by Sachin Garg
That someone from these known and unknown faces,
Will hear you out, someone with a warm & genuine
smile,
Will touch your heart.
And that’s precisely when, perhaps, you would say,
‘Yes, this is me.’
Every Minute Of Your Day
Imran and Joseph helped a great deal in keeping Navya busy. As two days went by without Navya having a dull moment, I finally began to get optimistic about the plan. Definitely, Goa was exuding its healing powers.
On the first day, Navya was immersed in painting. The enthusiasm might not have been as high as it used to be or as we had expected it to be. But she had something to do and keep her mind off drugs. The second day she came across a Sophie Kensella book. I bought her latest release because I knew she loved Sophie Kensella and ensured that she found it lying across the hallway.
And things kept happening to her. My confidence began to come back gradually, as I saw her get back on track. I knew the challenge was the two week barrier. If she could go for two weeks without thinking of Meth, she would more or less be through.
I didn’t want to let her away from my eyes. But I had another responsibility on my shoulders. There was a dying forty year old who had her hopes on me. I hadn’t spoken to her in a week. So I called her number.
She didn’t pick my call for a while. And just as it was about to get disconnected, she answered.
‘Hi Vandana,’ I said. She didn’t reply. ‘Are you there?’ I asked but she didn’t speak.
I heard a sharp sound of a woman crying. Vandana was in tears. She was going through the worst kind of torture I could ever imagine. And she disconnected the call.
I was shaken. While I had been in the middle of people I loved, Vandana had probably been banging her head on the walls in an empty flat. She had broken down now. My head froze. My hands got numb. I felt helpless. Leaving her there alone was one of the most regrettable decisions I’d ever taken; I shouldn’t have knelt before her powerful convincing powers.
Navya seemed much more stable than she had two weeks back. I needed to get back to get the money together for Vandana. I would have to pass on Navya’s responsibility to Joseph for a few days.
‘Wow. You do know that you are sounding extremely ridiculous, right?’ was Joseph’s reaction when I told him I had to go and I wanted to leave Navya with him. ‘That girl can’t go a day without you, Samar. She’s at such a sensitive and vulnerable point. What can be so important that you have to leave her at this stage?’
I told him about Vandana and the challenge I had in front of me. Joseph’s tone changed after that.
‘Hmm. I understand. But by no means can we replace your position, importance and need in Navya’s life right now. You need someone closer to her while you are away.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean like her mother or father or sister or someone. You once took her father’s phone number from me. Did you speak to him? Can you call him here?’ Navya’s father had told me to call him only when Navya was better. Navya was better. So it was definitely a feasible option. So I went ahead and gave him a call. And told him about the situation and requested him to come to Woodstock as soon as he could.
I was a bit amazed with the speed at which Mr Sharma moved. I called him at four in the afternoon and by eleven on the next morning, he was standing in front of me. He was a well-established builder and I guess it was a part of his business ethics; to show up at various meetings and presentations at short notices.
Mr Sharma couldn’t wait to see Navya when I told him that she was much better now and hadn’t used Meth in more than a week now.
With a slight tear in his eye, he hugged me and thanked me profusely for the pains I had taken. He again reiterated that being a father, he couldn’t have been able to bring his daughter back to life because she was so hostile towards him. He remorsefully regretted that it was his fault that he could not understand his daughter and treat her with more affection and patience.
‘So can I take her home now?’ he asked, taking charge of his emotions.
‘Not at all sir. In fact, she needs to stay here for a few more weeks at least.’
‘So what’s next then?’
‘Actually, I would have to leave Goa for some work. And till then, you would have to take care of her.’
Mr Sharma knew what Navya needed the most at this point was my presence. But he also knew that I wouldn’t ask to leave unless it was absolutely important. So he didn’t ask me to stay. Instead he asked me what all he had to keep in mind regarding Navya while I was gone.
I introduced Mr Sharma to Joseph and Imran and together we discussed that we would continue with our strategy of keeping her distracted and occupied with the things she loved. And also make sure she doesn’t come in contact with any drugs whatsoever. I told them to double check that she has no dull moment which might send her back to unhappy times.
I looked at Mr Sharma in the eye and said, ‘You would have to devote every minute of your day to her, without making her realize that you were doing so.’
‘It shall be done,’ Mr Sharma assured me.
Days You Want To Erase
After executing a happy reunion between Mr Sharma and Navya, I had to re-groove. I had only one number in my head. Fifty lakh rupees. I went to the cyber cafe to check how www.savevandana.com was doing. I had expected no miracles; the amount collected was negligible.
I sat in the chair in front of his bed, where he sat. And brought out from my bed the white crystals which had taken me weeks of effort.
‘What is this?’ Joseph asked, alarmed. I let him take a sample and smell. And the moment he smelt, he knew what it was.
‘Get out of this fucking shack Samar! You, of all people, are carrying Meth! Where did you get this shit?’
‘Calm down Joseph. Hear me out before you react.’
‘There is no story which can justify Meth in your bag Samar. Throw the fuck away this thing,’ he said. I couldn’t blame him. If I were in his place, I would have reacted in a similar manner.
‘Relax, Joseph. There is a life which depends on it. And not just this Meth, but on you too.’
‘What do you mean?’
I told him about Vandana, followed by how I had managed to cook Meth in my college lab. If Joseph didn’t know me, he might have found it hard to believe. But we had worked together and he held my ability in high regard.
‘There must be other options for Vandana which doesn’t force people to do what Navya has done to herself,’ Joseph said.
‘I have explored everything. She doesn’t have any family or friends who can help. And fifty lakhs is a big amount,’ I said.
‘So do you give me your word that you have tried every possible way out and you’re sure there is no other option?’
‘I give you my word Joseph.’
Joseph looked down and it seemed he remembered God. I was asking him to against his values to save a life. He ran a shack in Goa. Joseph’s native town was Kerala but he knew every part of Goa in and out. He must have often been tempted to do things he didn’t want for money. He must have had thousands of opportunities. And I was making him give away everything.
‘Then tell me what is to be done,’ he said.
‘I need you to connect me with Meth dealers. And I don’t mean people who deal in a few grams. I need someone who deals in dozens of pounds.’
‘Okay. I know someone in Goa. But not in Arambol. We would have to go to Margao.’
‘What time is the first bus to Margao tomorrow morning?’ I asked.
‘But there is one condition,’ Joseph said.
‘What?’
‘I help you do this. And you never show me your face again.’
Joseph’s friend’s place in Margao had an ancient Portuguese feel to it. This is one of the places the tour guide would take first timers in Goa to, to introduce them to the history of the city. The guy looked more from Haryana than from Mex
ico, until he opened his mouth. He spoke with Joseph in Konkanese, which suggested he had spent a lot of time in India.
The guy’s name was Carlos, possibly the commonest Mexican name. He looked at me top to bottom. Joseph told him what I had and he seemed a little taken aback. I bet I didn’t look like a junkie or normal Meth cook.
He gave me a condescending look, declaring that I cannot be good for anything. ‘Show me what you have,’ he said.
I opened a packet and gave him a bit. He looked at it against the light. And then he smelt it. He carried out every possible analysis he knew. And at the end of it, he seemed convinced with what he saw. I could see on his face that he was impressed.
‘Who cooked this?’
‘I did.’
‘What method did you use?’
‘The one with pseudoephedrine.’
‘Where did you get the pseudo from?’
‘From a pharmacy plant in Manesar. I have a lot of it left with me.’
He asked me a few more technical questions to check how much I knew. I tackled his questions confidently. He was amused by our little adventure. But I had come to understand that where drugs were involved, adventure was a common thing. But it was not a comfortable or healthy adventure.
‘So what are you looking for?’
‘I know the worth of what I have. The deal is that I cook twenty pounds for you. I will get the raw material. And you will get the equipment. And you give me fifty lakhs.’ ‘How much time will it take?’
‘Depends on your facilities you provide. If you have capacity of four pounds a day, it will be done in five days.’ ‘Hmm. When can you get started?’
‘I need to get started tomorrow itself. I don’t have time.’
‘Do you have the ingredients with you here?’
‘Yes. I had sent them through a transporter to Panjim. He must have got it three days back. I will give you his address. You have you to go and fetch it to your lab. I will get started tomorrow morning.’
‘Hmm. I will get that done. Our labs are in Dandeli. It’s a two hour drive from here. It is a pretty sheltered space, protected from police or even commoners. We will stay in a room at a lodge nearby.’
In another half an hour, Carlos and I were on the road. Joseph left for Woodstock. As I sat in the car and looked at the barren landscape around us, I opened the calendar on my phone. It was the nineteenth of July.
You know that feeling when you work hard to achieve something, and then it actually happens and you feel great about it. I mean, imagine making a ten hour journey, spending your one month salary to make a trip to Simla from Delhi. And when you get there, you realize being there doesn’t make you any happy? I finally had 5000 notes, worth 1000 rupees each. I was a huge step closer to saving Vandana’s life but it didn’t make me happy. Perhaps, integrity and peace of mind with happiness can’t co-exist. There are days in your life you want to erase from your life. For me, they were those days I spent at the lab in Dandeli.
Anyway, as I sat in the car for the return journey to Goa, I tried closing my eyes and ousting my negative thoughts out. I took a deep breath and told myself that things will only get better from here. My plan was to meet Navya and make sure that she was doing well. And then I would head to Delhi and start Vandana’s treatment at the soonest.
I turned on some music on my phone and I was a bit amused by the fact that how long it had been since I had listened to any sort of music. I decided to be less sceptical of give life and give it more chances. It is worth it, I learnt.
On reaching Woodstock, I went straight to Navya’s room. Navya was not there, and instead, Mr Sharma was sleeping on the floor in the room. I decided not to disturb him. Instead I went out and started looking for Navya. She was nowhere. So I went inside and woke up Mr Sharma.
When I shook Mr Sharma, I realized he wasn’t really sleeping. With a little shake itself, he sat up with a start and looked at me quizzically. And then he looked away, as if he was avoiding eye contact with me.
‘Uncle, where is Navya.’
He didn’t reply. Instead he went to washroom and I heard a gush of water. I waited outside, hoping that he would take notice of my presence soon. But he didn’t. So when he came out, I repeated the question, ‘Where is Navya uncle?’
‘We couldn’t keep her, Samar. She’s back to her ways. After you left, she got increasingly restless. And God played a funny joke. There is a group of junkies who came to live at Woodstock. She is out with them. And she’s been high ever since they came.’
I gave up. I had never thought I would say this, especially in reference with Navya, but I gave up on her this time. I believed I had worked too hard on her for her to just betray me like this. And also, there was no doubt in my mind that Vandana needed me more than Navya did now. In fact, as Mr Sharma waited for Navya to show up, I couldn’t wait for her to come back. I was disgusted. I had to run out of that place, as soon as I could. So I stopped the same taxi with which I had come, and asked it to take me to the airport.
I bought an air ticket and I took the flight, with thousand rupee notes worth fifty lakhs in my bag. I didn’t know it then but it could have been dangerous. If they realize in the scan that there was money worth that much, they could have raised questions. I don’t know what saved me. Maybe it was the lousy security check team at the Goa airport. Or maybe it was how harmless I looked. But I landed in Delhi without any hassles.
I headed to Rohini. I hadn’t been in touch with Vandana since that phone call.
When I reached home, I saw some clothes let out to dry in the balcony and I knew Vandana was there. The mission was nearing accomplishment. I couldn’t wait to see the look on her face when I would open the bag in front of her, and tell her that we finally had money for her cure. We would suck the lung cancer out of her body. She would live to see places she hadn’t seen till now and do goofy things she didn’t know she was capable of.
She was a fighter and I was convinced she would be brave throughout the treatment. The only thing I was worried about was that it was not too late for the treatment to begin. How far would the cancer have progressed in all these months?
All throughout the journey, scary thoughts had clouded my mind. I hoped for the best and prepared for the worst when I rang the doorbell.
My heart began to race, as I rang the bell but no one opened. I rang the bell thrice and when she still didn’t reply, I began to panic. I had to decide between trying to bring the door down and calling the duplicate key guy. The most horrific visualizations clouded my head and made it even more difficult for me to decide. I hit the door twice and I realized there was no way I could bring it down. So I ran and fetched the duplicate key guy. And told him how urgent it was. Meanwhile, I called up the ambulance to brace for any spectacle on the other side of the door. If it was a separate lock, I could have broken it down with a brick. But this inbuilt lock was hard to bring down.
I stormed into the house as soon as the door opened. And my heart skipped a beat for a moment. Vandana lay on the floor, lifeless. I ran up to her and checked her pulse.
Pulse was there. Thankfully, the ambulance had arrived by then. They picked her on the stretcher and rushed her inside.
As I looked at her, the same thought came back to my mind.
What could be sadder than waiting for death in a flat, alone?
The Dog In The Fight,
The Fight In The Dog
We reached the Emergency Ward of Rajeev Gandhi Cancer Hospital in Rohini.
Within a couple of minutes, she was entering scanning machines. I waited nervously. The doctor said that they would carry out a list of tests and would only then be able to calculate Vandana’s chances of survival.
I didn’t have it in me to hear any bad news. Every cell in my body was craving to experience that moment when the doctor would declare that she was going to be alright.
That thought kept me going, counting hours, minutes and seconds till I will get to know. Vandana came out of one machine a
nd entered another. Standing outside, peeping through the glass fence, I could see her unconscious face. I had no idea as to when she would open her eyes. Or if she would ever or not.
When the tests were done, she was moved to a ward. I stared at Vandana unflinching face, I felt if things didn’t get back on track soon enough, I would start hallucinating and lose my mental balance. I looked back at the last fifty days. And then I thought of Navya, who was back to square one. And there was Vandana, who looked as dead as anyone can. And then there was me, as far removed from any mental peace as anyone can be.
She had been unconscious for at least ten hours by then but around an hour later, it happened. Her eyelids moved, and then her hand, a little. And I let out a cry of celebration. Her eyes rested on me, and she flashed a faint smile. And then she moved her discoloured lips, collected the wind in her lungs and said, ‘You came back.’
‘Don’t strain your throat,’ I told her. And touched her hand to comfort her. She was back, at least for now. The scary ten hours had come to an end. The real test was the meeting I was going to have with the doctor tonight. That’s when I would come to know whether she would survive or not.
When they show important scenes in the movie in slow motion, they’re not mistaken. Important incidents do happen in slow motion in real life too. Have you ever been in an accident? Do you remember the last two seconds before the accident when you knew there is going to be an accident and you’re about to crash? In hindsight, doesn’t the memory of that seem etched in slow and stretched motion? That’s how I remember that walk from Vandana’s walk to the doctor’s room.
The moment I entered, I felt it in the air in the doctor’s chamber. I saw the expression on his face, I knew I didn’t have to wait for words to make my worst fears come true.
‘For how long have you known about the cancer?’ the doctor asked.
‘For around four months.’
‘She badly needed the surgery then itself. Why was it delayed?’