by Marika Ray
"My parents divorced when I was really little. My dad left in his RV and traveled the country making money on odd jobs wherever he happened to be. My mom tried her best, but wasn't really around much between work and boyfriends. I was always a total book nerd. I could spend all day and night in my room reading, escaping through the worlds described in the books I read. My twin sister and I were really close up until high school. I buckled down harder to get good grades and hopefully a college scholarship. She started hanging out with the wrong crowd and barely graduated. I surrounded myself with people like me at college: it was all about academics. Focused on schooling and learning. There was no time for creativity or art or music. I tried to bury that side of me since it just wasn't practical." I broke off, realizing I'd said more to Kai about my childhood than I had to anyone else.
He switched to another song, this one softer and mellower. "Then how did you find yourself writing songs?"
"I guess I had a lot of anger about my dad leaving and not caring about my sister and I. Then my sister and I had a falling out. I had all this emotion choking me and I didn't know what to do with it. So, I sat down and started writing one day. And the style I seemed to write in the most lent itself to song lyrics. I saw a keyboard for sale one day in my neighborhood as I was driving by. I swerved over to the curb, jumped out and bought it before I could think too much about it. I played around with melodies, using YouTube to teach me how to play. I don't know. I just got so much enjoyment from it, I kept doing it." I shrugged, realizing I'd never made a conscious decision to write songs. It just came naturally to me and I let myself follow my passion. Maybe for the first time in my life.
Kai was looking at me like I was a puzzle, one he very much wanted to figure out. "You say you're so practical and academic, but you're not a math or science teacher. You teach English and writing. And the way I see it, writing is entirely subjective. It can be wildly passionate, it can be dark and seductive, it can be light and irreverent." He winked at me, changing the tune on the instrument. "I would guess you're a highly passionate person, Hessa. You just don't recognize it because you've mislabeled yourself for so long."
His words left my mind swirling, my heart feeling exposed to harsh elements. I'd never had someone challenge me like that before, or even suggest that I was more than the scholar I always claimed to be. I was proud of that label.
But it never felt like a cage before.
"I always thought it was a self-confidence issue that kept me from pursuing my music in a more public way." I tilted my head, staring at the waves reaching the shore as I sorted out what I was feeling. "Perhaps it's more to do with realizing who I really am. All the many sides to me. What I feel I can be." I looked over at Kai, wondering what he thought of all this introspection.
He had a slight smile on his face, nodding along thoughtfully. "Sounds like you have things to think about. Many questions to ask yourself. I think we all do. Or at least we all should from time to time. You know, check in and see if we're living the life we desire. It takes courage to ask yourself those hard questions."
He strummed one last note, then sat forward, a huge smile taking over his face. "I've got the perfect song for you. I bet you've heard it. It's been sung by a very famous Hawaiian and you hear it all the time: “Over the Rainbow.” Will you sing it with me?"
I smiled back, the happiness he exuded contagious. "I'll do my best. I don't know all the words, but I'll hum what I don't know."
He winked and started plucking out the melody. I took a deep breath, threw caution to the wind and sang softly, his strong voice blending with mine. I kept going when he nodded and winked at me, like a pat on the back for finally having the courage. My voice got stronger as I felt more at ease realizing I'd survive this experience. When we got to the line "...and the dreams that you've dreamed of, dreams really do come true..." my voice almost broke, the realization of why he'd chosen this song washing over me.
Writing songs was a dream of mine. One I'd buried deep. I'd convinced myself it was a pipe dream, a silly aspiration, something to keep secret while focusing on more 'important' endeavors. But my romantic heart never let the dream go.
And Kai was the first to see beyond my carefully crafted verbivore exterior to the sensual, passionate woman underneath.
I didn't know how it was possible, but as our voices wrapped around each other in the night air, so did my heart intertwine with his. I didn't expect it to happen, nor did I particularly want it to happen, but happen it did.
When the last note of “Over the Rainbow” faded under the crash of the waves, Kai and I sat in comfortable silence. I felt lighter than I had in recent years, knowing I'd faced a fear and sang in public. Yes, it was only in front of one person and it wasn't any of the songs I'd written, but it was a step. At least I'd started taking the baby steps necessary to fulfill my dream.
Finally, Kai put the ukulele back in his case, stood up and offered me his hand. This time, when I placed my hand in his, he pulled me up with enough force to launch me into his body. I landed against his hard chest, his arms coming around me, holding me there.
My eyes widened and flashed alarm at the sudden proximity. My almost drowsy state of calm from the waves and the sing-a-long disappeared in an instant, reminding me, like stepping into a bathtub of scalding water, I was in the presence of a hot-blooded male. One I was highly attracted to. One who made my insides flare with desire then melt into longing, knowing he was not only out of my league, but also not the type of man I was looking to get involved with.
But that wouldn't stop me from enjoying his friendship, or being pressed up against his human wall of muscle.
His hands ran up my back, tangled in my hair and pulled. My head tilted back and he took advantage, lowering his face till he was mere inches from making contact. I barely breathed, trying not to startle him out of his intention, which I was hoping included kissing me. Only half of his face was illuminated by the lights from the pier, but that one half showed me his gaze was on my lips.
"Your voice is as beautiful as you. Thank you for trusting me," he whispered. Then his face lowered even more. I closed my eyes, praying he wasn't teasing me with the slow-mo approach.
His breath gently blew across my lips before I felt his lips brush across mine, lightly at first. Then they came back, more forceful, as if the first taste wasn't nearly enough. They plucked at my lower lip, paying it specific attention. Teeth nipped, followed by his tongue soothing the quick flash of pleasure-pain. My lips parted, so intrigued by this divide-and-conquer assault they tried to let a gasp through. The flash of his tongue sliding in, tasting, tempting, titillating, swept away all thoughts of technique or alliteration.
All that was left was sensation: the hard tug on my hair, the goose bumps covering every square inch of skin, the chills racing up and down my spine, the heartbeat racing out of control, the heat centering in my core.
I never wanted it to stop.
Out of control and finally out of my head, I used my hands to grab handfuls of his polo shirt, pulling him closer, then releasing to explore the exposed skin. My arms wrapped around his back, then searched lower, finding twin globes of hard muscle. That too, I wanted closer. Pulling him into me, I found the booty in more ways than one. Yes, I had my hands on that fantastic backside of his, but it also pressed him into me, the ultimate treasure found in the form of his hard length against my belly.
Either that or he carried a steel pipe in his shorts.
Kai broke off the kiss, his hands still fisted in my hair. He was breathing hard and his jaw was clenched. My mind just screamed one word on repeat: no, no, no. I wanted his lips back. I was already addicted and would shamelessly beg if necessary. You can't give a girl a glimpse of paradise and then snatch it away. Like stealing candy from a baby, or chocolate from a fat girl. It just wasn't done. At least not without an ugly tantrum.
"Ono..." Kai groaned the word, then kissed my forehead, released my hair and set me away from him. "Let's get you back to your car, y
eah?"
The chill from the night air, the sudden loss of Kai's warmth and my own self-doubt kicked in, leaving me adrift without a clue what all just happened tonight.
After tossing and turning, followed by disturbing dreams of heaven and hell, I finally woke the next morning to my alarm blaring. I stepped into the bathroom to get ready for work. One glimpse in the mirror and I could have sworn my lips still looked swollen. Or at least changed, so momentous was the kiss from last night. Would my coworkers be able to tell? Would my students know I was one step closer to actually completing my mystery dare of singing in front of a public group?
I turned on my phone and found the song I was looking for: Just a Kiss by Lady Antebellum. I hit repeat and lost myself in the haunting words. I replayed everything from last night: the conversation, the looks, the music. The Kiss. Yep, it was getting capital letters now.
Before I could get ahead of myself and try to second-guess what Kai was feeling or what he wanted from me, I needed to focus first on what I wanted. Was I even interested in getting into a relationship with him? I knew I was attracted to him something fierce, but did I want more?
I'd spent way too many years hating my fickle father for leaving my sister and I when we needed another parent. Who just takes off and forgets about their kids? I knew he loved us in his own way, but having the freedom to travel as he pleased came before being a parent, which was totally wrong.
Kai seemed more responsible than that, but he did have a lot of the same tendencies. He went barefoot everywhere, he talked about spending time outside in nature being essential to living. He meditated, for God's sake! My father thought he could make a domesticated type of life work too when he married my mom. He only lasted a few years before he ran out of there, escaping the suburbia doldrums for more a more exciting life on the road.
Bottom-line, I didn't know Kai well enough to guess as to what he wanted or what he'd do in life. I'd have to get to know him better and until then, reign in my emotions so I didn't get caught up in what his kisses did to my body.
With my new intentions set, I paused the music, shoved my graded papers in my giant handbag and I was out the door to teach some reading and writing to my high schoolers. As I opened the front door, I nearly tripped, my bag flying and landing on the cement pathway leading to my driveway. I was about to chuckle, thinking I'd lucked out by not having hot coffee in my hands this morning, when my eyes took in what was beyond my bag, the chuckle dying a sad little death.
My front lawn looked like a political campaign puked all over my grass. At least two dozen wood stakes were piercing my lawn, with bright yellow posters attached to the top. Each sign had my name written in black ink at the top, followed by one simple sentence: You've Been Dared...Now Do It.
A neighbor, driving by on his way to work, slowed down to read the signs, then honked and waived at me before taking off. Like this was all some joke. Or some weird prank one of my friends pulled on me, like an adult version of TP'ing.
But this wasn't a joke or a prank. This was my life, my secret, being exposed to neighbors and friends. This was my privacy going up in smoke.
9
Kai
I barely slept last night, tossing and turning over the image of Hessa on the beach, backlit by the pier, opening up to me about her past. I had kept my hands busy on my ukulele not because I wanted to play it so badly, but because I had to stop myself from reaching out and pulling her onto my lap.
Taking her hair down was a big mistake. It made me think of lazy Sunday mornings, waking up to find her asleep next to me, hair spread out over my pillow. It was a private, unrestrained side of her no one else was allowed to see.
And that was all before she'd opened her mouth to sing with me. As touristy as the song had become, there was something about “Over the Rainbow” that made my heart ache for my island home. To hear Hessa's voice mixed with mine, singing a song that spoke to me on such a heart level was something I couldn't describe.
I was honored that she'd opened up to me and allowed me to hear her singing voice. I knew that was a big step for her, one I didn't take for granted.
Now I just needed to see her again to make sure she didn't slip back into the snooty schoolteacher. There was no question I wanted to spend more time with her. Question was, would Hessa want to spend time with a hippy lifeguard far from home? I wasn't intellectual at all, yet that seemed like something she held in high regard.
I was headed into work early to see if I could pull some extra shifts the next few weeks. Usually Ivan would accommodate if he had the slots to give. I was hoping to accrue some extra cash to dump into my old VW van. I felt like it was time to finally clean her up and get her in better shape.
I refused to delve too deep into my change of heart on her condition. I couldn't wait to get a certain school teacher into my VW and take her on a quick road trip up the coast. But that wasn't going to happen in her current state. Hessa deserved better than that.
My phone rang from the cupholder. I glanced quickly at the screen, surprised and quite pleased to see Hessa's name pop up. "Good morning, Sunshine."
"Oh...uh, good morning. I-I seem to have a problem." Hessa's voice sounded worried and distracted. Something was wrong.
"What's going on?"
I could hear her breath huffing into the phone, interspersed with a clunking sound. "I came out of my house this morning to find stakes all over my front lawn with signs egging me on to do my dare. I'm removing them so I'm not the laughing stock of my neighborhood."
Anger on her behalf flooded my brain. I tightened my hands on the wheel, choosing not to do my meditation breaths like usual. I was pissed and I wanted that anger to fuel my search for the asshole who did this to her. Someone had come onto her property and vandalized it over this stupid dare.
"You don't happen to have security cameras, do you?" I'd known something was up two weeks ago and hadn't pushed hard enough. We had to catch whoever was doing this and shut them down before anything worse happened. The fact that they were targeting Hessa at her home was chilling.
"No, I don't have cameras! I don't even lock my backdoor half the time!" Hessa's voice wobbled, cluing me into her fragile state.
I realized she was on the edge of losing it completely. I needed to calm down and comfort her first. Finding the guy could come later.
"No problem. Can you take a picture real quick of your yard?" I spoke calmly, hoping she'd let me help her.
She took a deep breath. "I did. Right before I called you."
"Okay, that's great. I'm glad you thought to do that. How about I come by and help you out? What's your address?"
"You don't need to come over. I can get the rest and still make it to school on time." Hessa already had her emotions in check and didn't need anyone's help.
"I know you can, but I'd like to help anyway. What's your address?"
She sighed. "7216 Southwind Circle, west of Beach."
"I know where that is. I'm pretty close, can be there in two minutes. How about you stay on the phone with me till I get there?"
"Okay."
There was a long pause. I didn't hear her pulling up stakes so I took the moment to say what I had been planning to say to her when I called her later. "Thank you for last night. Best night I've had in a long time. Want to do it again, this time you try the ukulele?"
She huffed out a laugh. "I'll try, but I only know how to play a few chords on the guitar, and even that's just what I've taught myself."
"Nah, I'll teach you. Then you can teach me one of your songs. Deal?" I cringed, crossing my fingers mentally while I waited for her answer.
"Hmm...maybe. We'll see."
Before I could press for a firmer answer, I pulled up to her house to see her prim and proper in her schoolteacher outfit, yard a mess of signs and dirt all around her. I jumped out of my truck, came around the back and pulled her into my arms. I tucked her head under my chin, enjoying her soft warmth pressed against me. My hand moved up and down
her back while I whispered nonsensical soothing things in her ear.
After a few moments, she tilted her head back to give me a watery smile. I pushed her glasses back up her nose and kissed her quickly, hating the tears in her eyes, but loving that she trusted me to be there for her. "Why don't you go get another cup of coffee while I clean the rest of this up, okay?"
"Okay," she whispered. "Thank you."
I watched her walk back up to her front door, that skirt and those heels too much to turn away from just yet. She turned back around in the doorway to catch me leering at her. I gave her a wink, enjoying the way her cheeks burned in reaction. She rolled her eyes and went into the house, robbing me of my eye candy.
It only took me ten more minutes to clean up her yard and tamp down the patches of grass that had been disrupted. I also texted Jack, letting him know what happened. He texted back that if Hessa wanted to press charges later down the road, he'd get a squad car out there later to document it. I'd have to ask her. I wasn't sure what she'd want to do. I wanted her to nail the guy, but she might not feel the same.
She came back out with a coffee for me in a metal to-go cup that said 'Spell check yourself before you wreck yourself'. The nerd was alive and well in this one...and I freaking loved it. I walked her to her car, after making sure she locked her front door. A crazy guy was out there with a vendetta against her for some reason and he knew her home address. Not a good idea to leave things unlocked from now on.
I gave her another quick kiss, then watched her drive off to work. There was something crazy domestic about the situation that both shocked me and yet it seemed so right. I realized with a pang in my heart, I wanted this scenario every morning. I wanted to kiss her hello and goodbye, comfort her when she was overwhelmed, have her send me off to work with coffee in her silly mugs.
I drove off knowing I'd fallen deeper into this desire for a relationship with Hessa, and I still didn't have any idea if that's what she wanted too.