place I had actively avoided since I moved to Ottawa. My experience on dates was definitely less than the average twenty-one-year-old.
It was strange to think that my decision to move to Ottawa was pretty much for Iain. This was his hometown; his parents supposedly lived here. I had foolishly thought that aft
er his release, he would find me here effortlessly and we could start over. I thought we could begin our lives together.
That hadn't happened. I don't know why I had been so blind as to think that we could just pick up where we left off. Iain's silence ensured I would never know. No sense thinking about it, I reminded myself.
I had built a life for myself here in Ottawa; a life that I liked. I had a job where I was comfortable, a home where I felt safe, and Jenna. Iain's choice to stay away was redundant. Sure, it had affected my happiness for a while, but only because I let it. I was trying my hardest to change that.
"I've been on dates before," I said defensively, thinking about the weekend getaways and dinners with Iain. That had to count for dating, although I knew it wasn't in the traditional sense that Jax was referring to.
"Easy." Jax grinned. He was standing close to me, looking at me in a way that made my knees weak. His scent was overpowering me. It chased away the lingering thoughts I had of Iain, leaving only enough room in my head for what was happening now.
I had lived in the past for so long that it was strange to break out of it.
"Can I help who's next please?" the cashier asked, breaking Jax's gaze. He stepped forward, gently stirring me with his hand on the small of my back.
"What do you want?" he asked, looking at me expectantly.
"Popcorn is fine, and a drink," I said, looking at the cashier. She was young, likely still in high school, and a little clumsy at her job. We patiently waited while she tried to type in the proper combo number for one large popcorn and two large drinks, and again when she accidentally dropped the popcorn bag on the floor and had to get a new one.
"First day?" Jax asked kindly, noting the trainee label on her nameplate.
"Yeah." she blushed, embarrassed.
"You're doing awesome." Jax grinned, accepting the bag of popcorn from her shaky hands. She smiled timidly at him, her blush increasing.
"You have an interesting way of making people feel good," I remarked, following Jax to the counter to grab straws for our drinks.
Jax ran a hand along his jaw, smiling sheepishly at me. "Yeah...I like to make people feel good." He shrugged, looking a little guarded and embarrassed. I tilted my head, reading him. I could tell that he was hiding something, something that made him uncomfortable. I wanted to ask him what it was that he was hiding, but then I would have had to lay out my secrets. I definitely wasn't ready for that.
Collide Series Box Set Page 31