by Jill Downey
So far, she’d managed to keep a tight rein on her feelings for Jesse. But it was getting harder every day. Kyle had hired a PI but the search for Julian had yet to turn up anything. Nothing else had happened. Julian appeared to have dropped from the face of the earth, but Faye wasn’t entirely convinced. She had a hard time believing he would give up that easily.
Faye disappeared into her office and got busy working on her bookkeeping.
“Knock knock.”
Faye glanced up to see Jesse at the door. “Hey, you never have to knock, come on in,” she said softly.
He perched on the edge of her desk. “So how’s it going for you?”
“How’s what going?”
“Our arrangement.”
She looked down, “Good, how about for you?”
“Terrible! I’m not going to lie, it’s driving me crazy.”
“Jess, I just can’t go there right now.”
“Are you sure about that, because I see the way you look at me…and it seems like you’re as miserable as I am.”
“That may be true, but it doesn’t change the circumstances. I’m sorry.”
“Well at least you’re not denying it.”
“No.”
“Faye all I can think about is you…us. I miss you. I miss touching you, you touching me. I miss kissing you, smelling you, I miss listening to your stories.”
“Don’t you think I miss all that too? I do Jess. With all my heart, but I can’t bear to go down that road with you again. Not now, I’m way too vulnerable. I can’t make any promises right now.”
“You know how good it is between us. No, it’s more than good—it’s phenomenal. We can’t just let this slip away.”
“It won’t. If it’s meant to be it will be. I truly believe that.”
“How can I restore your faith in me?”
“Don’t you see? It’s my faith in myself that needs restored. Jess, you didn’t do anything anyone else wouldn’t have done. Your reaction was normal. I was a coward and I lied to the one I care the deepest about.”
“If you cared that deeply, you’d put an end to this separation.”
She wrapped her arms around herself. “Maybe, but I’ve got to clean up my past and stand on my own two feet before I can be ready to dive in with you. I didn’t tell you who I was because I was ashamed. I was desperate to be loved for who I was.”
“I get that now.”
“The hypocrisy of wealth…well I had to run across to the other side of the planet to escape from my family name. Everyone saw me as this free-spirited girl, doing her thing, world traveler, writing my blog, doing my art, shacking up with my lover, throwing money around left and right. People hanging on to me because I had money and I liked to spend it. Money meant nothing to me…still doesn’t. But it comes with a lot of baggage. It’s empty. When I met your mom, I felt a pain so deep it almost took my breath away. She is everything I ever wanted when I was growing up. So grounded and strong and warm, good… just like you Jesse.”
“Faye…”
She held up her hand, “Jess, the truth is I don’t feel like I’m good enough for you. It was selfish of me to let you go on thinking I was some poor helpless victim when I could have just asked one of my billionaire brothers to flex their muscles and the work would have already been done by now.”
“You wanted to make your own mark Faye. I totally get that. You weren’t trying to hurt me.”
“I’m so confused right now. I’m not even sure what I was doing. That’s why it’s best we just keep things the way they are right now. I’ve got no right to drag you through my emotional rollercoaster while I figure things out.”
“Faye, that’s what couples do. They walk through things together. Maybe you didn’t see much modeling of that growing up, but I did. That’s how it’s done. If you wait until you have it all figured out, you’ll be on your death bed, full of regrets.”
A single tear escaped and trailed down her cheek before she wiped it away. “Jesse, I’m not closing any doors, I just need time.”
He grabbed her wrist, exposing her tattoo before reading it out loud, “Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today. Dammit Faye, do you think that’s how you’re really living right now?”
She remained quiet.
“I guess I have no choice but to do it your way.”
“Don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m frustrated, not mad.”
“I’m sorry Jess. And you know what else? Selfishly, I want you to wait for me,” she whispered.
He blew out a deep breath. “What the hell else am I going to do?”
She grabbed his hand and kissed the back of it. He pulled her out of her chair and wrapped his arms around her hugging tight.
“Can I have one kiss?” he murmured.
She answered by tilting her head up. He placed his lips against hers and waited for her to respond. She parted her lips and he kissed her long and hard leaving her panting. When he lifted his head, her eyes were smoldering with passion. He’d leave her right there, wanting for more. She may as well be as horny as he was.
“I’m calling it quits for the day. Are you ready for me to walk you out?” he said.
Breathlessly she said, “Yes, let me put away a couple of files, then I’m good to go.” Her hands were unsteady as she cleared her desk. He smiled in satisfaction, knowing she’d be missing his touch tonight, just as much as he was missing hers.
30
Jesse was meeting a group of friends at his parents’ for a pickup game of beach volleyball… followed by lots of beer and a seafood boil. His brothers and their families were coming, and Lord knew who else was going to show up. It was Sunday afternoon and Faye had decided that they should take a break, so he had a whole day to chill.
He had called Faye, but it’d gone straight to her voicemail. Instead of hanging up, he’d left a long rambling message inviting her and reassuring her not to feel pressured and why didn’t she come for fun, they could keep it in the friend-zone and she didn’t have to worry about him reading more into it…blah blah blah. The more he had said the stupider he’d sounded.
He raked his hands through his hair, blowing out a deep breath. The uncertainty was frustrating as hell. He wanted to shake her. Her excuses just seemed lame.
He could understand wanting to take things slow and easy, he was all for that. He was just as invested in preserving his own heart as she was. But dammit, she wouldn’t be the only one taking risks. Their feelings for each other had long passed the friend zone. Their chemistry was undeniable. He hoped that it was only a matter of time before they got back together anyway, so why wait?
He stomped up the stairs and let himself in. “Mom?”
Ruby came out from the back of the house, her usual cheerful countenance on display. “Hey sweetie. You’re early. What time is the gang showing up?”
“It’s loose. I told them any time after three.”
“Good that gives us a little time to catch up.”
“That’s why I’m here.”
“Let me pour us some tea and we can sit on the porch and talk.”
He slung an arm across her shoulders and squeezed.
“Sounds good Mom. Where’s Pops?”
“He’ll be back. He’s golfing with Bill.”
“Extra ice please.”
Hand on her hip, Ruby said, “Anything else prince Jess?”
He held his palms up as he backed away comically, “I’ll just be heading on out then.”
Reclining on the lounger he put his hands behind his head and watched the pelicans dive bomb straight down into the ocean, fishing for their next meal. It never got old. They were comical and he could almost hear a cartoon soundtrack in his head.
“Here ya go,” Ruby said. “Is that darling Faye coming today?”
“Don’t know. I left a message.”
“Good. I hope she comes.”
“Doubtful. Seems she has to keep me at arm’s length… for
my own protection no less.”
“She’ll come around.”
“I hope so Ma. I’m starting to get frustrated. Why should it all be up to her? I’m the one that got lied to.”
“That’s oversimplifying it a bit, don’t ya think? It’s what’s behind the deception that’s the issue here.”
“How are we ever going to find out if her billionaire status is a deal breaker if we don’t try?”
“Give her time Jess. She’s got all that other stuff you were telling me about as well. That’s a lot to contend with. Which leads me to a point I want to make. If the ex is that obsessed with her, you can be sure he knows about you. I want you to be extremely careful. It’s no longer just about Faye, but also about whoever gets in the way. I’ll feel so much better when they find him.”
“Me too and I’m aware of that fact.”
“Just be extra alert.”
“I am. You don’t need to be worrying about me.”
“That’s a mother’s number one duty,” she said, laughing.
He rolled his eyes heavenward, “If you say so.”
“What else is troubling you dear?”
“Besides the fact that my girl, who says she’s no longer my girl, has an ex stalking her, and that even if we manage to climb those mountains and wind up at the top, what’s waiting for me on the other side? Her father, who will have a hard time accepting a blue-collar suitor. I’ll never be good enough.”
“You don’t know any such thing! And Jesse, everyone wants a family’s blessing, but we don’t always get it. If there is an issue at first, I think that given time, if he gets to know you, he will accept you. But you can’t take on all of that. Remember what you have control over and what you don’t. Then let what you can’t change go.”
“Uncle Jesse, Grandma!” Jesse’s niece came flying onto the porch and threw herself at Jesse.
“Hey Matilda, how’s my favorite niece?” Jesse said.
She rolled her eyes. “I’m your only niece.”
“Oh, I forgot.” He hugged her tight. “It’s been a minute. How’s school?”
“I’m ready for summer.”
“Won’t be long.”
His oldest brother Dylan, along with his wife Jen, came up the stairs lugging a cooler. After depositing it in the kitchen they joined them on the deck.
“You ready to get your sorry butt kicked little brother?”
Jesse snorted, “Good luck with that old man. Remember what happened the last volleyball tournament? We took your team to the cleaners.”
“I try not to live in the past. Today’s a new day.”
Jesse stood up. “Let’s go set up the net.”
Turning to Ruby, Jesse said, “Thanks for the talk Mom.”
“You always were a mama’s boy,” Dylan said.
“Yeah? Look who’s talking. You cried like a baby when you left for college.”
Dylan grinned. “That’s only because I was going to miss Mama’s home cookin.”
“Ha! If it makes you feel better.”
“Get out of here you two!” Ruby said.
They set up the net, and more people started showing up.
Joe was the first to arrive, his sister tagging along. “Hey anything we can do to help?
“You can set up some chairs on the sideline,” Jess said.
Jesse did a mental head count. Now that his other two brothers had showed up, there was at least enough for two teams and some bench warmers.
The Carlisle volleyball seafood boils were famous with their friends. It was always a great time. Fun and sun. Guys in their swim trunks, girls in their bikinis, some spiking and athletically diving to save the ball for their team, lots of laughter and teasing. Music, ocean breeze, salty air, gulls shrieking, it was a quintessential South Carolina beach party. Jesse’s youngest brother Sam was in charge of the music and he had the speakers set up and the country tunes streaming. The drinks were already flowing.
Jesse and Dylan designated themselves as team captains on opposing teams. The competition had evolved over the years to become a legend of sorts. All in good fun, the Carlisle brothers took their bragging rights very seriously. Jesse and Sam always teamed up against Dylan and Connor, the two youngest verses the two oldest. Jesse was up first to serve the ball, and he easily muscled it over the net.
31
“Hello?” Faye called out, as she knocked on the screen door. She could hear the ruckus of laughter and music coming from the back of the house but felt shy about just barging in on the party. She had battled with herself about whether or not to even come, but in the end, it sounded like way too much fun to pass up. Jesse had told her tales about past tournaments and it had caused that familiar yearning for a normal upbringing.
“Faye! You made it.” Ruby opened the screen and pulled her inside. She gave Faye a big hug and said, “Come on out here and have a drink with us before you jump into that wild group of savages. You can observe and see what you’ll be getting yourself into.”
Faye laughed. “Sounds good to me.”
“Hank, this is Faye! Faye this is Jesse’s dad, Big Hank.”
Faye held out her hand and it was promptly swallowed up in a hand as big as a dinner plate. A booming voice with a major southern drawl said, “They told me you were pretty, and they didn’t exaggerate.”
“Thank you, Mr. Carlisle.”
He scowled, “There’ll be none of that mister stuff in my house. It’s Hank.”
“Hank it is.”
“Have a seat, I’ll go fetch you a drink. What’ll it be? We have beer, wine, wine coolers, vodka, tea, water, you name it, we got it,” Hank said.
“I’d love a beer. Thank you.”
Patting the cushion next to her on the love seat, Ruby said, “Sit right here beside me. You’ll have an excellent view of the game.”
Faye’s eyes zeroed in on Jesse immediately as he leapt in the air, diving for the ball. He managed to volley it before hitting the soft sand beneath him. A voluptuous brunette laughingly held out her hand and helped him up. After he stood, she brushed the sand off his butt. Faye could see Jesse’s dazzling white smile all the way from where she was sitting. She gritted her teeth. Maybe this hadn’t been such a great idea after all.
Ruby drew Faye’s attention away from the scene, “So Faye, Jesse told me what happened; how are you holding up? And it’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it.”
“I’m hanging in there. There isn’t too much to tell. My brother hired a private investigator, which I hope uncovers something soon. I feel like my life isn’t my own anymore. Everything feels in limbo.”
“I’m sure.”
Like magnets her eyes strayed back to Jesse. She couldn’t help it. That same girl kept flirting with him, and she didn’t seem to be able to keep her hands to herself. Faye realized that her fists were clenched and tried to relax. When she looked back at Ruby, she could see warmth and kindness in her eyes. She could also tell that Ruby had caught her staring at her son. Faye felt the familiar warmth creeping across her cheeks.
“She’s just an old friend,” Ruby said kindly. “Not that she wouldn’t be interested if Jesse gave her the green light, but he’s known her his whole life and doesn’t see her in the same way.” She patted Faye’s hand.
“Um… I…”
“Honey you don’t need to explain anything to me. I know I’m his mother, so I’m a bit partial, but all my boys are lookers. Fortunately, they all have a portion of humble pie in their characters. It hasn’t gone to their heads…for the most part.” She laughed.
Hank returned with a beer and bowl of Chex mix, setting both on the table.
“I’m going down to where the action is. Do you want to join me little lady?”
Faye looked at Ruby and she nodded her head, “Yes, go. We’ll catch up later.”
Faye stood and followed Hank downstairs and to the sidelines. A couple of middle school girls were sitting under the deck painting each other’s nails.
&
nbsp; “Grandpa, what do you think?” The girl with hair the same striking color as Jesse’s, held up her hands to show Hank.
“Looks good kiddo. Faye this is my granddaughter Matilda. My oldest son’s daughter. He and her mom are in the game.”
“Hi Matilda.”
“Hi. Are you Jesse’s girlfriend?”
Faye put her hand to her throat. “Um, we’re friends, yes. He is helping me fix up my business property.”
“Yeah I’ve heard all about it. Nice to meet you.” She quickly turned her attention back to her friend.
Hank set up a lawn chair for Faye on the sidelines. “Do you play?” Hank asked her.
“Sort of. By the looks of things not nearly good enough for this crowd.”
He guffawed. “Looks can be deceiving. Don’t let ’em intimidate you. They’re just a bunch of showoffs.”
Faye laughed, already liking Big Hank as much as she did Ruby. Jesse was so lucky. He took that moment to look over and caught sight of Faye. He froze on the spot missing a ball coming right at him that landed on the ground at his feet. His teammates groaned, while the other team gave each other high fives. She felt a longing to touch him. His eyes blazed with hunger as they met hers. The ball was in play again, so Jesse turned his attention back to the game.
The brunette beauty was practically under his feet and Faye wanted to scream. Did she have to be so touchy feely? She was doing exactly what Faye wished she was doing right now. Putting her hands all over that hunk of perfection. Jesse called a time out and jogged over to where Faye was seated.
His eyes were golden amber flames and the natural highlights in his hair glinted like copper in the bright sunlight. Her heart raced as he approached. Swallowing hard, she stood up when he reached her side.
“You made it.” His voice was low and husky.
“Yes. Looks like I’m out of my league though.”
He didn’t miss her double entendre, glancing back over his shoulder at the girl. “Hardly. There’s nobody in your league babe. Are you ready to jump in the game? I’m sure somebody’s ready for a break.”