by Lucy Clark
When he said goodnight to her, he would politely kiss her hand then bid her sweet dreams before disappearing down to his end of the house. He’d made no reference to the kisses they’d shared nor had he made any other effort to drag her close and plunder her mouth once more…even though she’d continually dreamed he would.
It was as though those kisses had never happened and she could only conclude that he now regretted the impulse and wanted to forget about it. She tried not to let that knowledge bother her, tried not to take it personally, to compartmentalise her feelings, but at the end of it all he was making it quite clear he only wanted a professional relationship with her. Well, if that was the case, she could be just as nonchalant about it, just as dismissive of it and just as kind and polite to him as he was to her.
So why did he still kiss her hand every night and look at her with eyes that were filled with repressed desire and bid her sweet dreams?
‘What’s going on between you and Oscar?’ Tori asked her one day after clinic had finished. Daisy had walked into the hospital to find it almost eerily quiet so had sat down to catch up on some of the paperwork.
‘You tell me and we’ll both know,’ she stated with a sigh.
‘Do you want something to happen between the two of you?’ Tori persisted.
Daisy put her pen down and looked at the nurse with confusion. ‘I don’t know. I’m only here for a six-month contract and then I’ll be leaving. Is it really worth starting anything up with him?’
‘Fair point. That’s what happened between him and Deidre. He thought she’d stay permanently, in fact we all did, but then, when her contract was up, she decided to leave instead. She was more than happy for him to come with her but she wasn’t going to stay in the outback for any longer than she had to.’ Tori shook her head. ‘She had us all fooled.’
‘She’d given him no indication she was going to leave?’
‘None whatsoever. They were engaged and she was talking about their wedding here and starting a family and then—’ She shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Something just happened and she left.’
‘And you don’t know what it was?’ Daisy asked.
‘I do,’ a deep male voice said from behind them and they both turned to see Oscar standing near the door to the ED. Daisy was instantly embarrassed and quickly looked away, annoyed with herself for gossiping about him. Tori took one look at the scowl on his face and made herself scarce. ‘It’s all right, Oscar. You don’t need to tell me.’ Daisy cleared her throat. ‘Tori mentioned Deidre.’
‘It’s OK. I don’t mind. The truth was that Deidre received a better offer.’ Oscar walked over and pulled up a chair, sitting next to Daisy. ‘Because of her outback medicine training and experience, she was head-hunted—at least that’s what she told me, but I have a feeling she’d applied for the job—for the position of consultant to the minister of health, particularly concerning the health of native Australians. Three times the pay she was getting here and a lot more prestige.’
‘That must have been incredibly difficult for you, Oscar,’ Daisy stated.
He nodded. ‘She even offered to give me the engagement ring back but I didn’t want it. I didn’t have time to grieve over the breakdown of the relationship as Lucinda was really ill by then and needed all my attention.’
‘And being the true hero that you are, you gave her everything she needed.’
‘Just as she gave me everything I needed when our parents passed away.’
‘You’re fortunate to have had that one special person in your life.’
‘True. She was a great sister and I still miss her.’
‘Of course you do.’ Daisy’s heart was breaking for him and, without thinking, she reached over and took his hand in hers. ‘I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through.’
He met her gaze, hopefully realising she was genuine in her words. ‘I’m becoming quite adept at recovering from being abandoned.’ He tried to inject humour into his words but ended up sighing with a heaviness of heart. ‘First my wife, Magda, decided she didn’t want to be with me any more and left me for another man, someone who could give her more money than I ever could. Then I move here and Deidre breaks my heart and then my sister dies.’
‘You really have been through the wringer.’
‘Well, from what you’ve said, your life hasn’t exactly been a picnic.’
She grimaced and nodded. ‘We all have our crosses to bear.’
He gave Daisy’s hand a little squeeze then let it go, standing up and walking to the other side of the desk. Was he trying to put distance between them? To keep her questions at bay?
‘If you don’t want to talk about it, Oscar, I completely understand.’
‘It’s all right, Daisy. I probably owe you some sort of explanation.’
‘For what?’
‘For kissing you and then keeping you at arm’s length.’
‘It’s all right—’ she started to say, but stopped. She did want to know what he was thinking and as he was offering to talk to her, she’d be stupid to refuse him. ‘Actually, tell me whatever you feel comfortable telling me.’
He smiled then, causing a mass of tingles to flood through her at the sight. ‘OK.’ He still kept his distance, standing on the other side of the desk, arms crossed over his chest. It seemed to take a while for him to gather his thoughts but eventually he spoke. ‘Kissing you…I shouldn’t have done it.’
Daisy bit her lip, mainly to keep it from wobbling and to hold the threatening tears at bay. It was one thing to think it, to come to that conclusion on her own, but to have him come right out and say that he regretted kissing her—
‘That doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it,’ he added quickly and she wondered whether she’d been adept at controlling her expression or whether he now knew her well enough to read her face accurately. ‘I did. Oh, I did.’
‘I did, too.’ Her words were a whisper.
‘But it can’t be, Daisy. Surely you see that.’
‘I’m leaving at the end of my contract.’
‘Yes.’
‘I have to go back to England and check on my mother, try again at another attempt to get her to leave my father but…but she loves him and takes all his—’ She stopped, realising every muscle in her body was tense. She forced herself to relax. ‘But that’s not what we’re discussing.’
‘I admire you for caring for your mother, for being so concerned about her that you effectively put your own life on hold until you can be sure she’s OK. That’s what family is all about. Being there for each other.’
‘Yes. I guess it is. My brother sees it merely as doing his duty.’
‘And that’s where you’re different from him—you care, genuinely care for your mother and her well-being. That’s, as I said, admirable and therefore I can’t even get mad at you for leaving.’
‘Were you hoping to talk me into staying longer?’
‘That was my initial plan when I advertised the position.’
‘Why not advertise it for twelve months, then?’
‘Well…partly because it’s difficult to get doctors out here at the best of times and offering only a six-month contract provides more chance of success at filling the vacancy.’
‘And the other part of the reason?’
‘Because of Deidre. She was here for twelve months, she told me she felt locked into it and although she had planned on staying, said she liked it here, when that other job offer came up, it was only then she remembered what her life had been like before she’d come to Meeraji Lake. Does that make any sense?’
‘Yes.’ She smiled. ‘I can see how being here feels as though you’re in another world. I love it.’
‘And, in the end, Deidre didn’t.’
‘So what will you do when I leave? Advertise for another six-month position?’
‘More than likely.’
She thought on this for a moment. ‘Did your wife—?’
‘Magda.’
‘Did
Magda ever come to Meeraji Lake?’
‘Magda?’ He laughed without humour. ‘No. No, this wasn’t the place for her.’
‘What was she like? Er…do you mind me asking?’
‘No.’ He raked a hand through his hair with frustration. ‘Magda was…duplicitous. That’s probably the best word to describe her.’ He shook his head. ‘I was so blind. She was beautiful and funny to work with. I was living in Brisbane, that’s in Queensland,’ he added and she nodded, indicating she knew where Brisbane was. ‘Anyway, Magda was a nurse on the ward where I was working and she was absolutely lovely.’ He re-crossed his arms over his chest. ‘In hindsight, I’ve realised she was more of a chameleon, changing the way she was in order to get what she wanted.’
‘And she wanted you?’
‘She wanted a doctor who had prospects, who could keep her in the lifestyle she’d always wanted. One time, she even confessed to me that she’d only completed her nursing training because she knew it was the best way to secure a rich doctor as a husband. It wasn’t until after our honeymoon that she began to change. First, she decided to go part-time at work and then she quit altogether.’
‘That didn’t bother you?’
He looked past Daisy, as though he was looking back into his past, his tone filled with regret. ‘She told me she had a better chance of falling pregnant if she wasn’t so stressed because of work.’
‘She didn’t get pregnant?’ Daisy surmised.
‘She was taking birth-control pills the entire three years of our marriage.’ He sighed. ‘Her expenses started to increase, she’d go shopping, have lunch with a lot of the other surgeons’ wives. It was an exclusive club to her and because she was married to me, she’d gained access.
‘Then she encouraged me to apply for a job in Sydney and I was successful. It was longer hours but more money.’
‘What she wanted?’
‘All along. We bought an enormous house, far bigger than we needed, but it had a pool and a tennis court and was good for entertaining and holding networking parties…which she did.’
Daisy nodded, thinking of her father’s estate, which was more than three times the size of what Oscar was describing. ‘Were you happy?’
‘I thought I was. I did meet a lot of influential people, which helped me to secure more money for my research projects.’
‘Not what you know but who you know?’
‘Exactly, but it reached the point where I was working long hours all week at the hospital, working at home, sleeping less, stressing more and then having to be the host at one of Magda’s networking parties on the weekends. It was all just too much and when I asked her to stop—at least for a while—she exploded.’
‘Not literally, I hope.’ Daisy grinned and was thankful when Oscar returned her smile, and the tension that had tightened his shoulders as he’d spoken of his ex-wife visibly started to decrease. ‘So things just sort of fizzled out between the two of you?’
‘Sort of. Lucinda was diagnosed with breast cancer and, although she had a double mastectomy, the chemotherapy would only hold it at bay for a while. I instantly resigned from my job and made arrangements to move here to Meeraji Lake.’
‘Magda wasn’t too thrilled?’
‘If I thought she’d exploded before, it was nothing compared to how she reacted to that news. It was then she told me that she’d been taking birth-control pills throughout our entire three-year marriage, that she’d had several affairs with other men and that as far as a husband who could provide reasonably for his wife was concerned, I was a failure and she was moving on.’
‘She filed for divorce?’
‘Yes.’
‘And you moved to Meeraji Lake?’
‘Yes.’
She pondered his words for a moment before saying softly, ‘Life’s a strange thing, sometimes. The connections we make can either bring us joy or disaster.’
‘Have you had many relationship disasters?’
‘There are always bad relationships in everyone’s history,’ she stated and he could see her clamming up.
‘Not quite ready to talk about it?’
‘Is anyone ever ready to talk about their failures?’
‘I just did.’
‘Why? Why did you?’
Oscar came and sat back down next to her. ‘Because maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I’m making a mistake, opening up to you instead of pushing you away.’ He reached for her hand. ‘I’ve been trying so hard to fight it, Daisy, but when it comes down to the bottom line, I’m attracted to you.’
‘And you don’t want to be.’ She nodded and slowly pulled her hand back. Oscar looked up at the ceiling and exhaled harshly.
‘I don’t know, Daisy. You make me feel like I haven’t felt in a long time. You make me believe in a future when for quite some time I was more than content just to go from day to day. So much has happened to me, two women I’ve loved have let me down. My parents and my sister passed away. I don’t know if I’m the sort of man who needs to be married, who needs the stability of a wife beside him and, if I am, perhaps that comes from being orphaned at such a young age.’
He looked deeply into her eyes. ‘All I know is that when I’m around you, I’m happy.’
‘Being happy is good.’ She nodded and found that for a long moment she simply couldn’t look away. What was it about him that she found so compelling, so exciting, so hypnotic? She agreed with everything he was saying and yet she knew deep down inside that there couldn’t possibly be a happily ever after for the two of them together. They lived on opposite sides of the world; they had different priorities in their lives. Daisy had vowed that, after her previous disastrous relationship, she wasn’t going to venture back into that ring for quite some time. She was going to focus on her career; she was going to look after her mother and hopefully start a new life for the two of them somewhere away from her father.
‘Right?’ His gaze dropped to her lips and she felt her heart rate instantly increase. ‘So when you find someone who makes you happy, why should it be the right thing to pull away from them?’
Daisy couldn’t help but lick her parted lips, watching him watch her. The tension between them was so real and as vital as breathing and yet it was a hopeless situation. ‘Because there’s no hope for a future together.’ Her words were barely above a whisper but she knew he’d heard them as he closed his eyes, almost as though he was trying to block out the vision of her sitting there before him.
‘Daisy.’ He breathed her name. ‘Those kisses…’
‘Oscar, don’t.’
He looked at her. ‘Denying the way you make me feel is making me ill. I’m not sleeping properly, I’m only eating well because we eat two meals a day together and I really like spending that time with you, getting to know you a bit better even when I know I should be putting more distance between us.’
‘We have to work together, live in the same house together. To have that fraught with tension—’
‘It’s already fraught with tension.’
‘Negative tension,’ she clarified. ‘To live like that would be unbearable for the duration of my contract. I don’t want that.’
‘Neither do I, which is why a professional and light friendship seems the best way to go and yet when you laugh, or unplait your hair and—’ He stared at her mouth once more and sighed with longing.
‘Should I move out?’
‘No.’ The word was instant.’
‘Do you think we ought to…?’
‘What?’ he prompted when she stopped.
Daisy dragged in a deep breath then blurted out what she was thinking. ‘Do you think we ought to discuss those…’ she cleared her throat ‘…those kisses we shared?’
‘I’ve thought about that.’ He moved his chair a little closer to hers and reached out to take her hand in his, entwining their fingers just as he had before the last time he’d kissed her. ‘I just didn’t think it was a good idea to discuss it at our house.’
Our
house? Even those words caused her heart rate to flutter. ‘Why not? We’re alone there and less likely to be interrupted.’
‘That’s why. Because we’re alone there and I’m not sure talking about kissing you is sensible when I’m then able to kiss you and hold you close and then…’ His voice had become thick and husky with repressed desire as he’d spoken the quiet words and her eyes half closed, as though she was quite capable of imagining the perfect conclusion those kisses might reach. ‘Daisy.’ Her name was a caress upon his lips. ‘I can’t ignore any more the way you make me feel.’
‘Feel?’ The word was so soft she wasn’t even sure she’d spoken it out loud.
‘Yes.’ He shifted closer, bringing his chair right up against hers. Daisy was too stunned, too overpowered by her wayward emotions, by the heated tingles that ran from her fingers, up her arm to explode throughout her entire body. Her breathing had increased, her mouth had gone dry and even her knees were weakening at his touch. Why was it that she turned into a hormonal teenager at one simple look from him, or one gentle touch, or one absolutely incredibly sensual kiss?
‘We do need to talk about it but perhaps the middle of the emergency department isn’t exactly the right place. So, how about tomorrow night?’ he suggested.
‘T…tomorrow night?’
‘Saturday night. There’s a movie showing at the town hall. Haven’t you seen the flyers up for it?’
‘Uh…yes. Yes.’ She eased back, surprised at her reluctance to let go of his fingers. She crossed her arms over her chest but rested one hand over her heart, as though trying to protect it from getting hurt. ‘It’s an outdoor cinema and everyone sits on rugs and eats food. Yes. I’ve seen the flyers.’ As she spoke she was trying hard to keep her mind off the fact that he was still so incredibly close.
‘Let’s go together.’
‘I’m… I’m on call.’ Being alone with Oscar, planning to talk about the sensations he evoked within her… Could she do that? Feelings were to be kept personal, not telling anyone how you really felt because the public façade was more important to maintain for the sake of the family. That was what had been drummed into her by her father and nannies and her brother and everyone else in the social circle she’d been raised in. But she wasn’t in those circles any more. She was on the other side of the world and perhaps it was time for her to make new rules for herself.