She licked her dry lips. “I thought about it. Long and hard.” She confessed this softly.
“Because of those stupid girls? I get that they upset you. Did you honestly think that would change things for me? I don’t give a flying fuck what anyone in that town thinks. And you shouldn’t either. On the flip side of that, there’s probably some that will wonder why the fuck you’re with me.”
“You can say that now, but it isn’t true. You do care. You do want to keep up appearances. It’s why you wouldn’t date me back then. You were embarrassed by my past. Oh, you wanted to fuck me, just like you do now. But when all this new lust wears off, that’s all you’re going to think about. I saw the look on your face the other night, Call.” She looked down. “Maybe you should walk away while you still can.”
“Don’t tell me how I feel. I felt bad the other night. Helpless that they made you cry. And if you saw some look on my face the other night it was shock from what you said in front of my dad.”
“I’m sorry. Sometimes I have no edit. Especially when I’m upset.”
“Look at me.” I didn’t give her a choice. I tipped her chin up. “I know what comes after all that lust dims a bit. I want to do more than fuck you, wild child. I love you.” Her gaze searched mine. Her eyes filled. She covered her mouth and ran from room.
I heard the bathroom door bang in the distance.
It was not the reaction I’d hoped for. But I already knew she loved me, too. She’d admitted it first. Not to mention I could see it in her eyes every time she looked in mine.
I followed.
Cautiously, I pushed open the bathroom door.
I found her hovering over the basin, one hand resting on the vanity, the other holding her hair up, out of the way. I placed my hand on her head and grasped her blonde tresses. It wasn’t the first time I’d held her hair as she puked. She let that hand fall, and used it to hold herself up.
Dry heaves wracked her body.
When she’d finished, she continued to stand there. Head down.
I opened the cabinet beside us to grab a facecloth. I wet it and handed it to her. She straightened up and wiped her face. And I waited.
She took her time. Obviously she didn’t want to face me. I reached up and was about to shut the door of the cupboard. A colorful box caught my eye. The word pregnancy jumped out at me. An early pregnancy test. And it all clicked. My stomach plummeted and my heart began to pound. I could hear the whoosh in my ears.
“Come on, let’s get you into bed.” I took her by the shoulders and guided her back into the bedroom. She stopped and turned toward me.
“Call,” she said weepily. Her entire body trembled. “I think you should go.”
“Just tell me.” I begged, trying to get her to talk to me, to trust me enough to open up. “It’s not merely the flu, is it, Kare? You’re not simply tired. You’re not even trying to break up with me so I don’t have to face the town gossips, are you?”
Swallowing convulsively, she shook her head. “I didn’t do this on purpose!”
“Tell me.”
“I’m not trying to trap you. This isn’t a trick. I never meant…” She swallowed hard.
“Say it.”
“I think I’m pregnant. But I didn’t do it on purpose,” she repeated, as tears streamed down her face.
I pulled her into my arms and held her as she sobbed into my chest. And weirdly, I experienced immense relief. I wasn’t mad. My anxiety about what was going on all but faded away. In fact, I felt incredibly possessive of the woman in my arms.
“Why are you trying to push me away? Why didn’t you tell me as soon as you suspected? We could have gone through it together.”
“I needed some time. I can’t process it. I’m so confused. And I feel like shit, Call!” She wept. “I just feel awful.”
“Hey.” I tried to pull back so I could see her, but she wouldn’t meet my gaze. “Look at me.”
Slowly, she raised her tear-streaked face. The uncertainty in her eyes hurt.
“We did this.”
She opened her mouth while shaking her head, but I didn’t allow her to speak yet. “No. We did this. And if you want to get technical, baby, I did it. Because I was selfish. When I asked you if you were on birth control, I couldn’t think past being inside you without anything between us. And then again, the next time. And at the beach. And…” Fuck I couldn’t count how many times. We’d done it more without protection than we had with. “You didn’t do this. I got you pregnant.” Secretly, in the back of my mind, I felt like the man.
“Are you angry?” she asked.
“No.” But my next thought had my stomach tightening again. “But are you? What are you going to do?” I knew exactly how I wanted this to go, but it was her body and would ultimately be her decision how this went.
Her shoulders sagged. “I don’t know.” She dissolved in tears again.
I got her calmed down. “Well, let’s find out for sure, first, will we? I saw the test in the bathroom. Go take it. Then we’ll know what we’re talking about.”
She inhaled deeply and nodded before heading back to the washroom.
When she exited a few minutes later, I asked, “How long?”
“Ten minutes.”
I set the timer on my cell phone. I tossed it aside and held my arm open. We sat at the window bench seat, watching the traffic pass by on the street below as we waited. Neither one of us spoke. It was the longest ten minutes of my life.
When the alarm sounded, she sighed, but neither of us moved. A few more minutes of carefree independence was needed before we found out our fate. Perhaps the next eighteen years of our lives was already predestined.
I ran my hands up and down her arms. “Let me check.”
I stood, expecting her to disagree, but she didn’t.
I entered the washroom. The empty box sat on the vanity. I picked up and read the instructions. It was one of those kits that not only showed plus or minus, but also tried to predict, how many weeks. There were three different choices on the information graphic. “Weeks…estimates…how many weeks past ovulation. Huh?” I murmured, baffled.
I picked up the stick and stared at it. “So is this how many weeks pregnant or…?” I read the stick. She was definitely pregnant. The stick also had a three and a plus sign on it, which according to the instructions meant three weeks or more since ovulation. I was confused but we had our answer. How would Karis take it? And more importantly, what would she choose to do about it?
As soon as I reappeared, she looked up at me expectantly.
I nodded. “It’s positive.”
She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Of course it is. This is precisely how everyone always thought my life would go.” She huffed a breath on what sounded like an ironic laugh. “Fuck!” She placed her face in her hands. “What am I gonna do?”
I sat down and pulled her back against me. “I’m behind you a hundred percent, Karis. Whatever you decide.”
“I don’t know, Call. I don’t know what I want to do.”
I kissed her forehead. “That’s okay. We don’t have to make any heavy decisions right this second.”
I didn’t want to put any pressure on her, but I already knew what I wanted.
I stayed over. I didn’t want to leave her. I’d get up early and go to work, like I had before. But that night when we went to bed, I made love to her. Slow and sweet.
I made my way down her body and paused to kiss her flat stomach, that for now, at least, contained my child.
****
The next morning, she was so sick, I called the office and let them know I wouldn’t be in. I couldn’t leave Karis alone, like this. We didn’t really talk about it, but if nothing more, she knew I was there for her, supporting her.
The sickness lasted most of the day. I propped myself up in her bed, and she laid on my chest. When she wasn’t throwing up or nauseous, she slept. I watched TV and attempted to keep my mind from racing when I wasn’t try
ing to entice her with water, ginger ale, or soup.
By suppertime, she was feeling well enough to sip some broth. Val brought home some crackers and more soda.
“My older sister lived on this soup and crackers for the first two months.”
“Great,” Karis said with zero enthusiasm, placing her forehead in her hand. She set her spoon aside.
“Can’t you eat a bit more, Kare?” I asked. She hadn’t been able to keep anything down since I’d arrived.
“I can’t, Call.” She swallowed several times. I found myself willing her to retain the bit I’d seen her consume. I hated seeing her like this. It was the most helpless feeling.
I took her back to bed. We spent the night all curled up together. The TV was on but neither of us paid much attention.
I needed to get some answers before I headed home tomorrow.
I ran my fingers through her hair. She stroked her fingers up and down my arm.
“So, Kare. Have you had time to put some of this in perspective?”
She propped up on an elbow and looked down at me. She rolled her shoulder in a non-committal gesture. Her eyes filled as she continued to watch me. I ran my finger down her cheek and waited.
“I don’t know what to do, Call. I’ve still gotta finish finals. Grad was my big plan and then job hunting and now…”
Her tears began to fall in earnest. My chest fuckin’ hurt.
“But every time I think about” —she bit her lip— “about getting rid of it…the baby. Our baby.” She sat up and covered her stomach with her hand. Then she brought up her knees. It was a protective gesture. “Your baby,” she whispered, making me feel like that fact alone meant so much to her.
She rocked back and forth.
I sat up behind her and placed my arms around her.
“I’m carrying your baby, Call. Do you know what that means to me?” she sobbed. “It’s unfathomable. A dream.”
“It’s real, baby.”
“I know. What do you want to do? As you said, we did this. How are you feeling about all this? This was not ‘the plan’.”
“It’s not my decision, Karis.”
She jumped up off the bed, then swung to face me. She swayed and placed her hands on the bed until the dizziness passed. “Okay, I buy all that. Of course you’d say all the right things. But tell me what you want. Do you want this? Do want to have a baby? So soon. Unplanned. With me, of all people? We haven’t even defined our relationship or anything and now…”
Palms up, I shook my head. Yes. Yes, I did. But I didn’t want what I wished to cloud her choice. I knew that even if it were not what was best for her, in her mind, she would keep it merely to make me happy.
I stood. “As far as our relationship goes, I want one. No matter the baby situation. I want to be with you. I did before all this. You had to know that. I love you, Kare. Baby or not.”
She pinched her nose in an attempt to stave off another wave of tears. It didn’t work.
“And the baby?” she asked, tearfully.
I remained silent.
“Please! Tell me! What would your preference be? Keep him or kill—”
“Stop!” I yelled. I didn’t even want to hear the words. “I don’t want to do that. I want you to keep him. Okay!” I softened my tone. “I want us to. Whatever comes, Kare. We made this little person together, let’s do the rest. We’ll do it all up right.” She could take that however she liked. But I wanted the rings, the I dos and the baby makes three. Maybe this was unexpected, but I found I was ready to take it on.
She came back into my arms and cried.
****
At six a.m. the next morning, Karis walked me down to my car.
“The cool air feels good,” she said, inhaling deeply. She’d already puked once. Great way to start the day. Again, I didn’t want to leave, but I did have other responsibilities. And they were being added to by the moment.
I unlocked my car and started it, giving it time to warm up. I hugged Karis, while leaning back against the vehicle.
“Ah, shit, I forgot my phone,” I said, patting my pockets.
“You and that stupid phone.”
“I’ll run up and get it.”
When I got back she was holding onto the edge of the car, inhaling deep and exhaling slow. I pulled her back into my arms.
“So you’ll make an appointment to see a doctor this week?”
“Yep. I’ll call first thing.”
I eased back a bit so there was space between us. I stroked my thumb across her belly. She searched my gaze and placed her hand over mine, flattening it out on her tummy.
“I don’t want you to worry about anything. Okay? Just take care of yourself and my little peanut in there.” The endearing little nickname brought a smile to her worried features.
“We’ll figure it all out,” I said. “Maybe you’ll think about moving home after graduation?” I was trying to feel her out.
The smile left her face. “I guess. I never planned to move back. I like it here where no one really knows about my crazy teenage years. And then there’s my parents.” She shook her head. “I hate what they’re going to say about all this. And Trey.”
“But it’s not like you’re a teenager anymore. We’re adults. It was an accident. I am the daddy. And they love me.”
“Oh fuck off!”
“Hey, you watch that mouth, wild child. I will not…Oh, shit!” I feigned alarm. “What if it’s a girl and she’s exactly like you?”
She gave me a playful swat.
I grinned and hugged her tight.
“Think about it. You can move in with me. I know you like my house.”
“Yes, and won’t that send the gossip mongers into a frenzy when the gold digging slut moves into it.”
“Stop that,” I said, in all seriousness. “I don’t want to hear that anymore. You’re insulting the mother of my child and I won’t have it.”
She looked at the ground but nodded her head.
“Go back inside and curl up. And I’ll be back Friday. If not sooner. I’m not sure I can stay away.”
She kissed me good-bye, then I drove home.
I had a lot of time to think.
I was late, but I stopped home. I took the fastest shower of my life and put on a suit.
I went straight to my office. There were a pile of messages on my desk.
“Hey, boss man, decided to come to work after all, huh?”
“Hey, Janie, somebody’s gotta do it. Is Dad in?”
“Yes, I saw him, down the hall.”
“Thanks, I’ll get to all this in a few.”
“It can wait,” she said, smiling.
I walked down the corridor, answering cordial greetings on my way.
I peeked into my dad’s office. He was seated behind the massive mahogany desk that was once my grandfather’s.
“Hey, hey, slacker. Nice of you to stop by.” My father greeted with his big booming voice and sincere smile.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Where ya been, June-bug?”
He wasn’t usually one for calling me junior unless he was worried about me.
“I was with Karis.”
“Ah. I see. You two have been spending a lot of time together lately.” He looked at me over the rims of his glasses.
“What does that mean?”
“Have ya finally admitted it, kid?”
“What?”
“That you’re in love with the girl?”
I paused. “Yeah, I am. Head over heels. How did you know?”
“Know? Christ, boy! You’ve been in love with that girl since middle school. Your mother and I used to make bets on how long it would take for you to ask her out. And you never did. Truly. I was disappointed. Did I teach you nothing?”
“Apparently, not. And you could have let me in on the little secret. It’s a lot of wasted time, if you ask me.”
“Poor girl. You sure strung her along.”
“I did not!”
“Yeah.” I snorted. “Everything but?”
My dad narrowed his gaze. “What’s the matter, Call? Something on your mind? You okay?” His eyes narrowed in concern.
“I love her, Dad.”
“Yeah…” His forehead wrinkled.
“And…she’s pregnant.”
I was afraid he’d be disappointed in me, something we’d never experienced before. His eyes widened, as the news set in, I guess. “Oh! Oh. I…wasn’t expecting that one, son. Huh. I’m kinda stunned. You’re nothing if not responsible, Call.”
“And that’s what I’m being. I hope. I wanna marry her. I want the whole fuckin’ package, but I think she might be a hard sell.”
“Well, if anyone can do it, you can. She loves you, too.”
“But I think things were headed this way anyway. I mean, at least they were for me. The baby is simply moving things along quicker than I’ve been able to think things out, but I want this.”
He nodded. Accepting. He came around the desk and sat on the edge of it. He took hold of my shoulder and gave it a good, supportive squeeze.
“Well, congratulations, Call. I’ll be happy to welcome Karis into our family and the little one.”
“Little peanut.” I chuckled, grinning.
“Haha. That’s what I used to call you.”
“You’re gonna be a grandpa.”
“Yeah, how ‘bout that.” He grinned and got this far off look. He seemed proud, even though we may have gone about this back ass-wards.
I went back to my office in a daze. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I kept thinking about…everything. And worrying. I would have rather been with Karis.
I found myself on the Internet reading up on morning sickness, how long it generally lasted and how to ease it. Then I ended up clicking on ads for baby furniture that was posted all over the sides of the website, which then gave way to toys.
****
“Call?” Janie stuck her head in my office. “Karis Hirt, line one.”
“Thanks.”
I snapped up the phone. “Hey, babies.”
“Thank you. I love it,” she gushed.
“You got it?” I smiled, leaning back in my office chair.
“Yes, I’m laying on it right now.”
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