by Vivian Lux
I can't let him see me this way, a small voice inside of me said. Showing this kind of vulnerability, that he could have this kind of effect on me, it was worse than the idea of ever letting someone see me naked. It's a test, I whispered inside of my head. If he saw me crying and made some comment, if he bragged about his effect on me, I'd never see him again.
I looked up again, aware that I'd been sitting stock still for far longer than normal, but he wasn't looking at me. He had wandered over to a table on the far end of the bar and was talking to the blonde woman who'd been come in with that bastard who'd tried to slip something in my drink. I ducked my head away again.
Then I saw him bending down into a crouch to talk to somebody. Somebody with a little head covered in silky blonde hair.
The little girl wrapped her arms around his neck. I had no idea why I was shocked to realize that he had a kid, and she was that old already.
Holy shit, he has a kid.
The moment I realized that, almost even before that moment, he stood back up again. He left his daughter's side and came over to me.
"Hey there," he said.
I cleared my throat. "Hi."
His eyes darted over mine, and I could tell he saw, he saw everything. There were tears still left unshed hovering in the corners of my eyes and I blinked and turned away, waiting for him to comment, to call attention to my weakness, to exploit my vulnerability. To fail the test.
"Thanks for coming," he said, kneeling down. "I'm really glad you saw this."
I blinked and looked down at him, feeling the track of single tear making its way slowly down my face. But I didn't bother to brush it away. Because he'd passed the test.
"I'm really happy I came too," I said, and while I was surprised that I said it, I was even more surprised to realize that I meant it.
Chapter Fourteen
True
Piper's eyes were shining, but her voice was cool and detached. "You have kid?"
I nodded and stood up to wave to Roar. My daughter skipped over, seemingly delighted to leave Johnny Banner behind. "Hey Daddy," she chirped, utterly delighted about being allowed a late bedtime tonight.
"Rory," I said carefully. "This is my friend, Piper."
"Hi," Rory said, suddenly shy and ducking behind me.
"Piper plays music too," I said, grinning at my own understatement.
"Are you good?" Rory asked from behind my leg.
Piper looked startled. "Some people like our music, yeah," she said.
Rory's shyness never lasted long. She stepped back out again and fixed Piper with a serious look. "My Daddy's good too."
The corner of Piper's mouth flicked upward. "Yes, he is actually."
My chest puffed out so much my shirt's buttons were in danger of popping, but Rory had something to say. "Actually, Daddy. I need to tell you something," she declared, tugging on my shirt to pull me down to her.
I looked at Piper and then down to my daughter. "It's not nice to tell secrets in front of friends."
"Yes, but I don't want her to hear what I have to say!" Rory logically replied.
Piper laughed. "Go ahead. I'm not offended."
I rolled my eyes and bent down. Rory cupped her hands against my ears. "You sing good, Daddy," she said. "But you need to get a new guitar."
I burst out laughing. "You don't like my guitar?" I said out loud.
"Shh," Rory said, squirming and looking over at Piper. "It's a secret."
"Actually, she's right. That guitar isn't doing you any favors," Piper said. "The strings are really high up off the fretboard and if it's been a while since you played, you don't really have the finger strength to press down on them. That's why you were getting those squeaks and clunks."
I looked down at the floor and then up in the air. "Are these two ganging up on me?" I asked the room.
"Well if you're going to play the guitar, you need to do your very best right?" Rory pointed out. "You always told me that you shouldn't do something unless you try your hardest."
"Do you want to play guitar like Daddy, little Roar?"
She wrinkled her nose. "No."
Piper was leaning forward now, looking quite charmed by my unruly offspring. "Is there an instrument you do want to play, Rory?"
Rory thought for a minute. "Which one is the loudest?"
Piper laughed. "Well you can play all of them loudly, but drums probably."
"Then I want to play drums."
Piper nodded. "My brother plays drums."
Rory looked scandalized. "Boys play drums? I don't want to play a boy instrument. Boys are dumb."
Piper seemed like she was about ready to explode from laughing so hard. "No honey, girls can play drums too. Girls and boys can play the same instruments, there's no rule saying you can't."
"Well it doesn't matter anyway," Rory said. "Because I changed my mind. I don't want to play drums anymore. I just remembered something." She reached up and tugged on my sleeve. "Alisa plays the piano. I wanna play piano like her, because she gets to go to those recitals and people give her flowers and stuff. I want to have a recital and you bring me a dozen roses. No, tulips. No! I want one big sunflower, taller than me."
I looked over. Piper's eyes were shining. "I play piano," she said softly.
Rory jumped into the air and landed with her hands on Piper's lap. Piper looked startled as my daughter shouted into her face. "Could you teach me?"
Piper looked up at me and I stepped around to head off my daughter. "Baby girl, you need to go home with Mommy. She looks like she's getting ready to go."
"Ah man, when do I get to come over your house?"
"Tomorrow night, baby. I'll see you real soon okay?" I kissed my favorite place on top of her head.
As she walked away, Piper watched her. "She's great," she finally said. "And it's kinda nice that your ex came tonight."
I looked down at my hands. Talking about my ex was the last thing I wanted to do, but there was no getting around the situation. "Our marriage is over, yes. But we're still both parents to our daughter. I'm not about to let my kid grow up without both of us in her life."
Piper's eyes flooded strangely. She took a shaky breath and I waited for her to say something more.
But all she said was, "That's good."
Chapter Fifteen
Piper
I thought that being away from him would cool some of the fire that he ignited in my chest. But in the days that passed since I watched him play, the fire only burned hotter.
It didn't help that we'd put recording on hold. I couldn't distract myself with studio time, not since we'd decided to ask Jane Doe to guest for us. Keir refused to move further until the song we were stuck on was resolved. The rest of us were all in favor of moving forward, but it was hard to do that when your lead singer was being a stubborn fuckface.
I'd done my part. Once our manager tracked down her contact info -- a task he'd made sure to remind us was way beneath his pay grade -- I'd left a shaky-voiced message on Jane's personal voicemail. And then I'd hung up and had to lie down for the rest of the day. But I hadn't vomited and that was the important thing.
When my phone lit up with our management office's number on the screen, my stomach rolled like I was seasick. Then I got pissed at myself.
There was no reason why my heart should be hammering so violently in my chest. It was just a fucking phone call. Everyone else in the world could manage them.
My phone buzzed again, I let out a little shriek and then answered. "Hello?"
Keith cleared his throat. Our manager wasn't used to talking to me. In fact, I was fairly certain that most days he forgot I was even part of the band. "Ah, Piper. How are ya, babe?"
I rolled my eyes. "Same as when you saw me at the studio, Keith."
"Yup, yup, good good." He seemed to not have heard me, or else he was choosing to ignore my sarcasm. "I've got Aria Dolan on the line for you."
I wrinkled my nose. "Who?"
There was a burst of
raucous laughter. "He's talking about me," a brassy female voice crowed. Her accent was pure New York. "But no one fucking calls me that."
I inhaled sharply. "Jane Doe."
"Aria Jane Dolan, that's right."
I grinned. I'd been expecting a properly enunciated, neutrally accented voice. Her porcelain doll looks along with that fire-engine red hair and operatic voice made me think of some properly trained posh girl. But this girl was full New York State. Western New York, to be exact, with the clipped and swallowed consonants and nasal vowels. She sounded like she was either from my hometown of Buffalo or somewhere very close and I don't know why that made me instantly love her, but it did.
She cleared her throat. "This Piper Stowe I'm talkin' to?"
I sat up a little straighter. "That's right."
She laughed again, a loud, brash sound. "Damn girl, I thought you were a mute or something."
"What? Why?"
"Always standing off in the corners. They don't even give you a mic!"
I blinked. "You've seen our shows?"
"Course I have. I'm your biggest fucking fan."
I grinned. "I'm your biggest fucking fan. I've got Uttered on repeat these days."
"That's cool." She kind of trailed off. "That song was a bitch and a half to write."
"It was worth it."
"Thanks." Some of the brashness in her voice softened. "Your manager tells me you've got a proposition."
I cleared my throat. I never talked business. With anyone. This was Keith's job. Rane's job. What the fuck had possessed me into thinking I could handle this? Me, who could barely bring herself to speak most days? "Ah, well, yeah. I guess you could call it a proposition."
"Lay it on me. I'm bored as shit, my band is pissing me the fuck off and I need an adventure."
"Ah, well, um, the band, we're recording right now, and we'd like you to do some guest vocals..."
"Sure."
"Wait what?"
"I said sure. Whatever you want."
"Really?"
This time her laugh sounded much more genuinely amused. "Come on now. You think I don't know what this means for my career, for exposure? The only other guest vocalist you've had is..."
"Jaxson Blue, yeah."
"Yeah. And he's well, well fuck he's a hell of a lot richer than I am, I'll say that."
"He's a decent guy," I protested.
"Never said he wasn't. He's just huge. I'm good, but I'm not huge." She cleared her throat. "And I want to be huge. I'm fucking hungry for it. You know what I'm saying Piper?"
"Yes," I said. But I didn't.
I'd joined the band because my mom made Lowell bring me to the audition. I went because I liked to play music and my brother wanted to join. Being in a band was just something that happened to me. I'd lucked out, blundered into it. It was never my dream.
I wasn't even sure if I had a dream.
But that wasn't really the point, was it?
Jane sounded like she was sorting it all out loud. I could hear her ticking off her to-do list on her fingers. "So I'm packing my shit right now. You should know this. I've got my suitcase out on my bed right now and I'm throwing in a T-shirt, some jeans and a spare pair of panties. As soon as I hang up, I'm getting a ticket and flying out to LA fucking tonight, okay? That's the first thing. And then I'm going to sleep on your fucking doorstep until we do this thing. That okay with you?"
I laughed. "Uh, Keith, you still there?"
Keith cleared his throat. "I'm here," he said. He sounded like he'd fallen asleep.
"Think you can get Jane here a hotel? Something a few steps up from my front doorstep?"
The fact that I was the one asking him to do work had Keith sounding a little dazed. "Um, yeah. Sure Pipes. I can do that."
"This is fucking awesome!" Jane interjected jubilantly. "Holy shit, I can't fucking believe you called me! This is so fucking cool!"
I tapped my fingers on my knee, working through my scales. She had the same kind of joy that I'd seen on True's face. It was fucking beautiful. It was humbling.
It made me so jealous that she could feel it and I couldn't.
I hung up the phone and set it to the side, staring off into the distance while a thought slowly spiraled up out of the depths of my mind.
I hadn't been able to get True out of my head. The way he looked as he played, the expression of pure happiness on his face, it made me feel things that had been walled off for me.
Could he do that again?
Could he open me back up once more?
Could I be like Aria Jane? Like him? Someone who felt things? Loved things? Got excited about things?
I sat up straighter, and then jumped to my feet. "I could," I said out loud, my voice ringing out, echoing in my empty house.
But I couldn't do it alone. I needed him to help me.
I needed him to show me how to feel again.
Chapter Sixteen
True
"Yo, is anyone gonna get that?" Miggsy asked, looking up from his work.
The office phone had been ringing off and on for a solid five minutes. "Where the fuck is Conway?" I asked.
"Think I saw him sprinting to the shitter," one of the new guys called. "He yelled something about bad Chinese."
"You gotta answer it," Miggsy said, his face deadly serious.
"Aw fuck, why me?" I protested. I was elbow deep in an engine and had grease all the way up my arm.
"Cause your name is on the front of the building," Miggsy teased, the seriousness gone just as quickly as it came.
"Aw that's bullshit, you know this isn't my place. I'm just a fucking worker bee," I complained, but I was already moving. Like it or not, Miggsy was right. This place had my name on it. That meant I was responsible.
"Truman's Garage," I panted, grabbing the receiver before it stopped ringing again.
There was a pause. "About time you picked up," a female voice said.
I sat back against Con's desk, my body already reacting before my mind pieced it together. "Piper."
She sounded breathless and almost eager. "I didn't have your other number."
"This is fine," I interrupted. It's fine, it's more than fine.
"Are you playing again?"
"What?"
"Your guitar. When do you play again?"
Fireworks burst in my chest. A smile cracked my face wide open. "You liked seeing me play?"
She paused. "I liked seeing how much you liked it."
Something heavy passed between us, even through the static on the line. I got the feeling that if we were face to face, I would use this moment to move to her, tip her chin upward, watch her eyes carefully as I bent to kiss her...
My grip on the receiver tightened. "I don't have another open mic planned..." I said, but my mind was already spinning out, trying to think of how I could set one up between now and the end of the day.
"It's okay," she said quickly.
The note of finality in her voice scared me. "But maybe we can think of something else?" I said, trying like fuck to keep the note of begging out of my voice.
"You could come here," she said.
Yes. Please. Fuck, I'll leave right now. I'll run if I have to. "Dammit," I said, hissing through my teeth.
"What?" She sounded alarmed.
"No, it's nothing bad, it's just...."
"I know, it's far...."
"No! It's not that. I'd totally drive to you." I'd drive to the fucking ends of the earth if it meant you were there waiting for me. "It's just that... I have Rory tonight."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
She hesitated. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. The toilet in the bathroom flushed. Con would be back in his office any moment now and want to know who I was talking to on the main line. If he told me to get off, I'd punch him in the fucking face. I wasn't getting off this phone until Piper said... something...
"She can come," she blurted.
That was not what I thought s
he'd say.
"Really?"
"Sure." Her voice softened in a way that made me want to fold her against me. "I can show her my piano. Maybe she'd want to play."
I swallowed and tried to keep my cool. Keep my voice steady. But it still cracked like a middle schooler's when I said, "Yes! We'll be there. See you soon."
"You remember where I live?" I could hear the smile in her voice.
I'll remember for the rest of my life. "Yup. All good."
I hung up the phone and blew past my scowling brother, smiling so hard I thought my face would crack.
*****
"That's a big piano!" Rory cried, rushing across the pristine floors and making a beeline for the clearly, hellishly expensive instrument in the middle.
"Rory!" I cringed. She turned and looked at me with an exasperated expression on her face. "Just... slow down, okay?"
"I'm walking slow, Daddy," she protested. Then she demonstrated by taking long, exaggerated strides the rest of the way. But she still plunked her little ass down on the bench so hard that it squeaked.
I winced and turned to Piper. "Sorry."
Piper watched with her palms pressed together as if in prayer. When she pressed her fingertips to her lips, I wondered if she really was actually praying. Probably for God to make sure the bull in a china shop masquerading as my daughter didn't break all her shit. "Guess this place isn't really used to kids," she said with an awkward smile.
"Hey, how do you play this thing?" Rory shouted, cutting into the awkward silence.
Piper smiled and went to her. "You have to lift the cover," she said. "Like this."
"Oh!" Rory hopped back when Piper lifted the beautiful cover, revealing the white and black keys underneath.
Realizing this was a pivotal moment, I stepped backward and waited.
Piper patted the bench beside her and smiled. Rory's curiosity won over her hesitation and she scooted over next to Piper, holding herself stiffly.