by S. K. Yule
She nodded. Damn Zaira for interrupting them. Ellie’s lips were still tingling in anticipation of a kiss that never came. Bayden got to his feet and walked away. Zaira followed.
Bayden’s back was to her, and Zaira stood in front of him. Ellie could clearly see the woman’s face, and didn’t miss the glares aimed in her direction.
“Go back to the group,” Bayden said.
“Why don’t you come with me, and we can take a little detour on the way?” She ran one fingertip down his chest.
A hot poker of jealousy singed Ellie’s insides, and she squirmed, trying to assuage the discomfort. He’s not mine. If he wants to let the queen of peroxide touch him, that’s his call.
“I’m going to take a leak. You need to be gone when I get back,” Bayden said.
“I can come along, then after you finish, maybe we can do something…like each other.”
Ellie bent her fingers while she imagined scratching Zaira’s eyes out. What the hell is wrong with me? Just stop.
He looked at the sky and scrubbed at the stubble on his jaw. “How many times do I have to tell you that this isn’t going to happen?”
The moonlight painted a perfect picture of the anger clouding Zaira’s face. “It’s already happened. I don’t see what the big deal is.”
Blood rushed to Ellie’s ears. The buzzing sound reminded her of a swarm of bees. Bayden and Zaira slept together?
“It was a long time ago, and it isn’t going to happen again,” he said.
Zaira took a step closer. “But what we had was special.”
“For fuck’s sake!” He cast a quick glance over his shoulder toward Ellie, then lowered his voice. “What we had was sex. You know it. I know it. In case you forgot, you have a lot of it with a lot of different men, women too, if I’m not mistaken. If what we had was so special, you wouldn’t have been sleeping with other guys within days after we were together.”
Ellie fought the urge to cover her ears so she wouldn’t have to listen anymore.
“I can see how you’d think that, but it’s not true. I needed to make sure what I felt with you was real.” Zaira said.
“By fucking other guys?”
“Yes!”
Bayden shook his head. “I don’t even understand this conversation. It makes no sense. You make no sense. We’re done. Over. We shared a couple of nights together a long time ago. That was it. I’m pretty sure you even made it clear that it was just sex.”
“I was wrong.”
“I can’t help that. Get over it. I’ll be back in a few minutes, Ellie,” he said over his shoulder before stomping off.
Zaira came over, grabbed Bayden’s pack, and opened it.
“What are you doing? That’s Bayden’s.”
“Pretty sure I already know that.” Zaira continued scrounging in it before pulling out what looked like two bars wrapped in blue foil. She closed the pack and tossed one of the bars to Ellie.
“What is it?”
“Food. I assume you know how to feed yourself?” Zaira glared at her and did some stomping of her own toward the direction the rest of the group had gone earlier.
Ellie placed the bar under the edge of the sleeping bag, saving it for later, and lay down on her back. She stared up at the stars, trying to think of anything other than Bayden and Zaira…naked and writhing. Bayden had made it clear that his time with Zaira was over, but Zaira seemed to think otherwise.
But why in the hell Bayden had chosen to sleep with Zaira in the first place was beyond her. Blonde hair, gorgeous figure. Yeah, really hard to work that one out. It doesn’t matter. It’s nothing to do with me. Besides, we all make mistakes. And a mistake is what she chose to think of Bayden’s choice to sleep with Zaira, even if she didn’t know the details of their relationship.
She pushed images of them from her mind. She remembered how things were before the meteor and wondered what she’d be doing right now if it hadn’t hit. Before long, her eyes grew heavy, and she nodded off.
Chapter Eleven
Bayden stared down at Ellie. Her creamy skin glinted under the moonlight, giving her an angelic appearance. Her mouth was set in a firm line, and her brows were drawn down. He frowned and wondered what she was dreaming about.
Maybe she was dreaming about her family, friends, or her life before the meteor hit. Had she been happy? That made him think about his own life. He’d rather be shot than ever come into contact with his foster parents again. But their treatment of him, however heinous, helped form him into the man he was today.
He’d never thought he’d live to see the day when he found himself grateful for the abusive treatment he’d received at his parents’ hands. Looking back, it taught him valuable lessons. Two of the most important were to never hurt anyone just because you could and to never judge others by their looks or lineage. Rich, poor, dirty, clean, people were all people, and their outer appearance or breeding didn’t automatically make them what you might think. People were neither good nor bad because of whose blood ran in their veins or because of the fancy clothes they wore. They were who they were because of their choices and environment.
A small moan escaped Ellie’s lips. Her wavy hair, tousled from sleep, bunched under her head as she began tossing it from side to side. Her face contorted, and more moans escaped her lips. Wanting to comfort her, he knelt and reached for her. Her eyes flew open. Terror danced in them, and his chest ached, a pain he didn’t care to explore at the moment.
The fear slowly crept from her eyes as she focused on his face. She took his breath away. His heart thundered, and he itched to touch her, sooth her, take her. His cock twitched at the thought, and he closed his eyes briefly, willing the offensive hard-on into submission. It didn’t listen.
“Bayden?”
“Yes.” Her sexy, raspy voice caused a thin sheet of sweat to break his skin. He’d never met a woman who could make him want her by simply uttering his name.
“Wh-what are you doing here?” She propped herself on her elbows.
“You were having a bad dream.”
“Oh.” She tugged at her ear.
“Do you want to tell me about it?”
“No.” She toyed with the corner of the sleeping bag.
“Is something wrong?”
“Are you still attracted to Zaira?”
“No. I’m attracted to you.”
She flashed a brilliant smile at him, brighter than the stars. The ridiculous joy dancing through his veins at her response made him feel like a young, carefree boy—or at least what he thought a young, carefree boy would feel like.
“She still seems attracted to you.”
“The only reason she’s attracted to me is because she can’t have me.”
“Did you love her?”
He choked and then coughed. “No.”
“Maybe she’s in love with you.”
“The only person she’s in love with is herself.”
“Have you ever been in love?”
“Love isn’t for me.”
She tilted her chin up. “Love altogether? Or just the falling in love with someone?”
“Just the falling in love with someone part.”
“You do realize that you can’t actually control that part of you, don’t you?”
His heart banged against his ribs. “Is that so?”
She nodded. “You can’t make yourself love someone, but you also can’t make yourself not love someone.
“Have you ever been in love?” He feathered his knuckles over her cheek.
“No.”
“So maybe we all aren’t programmed to fall in love, after all.”
“I just hadn’t met the right person yet.”
An ocean of possibility and years of longing engulfed him. His skin tingled with an itchy sensation. “And you have now?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Maybe—”
“Kiss me.” She reached for him, curled her fingers against his scalp, and tugged his mouth down to
hers.
Heat seared through his veins, and his body hardened. Her lips were soft and tasted like wicked promises of pleasure. What started as a tentative exploration turned urgent and demanding. Delving his tongue deep, he savored her essence and fiery passion, stealing the breath from her lungs, taking her deep inside where she’d always be a part of him.
He tunneled his fingers through her hair and cupped her slim nape, anchoring her to his mouth, angling her for a deeper possession. He’d never felt consumed by such raw passion, such need. He craved her. He wanted her, longed to conquer her, hear his name on her lips as he coaxed her body over the edge.
Why shouldn’t I have her? He pulled back, and she cried out, which silently echoed his own sorrow from the loss of her lips on his.
“Bayden?”
“No.” He shook his head. “We can’t do this.”
“But—”
“No. You deserve more than a quick screw on the hard ground.”
She ran her fingers down his chest. When they continued on to his buckle, he sucked in a sharp breath.
He stood. “What are you doing?”
She got to her feet, and her gaze met his. She placed her other hand over his mouth and slowly shook her head. “Shhh.”
The woman shushed him. He’d never been shushed before, and he was about to say so right before she touched him where he ached for her most. After that, all the blood in his brain rushed to his cock, and he couldn’t remember his name much less that he’d been shushed.
She knelt and cupped him through his pants. His balls tingled, and a jolt of white-hot need surged through his veins. He pushed against her hand. He moaned, and she continued rubbing him. She unbuckled his belt, unfastened his pants, and pushed them down over his hips. The cool air did nothing to hamper his erection.
Tugging on his hand until he knelt on the ground, she gave him a firm push. His back hit the ground, and he grunted. She sprawled across his chest. Her mouth was on his again, but before he could take control, she edged down, kissing his jaw, then nipping and licking along his neck. It wasn’t but a few seconds before he felt her warm breath on his cock. Was she truly going to do what he thought? A tremor racked his body, and he held his breath. The mere thought of Ellie’s mouth on him almost made him lose it. Before he could consider why that was so, her lips parted and she swallowed him down her throat.
He tangled his fingers in her hair and watched stars dance behind his closed lids. Her hand cupped his balls, fondled them. He thrust his hips forward, burying his cock into the hot heaven of her mouth over and over. The groans of her obvious excitement vibrating over his shaft yanked him to the edge.
Her other hand slipped beneath him and cupped his ass, her fingernails digging into his skin, encouraging his ride. He wouldn’t last much longer, but when he tried to pull away from her, she tightened her hold on his butt and sucked him down deeper. His eyes flew wide, and when he looked down and saw himself buried between her lips, her passion-glazed stare glittering back at him under half-closed lids, his control spiraled away from him in an instant.
His skin tingled from his toes to his fingertips, and the volcano boiling inside him erupted. He clamped his teeth together to keep from yelling out and exploded again and again down her throat. When she’d finally milked him dry, he pulled her up beside him and held her, feeling humbled and a little appalled at what he’d allowed her to do.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”
She placed her fingers over his mouth and shushed him again. “There’s no need to be sorry. You didn’t force me to do anything I didn’t want to do.”
Damn, she was gorgeous. Yeah, and not for me.
He rolled up to his knees and righted his clothing. He stared down at her for a moment, and his body twitched with demand. Although she’d pleased him until his eyes had nearly crossed, he still felt as though something were missing. That something was him buried inside her welcoming heat.
The thought of riding her with those gorgeous legs wrapped around him was nearly more than he could take. “I can’t even put into words how much this meant to me.”
He kissed her firmly on the lips but didn’t allow his tongue to dip inside the sweetness of her mouth as he craved. He got to his feet and walked away. The need to pleasure her as she had him roared inside him, but he knew if he didn’t leave now, next time there’d be no stopping until Ellie was screaming his name.
Chapter Twelve
Ellie watched Bayden walk away. Seemed she was doing that a lot lately. It’d been so long since she’d been intimate with a man she’d felt awkward at first. Felt as though maybe she wasn’t pleasing him, but then she’d looked up into his eyes. A perfect picture of pure shock and ecstasy had painted his beautiful face. She might be a little naive, but stupid she wasn’t. Bayden’s reaction to her mouth on him had been an exhilarating experience.
He was a gorgeous man. Her body still burned, still ached for him. She wanted more. No one had come close to making her burn the way he did. And oh she was going to spontaneously combust at any moment. She’d hoped he’d make love to her. But after his passion had had a few moments to cool down, she knew that wasn’t going to happen.
He still didn’t think he was good enough for her, but now she’d found one way to connect with him. If she had to love him with her mouth every night to finally make him see that she wanted him just as he was, she’d never complain. The mere thought of tasting him again, taking him while he growled out her name, thrust his hips to fill her mouth again and again with his thickness sent the now familiar ache low into her belly.
She took a deep breath and willed her yearning body to calm down. She got the foil-wrapped bar Zaira had left and slid it in her pocket before standing and folding the sleeping bag. After she stuffed it in Bayden’s pack, he returned.
She shifted from one foot to the other. “I need to, uh, use the bathroom.”
“Follow me.” He took her several feet away to a small rocky outcropping.
She did her business behind it. “Ready to go back.”
They began walking, and before they made it halfway back, Ellie stepped in a crack, and she lurched forward. “Ahh!”
Bayden grabbed her arm. Before she regained her balance, her foot entangled with his, and she tripped him.
She hit the ground back first, and Bayden landed on top of her. His gaze dipped to her mouth. Her breath hitched.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes.”
His mouth descended, slanting over her lips in a hungry kiss. He slowly rocked his hips, his erection bumping against her to the same rhythm his tongue stroked. She moaned and speared her fingers through his hair, dragging her nails over his scalp. She grabbed on to him and arched up, opening her mouth to give him better access.
The weight of his body sent heat pulsating low in her belly. His hands slid under her, cupped her cheeks, and pulled her tighter as he continued to rock against her. Her temperature shot up until she thought she might pass out or explode. She wanted him so badly nothing else seemed to matter…but it should. Having sex had nothing to do with trust or providing a stable foundation for a relationship.
They had chemistry. That couldn’t be refuted, but she wanted…more. Her heart constricted. Oh my God. I’m falling in love with him. Knowing that, how could she make love to him now, then act as though nothing had happened? She was certain that’s what he’d expect at this point in time. The answer was simple. She couldn’t.
She thought making love to him would be enough. Enough for her, enough to prove to him how much she cared, but it didn’t do any of those things. She wanted it all—trust, loyalty, respect, and faithfulness. She wanted him to love her and only her, wanted him to know that she was the only one for him.
Before she allowed herself to get lost in his scent, taste, and wonderfully warm body again, she moved her hands to his chest and pushed. He responded immediately. When he raised his head and peered down at her with his passion-glazed lavender eyes,
she gasped. Was that a bit of something else sparkling in those gorgeous eyes? Something more than lust? Then poof! It was gone. She cupped his face, and when the stubble on his jaw scratched against her skin, she smiled.
“Finally realize we shouldn’t be doing this?” He tried to pull away, but she refused to let him.
“No. I realized that I want much, much more than just this with you, Bayden. There’s no denying that I want to be with you, but I want more than sex. To start with, I want your trust. And I don’t think you trust me after the tattoo incident. I can’t make love to you knowing that you don’t trust me.”
“It’s a moot point,” he said. “Whether I trust you or not doesn’t change the fact that I’m still not good enough for you.”
“I don’t believe that. I know I hurt you, and I was wrong to do so, but sometimes people hurt others and make mistakes. I make mistakes. I’m not drumming up excuses or asking for anyone to pity or feel sorry for me, but I’ve been through a lot the past few months. I allowed everything I’d been going through to cloud my judgment. I messed up and jumped to conclusions and didn’t think them through.”
“Ellie, I—”
She pressed two fingers over his lips. “Please. I hope that you’ll be able to realize that I trust you with my and Molly’s lives. For me to do that, there’s no possible way that I think you’re anything other than a loyal, kind, trustworthy man.”
This time she couldn’t stop him when he rose up. Her body cried out for the sudden loss of warmth of his bigger frame. He reached out and helped her to her feet.
“Now it’s your turn to listen to me,” he said, looking her in the eyes.
Was he going to tell her that there was no way there’d ever be anything between them other than casual sex? She inhaled sharply.
“I’m not this upstanding guy you’re making me out to be. When I was an Enforcer on Koryan, I killed people—innocent people—because I was told to. It took a long time for me to figure out that the missions I was being sent on weren’t always legitimate.”