by Vivian Lux
Well, then you end up kissing your future stepbrother.
I knew how to keep myself in check. All I had to do was remember the endless group meetings, the one-on-ones. The tears and trust-falls and the promises I made to my mother as she checked me out the day I was declared officially sane again.
Letting yourself go is the most dangerous thing a girl like you can do. Your instincts are shit and your gut is defective. Don't trust either of them. Listen to your brain.
Be smart.
Be rational.
With that mental reminder in place, I nodded at the stranger in the mirror and went to work.
Today's scenes were supposed to symbolize when the relationship went to hell. The breakup, the heartbreak and betrayal that came afterward. All emotions I had played before. Easy stuff, really.
Well, it should have been easy. But playing these emotions opposite Rane was another level of difficulty entirely.
I decided to pretend he wasn't standing there, five feet away from me, taller and broader than anyone had a right to be. If I could somehow act at him...without looking at him...without staring into those storm-gray eyes and losing what little shreds of dignity I still possessed...
Rane shoved his hands in his pockets and turned his back to me, idly shuffling his black boots along the floor.
So he felt awkward too.
That actually...helped.
I stood in front of the camera and centered myself. "Lights!" Dee called, and the huge spot hit me full in the face. It heated my skin and sent everything into shadow.
I was ready.
"Okay, Maddie, in three, two...."
I reached down and tried to pull up the emotions I wanted to access. I knew they were there. The rage, the heartache. I was supposed to scream and throw things at Rane, to really let go. The music blared out of the speakers. Taking a deep breath, I started the scene.
"Cut..." Warlox called before I had really even begun. "Let's try that again? Maddie, I need more."
I took a shuddering breath and nodded. "Sorry."
"Take two!"
Rane raised an eyebrow. I faced him and swallowed, then the music began to pulse around us. There was so much feeling in the wailing guitars, but I felt like I was a dead thing, floating. I lifted my arms through the heavy water, my shouts sounding dully in my ears.
"Cut!" Warlox yanked off his headphones. "Maddie, honey, I'm not getting what I need here. What's the problem?"
"No problem." My voice caught. "I'm sorry, I just need to get there."
Warlox raised a skeptical eyebrow.
"Please. Just keep rolling." I bowed my head and ignored the embarrassment that roiled quickly through me. I was choking. Why was I choking?
"Take four!"
"Take five!"
"Take nine!"
"Take fifteen!"
The music cue began again and again. The world was starting to blur together. I stumbled and sat heavily on the floor.
"Dammit," Dee snarled, yanking off her headphones.
From off in the wings, I heard a sharp whisper and a knowing laugh.
My worst fears were coming true.
I really had lost it. I was the loser everyone said I was. No talent washed up hack. I wanted to cry, but couldn't.
"Can you keep rolling?" I whispered, pleading.
"No. Cut." Rane stepped in front of me, shielding me from Dee's scorn. "We're taking a break."
The authority in his voice made everyone scuttle off. I looked up at him through the haze of my failure and blinked.
He turned and crouched in front of me. Gray eyes, dark stubble, full bottom lip...and brows knitted in concern. "Maddie."
"I just need another take," I insisted, shaking my head. The way he looked at me was making me come apart at the seams.
"Let go," Rane whispered, so low I barely heard him.
"What?"
He stood up again and yanked me to my feet. Dazed, I let him take me gently by the upper arm and lead me to a quiet corner.
"Mads," he said quietly.
I couldn't look at him. Those gray eyes on my skin were too intense.
"Look at me, Maddie."
I looked up. My breath caught when I saw him staring down at me, and when our eyes met, his grin spread like sunshine across his face. "There you are."
"What?"
He shifted and lowered his voice to a murmur. "Let go. I've seen what you can do. You're amazing. Stop holding on to it and just let yourself go nuts."
Confused tears swam in front of my eyes before I blinked them hastily away. "What?" I repeated.
He looked down, his face suddenly angry for some reason I didn't understand. "Quit the prim and proper bullshit," he snarled. "That isn't you. Let yourself go and that's how you'll get the shot."
"How the fuck do you know who I am?"
"The girl? In the bed yesterday? That was you. Not this," he gestured at me, "cold fish."
I felt myself flush hot. "I'm not a cold fish. And you have no idea who I am."
"I think I do." His lips were too close to mine. My lips wanted his, felt bare without them. Heat flowed through my body, followed swiftly by red-hot anger.
With a sharp pop in my ears, something inside of me snapped. There was heat and then a slippery sideways slide...
And then everything I didn't know I was holding back came up. All of the unnamed, frightening emotions crested in a wave that I rode upward and outward. I was a tornado, a wildfire, and as I stared Rane down, I wanted to shove him, then bury my hands in his hair and bruise his lips with mine.
He was watching this...cataclysm. "Yes," he said, guttural and rasping.
"Fuck you," I growled. I wanted to scratch my nails down that bare chest and yank his jeans down. I wanted to see that cock that had pressed into my stomach yesterday, back him into a wall and close my fist tightly around it, feel his breath hot against my cheek, his grunts in my ear as I stroked and tugged and ground myself into him and....
"Start rolling!" I shouted, whirling around and stalking to the camera. My whole body shook with confused emotions ricocheting around my chest like accidental fireworks. The blinding spotlight hit me and those fireworks exploded upward, carrying me higher. I screamed. I threw things. I stabbed my finger into Rane's chest and cursed him. I sank to the floor, utterly spent.
There was silence.
"Cut..." Warlox sounded astonished. "Perfect."
The set remained silent until Harlow exhaled sharply. "Holy fuck," she said, standing up and applauding.
I heard echoes of applause from the rest of the crew, but I couldn't look up. It was too much. I was too much.
Until I heard clapping in my ear. Rane crouched down next to me, his big hands clapping together like thunder in my ears. "Nice," he nodded. "Really nice job."
He reached out his hand. It was warm and dry and I took it, glad for something to hold on to. "Thank you," I mouthed silently to him.
He grinned and pulled me lightly to my feet. For half a second, I was flush against him again, and this time, there was no time to pull myself together. Instead, I bounced onto the balls of my feet and aimed a kiss at his cheek.
He turned at the last moment, catching my lips with his.
With nothing holding me back from his danger, I opened my lips and let his tongue sweep mine, tasting the scalding heat of him right down into my cells. I drank him, devoured him, as things that had been frightened and cowering inside of me suddenly burst from their prison cells. My hands were everywhere, and with nothing to hold me back now, I plunged them down his chest to find the length of him and grasp it tightly.
We both froze.
"Fuck," he whispered as he pulled back, his fingers lingering on my face until the last moment.
I looked around wildly, yanking my hand away like I could take back what I had done. "Sorry." I grimaced.
"I'm gonna have a hard time being your friend if you keep doing stuff like that." He was making a joke, but his smile didn't reach hi
s eyes.
"I'm sorry."
"You shouldn't have to be." He stalked away on those long legs. I watched him go with a mixture of relief and dread.
All around us, the crew was breaking down the set. The shoot was over, my little part played. I could collect my check and move on. We were done, and even though I had made a fool of myself again and again, it was behind me now. I never had to see Rane Wilder again.
Until our parents' wedding.
Chapter Thirteen
Rane
Shooting was over and I was ready for a beer--or twelve. Alone.
But it was not to be.
"Yo, Rane? Party tonight?" Twitch bounced on his heels.
"Yup," I sighed. "Come by after nine."
The after party was always at my place because it had the least amount of breakable shit in it. I wanted to get back quickly, grab a shower, maybe a quick jerk to get my mind off Maddie, before the hordes showed up. Pound a few beers. Alone. I grabbed my shit and headed out to do just that.
But Keir was lying in wait, slouched against the railing, leaving me with no way to duck him. "I just need to know," he said, stepping casually into my path. "Have you lost your goddamned mind?"
I stopped short on the wide porch of Grey Haven and watched Maddie's retreating form. She was rushing across the parking lot, her cell phone jammed against her ear like she was trying to block out the world. I wondered who she was talking to. Sylvia? A friend? Fuck, a boyfriend? I bristled at the thought. Even though I had no fucking right to, the bubble of jealousy still exploded like acid in my chest. With nowhere to direct my anger, I whirled on my brother. "Get the fuck away from me, Keir," I growled, and continued on my way.
He didn't even flinch. Just stared at me steadily as he fell in stride next to me. He got Mom's eyes, for sure. And the older he got, the more they looked exactly like hers, right down to the crease at the edge. He was a sun-worshipper, just like she was, and was forever forgetting his shades somewhere and having to squint like a fucking cowboy.
He squinted at me. His voice dropped out of asshole territory and down into brotherly advice levels. "I know this is the exact opposite of what I normally tell you, bro. But...you need to let that shit go."
"What shit?" I yanked my keys from my pocket.
"Don't be an ass."
"Hey there pot, I'm a kettle. You're black."
"Fuck off and open the door. You're taking me home." Keir had come in with the rest of the band, but they all seemed to have had the good sense to disappear when Keir came after me.
I grumbled and opened the door to my Jeep. It was the same one I had thrown all my shit into when we moved from Buffalo to L.A. Sold the snow tires and just piled my shit into the back. It had been so easy to just watch my old life fade in the rearview. Sure, I could buy a new Jeep a thousand times over now, but fuck it, maybe I was sentimental about a few things and Jerry the Jeep was one of them.
Keir slid into the passenger seat, a place he had spent so much time it was practically molded to his six-foot-one frame. I started the engine and we were silent for a second. I waited for the rest of the lecture.
"Listen, I know I'm not exactly the best person to be giving relationship advice..." Keir trailed off. I snuck a look at him as he blinked for a moment, and some of my self-righteousness evaporated when I heard the note of pain in his voice.
My brother didn't date. Or even sleep around much for that matter. Singer in one of the hottest bands around, and he lived like a fucking monk. "You're about the only person I'd listen to, bro," I told him truthfully. "That shit with Scar, it wasn't your fault."
Keir stared out the passenger window for a second, watching us pull out of the lot of Grey Haven. Scarlett was his fiancée back in Buffalo. Ex-fiancée. The first and only girl he'd ever loved. My brother had fallen for the literal girl next door, Scarlett Sawyer, and put a ring on her finger right as Ruthless started blowing up. She was happier than I had ever seen her.
They made plans to run off together.
Then Scarlett disappeared.
It was a shitty fucking thing and it had fucked up my brother something hardcore. I hated Scarlett for breaking my brother's heart, and I hoped like hell I'd be able to say that to her face one day.
Keir shook his head. "It wasn't her fault either," he said tightly. "But that's all water under the bridge. You've told me that a billion times."
"True."
"That I need to shake it off."
I found the highway and checked over my shoulder at the merge. Jerry the Jeep grumbled like the old man he was as I nosed him up to highway speed. "Sounds like something I'd say."
"So, now I'm saying the same fucking thing to you. Stop it. Seriously, Rane, what the fuck? She's gonna be our sister soon."
"Stepsister," I corrected. Lamely.
"Seriously?"
"Stop fucking saying that. You know I don't do serious. That's your job."
I heard him inhale sharply and knew that it was only the fact that I was directing two tons of steel at sixty miles an hour that saved me from getting gut-punched. I thought about pulling over and letting him have a go. Frankly, I needed the exercise. Work off some of the frantic banging around my heart had been doing watching Maddie be Maddie all day.
But he didn't. Instead, he clapped me on my shoulder in a pretty good imitation of my dad's lame attempt at heart-to-hearts. "Okay, I'll stop. But shake it off, Rane. There are a million reasons not to tap that ass, even if we don't mention the vaguely incestuous one. She's dangerous. She's like, barely fucking stable, dude."
That was sure as shit evident after today. But Keir hadn't seen what I saw. He hadn't seen her peel back the lid, carefully opening herself up. The explosion was a controlled explosion and it had happened because I had asked her to let go. With my help, fuck, with my permission, she had turned into a fucking force of nature. Watching her was like standing at the edge of a volcano and peering in. Or letting the ocean waves pummel you as you gave up all pretense of control. She was wild, but only because I asked her to be. She had given me that power and I was already drunk off it.
He was right. Everything about Maddie was dangerous.
That's why I wanted her.
I dropped Keir at his bungalow three blocks from the beach and ignored the significant look he tried to shoot me before I pulled away. I'd be seeing him over at my place soon enough.
Turning around the corner and out of sight, I pulled out my phone and dialed.
My manager answered before the second ring had even finished. It wouldn't do for him to miss a call from me, no matter what time of day it was. "Rane Wilder!" he bellowed, a little too loudly, so anyone who overheard him would hear and be impressed.
I rolled my eyes. "Keith, yeah hey."
The background was full of loud conversation and clinking glasses, but Keith still managed to sound like he was soldiering through a national emergency. "Rane! Everything cool, man? I heard the shoot was a little wonky today. You don't need to worry about it, though..."
I cut him off before he could work himself into an aneurysm. "Not worried. I just needed your help real quick. Favor for your favorite client?"
"You got it," he answered quickly, hushing someone who tried to interrupt.
"Madeline's Cole's number. She, uh, she left a bag at the shoot today. Wanted to get it back to her."
"Sure thing, sure thing, lemme look it up and text it to you." Keith already sounded distracted, which was what I was counting on. He probably wouldn't even remember having this conversation, which is why I was asking him instead of my dad.
"Thanks, man."
"Oh, hey, everything cool for the buzz gig Thursday? Lenny's been real worried about the guest list; we're still trying to fill up the A-list...."
The buzz gig. I had nearly forgotten. "Yeah, whatever Keith, that's your department. I just show up and play while people ignore me."
"It's business, kid."
"Uh huh. Listen, don't forget to get me the number
. Looks like she's gonna miss this stuff tomorrow morning. "
"How was she?" Keith interjected. "Mad Maddie."
The name made me bristle. "She was a real professional. She's a hell of an actress."
"Huh." Keith sounded disappointed. "Okay, I'll get that number to you." He hung up and after a few seconds, my phone buzzed in my hand.
I stared down at the number, feeling like I was about to take the lid off a hurricane.
Friends hang out, right? And this girl is going to be family, so we need to learn to get along together without ripping each other's clothes off.
Hell, I need to learn that. That's all I'm doing. Getting to know my new stepsister. Dad would want that.
Plus, she worked hard these past two days and deserves the chance to kick back and relax.
Having sufficiently rationalized the huge mistake I was about to make, I took a deep breath and dialed.
She answered on the second ring, with lots of frantic scrabbling beforehand. "Madeline Cole," she answered, crisp and professional.
"Maddie. It's Rane."
"Oh." She sounded disappointed. "I thought you were...never mind."
I have to say, that deflated me a bit.
"Listen, I didn't get a chance to tell you before you left. I always have an after party once we're done with a shoot. You should stop by."
She was silent a second. "Where?"
"My place."
"When you say 'we'..."
I had to chuckle. This chick was smart. "I mean band and crew and friends and entourages and hangers-on. A whole shit-ton of people."
She exhaled a little. "Okay. Um...sure."
"Great. I'll text you the address. Bring your bathing suit."
"Anything else?"
Condoms, lube, handcuffs, garters....
"Nah, just your smile."
"Rane. As friends, right?"
"Yup. As friends. I promised, didn't I?"
Chapter Fourteen
Madeline
I had been around long enough to not be surprised by the size and scale of Rane's enormous mansion. What was making me hesitate was the noise.
How many people were in there? One hundred? Two hundred? Five hundred? From the end of the winding drive, I could hear the voices bouncing all around me. It was like being inside of a stadium right after the home team scores.