“Not to me,” Jax agreed. “But he was rough on his kids—my dad and my uncle. It was mostly the era, but he also didn’t express his emotions. My dad never learned how to express his either. That coupled with the untreated mental illnesses and the alcoholism…it turned him into a pretty ugly man. I don’t remember a time when he wasn’t like that.”
My heart ached for Jax, and at the same time, I felt guilty. I couldn’t help but think about my mom, about how I was distancing myself from her for things she hadn’t even done. It wasn’t her fault that my dad killed himself. It wasn’t her fault that her second husband was a pervert—she charged him and dumped him the moment she found out. She had never intentionally put me in harm’s way. She’d been a single mother throughout my whole life. She’d made mistakes, but what parent doesn’t? She loved me, and she tried.
Which was more than Jax’s mom had done for him. “Ugh, this makes me so mad,” I said, trying to pull away from Jax’s hand. I didn’t want him to see the tears I was desperately trying to keep from spilling.
The gentle expression on his face made my heart skip. He softly brushed his thumb across my cheek, catching the lone tear that had escaped. “But enough about this,” he decided, a sad smile pulling his lips up. “I didn’t bring you here to talk about depressing things.”
“That’s true. You brought me here to torture me with another method for me to bruise my butt,” I retorted, taking a shaky breath as I remembered our ice skating attempt. Jax laughed, his lips finding mine. He kissed me softly before he pulled away and helped me finish tying up my rollerblades.
Jax stood up effortlessly, looking like a natural. He held his hand out for me and helped me up. I wavered, lacking the balance to simply stay upright.
“It’s just like skating,” Jax reminded me, taking my other hand with his. The delighted grin was back where it belonged: on his handsome face.
“That’s exactly the problem,” I muttered. But Jax just smiled wider.
* * *
“He what!?” Jenna demanded, her eyes wide with astonishment.
“He took me to a warehouse,” I repeated. I picked up my brush, running it through my long hair and brushing out the tangles the blow dryer had caused. “The owner of the gym Jax works at is going to turn it into a Mixed Martial Arts gym. Jax is going to be a part-owner and manage it and teach classes once the renovations are completed. He’s also going to move his classes with troubled youth over.”
“That’s intense!” Jenna whistled. She was sitting on my bed, waiting patiently for me to finish getting ready so we could walk to school. Monday morning had come with a vengeance—and with Jenna stealing the bathroom for a good solid hour. The joys of having a female roommate who preferred to do her makeup in the bathroom because ‘the lighting was better.’ I was almost excited to move in with Jax. Hopefully he wouldn’t take a ridiculously long time in the bathroom.
“I know. I can’t believe it, but if anybody deserves this, it’s him,” I responded, picking up my liquid eyeliner. I looked past the scar on my cheek, but not before noticing that it appeared lighter. I focused on the task at hand, applying the eyeliner with a quick and steady hand. Once satisfied both eyes were equal, I set it down and grabbed my mascara.
“True.” Jenna nodded with agreement as I finished doing my makeup. I stood back, inspecting myself critically. I was dressed in my basic ensemble of distressed jeans and a clingy, long boyfriend t-shirt. I tugged at the thin material of my shirt, pondering the name. It was stupid. What boyfriend would wear a shirt so feminine?
I glanced up at Jenna, noticing her thoughtful expression. A huge grin broke out on her face as she met my eyes. “That was so romantic of him to tell you like that.”
“I know,” I responded, my thoughts drifting back to yesterday evening. We skated on rollerblades around the warehouse for a good solid hour. We laughed, we held hands and we had a lot of fun—even though I couldn’t really put the conversation we had completely behind me. It lingered there, like a low, heavy raincloud.
“You don’t look so thrilled about it,” Jenna frowned, catching the sadness on my face.
I bit my lip, looking at her. “He just…he told me some heartbreaking things,” I answered, not wanting to reveal it all but also needing an ear. “And I kind of feel like an asshole.”
“Okay, you’re being way too vague.” Jenna shook her head. “Start at the beginning.”
“It’s not my story to tell.” I gave her an apologetic look. I wouldn’t discuss Jax’s business with anyone else. That just felt…wrong. “But let’s just say that Jax’s experience makes me feel like an asshole for how I treat my mom.”
“You should feel like an asshole,” Jenna said pointedly. “Your mom is actually really nice and caring. I don’t know why you shove her away like she’s contagious.”
“I don’t know why either.” My voice was barely above a whisper.
“Is it Larry?” Jenna asked, her brow creasing with concern. She stood up, approaching me.
“No, not really.” I shrugged. “It’s just…me I guess.”
“Well, get over yourself.” Jenna gave me a small smile. “You’re lucky! You’ve got an incredibly hot—and totally freaking romantic—boyfriend who loves you, and your family loves you, and I love you. You’ve got a good life, Harlow.”
“I know that,” I protested.
“Good. Now I really need a tea.” She yawned, stretching. “I stayed up way too late last night.”
“Doing what?” I demanded, yawning too. We grabbed our bags and left my bedroom.
“Talking to Kyle.” Jenna smiled, shrugging. “They’re in Detroit now, starting the US leg of their tour.”
“Awesome,” I replied dryly, not even bothering to feign excitement. Even though Everly had said there wasn’t anything going on between the two of them, I couldn’t help but wonder how Kyle behaved on tour. Each scenario that ran through my head ended the same way: with Jenna hurt.
“Don’t do that,” Jenna warned. “You always make that face when I mention him.”
I sighed. “I’m sorry, Jenna. I’m just…hesitant about the whole thing. What are his intentions?”
“You sound like my dad.” Jenna scowled as we made our way downstairs and outside.
“He knows?”
“No, but if he did he’d say the same thing,” she said. I couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m being careful, Harlow. I promise. I’m not deluding myself into thinking anything. Kyle hasn’t made any promises to me; we just enjoy talking to each other,” she added as we walked quickly down the street.
The Bean was bursting with people and we had to wait for several long minutes before we reached the front counter. Lucas was working and he looked anything but thrilled to see Jenna and me standing there.
“Hey, Lucas.” Jenna smiled warmly. “Could I get a green tea?”
“Are you sure that’s really what you want?” Lucas scowled. “Or did you maybe want something worth a little more? A Frappuccino, perhaps? Is that fancy enough for you? Rich enough for you?”
Jenna frowned. “What are you talking about?”
“Don’t worry about it,” Lucas grumbled, disappearing to make Jenna her tea. The dark expression on his face made Lucas look like a turbulent toddler who had just been denied cookies and told that it was naptime.
“Coffee, Lucas. And cut the bullshit,” I demanded, my eyes narrowing.
Jamie exploded out of the kitchen with a flourish. I wasn’t entirely sure how much of the conversation he heard, but the displeased look on his face spoke volumes. He glanced between Lucas, Jenna and me. “Lucas?” he questioned, arching a brow.
“I’m fine,” Lucas said in an even tone. He set my coffee down harder than necessary and yanked the bill from my hand.
I pursed my lips, about to bite into Lucas. I didn’t like how he was acting; I didn’t like the dark, sulky looks he kept giving Jenna, and I certainly didn’t appreciate having a five dollar bill torn from my hand. But Jamie
caught my eye—he’d seen everything as well, and it was evident by the expression on his face that he wanted to talk to Lucas.
“Fine, whatever. Catch you later, Jamie,” I said instead, rolling my eyes. Jenna and I made a quick stop off at the fixing station.
“I don’t know what his deal is.” Jenna glanced back to the counter. Jamie had busied himself helping Lucas fill coffee orders—likely to keep a closer eye on him so he could figure out what his problem was.
“He’s acting like a brat.” I shrugged. “Hipster Harry Potter is displeased.”
“Harlow,” Jenna scolded, nudging her elbow into my ribs. She tried to hide her smile and the quick giggle that escaped.
“That should be a meme, shouldn’t it?” I grinned, pushing Jenna over the edge. She burst out laughing and quickly silenced herself when Lucas scowled in her direction. She schooled her features, trying to fight the laughter. The glare on Lucas’s face and the pout to his lips had Jenna buckling over. She grabbed my wrist and dragged me out of The Bean. Once we were on the street, she laughed until tears started to run down her cheeks.
“I really don’t know why that was so hilarious,” Jenna said, finally regaining control of herself so we could continue on to the university.
“Come on, Jenna. I’m hilarious. You can’t help it.” I grinned.
* * *
Just as I was walking out of class, my cell phone started to vibrate with an incoming call. I slid it out of my jacket and answered after checking the caller ID. “Hey, Jamie!”
“Harlow,” Jamie said, the stress evident in his voice. I knew without being there that he was likely massaging his temples. “I know that I said you could have the week off…but…”
“But what?” I sighed, fearing where this was going. Jamie was going to ask me to work during Iain’s book signing.
“Lucas just quit,” he rushed to explain. “I’ve got Crimson covering most of his shifts, but there is one I was hoping you could cover. She has an appointment that day, and I know you have a spare –“
“What day, Jamie?” I furrowed my brow.
“Wednesday,” Jamie answered. Iain’s book signing was supposed to start tomorrow and go until Thursday. Jamie wanted me to come in on the second day. He’d only be in the coffee shop for a couple of hours, but still. It was more time than I wanted to spend with him, and I especially didn’t want to see Iain promoting his book—the one that was supposedly written about me.
But I didn’t have much of a choice. Jamie wouldn’t ask if he wasn’t stuck. I knew he was going to be there too, and that he was expecting a lot of customers. Iain’s book had apparently already drawn in a fan base, as the café had been advertising it for the last week.
“Fine.” I sighed, my own fingers pressing against my temple. “But you owe me, Jamie.”
“I know.” Jamie exhaled with relief. “Thank you, honey. I promise you won’t need to deal with him. I’ll tell him not to talk to you.”
I swallowed back my response: that it didn’t matter if Iain didn’t talk to me. Being around him was just…difficult. The confusion, the guilt, the hurt—it all overflowed whenever those tortured Caribbean blue eyes found mine. I closed my eyes briefly, envisioning Jax’s face. It calmed the nervous clattering of my heart.
“I’ll see you then,” I told him curtly. I ended the call and shoved my phone back in my jacket pocket.
My thoughts were twisting with worry about Wednesday when someone shouted my name. I turned on impulse, my eyes narrowing when I took in the sight of Delilah strolling purposely towards me.
“Hey! How was your weekend?” Delilah asked, smiling hesitantly. Her air of self-righteous importance seemed to be gone, leaving vulnerability in its place.
“Fine…” I said, trying to gauge her intentions.
“What were you up to?” she asked, tilting her head.
“I went to a concert in Toronto,” I answered.
Delilah slowly smiled as if this information didn’t surprise her. “Autumn Fields, right?” she asked. I stared at her blankly. “I thought that was you.”
“Me?” I repeated, confused. I wracked my brain, trying to think if I had seen Delilah that weekend. Nothing came to mind.
Delilah fished her phone out of her bag and fiddled with it, bringing up a photo from a gossip website. She showed it to me. I was standing against a wall with my arms crossed, holding a water bottle in one hand and looking on with disinterest at the mayhem around me. In the distance, Cam could be seen walking towards me with a look of determination on his face.
“Yeah, so what?” I shrugged.
“I just thought it was cool, that’s all.” The smile faded from Delilah’s lips. “I really like that band.”
“Were you there?” I asked.
“No.” She smiled again, ruefully this time. “Tickets sold out months ago. I’m surprised you got VIP passes!”
“My friend has a connection…” I said awkwardly. “Look, I’ve got to go. I’m running late. I’ll see you around.”
“Oh, yeah. For sure,” Delilah said, her face falling slightly.
Guilty, I walked away.
I decided to head to the gym in an attempt to force all the feelings of guilt away with a rigorous workout that made my limbs weak and shaky. I was sick of feeling guilty; so sick of it that I almost wished I could return to the numb state I’d been in after every traumatic experience I’d been through.
Sweat clung to my skin and my hair felt sticky on the back of my neck as I started towards the change room after my workout was completed, my lungs expanding and deflating rapidly. I took a sip of water with trembling hands before nearly running into Jax.
“Are you here for my first class?” Jax grinned, his eyes widening slightly with surprise.
I’d completely forgotten that Jax’s first Mixed Martial Arts class for troubled youth was tonight. “Well, if you need an assistant…”
Jax watched me hungrily, his eyes caressing my body. The way Jax looked at me never set my panic off—it just made my blood turn to lava and my body scream for the sweet release I knew he offered so well. “Hmm, well, that might be a distraction to my very impressionable students,” he said, eyeing the workout shorts and tight top that clung to my body. He leaned forward, his focus shifting to my lips. “Teenagers are ruled by hormones and easily distracted by their second head.”
I laughed. “Men are the exact same way,” I reminded him, arching my brow as my eyes slowly dropped south of the waistband of his shorts.
“I’ll be at your place at nine,” he told me, his eyes full of promise. He looked like he wanted to throw me over his shoulder and drag me somewhere quiet—and I knew he did. Instead, Jax shook his head to clear it. “The class actually starts in ten minutes, so I need to get ready.”
“Best of luck,” I told him, standing on my toes to quickly brush my lips against his. “I know you’re going to change all of their lives for the better. I can’t wait to hear about it later.” I meant it; I almost got choked up with emotion each time I thought about the influence Jax was going to have over these kids’ lives. He was going to make a difference; a positive one. That’s just who he was. His caring, benevolent nature changed people for the better. It had changed me, too. He’d given me light again.
“Much later…” Jax growled. His hand brushed against my hip quickly before he jerked it back as if he forgot that we were standing in the middle of the gym. We’d gathered a bit of attention from a couple of people working out nearby, but I studiously ignored them.
“Yes, later,” I agreed, smiling slowly. “I’ll see you then, Jax.” I continued on to the locker room, but Jax’s hand shot out to gently grasp my wrist. I paused, looking over my shoulder at him.
“I love you,” he said reverently.
My heart swelled in my chest, dancing with the passion evoked by our subtle exchange. I smiled. “I love you too.”
* * *
My bag hit the floor with a hard thump, and I sighed as I eased m
y aching feet out of my shoes. Warm light filled the apartment, and the sound of Jenna’s iPod drifted down the hall toward me. I could hear the familiar vocals of Kyle Russell. I rolled my eyes, sighing dramatically.
“Harlow? Is that you?” Jenna’s voice called from down the hall.
“Yeah.” I crossed over to the refrigerator. I opened it up, peering inside. It was mostly empty save for bottled waters, a couple containers of yogurt and questionable Chinese takeout leftovers. I sighed, grabbing a bottle of water.
“Can you come here please?” she called, her voice sounding strange to my ears. My interest piqued, I headed down the hall towards her bedroom.
Jenna was sitting on the middle of her bed with her legs crossed and her laptop in front of them. She was biting her nails, staring at the computer screen when I walked in. “What is it?”
“I found out why Lucas was being so weird today,” Jenna said with disgust.
“Why?” I asked, remembering Lucas’s rude behaviour at the store. Rude enough that he was no longer working at The Bean. Rude enough that I now had to go in on one of the days I specifically asked off.
Jenna wordlessly turned her laptop towards me. I walked in, my eyes straining to read the words on her computer screen. She had an open browser with a gossip website loaded, the same one that Delilah had shown me earlier.
Kyle Russell’s picture was splayed all across the web page, and a blurry photo of Jenna and Kyle from the night of the concert was there too. They weren’t doing anything explicit, but the way they were looking at each other seemed suggestive, especially with the article title blasting out in big, bold letters:
Kyle Russell invites his side dish to a Toronto concert! Longtime girlfriend and bandmate Everly is NOT IMPRESSED!
The gossip website also had photos of Everly glowering off into the distance.
“Okay, that’s bullshit. I was there. Everly may have been in a bad mood, but I doubt very much that it was directed at you. Clearly, this website is full of shit. Which isn’t surprising, considering it’s a gossip website. Everybody knows that it’s completely made up.”
Collide Series Box Set Page 59