by Adele Abbott
“That’s right, yes.”
“Welsh I believe?”
“Yes, surprisingly. Anyway, when she called by, she had another woman with her: Priscilla. Do you know her?”
“The name doesn’t ring a bell.”
“Well apparently, she has the hots for you, colonel.”
“For me? Really?” He grinned.
“Yes. It seems she’s rather smitten.”
“I don’t know what to say. It’s been so long since I’ve done any courting that I’ve almost forgotten how one goes about it. Did she say that she’d like to go on a date?”
“That was the impression I got, yes. My mother asked if I would mention it to you to see if you were open to the idea.”
“Absolutely. Please tell her I’d be delighted to take her out for a meal or anything else she’d like to do.”
“Okay. I’ll ask my mother to let Priscilla know. I’m sure one of them will be in touch, and you can sort something out.”
“That’s wonderful. I’m really pleased I dropped in to see you, Jill. You’ve made my day.”
If only my own love life was so simple.
Chapter 19
It was the day of the Levels AGM, and I’d arranged to meet Grandma at Aunt Lucy’s. Aunt Lucy and Lester were on the sofa, smiling and chatting happily.
“Sorry to disturb you two, but I’ve arranged to meet Grandma here.”
“It’s okay, Jill. Lester has come up with a great idea for our honeymoon. He’s suggested a cruise.”
“That’s a brilliant idea,” I said. “Anywhere in particular?”
“That’s what we’re trying to decide now. There are two or three options we’re considering.”
When Aunt Lucy popped into the kitchen, Lester said in a low voice, “Thanks, Jill. You’re a life saver.”
“Are you ready or what?” Grandma came storming in.
“What are you talking about? I’ve been here for ten minutes.” Sheesh.
“Are you sure you want Jill to go with you?” Aunt Lucy said.
“Why shouldn’t she?”
“No reason. I just thought I should check you wouldn’t rather I went.”
“No. Jill will be fine.” Grandma turned to me. “Get those folders, would you?”
“What? All of them?”
“Yes.”
There was a stack of at least a dozen folders on the table.
“Do you have a bag I could put them in?”
“Can’t you just carry them, girl?”
Whatever happened to the all-new, smiling Grandma? That hadn’t lasted for very long.
“Just a minute, Jill. I’ll get you a bag.” Aunt Lucy opened a cupboard and brought out a couple of strong carrier bags.
“This lot weighs a ton,” I said.
“Oh, stop moaning, woman.” Grandma huffed. “Come on, let’s get going or we’ll be late.”
“See you later, Jill.” Aunt Lucy shot me a sympathetic look.
The AGM was being held in one of the rooms in the Town Hall. The last time I’d been there was on the day of Grandma’s unsuccessful election campaign. I just hoped it didn’t remind her or she’d be on my case about that again.
“Hurry up, Jill. We haven’t got all day.”
Once at the Town Hall, Grandma went charging up the steps. I was struggling to keep up with her. As soon as we entered the room where the meeting was to be held, all eyes seemed to be on me.
The room had been laid out with row after row of tables; each had two chairs behind it. At one end of the room was a huge stage with a banner draped across the front, which read: Levels AGM. A podium had been placed centre stage.
Grandma steered us towards the front of the room. As we squeezed past those witches who were already seated, a few of them huffed and puffed. I could hear them muttering under their breath, saying things like: ‘What’s she doing here? She’s only a level three, isn’t she?’, and ‘It’s a disgrace. What does Mirabel think she’s doing?’.
If Grandma had heard them, she didn’t comment. In fact, she didn’t react at all. When we eventually reached our seats, I put the folders on the table in front of Grandma.
“What’s going on?” I whispered.
“What do you mean?”
“Everyone’s staring at me.”
“Does that matter?”
“I’d like to know why.”
“They’re not used to seeing a level three witch at the level six AGM.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t be here. Are you sure it’s all right?”
“Of course it is. I wouldn’t have brought you otherwise. There are no rules which dictate who my assistant can and can’t be. It’s just that assistants are usually level five witches. Anyway, you’re here now, so they can like it or lump it.”
I sat there, feeling very self-conscious as Grandma flicked through the papers on her desk. She was obviously psyching herself up for the speech she intended to give. Suddenly, someone thumped on our table. Both Grandma and me almost jumped out of our seats. It was Ma Chivers.
“What do you want, Chivers?” Grandma said.
“What’s she doing here?” Ma Chivers fixed me with her gaze. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me.
“She’s my assistant. What’s it to you?”
“She’s not even level four. She doesn’t belong here.”
“I can have whoever I please as my assistant. If you’d bothered to check the rules of the AGM, you would know that.”
“No one ever brings an assistant lower than a level five, Mirabel, you know that.”
“There’s a first time for everything, Chivers. Now, was there anything else you wanted?”
“Yes, I want her out of here. She’s lowering the tone of the AGM.”
“Listen to me, Chivers.” Grandma pushed back her chair, and stood up. The two women were now wart to wart. “We’re here today to vote on creating a new level, and I expect the motion to be passed. If it does, I guarantee you that Jill will be one of the first to attain level seven.”
For a moment, I thought the two of them were going to scrap it out, but eventually Ma Chivers backed down. She shook her head in one last show of disgust, and then walked back to her own table.
“Did you really mean that, Grandma?”
“Mean what?”
“That I’ll be a level seven witch one day.”
“I only said that for effect. Don’t let it go to your head. Level seven indeed!”
“But you said—”
“Hush! Can’t you see I’m trying to prepare for my speech?”
There were five speakers against the motion to create a new level, and only two speakers in favour. The second of those was Grandma. When she took the stage, a silence fell over the room. She clearly commanded great respect amongst the witch community.
“Level six witches, you all know where I stand on this motion. For too long now, level six has been eroded. It seems that anyone with even a modicum of magical ability is promoted to the top level. When I became a level six witch, many, many centuries ago, it actually meant something. It was an elite level that many desired, but only few attained.”
After she’d finished her speech, there was some polite applause, but I could see that a lot of witches were not clapping. Moments later, the vote was taken by a show of hands. I glanced around, and quickly realised that the motion had been defeated.
The chairman formally announced the outcome of the vote, “The motion to create a new level of witch—level seven—has been defeated.”
“I should have known.” Grandma thumped the table in anger. “We’re never going to get these turkeys to vote for Christmas.”
The rest of the AGM was fairly routine. A few more motions, a few more votes, but nothing very contentious. Grandma spoke very little during the rest of the time we were there.
As we made our way back to Aunt Lucy’s, I thought I should say something.
“You made a very good speech.”
“What?”
“Your speech, I thought it was very good. Very passionate.”
“Didn’t do much good though, did it? I should have known better than to expect that lot to see sense. They’re too concerned with holding on to their elite status. Elite, my backside! It’s not over yet. I shall raise this again at the next AGM, and at the one after that, and at as many as it takes until they see sense. Hopefully, by the time they do, you will be ready to join the new elite, but you’ll have to put a lot more time and practise into your magic than you do at the moment.”
“I put in a lot of practise.”
“Not nearly enough. You have the ability to go all the way, Jill, but it won’t just happen. It won’t fall into your lap. If you want to be the very best, you’ll have to work hard. Harder than all those others there today. You have to put in the hours. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Grandma.”
***
I was absolutely shattered, but I couldn’t get to sleep because of the noise. It sounded like voices. Was Betty practising her singing again? I checked my watch. It was just after eleven, and I was desperate for some sleep. If I didn’t get some shut-eye, I’d be no good to anyone in the morning. I had to find the noise, and try to shut it down.
I threw on some clothes, made my way out of the flat, and stood in the corridor as I tried to work out where the noise was coming from. I soon tracked it down; it appeared to be coming from Mr Ivers’ flat. If it had been anyone else, I would have thought there was a party going on inside, but Mr Ivers wasn’t exactly a party animal. I doubted he had enough friends to have a party.
Once I was directly outside his door, I realised what it was. He was obviously watching a movie or something on TV. It was incredibly loud; the door was almost vibrating from the sound. What did he think he was playing at?
I knocked on the door, but there was no reply. I knocked again. There was still no reply. So I banged on the door as hard as I could, but still nothing. It wasn’t really surprising. The volume was so loud that he probably couldn’t hear himself think.
Then I had a brainwave. If I could sneak through his letterbox, maybe I could do something about the noise. I shrank myself, and then levitated until I was level with the letterbox. What an idiot! I was so small that I wasn’t strong enough to lift the metal flap. A third spell was called for. Once I’d cast the ‘power’ spell, I was able to lift it easily.
Look at me—combining three spells. Level seven, here I come!
Once inside, I reversed the ‘shrink’ spell and made myself invisible. My poor eardrums were absolutely pounding, and once I was inside his living room, I could see why. He had installed a brand new home cinema system; the screen took up almost one whole wall. On either side of it were two humongous speakers which seemed to be vibrating. And there, on the sofa, sat Mr Ivers. How did his head not explode?
The remote control was on a small table next to the sofa. I pressed the button to turn down the volume. Mr Ivers looked confused, but then reached for the control, and turned it back up again. What was wrong with the man? No one needed the volume as loud as that. I turned it down again. Moments later, he turned it back up. I was getting nowhere fast, so this time I switched the screen off. Now he looked really confused, but switched it back on. I switched it off. He switched it on. Off. On. Off. On. Off.
Eventually, he yelled at the blank screen, “Stupid thing!”
And with that, he gave up and left the room. I waited a while, and when he didn’t come back, I assumed he’d gone to bed.
Thank goodness. Now back home and bed for me too.
Chapter 20
I was shocked to receive a text message from Grandma. She hardly ever used a phone, and I’d never received a text message from her before. She wanted me to meet her at her house. What was that all about? I’d only been there once before when I’d been looking for her because the Everlasting Wool had stopped working. On that occasion, I’d found her close to despair; angry and upset with herself because her magic had failed her—if only temporarily. Grandma had no idea I’d been there that day, and if it was up to me, she would never find out.
I magicked myself over to Candlefield, and knocked on Grandma’s front door. She shouted that I should come in. I found her in the living room, sitting next to a man I hadn’t seen before. He was tall with striking red hair and a red beard. On the coffee table in front of them was a cage with two budgerigars in it. I had no idea that Grandma kept budgies; she’d certainly never mentioned it. Maybe they belonged to the man.
“Thanks for coming over, Jill,” Grandma said. “I wanted you to meet Horace.”
“Pleased to meet you, Horace.” I offered my hand.
His grip was strong—very strong for a man of his age. His hand was extremely cold.
“I’ve heard a lot about you from Mirabel; I feel like I already know you.”
Horace was not at all what I’d been expecting. For some reason, I’d assumed he would be a meek character—someone who would kowtow to Grandma as most people did. But incredibly, he seemed to be the dominant personality of the two. Grandma kept glancing at him—as if seeking approval. This was something I’d never seen before. Grandma always took the lead, and liked to have her say, but today, she seemed to defer to Horace.
“I hope to get to know all of Mirabel’s family much better in the coming months,” he said.
The more he spoke, the more he gave me the creeps, but I had no idea why. And yet, Grandma seemed perfectly comfortable, if a little subdued, in his presence. What was it about him? I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
“It’s very nice to have met you, Horace.” If a little creepy. “But I do need to get back. There are some things I have to attend to.”
“Before you go, Jill, there is one other thing,” Grandma said. “I don’t think you’ve met my budgies.”
“I didn’t know you kept them.”
“The yellow one is called Amber, and the green one, that’s Pearl.”
I smiled at the joke, but then I saw it in her face. She wasn’t joking.
“Grandma—you didn’t. You haven’t. Please tell me these aren’t the twins.”
“Those girls never learn.” She cackled. “I thought the donkeys’ ears might have taught them a lesson, but no. As if they could spy on me, and get away with it.”
“Grandma, you can’t do this. You have to turn them back now.”
“Don’t get in such a flap, Jill. The spell will only last for another hour. Here.”
She picked up the cage and handed it to me.
“Take them back to Cuppy C, will you? And be sure to let them out of the cage before the hour is up otherwise it’ll get awfully cramped in there.” She cackled again.
I couldn’t get out of the house fast enough. When I glanced down at the cage, both budgies were tweeting at me. I could sense the twins begging me to help them. Once at Cuppy C, I hurried upstairs to Amber’s bedroom. When I opened the door of the cage, the two budgies flew out. They fluttered desperately around the room, and kept trying to land on my shoulder. I hate birds flying around me, so I left the room and closed the door behind me.
Just under an hour later, I heard footsteps coming down the stairs.
“I did warn you,” I said. “I told you not to mess with Grandma.”
“I know.” Amber sighed. “We’re idiots.”
“We’ll never do it again.” Pearl brushed a feather from her hair. “That’s for sure.”
“So anyway, how was life as a budgie?” I laughed. “I bet it was really tweet.”
“Shut up, Jill.”
***
I’d decided to give the Neighbourhood Watch a try. After all, if Kathy and Peter could do it, why couldn’t I? The leaflet had said the meetings were held on Thursday nights.
When I arrived at the community hall, there were several cars in the car park. The woman standing just inside the door was a witch.
“Hi,” I said. “Am I in the right place for the Neighbourhood Watch meet
ing?”
She looked puzzled for a moment. “Do you mean Z-Watch?”
“Yeah.”
“Then you’re in the right place.”
“Who’s in charge?”
“Ike Cann.”
“I can?”
“Not ‘I can’. Ike Cann. That’s him over there.” She pointed to a very tall, broad man with greying hair, who I immediately recognised as being a werewolf. When I glanced around at the other people who were waiting for proceedings to start, it quickly became apparent that they were all sups. That couldn’t possibly be a coincidence.
Ike Cann walked to the front of the hall. “If you would all just take a seat now, please, we’ll get the meeting underway.” He caught my eye. “First time?”
I nodded.
“Pleased you could join us. I’m Ike.”
“Jill. Jill Gooder.”
“Oh yes. I read about you in The Candle. Take a seat, Jill.”
I sat next to a male vampire who flashed me a rather scary smile.
“Could I ask a question?” I put up my hand.
“Of course,” Ike said. “Fire away.”
“Why aren’t there any humans in this Neighbourhood Watch? After all, they make up the majority of the population around here.”
A few people laughed, and I felt as though I was missing the joke. Ike hushed everyone.
“Z-Watch is not a Neighbourhood Watch as such, Jill.”
“Oh? I assumed it was the Neighbourhood Watch for the Zander estate?”
“Z-Watch is actually short for Zombie Watch.”
Huh? “Zombie Watch?”
“That’s right.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Let me give you some background. As I understand it, you’ve lived among humans all of your life?”
I nodded.
“In that case you probably won’t know the history of the zombies.”
“I didn’t think there were such things.”
“Yes, but then until quite recently, you probably didn’t think there were witches, wizards, vampires or werewolves either?”