by Misty Simon
“Bitch! All you had to do was accept his apology and we could have moved on, started a new life for ourselves.”
“What are you talking about? Chad? Chad wasn’t apologizing to me. And even if he were, what does my acceptance matter?” Why was I having this conversation when I should be running like a wild horse out the door? Well, there was the little problem of Ben in the bathroom to take care of.
“He wanted me, but I had to prove myself to him before he would accept me. Then you and Bella got him into trouble, twice. He’ll never recover, and he won’t be able to show his face anywhere around here again. He went to that lame party to apologize and straighten things out, but you all were too high and mighty to let him be himself.”
Okay, was anyone else confused here? I felt like sitting her down with a nice warm cup of tea and asking her to start at the beginning. The big knife glinting in the stove light stopped me. I did, however, try to negotiate with her. “Why don’t you put the knife down, and you can tell me exactly what happened? I’m willing to listen, Chrissie, I just don’t understand what you’re saying. We can work this out. I’m sure of it.” Calm, cool, reasonable, and armed now. I’d backed myself right into the counter and scrambled behind me for some kind of weapon. I had one now, and I wasn’t letting it go. I leaned against the counter, nonchalant-like so as not to raise her interest.
“I’m not putting the knife down, you loon.” Oh, ho! Name-calling from the Pot. “Chad wanted to be with me. He never said it in so many words, but I could tell he was getting tired of Tarrin and her histrionics, her spending sprees that left him poor. I didn’t want her in my territory, anyway. Why did I have to train the stupid bimbo to take over my area of business?”
“I don’t know, but it sounds unfair to me.” Keep her talking, I told myself. “So you waited for her first party, and the perfect opportunity, and killed her. Took the nice little piece of officer lingerie and strangled her with it. It was just an added bonus to use my scarf to finish it up. I bet you thought you could kill, pardon the pun, two birds with one stone. Put her and me out of business at the same time.” I was a little surprised she wasn’t stalking me around the kitchen with her knife. Not that I wanted her to, but it’s usually standard operating procedure. Then again, she seemed to relish the retelling, and maybe the stalking would come after she got it all off her chest.
“I will be the perfect wife for him. I even stole from lots of people’s houses around here to show him I could live the life with him.” She got a dreamy look on her face and my stomach clenched.
“So you were the Napkin Snatcher?” I tightened my grip on my weapon. “What the hell was that all about, anyway? Not enough money to buy the basics?”
“No, you stupid heifer.” Oh, it steamed me bad when people likened me to a cow. “I stole them to prove I could steal and be dishonest without batting an eyelash. He needs a partner, someone who can continue working with his old college buddy and keep Chad alive. I’ll be the one thing standing between him and swimming with the fishes, so he’ll have to stay with me.”
Was I missing something here?
“But I thought Chad was done with hiding jewels and stuff. How does your stealing toilet paper prove anything to him other than that you are a dumb bunny? And why household paper products?”
“I am not a dumb bunny!” She stalked and I moved down the counter. Not good, Ivy, not good at all. “I didn’t want to hurt anyone or take anything valuable, because it wasn’t important. I just had to show him I could, but then he got mad at me because my closet looked like Wal-Mart’s house products aisle. You were last and didn’t I enjoy running into your house and taking things from you! You’ve been a thorn in my side from day one.”
“I barely saw you after the party, except for the day you came in and cried all over me.” We were circling the table now, my hand still behind my back. She hadn’t noticed yet, and I wasn’t going to call it to her attention.
“Ah, yes, the day I came into your shop. Haven’t you wondered yet how I got in here?”
I had a theory. “You stole a key while you were in the bathroom? No, that’s not possible, because I had all the keys. Wait, wait. Oh, I know. You made some kind of impression of the key and had your sleazoid boyfriend make a copy for you.”
My guess took some of the wind out of her sails. “Clever, Ivy. Now Chad will know I can be invaluable to him. We can scam together.”
“I think you’re missing the point of Chad’s little talk with Bella tonight. He said he was trying to get out and trading some freedom for the release.”
“He’s lying. He loves it as much as I do, and he’ll be here soon to see how well I’ve done. He was tired of Tarrin, too, and nearly kissed my feet when I told him I’d killed her. That’s why we kept saying it was you. And it’s also why I sent the package to you and wanted you to keep it. It’s the murder weapon.”
I almost choked then and there. I’d handed the murder weapon over to the police, telling them it was mine. Surely they would know I wouldn’t do something so stupid if I had killed her. Right? Eek.
“Then why the phony apology tonight? Why not leave town and make it an unsolved murder? And why are you here in my house? And how do you explain the phone call between you and Chad?” I wanted to say “what’s with the soliloquy” but thought she might lunge at me.
She stopped on the other side of the table and tapped the knife against her cheek. “All very good questions, Ivy. You’re a smart one, too, and inquisitive with it. I’ll give you one of them, for now. I called Chad and calmly talked with him while I watched the life drain from Tarrin’s eyes.”
She was mad, absolutely stark, raving mad. She tapped some more, and a small part of me wanted her to cut herself, injure herself, so we could get the hell out of this kitchen. Her raving was just plain scary, and my legs were tiring from going round and round. Plus, I wanted to get Ben out of the bathroom before Chad showed up. God only knew what would happen to us if I had to go up against both of them at the same time. I’d seen Chad in action, and he said he was controlled the night he’d broken Bella’s windows. If that was in control, I’d hate to see what happened when he was out of it.
On the other hand, as loony as she was, the possibility existed this was all in her head. Chad could be totally innocent of any of her ploys to win him over. He had been in her house the other night. He was the shadow, I was sure of it now. But he could be completely unaware of how psychotic this one was. Did he intentionally attract psycho hose beasts? I’d say “poor man” but thought he deserved it.
“But you know what,” she continued, “I’m going to let you die with the curiosity unsatisfied in your mind. It will be my last gift to you.” With this she lunged at me over the table and I shot her dead-on, right between the eyes.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“See, I told you cooking oil was a viable weapon, and now you’ll never be able to convince me otherwise.” Ben had snuck up on me once and laughed at me when I tried to spray him with cooking oil. I’d blasted Chrissie with the very same can, then jumped on her and tied her up with some rags from under the sink until the police came. Cooking oil was my new best friend.
Chrissie had babbled away, trying to blame everything on me, from the burglaries to Tarrin’s death. She screamed and wailed about my culpability in all things, and she wanted my head. Well, she wasn’t getting it, and after a few queer looks from the police, they believed me.
Detective Bartlett informed me over the mad woman’s bellows that they were on their way to me anyway . They’d received the lab report confirming the lingerie I turned in was the very same used to strangle poor Tarrin. And it was “poor Tarrin” now. She may have been a stone-cold bitch, but nobody deserved to die because they were in the way of someone else’s dysfunctional view of life.
My dad came home early the next morning, and we missed Bella’s breakfast altogether. She brought everything to my house and cooked brunch, instead, while I filled everyone in. Over quic
he and baked French toast with loads of syrup, I talked with Bella, Jared, Martha, Dad, and Ben. Speaking of Ben, he was none the worse for his time in the john tied up with the socks my dad had left drying on the shower bar.
“So anyway, I guess Chad got her to confess to all the things she’d done. He didn’t get any more leniency. They found more jewels in her house in his underwear drawer.” I continued to wonder if Chrissie had planted them. It seemed like something she would do to make sure he ended up wherever she was. Chad had told the police he had really believed I had murdered Tarrin.
“All’s well that ends well,” my dad said. He can be such a cliché sometimes. “I must say I’m very glad I have you all here, though, because I have a very important announcement to make.”
We sat and waited while he drew the moment out. “Come on, Dad! Tell us.”
He grabbed Martha’s hand and held it tight. Oh, my God. Was I ready for this? Could they have already decided to get married or something, in such a short time? Was I about to get a stepmother?
“I wanted to let everyone know I think Ivy is a smart and wonderful woman who knows what she wants and how to live her life. In that vein, I’ll be leaving on a plane this evening and going back to my life in California.”
“Woo...” I barely stopped myself from finishing the statement with a hoo. “Would you like a ride?” Ha, good save.
Dad gave me his knowing smile and said, “No, it’s okay. I know I’ve been here for quite some time and I’m cramping your style. I was worried about you, but now I’m not as much. I see what a great group of friends and good support structure you have here. I’m proud of the decisions you’ve made and the life you have going for yourself.” He took my hand and squeezed. “I love this area and hope you find all the things you want in your life.”
My God. He was proud of me and leaving so I could get on with my regularly scheduled life. Tarrin’s murderer had been caught, the Napkin Snatcher dealt with, and the burglar at the store taken care of. I was riding high.
My dad was still talking, so I tuned back in. “I have some things to take care of back at home, and then I’ll come back and bring Martha with me.”
What? What? Coming back? Where was Martha going?
He must have seen the look of disbelief on my face because he smiled. He scooted out of his chair and kneeled in front of Martha. “Will you marry me, Martha? Make a life with me here where we can keep an eye on our chicks? It would be an honor to spend the rest of my days with you.”
Martha, perfectly coiffed and looking beautiful, started crying. Sobbing out a yes, she fell into my dad’s arms as I looked on, stunned. I had to sit down. I chose Ben’s lap, and he held me while I recuperated. The only thing I could think of was “please don’t let any houses be available on my street.” Maybe they’d live in the house Martha already owned. Would she change the diner’s name now that she was happy? “Happy Martha’s” didn’t have the same alliteration as the old name, but maybe it would work.
All these thoughts jumbled in my head. I needed some fresh air, so I went outside and was hit with a complete wall of white. Snow filled every single nook and cranny of the yard, burying the sidewalk and my car up to its tires. Holy cow! I didn’t think my vacuum cleaner would be able to take on this task.
“I don’t think you’ll be able to vacuum this up, sweetheart,” Ben said from behind me. He had an uncanny way of reading my mind sometimes.
“I was just thinking the same thing.” I leaned back into him and his arms came around me.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, a little startled at how fast they went, but okay.”
“Did you ever figure out the Melissa thing? I really thought it could have been her, when we found out how much she stood to inherit with Tarrin out of the way.”
“Yeah, I used this great contraption called email to send her a letter before the party.” He pinched the couple of extra inches at my waist and had me laughing. “She wrote me back last night, but I didn’t read it until this morning. Turns out she used some of the money to set up a scholarship fund for college in Tarrin’s name. She took the rest, and after a lengthy shopping expedition, she opened a jazz club off the strip in Las Vegas.”
“I love you,” he said, and I knew I’d never get tired of hearing those three little words.
“I love you, too.” I’d also never get tired of saying them.
“It’s going to be all right, Ivy. I promise,” he whispered in my ear, sending shivers down my spine.
And it would as long as I had myself, and Ben was at my side. He kissed the special spot right under my ear, and I tried to think how quickly I could get everyone out of the house so I could have my wicked way with him. I’d received a replacement outfit from Play It Up! in lieu of the one I’d given to the police. Anyone up for a little Ride ’Em Cowgirl?
A word about the author...
Misty Simon loves a good story and decided one day that she would try her hand at it. Eventually she got it right. There's nothing better in the world than making someone laugh, and she hopes everyone at least snickers in the right places when reading her books. She lives with her husband, daughter, and two insane dogs in Central Pennsylvania, where she is hard at work on her next novel or three.
She loves to hear from readers so drop her a line at:
[email protected]
www.mistysimon.com
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