by Nora Ash
“Why would I? There’s nothing to talk about that requires anything more,” the second twin snapped.
“The hell there isn’t.” The first twin had lowered his voice, but the frustration in it was still evident. “We’re stranded in fucking no-man’s land for God knows how long—with her. What do you want us to do, fucking ignore each other?”
“Not like it’s out of character for you to ignore when something you do is shitty,” twin two said.
“For fuck’s sake, Liam,” twin one—Louis—growled. “You were the one to call Dad’s attention to it in the first place! I was trying to help. I couldn’t predict it’d end like it fucking did!”
“I don’t want to hear it. Do me a fucking favor and just fuck off,” Liam said, and there was so much vehemence in his voice, it made an unexpected wave of hurt on his twin’s behalf bloom in my chest. I’d never known either of them were even capable of so much anger, and it tore at my heart. I didn’t know what’d gotten between them, or even how their usual relationship was, but this seemed so terribly wrong. I had no idea why my reaction to something that really didn’t include me in any way was so strong, but tears welled behind my closed eyelids.
Louis sighed, a dejected sound this time, and I could tell he’d gotten up from the noises from the other end of the shack where he and Liam had relocated to not disturb me while I tried to sleep. Moments later he slipped into the sleeping bag behind me. His strong arms closed around my midriff, pulling me in against his bare chest, and pressed his face against the back of my hair. Hugging me, like a child would his favorite teddy bear.
It felt…. It felt like it had when we’d been together before I learned the truth—back when everything had seemed so perfect. He was so warm and comfortable, and I couldn’t fight the sense of complete and utter calm that settled into my body at his embrace. The fact that he thought I was asleep, that I knew this wasn’t some ploy to try and seduce me, let me push all the anger and hurt aside for just a few moments.
I knew I shouldn’t have responded like this to being held by either twin, but right then, I didn’t have the strength to fight against it. If being held by Louis for just a little while could make some of my misery ease, then it had to be okay. Just this once.
I fell asleep to to the steady sound of his breath rising and falling against my ear.
30
Louis
The sun had only just breached the horizon when I woke up on the third day after our escape from London.
Audrey was still snug in my arms, like a warm, solid reminder of why I’d done what I had to my twin.
It’d hurt so fucking much to hear the hatred in his voice last night. He kept it together around Audrey, we both did, and I guess I’d stupidly thought that meant we could start to slowly work it out. I’d been so wrong, and it’d cut me so fucking deep to see how much the only person I’d ever shared anything real with hated my guts.
Well… the only person besides the soft woman still sleeping soundly in my arms.
I kissed her still T-shirt-clad shoulder and wished she’d be comfortable enough around us to sleep naked, but knew it was too much to expect. I hadn’t had a chance to try to sort anything out with her yet, and as much as everything inside me ached to have her hold me back, I knew I had to clear the air with Liam first. I owed him that much, after how terribly I’d betrayed him.
Even if he was being a royal prick about it.
I pulled my arm back from where Audrey had been using it as a pillow all night, careful not to disturb her even as the limb prickled with pins and needles from having been forced into the same position for so many hours.
She murmured disapprovingly in her sleep, but settled down when I pushed my T-shirt from yesterday under her head. Both Liam and I’d only brought one change of clothes, and it needed a wash, but would do as a pillow for now. She obviously wasn’t much of a camping enthusiast, and I’d noticed how stiffly she moved after a night on the tarp. If we’d had any idea she’d be coming along back when we packed in case of having to leave town, we’d probably have found some way of making things a bit more comfortable. But we hadn’t known, and she was stuck with what little comforts we could provide with the bare minimum we’d brought.
It was also why I was getting up at the bloody crack of dawn, despite the yearning to stay snuggled up with Audrey for a few more hours. We’d packed food for two people to live off for a month, no more, and fishing gear to make that stretch a while longer if necessary. With Audrey here, we’d have to start fishing much sooner. Liam and I might be okay with living off a low-calorie diet for a week or two, but I wasn’t about to let my future wife starve.
I slipped fully out of the sleeping bag, lamenting the loss of Audrey’s warmth when the cool morning air wrapped around my bare legs and torso. But when I moved to grab my pants and spare T-shirt out of my pack, I noticed something dark and sticky covering everything from my navel and down across my thighs in viscous splatters. It looked like… blood?
My brain froze for half a second when I realized what it was. I was covered in blood. But I felt fine…
Audrey.
I’d never felt terror as deep into the marrow of my bones as I did when the truth hit me like a ton of bricks.
It wasn’t my blood—it was Audrey’s.
Frantic, I ripped the sleeping bag off her to see where she’d been hurt as I called out for my twin. It didn’t matter that we weren’t on good terms then—all I could process was that Audrey was in trouble, and I needed him.
“Liam!”
My shout didn’t just wake my twin with a start—Audrey sat up with a spasm, her eyes wide and unfocused as she looked at my frantic attempts at getting her legs free from the sleeping bag without jostling her too much. It was splattered with blood, too, and so were her knickers.
“What’s going on?” Liam was out of his own sleeping bag and by my side before Audrey could even get out a startled, “What the hell?” his brows knitted with concentration as he took in the scene. The second he noticed the blood, he turned white as a sheet.
“Baby, you’re bleeding,” I said, trying to speak as softly as my panic would let me. “Where does it hurt?”
“It doesn’t,” she said, alarm making its way to her voice, too. She tried to see, but Liam pushed her down on her back and pressed a hand on her shoulder to keep her still.
“Best if you don’t move, love,” he said, his voice rough with the same choking terror I felt thrashing in my gut. He looked at me, and I saw naked panic in his eyes. “We’ve got to get her to a hospital.”
I nodded, feeling sick to my core. Neither of us knew how far away the nearest hospital was, and we had a thirty minute hike to get to the car. Not to mention the risk of being seen in public—our father’s reach was very long, and even in Wales we couldn’t be certain. But that was just a risk we had to take.
Working together, we began to gently ease Audrey’s underwear down her thighs. If we could, we’d have to stem the bleeding before we tried to move her.
However, we didn’t get very far before Audrey made a squeaky little sound and swatted our hands away with surprising strength. “Stop that, you imbeciles!” she hissed. “Right now!”
“Audrey—”
“I’m not dying, what the actual fuck!” She pulled at her panties, managing to wedge them back up to cover her fully. “I obviously got my period. What’s the matter with you?!”
Liam and I stared at each other in numb disbelief. The adrenaline was still coursing through my veins, making it hard to fully grasp what she’d said.
Liam looked at the blood-soaked sleeping bag to where she was covering her smeared crotch with her hands, a mix of embarrassment and fury on her pretty face. “Are you sure? It’s so much blood…”
“Yes, I’m fucking sure!” Audrey pulled her legs underneath her and scrambled to her feet. “God, have you two ever had a biology class?”
My twin and I stared mutely after her as she stomped out of the bot
hy. My heart was slowly starting to regain its normal speed, and my head felt light with relief as the adrenaline started to wear off.
“She is going to hate us forever, isn’t she?” Liam said. A snort escaped him, halfway between amusement and exasperation. “Fuck.”
“In our defense, it’s a little startling to wake up in what looks like a crime scene,” I offered, rubbing my hand across my face with a sigh. “She’s gonna need those feminine product things—I don’t suppose you happened to pack anything that can substitute?”
Liam shook his head but headed for his pack. “The gauze from the first aid kit will have to do.”
“Bet she’s gonna love that,” I muttered.
We found her by the river, waist deep in the water. When she saw us, she turned her back on the shore, but not before we’d seen the embarrassed flush on her face.
I kicked my boxers off and left them next to her bloodstained clothes, and then I waded out toward her while Liam dipped the sleeping bag in the river to rinse it out.
“You okay, love?” I asked Audrey when I got out to her. She still had her back turned to me, and for a moment I thought she might try to ignore me. But then her shoulders sank and she lost her stiff posture.
“I’m really sorry,” she croaked, still without turning around. “I didn’t know—”
“Don’t be daft.” I put my hand on her shoulder and made her turn around to face me. She did so reluctantly, and when I finally made her look at me, she looked so mortified, as if she’d done something wrong. “It’s just something that happens to birds, isn’t it? Nothing to do about it.”
“I guess you did sit through a biology class or two,” she muttered, clearly trying to make light of the situation. I gave her a wry smile and—ignoring her startled protests—pulled her into a hug.
“Ugh, stop that!” she hissed, but her hands on my torso only pushed for a moment. Then she relaxed and let me hold her, even if she did still grumble under her breath.
“I’m only allowing this because you’re warm and this river is liquid ice,” she warned.
I pecked the top of her hair, ignoring her little huff in response. I’d been so fucking scared she’d die on me or something, I needed to feel her just breathing against me for a little bit.
Audrey let me hold her for a minute or so before she finally wrested free of me. “The water is giving me cramps,” she said, in way of explanation, before she waded back in against shore.
I followed her with my eyes and caught Liam’s dark stare. He’d watched me hug her, obviously, and from the looks of it, he wasn’t pleased.
I felt a stab of guilt, but the sooner he realized she wasn’t supposed to be with him, the sooner he’d be able to get over what I’d done. Maybe.
It wasn’t like he minded too much that we took turns sleeping with her at night, anyway. We’d not discussed it, but it’d seemed like the natural solution. And, strangely, I didn’t really mind seeing her in his arms. I just didn’t like going to sleep alone when I could see them together mere feet away.
Audrey spent the rest of the day trying to keep her distance from both Liam and I, and it was obvious she wasn’t feeling too good. I felt like shit for not being able to make her comfortable, but there wasn’t much to do about it.
Except when I came into our makeshift home around seven that night with the fish I’d spent the last hour gutting and cleaning for our dinner, she was lying curled up on her side with her head in Liam’s lap. He was stroking her hair and speaking softly to her, random stories from old fairy tales our mother used to read to us when we were little, as far as I could tell, and she looked… peaceful.
He’d managed to do what I hadn’t, and the hot stab of jealousy in my gut at the sight of them felt like pure acid.
I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of that before… why the idea had never even crossed my mind. I’d known she was meant to be mine since the night we climbed the cathedral, but I hadn’t paused to think that maybe… maybe, if given the choice, she’d… choose Liam.
He was the one she’d fallen for first, after all. She’d thought I was him when she told me she loved me.
What if Audrey didn’t want me? What if she wanted Liam?
“Your turn to cook,” I snarled, throwing the fish at my twin with more force than was necessary.
He caught them and gave me a glare. “I’m busy.”
Audrey sat up, wincing as she did. Judging from her worried frown, she’d picked up on the animosity between my twin and I. Not that it was hard—I hadn’t managed to hide it this time.
“I can cook, it must be my turn.”
“No.” We cut her off simultaneously.
“You’re not feeling well.”
“Lay back down, love.”
“No, I’m f—” Her protest was interrupted when Liam forced her back down on the sleeping bag she’d been resting on
“Don’t be daft, you’re not getting up just because my brother’s being a twat.”
I snarled. “I’m being a twat? You fucking wanker.”
It felt good. I didn’t even care what I was shouting about, but finally giving air to all the pent-up anxiety, guilt and—yes—anger that’d been gnawing at my gut for so long was fucking blissful. “Why don’t you take some fucking responsibility for once?”
“Me?” Liam hissed. He got to his feet, and from the look on his face, he too was more than ready to lay into me. Fine. I was happy to accommodate. “You’re the bloody idiot who’s pretending like he did nothing wrong, when you’re the fucking reason we’re out here in the first place!” he shouted, tossing the fish back at me.
“I’m the reason? If you’d fucking kept it in your pants, none of this would have happened! Dad would never have known about her!”
“That’s fucking rich, coming from the idiot who brought her right into the middle of a fucking mafia event,” Liam snarled back at me. “Perkinson wouldn’t have known where to look if you hadn’t, you massive tit.”
“Stop it! Both of you, just stop it!” The shout came from the floor, and we both stopped mid-shouting match at the absolute pain in Audrey’s voice. She was still sitting down, but she was looking at us with tears in her eyes, her fists knotted in the sleeping bag. It absolutely broke my heart to see her that upset, especially when the numbing realization that I’d caused this set in.
“Why are you fighting?” she sobbed. “I’ll cook the stupid fish!”
“It’s not about the fish,” Liam said, his voice much softer now. He knelt down next to her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Much as I wanted to, I couldn’t blame him—I had the same urge. I sank down next to her, too, and put my arms around her midriff, hugging her to me as gently as my twin did to him.
“I know it’s not about the fucking fish,” she hiccupped, rubbing at her eyes, but the tears were still coming. “Is it because of me? Is it because you had to throw away everything to get me out of London?”
She was so far off, it made me snort. She really had no idea how much we loved her—and it tore at my heart. I wanted to tell her so badly that I loved her, that I was so fucking sorry… but I knew I couldn’t. Not now. She wouldn’t hear it, and Liam… As angry as I was with him at the mere thought she might prefer him over me… he was still my brother.
“No, love. It’s nothing like that,” I said, softening my voice in an attempt to make her stop crying. It only halfway seemed to work. “We’re both just stressed.”
“We didn’t have to leave London because of you,” Liam continued. “If Perkinson could flip on us the second he saw we had a weakness in you, he would have flipped on us regardless. At least we knew to keep an eye on him this way.”
I caught his eye for a moment—I hadn’t thought that through before now, but he was right. If we hadn’t set a spy on Perkinson after the incident at Audrey’s flat, we wouldn’t have known to leave London before it’d been too late. In some fucked up way, this whole mess between us and her had quite possibly saved our liv
es.
“Could you both please just stop it, then?” she sniffled from her cocoon between us. “This sucks hard enough as it is. Having you two fight—it’s too much.”
“Yeah, we can do that, love,” Liam said.
“Don’t worry about it,” I added, giving her a small smile when she turned her tear-streaked face toward me. “We’ll be good.”
Keeping an uneasy truce with my twin wasn’t going to be easy, but I didn’t care—and from the looks of him, neither did Liam. When our eyes locked again, I knew he was thinking the same as me—if she cared enough about us to ask us not to fight, that had to mean there’d be a way to win her back.
And I was going find it before he did.
31
Audrey
If I’d been more used to being on birth control, I’d have remembered to pack a sachet of pills along with my toothbrush when Liam and Louis brought me to their flat back in London. Unfortunately, I’d only started them after Liam—at least I thought it’d been Liam—and I’d almost forgotten a condom for the second time. A good choice, as it turned out, since I only remembered about such things as protection well after my time with his twin atop St. Paul’s Cathedral.
But sadly for me—and Louis and the sleeping bag we’d shared—I hadn’t had the presence of mind to bring my pills with me on our impromptu camping trip, which had led to probably the most mortifying experience of my life yet.
If the twins hadn’t been so completely cool about it, once they’d made sure I wasn’t hemorrhaging to death, I probably would have never come back out of that river. But they were, and even went out of their way to try and make me comfortable—going so far to comfort my emotional outburst when they started shouting at each other.
I cringed and glanced at the nearest twin at the reminder of how my hormonal insanity had gotten the best of me and I’d started sobbing like a child.