She laced her fingers through his where they lay on her nearly flat stomach.
“I love you dearly,” Adam whispered, causing chills to erupt all over Alice’s body.
“I love you, too,” she murmured. She could feel his grip on her tightening.
She was glad Jake and Marie were gone. She wanted time with her husband.
Marie was glad she and Jake left, too. Especially when she got back to the house and he opened the door for her and ushered her inside.
“I feel like a cup of coffee,” Jake said. “Do you want a cup?”
Marie knew that if she drank a cup of coffee, she was going to be awake the entire night. However, she nodded because she wanted an excuse to spend more time with Jake. She followed him into the kitchen and sat while he took out a pot and prepared the coffee.
“Did you have a good night tonight?” he asked, looking down at the slowly boiling water.
“I did,” Marie replied. “Did you?”
Jake nodded. “I… I’m sorry I put such a delay on things. It was really nice being able to talk to Adam again. As family, you know. I was hoping it would be like that in the beginning, but… well, I wasn’t ready for that. He might have been, but I wasn’t in any shape to form new relationships with distant family members.”
Marie just nodded. His manner of speech had taken on a more mature sound. She wondered if he had picked that up from her. She had picked up a few of his traits as well and noticed every time she did one of them.
“I’m glad I finally did go to Adam’s,” Jake said quietly. “I didn’t know what to expect, but what I got wasn’t it. I was… I felt comfortable around them. I wasn’t worried about anything. I got to have a good conversation with my cousin. You got to hang out with Alice. Everything went right.”
Marie nodded. “Yeah, I had a good time, too.”
“Adam is a really smart man.”
“Yes, he is.”
“He helped me get a lot of things off my chest. Made me realize some things.”
“Oh? Like what?”
Jake hesitated before answering, gathering his thoughts so they would be said the right way. “Well, I have been through a lot, you know. And I didn’t realize how bad my mistakes cost me everything until recently. I’ve started to figure that the only way I can make things better is to stop doing the destructive things. Does that make sense?”
“It does.” She prompted him, rolling her hand in the air as a gesture to continue.
“So I am trying to get myself together so that… so that I can have the future I want.”
“What future do you want? What do you really want?”
“I want…” Jake stopped. He picked up the heated coffee and poured it into two separate cups. He took out the small sugar container and put two teaspoonfuls in her cup. He stirred it for a moment and then brought over the cups. “I want a lot of things. I want peace and quiet, I want to be alone, and I want to be with you… I want it all.”
Hearing the words that he wanted to be with her was like music to her ears. Her heart skipped a beat and she felt hope spread through her.
“You don’t have to be with me all the time, you know. You can go and do your own things. It’s not my fault that I worry. I can’t promise you that will change, not any time soon anyway. It’s just who I am. It’s what I am.”
He nodded. “I know. And I love it. I love the way you are. You’re strong and smart and confident, everything a man could ever want.”
Then why don’t you want me? The words flashed through Marie’s mind. She tilted her head to the side, wondering if she would ever get a real answer for that question.
He sat comfortably across from her, laid back in the chair with one leg propped up. He did that a lot. Marie smiled as she took a sip of her coffee. He was so at home. It made her feel good to see that. She wanted him to feel comfortable with her.
In the next moment, she was thinking about how hard it would be if he were to leave. “So you aren’t thinking about leaving?”
Jake looked at her. “I’ve thought about what I would do if I had to leave. I don’t want to, but if I have to go, I need to have a back-up plan.”
“I suppose if you didn’t want to be here, you wouldn’t be.”
Jake leaned forward, placing both feet on the floor. “What are you thinking about, Marie? Why are you asking all these questions?”
“I need to make a change in my life so that I’m not always wondering what’s going to happen next. I want some stability to return to my life. I had it before… before…”
Jake sat back. “Before I came,” he said in a gruff voice.
This time she leaned forward. “Yes, but I don’t mean that in a bad way, Jake. You’ve brought some excitement and some needed help into my life since you’ve been with me. Just the companionship is better than nothing because we are very respectful of each other and we get along as friends.”
“Yes, as friends.” This time, his voice was calm and cool. He was looking directly at her, analyzing her face. She wondered what he was thinking.
Jake’s mind was filled with the events of the day. Getting up and going to church for the first time in a long time was amazing. Doing two odd jobs for people in the town was a great accomplishment, he thought. Still managing to get in a beer before having dinner with his family. His new family.
He looked closely at Marie. By now, he had looked at her face so often, he had spotted the small imperfections, how one eye was closed slightly more than the other, how one eyebrow tilted up, while the other was a smooth curve. She had a tiny scar on her bottom lip. Sometimes he wanted to bite it and then kiss her to make it all better. It would only be a nibble anyway.
It drove him crazy.
However, the best thing to do was to be friends until Jake could allow himself to let go of his inhibitions. He didn’t want to lose her for good. He wanted to stay with her. He was comfortable with her. She knew a lot about him. She loved him. He wasn’t going to find another woman like her no matter how hard he tried.
For now, they needed to be friends. She needed time to make sure it was really what she wanted. Because he wasn’t going to give his heart away again unless it was for the last time. He refused to do it any differently.
Marie was smart. He figured she had to know that he did love her, but wasn’t fully capable of showing it yet. If she could be patient. If she would just wait until he was ready, she would see what love really was. He would show her. He would let go.
Nevertheless, he couldn’t. Not yet. He had to wait. When the right time came, he would know.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
WHEN THE TIME HAS COME
WHEN THE TIME HAS COME
Nearly a month later, Jake stood out in the hot summer sun, lifting a saddle onto a horse. A new family had moved to Wickenburg. They had two twin eight-year old sons and wanted someone to teach the boys to ride. They were from the city, from New York City, and the boys knew nothing about western life.
The lesson would be short because it was hot out and the boys’ mother didn’t like for them to be out in it too long. They were fair-haired and tended to burn easily. She didn’t want that to happen and so instructed both to wear long sleeved shirts and trousers, as well as hats. Jake was surprised that she hadn’t made them wear gloves and a scarf.
The boys were obviously hot and miserable as they went around the riding field. Jake felt sorry for them and spent the final fifteen minutes in the cool air of the barn as he taught them how to groom and care for a horse. It was information they needed to know and he was keeping them out of the hot sun. Two birds with one stone.
Just after the boys’ mother came and took them home, Jake stayed in the barn, finishing up the chores. He felt a presence and saw a shadow at the door of the barn and looked up to see Marie standing there. She was holding a basket.
“I brought you some lunch,” she said.
“Well, that’s sweet of you,” Jake stood up straight and grabbed a cl
oth that was lying over a stall door. He wiped his hands as he approached her. She opened the basket and showed him the contents. He looked it all over. “That looks like a mighty fine assortment, Marie. What made you think to do that for me?”
“I know you’ve been working hard in the sun. I wanted to make sure you were comfortable, fed and that you weren’t neglecting yourself.”
“Isn’t that sweet of you.” Jake had come to a point where it was becoming more and more difficult to keep his hands off her. All he wanted to do was hug her, but if he did, he knew he would want more and that he would fall for her. He wanted to kiss her more than anything, but if he did, he would fall for her. He had to keep that from happening.
The desire to keep it from happening was fading quickly. She was so nice to him. She was beautiful. She was everything.
Therefore, he never hugged or kissed her. He used suggestive language with her every so often because seeing her shy delight as a response gave him a thrill. He knew one thing. If he was to give her his heart, she would surely give him hers. He had no doubt of that.
“Come over here and sit,” he said, directing her to a huge pile of hay that had been baled together in a square. She sat on it and set down the basket next to her. Jake picked up the basket, held it up in the air, sat down where it was and set it next to him on the other side. Marie looked up at him curiously.
“I’ll serve you,” he said softly. He opened the basket and took out a few pieces of bread, some ham and two bananas. He gave her a piece of ham and a piece of bread. He set the bananas between them. He looked up at her pointedly. “Dessert,” he said seriously. She giggled.
“I brought a few slices of the cake I made earlier today, too.”
“Oh no. That sounds so wonderful. Thank you for doing this, Marie. It’s so sweet of you.”
“You’re welcome, Jake. I like doing things like this for you. It is my pleasure.”
“Not only yours, but mine too.” He smiled. “You are an amazing woman.”
Marie began chewing on her lower lip, so she put together the ham and bread and took a bite to hide how she was feeling. She sat there for a moment. The hay bale was so high that her feet almost didn’t touch the floor. She had to push her toes down to reach it. As a result, she found herself swinging her legs slightly. She caught Jake with a huge smile on his face, watching her do it. He began to swing his legs, even though they were much too long for it.
“Are you making fun of me, Jake?” Marie asked, pretending to be upset about it. She pulled away from him and scanned him up and down. He laughed.
“Not at all. I thought it looked fun. So I tried it out too. Turns out my legs are too long.”
They both laughed.
They sat eating in a comfortable silence for a moment. “I love it out here,” Marie said. “I’m so glad you found this place. I’m glad they gave it to you on credit and are letting you buy it from them.”
Jake looked around the stables, a look of pride on his face. “I got a nice deal on this, too. I didn’t think they would go for it. But they did. I’ll keep paying them what I owe them every month and I’ll have this business thriving in no time.”
“Wickenburg is so small though. Eventually everyone will know how to ride and then who will you teach?”
“It’s not just the teaching, though, you see,” Jake said and sounded like he was about to launch into the greatest new idea the world had ever seen.
Marie watched his excited face with amusement, thinking about how handsome he was, how his eyes sparkled, how kissable his lips were. She pressed her lips together and let him speak. He went on about how having the horses and keeping them in good shape led to other ideas of how he could use them. He could rent them out for carriage rides in the winter, through the snow. He could use them to help people transport themselves or something else from one destination to another. She listened to the excitement in his voice as he talked about making the stables into a business that would keep him thriving for the rest of his life.
“You are so smart,” she breathed without thinking about it first. He looked at her. She dropped her eyes and looked at her hands clenching the bread and ham like they were manna from heaven. She released her grip on the food and tried to look ladylike as she took a bite. Then she gave him an innocent look. “What?” she said. He hadn’t taken his eyes off her.
“You really think I’m smart?” he asked.
She giggled. “Of course, I do. I’ve noticed. You pick up on things quickly. You are very instinctive and I like that. I like a lot of things about you.”
“You know what I think?” he asked in a teasing voice. He was staring down at his bread with an innocent look on his face.
“What do you think?” she asked, her heart beating hard in her chest.
“I think I need a drink.” He reached into the basket and pulled out a container of cool tea. He held it out to her. “You first.”
“Okay.” She tried to hide her disappointment and took the container from him.
He helped her open it, not that she needed the help, and she took a long swig out of it. He took it from her and drank most of what was left before putting the top on it and setting it back into the basket. “That was refreshing,” he said. “Thanks for coming and seeing me.”
“I like it. I like coming to see you for lunch. It makes my day, really.”
“You like seeing me that much, do you?”
She looked at him seriously and nodded. “I always like being with you.”
“We’ve been through some stuff together, haven’t we? And you’ve always had my back, even when I didn’t see it that way.”
Marie shrugged. “I can’t help it. That’s who I am.”
“I’m glad you are that way, Marie.” Jake put one arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him. She rested her head on his shoulder and he moved the soft strands of hair that had slipped down over her cheek to behind her ear. He rubbed two fingers lightly over Marie’s cheek, giving her chills all the way down her legs. She closed her eyes, wanting to drown in the moment.
She breathed in the musky smell he gave off. It came from working with leather and with the horses. She loved that smell. She wanted to bask in it every day.
She relished in the warmth of his arm around her back. She was aware of every breath he took. She wasn’t close enough to his heart to hear it, but she could see his pulse bouncing in his neck. It was moving rapidly. She tried not to get excited. Was he finally going to show her his love? Was he finally ready?
Jake knew Marie was excited and desired him. He could tell by the way she leaned on him, the way she pressed against him.
Something had changed inside him over the past few months, the last month especially. He began to see things differently. It was as if the sky had opened up and light had shown through. All his life, he’d seen nothing but dark clouds above him. Even during the time he was with his wife, there was always something missing.
Now that he was here in Wickenburg, with Marie, he knew that there was some good in the world. There were good people. Not everyone was out for themselves or trying to get as much as they could from someone else.
That was the way he’d always been. Looking back, his greed astounded him. It had led to many beatings and destroyed relationships. Not just with his wife, but with the rest of his family and friends.
He held Marie to him, wanting to say how he really felt but still feeling the fear that someday she would find out he was just a scoundrel at heart and would never be good enough for her.
“Jake, what are you thinking about? You seem very solemn.”
He looked down at her and she lifted her head to meet his eyes. “I was just wondering how long it would take for you to not love me anymore,” he replied honestly.
Her eyes opened wide and she pulled away from him enough to put her hand on his chest and look directly in his eyes. “Jake! How can you think something like that? Don’t you think after all we’ve been through and all I’ve
learned about you that if I love you now, I always will?”
Jake grinned. “I hadn’t thought about it like that.”
“Well you should,” Marie used a gently scolding tone that made Jake’s grin turn into a smile. “I love you, Jake. I have since I saw you on the side of the road. I’ve just been denying it ever since.”
“Apparently you haven’t hidden it well. Adam says everyone in town knows and that I’m the only one who didn’t.”
“Did you really not know, Jake? You’ve been here for months. If everyone else could tell, how could you not?”
He shook his head. “I don’t see how you can love someone like me.”
“You keep saying that. But it isn’t about you being lumped in with other people. It’s about you being you. I like how you are. I like doing things for you and being around you. Even if you are in another room or out in the garden, I’m just glad you’re here. I like having you here.”
“I’m glad to hear you say that, Marie. I like being here, too. And I know I’ve given you chance after chance to kick me out. I’m so glad you let me stay.”
“I was hoping something would result of it. If it doesn’t, then I am content that you are happy.”
Jake sighed. “That seems like what love is supposed to be like.”
She smiled at him. “It is.”
“Then I guess I… I guess I love you, too, Marie.”
“You guess?” she teased.
He chuckled softly. “I do love you. Because I would do anything for you. If you were to find someone else to love, well, I would have to accept that and move on. I just want you to be happy. I want you to be happy with me, but if it’s not me…”
Before he could finish the sentence, Marie leaned toward him and pressed her lips against his. A warm sensation flooded through her and she sighed. He returned the kiss and it deepened.
When they finally pulled apart, Marie looked into the sparkling blue of her man’s eyes and whispered, “I love you, Jake Collins. I always will.”
Saved By An Angel (Family of Love Series) (A Western Romance Story) Page 18