by E. L. Todd
That’s what she was getting from me.
And even now our story wasn’t a good one. I worked as a tattoo artist in my own shop. My clientele consisted of confused teenagers who wanted to rebel against their parents and guys who wanted gang signs plastered on their skin. Whenever Trinity and I had a fight, I took off and ran away. I didn’t stay like a real man. We had our problems and we would always have our problems.
She shouldn’t have to put up with it.
“The wedding is starting in a few hours. You should get ready soon.”
I recognized my dad’s voice without needing to look at him. Cayson must have sent him, and it wasn’t that surprising to me. I kept my forehead against the glass, the only source of comfort I had. “I’ll pass.”
Dad came further in the room then sat beside me on the bed. The mattress moved slightly to accommodate his weight. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing.”
“You look like a puppy in a pet store, desperate for love.”
“I’m desperate to disappear, actually.” I didn’t face him or turn his way.
Dad remained quiet for a while. Only his light breathing told me he was there. “I suspected something like this would happen. I wish my hunch had been wrong.”
“You know Trinity and I shouldn’t be together.”
“Actually, I think the opposite.”
“Let’s not fool ourselves.” My voice came out as a whisper.
Dad sighed. “You know, I could sit here and tell you why you and Trinity should be together. I could detail all the reasons why you’re worthy of her. I could go on for hours, if not days. But my little speech would mean nothing to you.”
“You’re right.” About time someone accepted me.
“Instead, I’m going to say something else.”
“Go ahead, old man.”
“Trinity is the only woman you want, right?”
“That’s never been the issue.”
“I didn’t think so,” he said. “So, if you bow out you lose your only chance of happiness.”
“I know.”
“And you accept that?” he asked quietly.
I felt the distant tears burn. “I know I’ll just hurt her later.”
“Hurt her how?”
“I’ll do something stupid, like I always do.”
“Why don’t you just stop doing stupid things?”
I wasn’t in the mood for his sarcasm.
“Slade, no relationship is perfect. Trinity is going to mess up somewhere down the road and you’re going to forgive her. And you’ll do the same thing. That’s just how marriage is.”
“But I’m always messing up.”
“No, you’re always learning.”
I was tired of arguing. “The whole world knows she’s better than me. We don’t go together at all.”
“Who says you have to be equal?”
I finally turned to him, unsure of his meaning.
“Does it really matter if the world thinks she’s better than you? Because it’s pretty clear she thinks the world of you.”
I stared at him.
“Remember when you threw her that bridal shower?”
“Yeah…”
“You had hot wings and peanut butter fingers…whatever that is. It’s safe to say it was the weirdest and least classy shower anyone had ever been to. The pretentious aristocrats thought it was a joke. It was nowhere near perfect.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “Are you trying to make me feel better?”
“My point is, it was the best you could do—even though it was terrible. But Trinity loved it all the same. She didn’t care how unusual it was. All she saw was the heart you put into it. Am I right?”
I nodded even though I didn’t want to.
“She accepts your quirks and loves you for them. And on your worst day, she stares at you like you’re a hero. You put Trinity on a pedestal but she doesn’t belong there. She’s just like you—just more tame.”
“She’s so much more than me…”
“You’re blinded by love. And so is she.”
“When we got together I—”
“Used her like all the others,” he interrupted. “I know. And she deserved better. As much as I love Trinity, she did that to herself. She put herself in situations where she wasn’t treated right. She looked for love in the wrong places. You need to stop blaming yourself for that. A woman will only get the respect from a guy that she gives herself.”
“Even so…”
“Even so, she got everything she wanted.”
I looked down at myself, doubting I was everything.
“People keep saying you’re perfect together but I don’t agree with that. You both could find partners more suitable for your personalities.”
I turned to him, intrigued.
“She could find a rich guy who works in stocks, and you could find a model covered in ink. But neither one of you wants that—you want each other. What’s stronger than the power of choice?”
I looked out the window again.
“You can’t walk away from this, Slade. I promise it will haunt you for the rest of your life.”
“I’m sure it will.”
He sighed, showing his irritation. “You’re really willing to throw away the greatest thing that ever happened to you over your own insecurities?”
“You did the same thing.”
“And fortunately, your mom slapped me so hard my cheek was red for an entire week. And I didn’t leave her on our wedding day. That would have been shady.”
“I’m not saying what I’m doing isn’t terrible. It is. It makes me hate myself more.”
“It makes me hate you too.”
That stung. I turned to him, feeling the shame in my heart.
“I’m so disappointed in you, Slade James Sisco.”
He used my middle name. He never did that. “I can’t marry her. It would be wrong.”
“Trinity is like a daughter to me. The fact you’re hurting her like this is unacceptable.”
“I’ll hurt her a lot more in the future if I don’t do this.”
“No, I think you’ll scar each other for the rest of time. What will happen years down the road? You’ll run into each other and think of what you had. Both of you will miss it but never acknowledge it. Years will pass until the bitterness grows old. But then you won’t remember the beauty of the relationship at all, just the pain. You’ll just be a memory, if that. Then what will happen to you, Slade? Your life will pass with no real meaning. You’ll never love anyone or be loved in returned. You’ll die an old man, full of regret. Is that what you want?”
“No…but it’s what I deserve.”
“For what, exactly?”
“Because I’m an asshole.” Everyone knew I was a jerk.
“You were an asshole,” he said calmly. “But you’re nothing like that now.”
“People don’t change, Dad.”
He released a sarcastic laugh. “You’re so different I don’t even recognize you. You live your entire life for that blonde. You have an odd self-image of yourself. You only see the bad parts of you, not all the good in between. You should see yourself through Trinity’s eyes. If you did, you would see how much she worships you.”
“I’ll never understand how I landed her…”
“Neither will I.” There was a teasing note to his voice. “And I’ll never understand how you threw her away.”
My heart slowed to a dangerous pace and I felt sick. “I love her…very much. I’ll never love another woman as long as I live. She’s it…”
“Then marry her.”
“I’ll just be a mistake she can’t take back.”
“Then don’t be a mistake.”
I closed my eyes for a moment at his words.
“Don’t be a mistake,” he repeated. “You can come to me whenever you need advice about marriage. You’ll have help along the way.”
“Dad, I’m sorry to disappoint you. But it’s not go
ing to happen…”
Dad was quiet for a long time. “There’s no going back from this. Trinity will forgive you for a lot of things but not this. She’ll never give you another chance. And she’ll never trust you.”
“I know.” It hurt to think about.
Dad stared at the side of my face, his gaze burning a hole in my skin. “There’s nothing more I can say. You’ve clearly made up your mind.”
“I have.”
“Don’t come to me for help later,” he said. “Because there will be nothing I can do for you.”
I kept my gaze out the window and didn’t look at him.
He stood up and sighed. “Take a few hours to think about it. I hope you make the right decision.”
I kept my silence.
“Just remember, she fell in love with you for a reason. And I’m sure she had a very good reason.”
Chapter Fourteen
Trinity
I stood in front of the mirror and examined myself in my wedding dress. I designed it myself, sowed it together by the seams, and made it into the exact dress I wanted to wear. It was one-of-a-kind and special. It was strapless and tight around my hips and legs. Even though it was fairly plain, it contained so much detail in the fabric. Intricate designs were woven in, almost unnoticeable to the naked eye. I’d spent months working on it until my fingertips were calloused.
But now I stared at my reflection with a sensation I couldn’t understand. There was no joy or pleasure in my body. All I felt was doubt, pain, and confusion. I’d been waiting for this day my entire life but it was nothing like I thought it would be.
My fiancé was Slade Sisco, an infamous manwhore who cared more about getting his dick wet than making his way in life. Our first night together wasn’t passionate with tender embraces. It was quick and straight to the point.
Our relationship changed after that and grew into something deeper. It was a relationship I’d never known anyone else to have. There were a lot of beautiful moments we shared, but there were also a lot of painful ones too.
Who was the man I was marrying?
During our fights, he said unforgiveable things. He hurt me more times than I could count. Back and forth we went constantly. Whenever things got difficult he took off.
And how long would it be before he got tired of me?
He’d been with girls like that inked one at his shop. They were adventurous, permanently marking their body without thinking about it. They pierced their tongue and navel, being desirable in the most obvious way.
I was a thin blonde, plain like everyone else in the world. How long would monogamy suit Slade? Would I come home early one day and find him with another woman in our bed? Or would he do something worse? Like leave me when we had our first child? What if he took off like Arsen did when he knocked up Lydia?
There was so much risk.
I lowered myself into the seat at my vanity and looked at myself in the mirror. I saw a face I didn’t recognize. My cheekbones were prominent and marked with make up. My hair was curled and voluptuous. The dress fit me perfectly, hugging my body in all the right ways.
But I felt hideous.
Was this feeling normal? Did every bride feel this way? Or did I feel this way because my relationship with Slade contained so much pain? Skye and Cayson had their trouble but it only happened once and they moved on. It wasn’t something that happened on a daily basis.
Were Slade and I completely wrong for each other?
Where was this coming from?
Was I worried over nothing?
I stared at the engagement ring on my finger and watched the diamonds flash in the light. Every time I looked at it, I thought of the way Slade proposed to me. It was so beautiful. I’d imagine how my fiancé would propose to me and it was always beautiful. But nothing I ever imagined compared to how beautiful the real thing was. Thinking of that moment gave me strength to go through with this wedding. But once I looked away from the ring, the uncertainty came flooding back.
This didn’t feel right.
At all.
Skye knocked on the door. “Girl, you need anything?”
I was running out of time. If I wanted to stop this wedding I had to say something now. But when I pictured the hurt on Slade’s face it made me want to kill myself. I couldn’t stand to cause him pain. It was like breaking my own heart.
“Trin?” Skye cracked the door and looked at me. “Everything alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I cleared my throat when I realized how weak I sounded.
Judging the look on her face, she knew I was lying. She stepped inside and shut the door behind her. “What’s wrong?” She came to the seat beside me with concern in her eyes.
“I just…” How did I put this into words?
“Do you want a different necklace? I can get you one.”
“No, it’s nothing like that,” I said quickly.
“Then talk to me, girl.”
I took a deep breath before I spoke. “I can’t marry Slade.” My words reverberated after I said them. “I just can’t do it.”
Her eyes were wider than I’d ever seen them. Her body didn’t react in any other way. But she did take a deep breath and hold it for several seconds. “Why?”
“Because we don’t stand a chance,” I said. “Slade doesn’t know how to be in a relationship. There are days when everything is beautiful and perfect, but then there are days when he tucks his tail between his legs and hides. He changed everything for me, but did he really change? Will he wake up one morning and realize this was just a phase? Will he realize he isn’t a one-woman man after all?”
Skye searched my face, clearly pondering a response. “Since you’ve been together for over two years, I don’t think that’s the case. He’s madly in love with you and doesn’t want to go back to his old ways. You don’t have to worry about that.”
“But I’m afraid he’ll hurt me. He’s hurt me so many times…”
“I know he has,” Skye said gently. “But Slade isn’t like everyone else. He doesn’t understand things the way you and I do. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. He’s like an alien from another planet trying to figure out life on earth. Whenever he hurts you, it’s not intentional.”
“But what if it’s always like that?” I asked. “What if it’s always me fixing everything? Skye, I can’t keep doing it…”
She rested her hand on my shoulder. “I know you’re scared. That’s normal. Whenever someone is about to make a big commitment they analyze their decision for flaws. Slade has a lot of flaws. But he has a lot of good qualities too. Your story is beautiful because it’s unique. Slade has never felt this way for someone before—just you.”
“I don’t think I can go through with it.” I closed my eyes in shame. “I’m sorry.”
“You still got another hour,” she said. “Think it over.”
“No,” I said quickly. “I don’t want Slade to show up only to be told to leave. I don’t want to hurt him more than I already have.”
“Trinity, this isn’t what you want.” Skye grew desperate as she tried to convince me.
I left her embrace and walked to the windows that overlooked the grounds. “Take care of everything for me, please.”
“No…”
“Please, Skye.” I kept my voice void of emotion so I wouldn’t cry.
She released a sigh. “Don’t do this.”
“Call everything off. And please don’t make me do it myself.”
“I—”
“Skye.”
She stopped arguing with me and headed to the door. The last sound I heard was the door closing into place.
Chapter Fifteen
Cayson
I answered Skye’s call and spoke without preamble. “I’m working on it.” I paced through the downstairs shop, walking past the counter and inking stations. Arsen leaned against the counter with his arms across his chest. “I had Ryan talk to him but it didn’t make a difference. Just give me more time.�
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“Cayson.” Skye’s voice was deadly quiet. When she was upset she yelled and screamed. But when she took this tone it meant something terrible had happened.
“What?”
“I just talked to Trinity and…she doesn’t want to marry Slade.”
“What?” I blurted. “You told her?”
“No,” she said quickly. “I didn’t say anything to her. I walked in there and she told me she couldn’t marry Slade.”
“Why?”
She released a sigh. “She said he’s hurt her too many times and he’ll hurt her again.”
I rubbed my temple. “Well, in her defense she’s right on the money.”
“I know…”
“So, that’s it? They both don’t want to get married?”
“It’s terrible, I know,” she said sadly. “But at least it’s mutual. Trinity doesn’t even need to know Slade backed out first. We can let her believe she called it off.”
“But we can’t let this happen,” I argued. “They belong together.”
“I know.” She sounded defeated. “But I know Trinity. Judging the way she spoke, she isn’t going to change her mind. She’s terrified, and that doesn’t happen very often.”
“This is a fucking disaster. All those people are here…”
“I know.”
I stopped pacing and leaned my back against a wall. “I guess I’ll talk to Slade.”
“Yeah…”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I would go back in there and try to convince Trinity otherwise but what’s the point if Slade won’t marry her anyway? If I do get her to change her mind and Slade never does…it’ll be even worse.”
“You’re right.” I couldn’t think of anything more painful.
“Tell me how it goes.”
“I’m sure Slade will be relieved.”
“He’s lucky Trinity came to the same realization on her own,” Skye said. “Because if she didn’t, I would have ripped him apart limb from limb.”
“And I wouldn’t have stopped you.” I hung up then stuck my phone in my pocket.