“I already told you that you didn’t have to leave.”
“I’ve picked up some extra jobs from a couple people I met at Sam’s. I am kind of excited about that. I need to be working and making money. I can’t stand to just sit around here all the time. All I do is sit and drink and I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to work and make money and plan out my future.”
Marie sat on the edge of the bed and watched as he took the clothes out of the trunk and put them back on the bed, so casually it was as if he’d already planned to do that. “I understand.”
“I’ve always been a drifter, Marie. You know that, don’t you?”
“I know that you’ve spent many years going from place to place, yes. But you were in Louisville for a good period of time, weren’t you?”
“I was there for almost two years. That’s a long time for someone like me. There was…” he’d been about to say there was a woman there that he’d lived with who had fallen in love with him and told him to either love her back or leave. He’d left. He didn’t want any part of it. She was a great woman, other than the fact that she wanted more than he was willing to give her. He didn’t want to marry her. She wanted to marry him. He wasn’t in love with her. She was in love with him. It wasn’t a match he’d wanted.
After setting the clothes back on the bed, Jake sat next to her. Their arms brushed together. Marie wondered if he noticed. She made to scoot over and he took her hand. “You don’t have to move. You can stay right there.” He laced his fingers through hers and squeezed. When she looked at him, his eyes were relieved and he had a small smile on his lips. She wondered what it would be like to kiss those lips. She was willing to bet that he was a passionate man. She pushed the thought down as far as she could. It was the last thing she needed when she knew he was not a marrying man.
“You have done so much for me, Marie. You really have. I… I wasn’t living a very good life before you took me in. I admit I still have a lot of the same bad habits, but you give me inspiration to fight against them. I don’t want to lose you. If we were to start something between us and it didn’t work, I would lose you forever. And your friendship means too much to me for that to happen. I want to keep you forever. As my friend, at least. If that’s all I can have.”
Marie thought about what he’d said. In other words, he confirmed that his feelings for her did not match hers for him. She hadn’t told him how she felt, but she knew it had to be written on her face. She supposed her looks of desire were quite obvious to everyone, including him. She hated that it was like that.
“I… I don’t know what to say,” she said quietly.
He looked into her eyes. “Say you’ll be my friend and walk with me until I am really back on my feet. I want to have a good job. I want to be responsible. I haven’t done those things in a long time.”
Marie blinked. She had inspired him to do better in life, even if she hadn’t lit a spark of love for her in him. She prayed quickly for guidance and then nodded. “I will walk beside you, Jake. I won’t follow you and I won’t lead you, but I will walk beside you.”
He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him. Her face was pressed into his neck and she breathed in his scent. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her neck. It sent chills down her spine and she closed her eyes. It was a wicked thing he was doing to her. She knew it. And she couldn’t resist it. He was a scoundrel by his own admission. And she was a sucker for him.
She wrapped her arms around him and he responded, pulling her close to him.
They stayed that way for several minutes before both releasing at the same time. They looked at each other and Marie stood. “Shall we have a good dinner?”
“What will we have?”
“I can always find a recipe. Maybe you’d like to go through them with me? You might find something that intrigues you. I have a variety of meats in the ice box. I’ll see what we have and we’ll decide together. How’s that sound?”
“That sounds like a good plan. Yeah, let’s do that. I’ll put this stuff away.”
Marie left the room feeling better. She didn’t know if it was because it had been a very long time since a man had hugged her or she had been duped into feeling better, because once again, he’d said the words she wanted to hear.
She pushed away the thought that he had been deceiving her. She was going to give him the benefit of the doubt like she always did.
Jake watched her leave and looked down at his clothes when she was gone. He had been sure she was going to make him leave. Adam was not on his side, he knew that.
He looked down at his hands for a moment, thinking about where he might be able to find work. If he was comfortable in his home, he would be more comfortable out working. He didn’t want to be worried that he could lose his home out of the blue. He could survive, but he didn’t want to be worried about it. It would just add to the stress he felt he was already under.
Adam knew everyone in the small town. Jake was sure they all knew who he was. He was being scrutinized everywhere he went. The bar fight had gained him enemies he didn’t want and whenever he saw them on the street, he ducked between two buildings and went another way to his destination.
His trips to the Horse N Saddle had gotten him some of the odd jobs he was doing. It didn’t pay much, but it helped out his tab with Sam, because that’s where he gave it all. He never had to worry if he was going to eat because Marie always had food for him. She washed his clothes and cleaned up his messes. She even scraped mud from his boots when he came home with them caked.
He smiled. She took good care of him. She was a wonderful woman. Devoted. Loyal. Beautiful. Everything a man could want in a woman.
So why would she be interested in someone like him? He’d taken advantage of every situation he’d ever been in and manipulated it to go his way whether it hurt someone else or not. Was she looking for a project? Something to do in her free time?
He thought about it for a moment before shaking his head. That wasn’t the motive for her kindness. She was just a kind woman. She was just doing her best to make him happy and keep him comfortable. She was a lot kinder than he was. He knew that for a fact.
If he were her in this situation, he would have kicked himself out long ago. He damn sure wouldn’t have nursed someone else back to health when they got in a fight that they started in the first place.
He was lucky to have her. He looked up at the ceiling. He was blessed to have her. He wondered if, for the first time in his life, God was looking out for him.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
A CHANGE HAS COME
A CHANGE HAS COME
A few days later, Marie woke later than she normally did and sat up in bed, slightly alarmed. She looked around the room, lit up by the sunlight streaking through her window. She slid out of bed and pushed her small feet into a pair of slippers on the floor. She picked up her robe and put it on as she headed toward the bedroom door.
Once she was out in the hallway, she looked at the closed door of the room Jake was occupying. She wanted to knock and see if he was awake, but resisted the urge. She didn’t want to bother him.
She turned back to the kitchen and frowned. It smelled like coffee was already made. She moved down the hall and glanced into the living room, but it was empty. She pushed open the door to the kitchen and found it empty, too. She was right. Coffee was made and an empty cup was sitting in front of the small pot.
The pot was still steaming. The fire in the pot-bellied stove was nearly coals, but it was enough to keep the coffee hot. She stood for a moment in confusion. Jake had obviously gotten up and made it. However, he was nowhere in the house.
She looked around the room as if he was actually there and she had missed him. She finally found her feet and went to the coffee, pouring it into the cup. She dropped two teaspoons of sugar in it and stirred it with a spoon as she walked to the window. Her garden was out beyond that side of the house. She narrowed her eyes to see it better, notic
ing someone was in it.
She couldn’t believe Jake was working in the garden. Her mouth opened wide for a minute and she inhaled sharply.
She went quickly through the house to the front door, pushing it open and going out onto the porch. She could see better and it was a bright, sunny morning, not yet too hot. It would likely be hotter later and working in the garden first thing in the morning was always a good idea. That’s what her father had always said, anyway.
She had been forced to neglect the gardening during the last few months. She’d been concentrating on making Jake as comfortable as possible and had let a few things slide. She didn’t feel good about that fact. It embarrassed her and she wondered if anyone else had noticed. She’d never been that way with anyone else she helped. No other drifter had intrigued her so much. She pushed down the desire for him with all the strength she had. He had given no indication that he wanted to be anything more than friends. She couldn’t bring herself to take it further herself. The thought of him rejecting her hurt more than she could bear, and it hadn’t even happened. She didn’t care what anyone else thought. It was his opinion that mattered to her.
She sipped from her coffee cup, staring at Jake, who was pulling up weeds with fervor. She’d never seen him move quickly. She’d become accustomed to the way Jake walked, a slow forward motion that seemed so relaxed, it was hard to believe he was moving. He took his time doing almost everything she’d ever seen him do – except drink. It reflected in his card playing, she knew. He had played a few hands with her. It was an effort to keep from going to the saloon and gambling. She could tell what he was doing.
He hadn’t had the bottle of liquor attached to him since the scene in front of the café. She knew he was still drinking, but he was – as always – taking it slow, cutting back. It seemed to give him more energy. He wasn’t moping around, he was leaving in the mornings to go to odd jobs he’d found. Sometimes he would stay out all day.
Marie’s work kept her distracted from being worried about him. She thought about him all day while she taught her small class of students. Her volunteer work for the church had nearly ceased, as she was more focused on Jake’s presence in her house.
Now that Jake was picking up the pace, Marie felt a bit lost. She was used to him the way he was and though she had longed for a change for the better for him, now that it was happening, she couldn’t believe she was watching it unfold.
She felt blessed knowing that she had pulled someone from the depths of despair and put them back on their feet again. It was true that a person had to want to change and to be better, but sometimes, people just needed a helping hand…someone to let them know that the possibility of change was actually there. That people in this world do care about each other and want to help.
She longed for his love, but accepted the fact that he was not the type of man to give it easily. His life had been very self-focused, unlike hers, which was spent thinking about everyone else in her life rather than herself.
He stood and wiped his forehead. She took a step closer, revealing herself in the sunbeam spraying around the corner of the house. She lifted one hand.
The smile on his face was huge. He waved back and began to walk through the garden to come back to the house. Watching him stroll casually through, avoiding stepping on any plants, was enough to make Marie’s heart pound in her chest.
The sun glinted off his blond hair and flashed in his eyes when he looked up at her.
She wished she had an extra cup of coffee or perhaps some cool lemonade to give him. She approached the side of the porch where he was and stood on the other side of the railing. When he got there, she was slightly above him, looking down. When he looked up at her, the sun caught his eyes in a way that made the blue in them stand out like never before. She couldn’t help thinking it was the most beautiful color of eyes she had ever seen.
“Good morning,” he said. “I see you found the coffee.”
“I did, thanks. And good morning to you, too. You look happy today.”
He nodded and shrugged. “I feel better than I have in a long time. I don’t have any work set up until later in the afternoon, so I thought I’d spend the morning out here pulling weeds. You haven’t been doing a good job on this garden, my dear. Not a good job at all.”
Marie blushed, glancing at the sad-looking plot. “I know. It’s terrible. I’m a terrible person.”
Jake laughed, sensing her mockery. “No, you’re not a terrible person. But you don’t know how to do a proper garden.”
Marie squished up her nose at him. “I’ll have you know that I’ve been running that garden for years and I’ve always gotten a good crop from what I plant. This year… it’s just been different.”
“Well, it’s no wonder you’ve been running low on supplies. You could have been planting and reaping and eating well.”
“Will you leave me alone?” Her voice was lighthearted and she was smiling at him. “I’ve been distracted. It’s your fault, you see. It’s entirely your fault.”
“Ah,” he nodded. “I have been a burden to you. I guess you want me to leave then. I know you hate me.”
Marie laughed and he joined her. “I don’t hate you.” Far from it, she thought, but didn’t say it. “And you aren’t a burden. I just have moods sometimes.”
“I understand. You women. I don’t know about you. It’s like a man needs some kind of manual to understand what it is you want.”
“You men are no easier to understand. Sometimes I don’t think you have any feelings.”
“I have feelings,” Jake said emphatically. “I am actually a really passionate guy. I give my heart out and once it’s gone, it stays gone.”
Marie wished she could see that side of him. She knew that if she ever did, she would fall passionately in love with him and there would be no coming back. Anything he did after that would affect her, whether it had anything to do with her or not. If he had a job he was frustrated with and it put him in a bad mood, she would feel horrible. If he was happy about something that happened, she would be ecstatic.
The thought made her afraid and she took a step back toward the house. “You should come inside and take a break. Get some lemonade from the ice box. It’s good.”
Jake jogged around to the front of the porch and came up the steps two at a time. He followed her inside. She tried not to be conscious of the fact that he was behind her. She was ashamed that she didn’t seem to be handling her emotions very well, but she couldn’t help it. She wanted him to grab her, hold her, and kiss her. It was strong in her mind every time she was near him.
“Well, I haven’t seen it,” she said. “I guess I’m missing out.”
“I… I am still working on getting myself together, Marie. I can’t commit myself to someone when I have so much on my plate already.”
She looked over her shoulder at him as she went into the kitchen and sat at the table. “I didn’t say anything. I was just talking for the sake of talking.”
“You are so wise,” he chuckled and went to the icebox to pull out the glass container of lemonade. “You make this just now?”
“No, but it’s from last night, so it should be cold and fresh.”
He nodded, going through the motions of pouring himself a cup. Moments later, he was seated across from her, leaning back in the chair, one leg up on his other knee. “I got a lot of that weeding done. It’s not very hard to do, you know. It’s just time-consuming.”
“And you have to know what is a weed and what isn’t,” Marie added, smiling. “My dad taught me all the gardening I needed to know. He was strict about it. I had to know everything I could know. I suppose he might have had an idea that he wouldn’t be around forever.”
“Have you ever thought about that?” he asked, glancing over at her.
“About what?”
“How long you might live. Do you have an idea how many years you might be walking this earth?”
“Well, I’m 33 now,” Marie responded t
houghtfully. “And I suppose I’ll be around for at least twenty years or more. I don’t rightly know.”
He shook his head. “I don’t know either. And I have thought about it. I think about it a lot. Or I used to, more than now. Now I think about what I can accomplish in the time I have left. Before… before I met you…” he gave her a soft smile. “I always thought about it in a bad way. How many years more do I have to suffer on this earth? That kind of thing. I’m not like that anymore.”
“I’m so glad you are feeling better about your life, Jake,” she said as she smiled at him. “I really am. It is nice to watch you take control of your life. It’s kind of amazing, if you want me to be honest with you.”
Jake dropped his eyes to the table in front of them, his smile remaining. “I have, haven’t I? I am taking control.” He looked up at her. “It feels nice. It really does.”
“I’m sure that it does,” she said. “I know that you have not had an easy time of it in the last few years.”
“It’s been about five years since I’ve thought anything positive about my future. I have been a drifter for that long. I don’t want to live that life anymore. When the weather is bad, it’s the worst. If I don’t have a home, I freeze or I’m always wet. I am done with that life. I want to have a home and a job and a life I enjoy living.”
Marie longed to hear him say a good woman to come home to, but he didn’t say it. She wanted it to be her. She would be devastated at the thought that he was with another woman. She wished he felt the same way about her, but she doubted it. Maybe if she was patient enough, if she waited long enough, he would realize the best woman he would find, a woman who would love him passionately with a conviction of stone, was standing right in front of him, wanting to love him.
Marie leaned forward spontaneously and covered his hand with hers. He looked down at them and turned his hand over so that he could cover her fingers with his. They sat that way for a short time, sipping their drinks and looking out the window.
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