by Keary Taylor
“Amber, I’m so sorry,” I breathed as I wrapped my arms briefly around her shoulders again. The anger and hatred that was stirring under my skin surprised me. I had never had violent feelings toward anyone other than Cole but the emotions and the actions I wanted to take toward this guy Todd would surely earn me my own brand one day.
“I couldn’t go home last night after I woke up. Mom and Dad tried to warn me. They told me constantly that Todd was no good for me, that he scared them,” she took another sniffling sob. “They had no idea how right they were. But I… I was so sure Todd loved me, and I loved him. I didn’t want to believe he meant what he was doing to me. And I couldn’t tell mom and dad, I couldn’t let them be right after all the fights we had.”
Amber’s sobs were coming closer together by this point. I took hold of her trembling hand and rubbed circles into it, trying to calm and comfort her, sensing there was still more to come and that it wasn’t going to get any better.
“When I woke up, Todd was gone and I just knew that I had to get out of there. I’m not sure I’d survive the next time he comes after me,” she said, taking deep breaths.
Chills ran down my back as I listened to my sister. My thoughts drifted to Sal, who was the way she was because of an abusive husband. He had nearly killed her one night and she’d been lucky to have survived. She wasn’t whole afterward, but at least she was alive.
“I couldn’t stay in Ucon; Todd would always be able to find me. And I couldn’t go home only to be told ‘I told you so’. I didn’t know where else to go so I came here. I’m sorry to barge in on you like this but I didn’t know where else to go,” she said with another sob as she collapsed into my arms, burying her face in my chest.
“Hey,” I said firmly. “You’re not barging in at all. Of course you’re welcome, you’re my sister.”
She was quiet for a minute as her shaking and sobbing calmed. “Good thing I went digging through dad’s desk that day. If I hadn’t found your address written on that paper I don’t know where else I would have gone.”
I chuckled slightly. “I was wondering how you found out where I was. I worked pretty hard to make sure they couldn’t find me. Dad managed to get to me though.”
Amber was quiet for a while longer, her body becoming relaxed and limp against mine. “I’ve missed you Jessica,” she said quietly and sat up to look at me.
I noticed the bags under her eyes now, the way they were blood shot. I then realized that to have gotten here at the time she did, considering she was in Ucon last night, she’d have had to drive through the night.
I gave her a small smile. “Why don’t you go lay down?” I said quietly. “You look like you could use some sleep.”
She gave a little chuckle. “I probably look how you always used to look.”
I gave an uncomfortable laugh at this, unsure how to react to what she said. I would have rather pretended like my horrible past involving the nightmares and my family’s reactions didn’t exist.
Amber stood and followed me to the master bedroom on the main floor that was never used. She was asleep just moments after her head hit the pillow.
I closed the door to the bedroom and leaned against it. It was only after a few moments that I realized my hands were shaking violently. I came up with two reasons why. One, I was unbelievably furious with the man who thought it was okay to use my little sister as a punching bag and two, I hadn’t been prepared to see a member of my family today, the ones I had run away from. Especially the one who looked like a cloned, younger version of my mom.
I needed someone to talk to and with this desperate thought I remembered how Alex was unexplainably missing.
A call to Rod’s cell phone yielded no answer as did Emily’s. Just two cheerful sounding recordings of each of them, instructing me to leave a message.
A part of me was saying that I was over-reacting and being a clingy, possessive, and needy girlfriend but another part of me knew something was off. This wasn’t normal behavior for Alex. When you lived nearly every waking moment with someone, you learn their behaviors pretty well.
I couldn’t go out and look for him. I couldn’t leave Amber here by herself and besides, I had no idea where to start considering every means of transportation Alex owned were all still here.
I didn’t know what else to do and trying to convince myself that I was just overreacting and that Alex was just fine, I set about doing laundry. Laundry had a way of clearing my head when I was upset or stressed. I needed something to take my mind off the worry that was eating away at me and laundry did the job of numbing it. Or at least I pretended it did.
The hours ticked away, every passing one driving me nearly crazy. There was no sign of Alex, still no answer from either Rod’s or Emily’s cell phones. I checked on Amber nearly once an hour just to make sure she was still breathing. I debated if I needed to take her to the hospital but decided she probably needed her rest as much as anything else.
I was making a sandwich when some form of relief came. The door to the master bedroom opened and a groggy, yet slightly more refreshed looking Amber came stumbling out.
“Would you make me one of those?” she said, her eyes brightening slightly.
“Sure, you can have this one,” I said as I handed her the grilled cheese sandwich I had just pulled off the pan. “I’ll make another.”
Amber took the sandwich with a pained looking smile and sat at the bar.
“How are you feeling?” I asked as I sliced some more cheese.
She swallowed her bite before she spoke. “My head hurts worse but it feels a little clearer. You know I don’t do well without enough sleep.”
I chucked at this. It was strange remembering all these little details from when I had still lived at home. It felt like another lifetime ago. Things had changed so much since then, for the better.
“So what do you do to be able to afford such a nice house?” she asked, wiping crumbs from her hands onto the plate.
“Oh, um…” I stuttered as I flipped the sandwich over. “It’s actually not mine. It’s Alex’s.”
“Who’s Alex?”
My brow furrowed as I looked over my shoulder at her. “Did dad never tell you about Alex?”
“Dad didn’t say anything about anyone, including you. I’m just now realizing he must have gone to see you those times when he suddenly ran off. He said there was some kind of emergency but wouldn’t say a word. He must have eventually told mom though cause your name started popping up again in hushed conversations.”
It suddenly felt as if there was a rock in the pit of my stomach. My dad had told me my mother wanted to talk to me on my birthday. What had they been saying about me? Was he going to tell her how to find me?
“Alex is… uh, my boyfriend,” I said, pushing that thought out of my mind. The word boyfriend didn’t seem adequate enough to describe what Alex was. When someone gives their life for you, boyfriend just doesn’t quite cut it.
“I never would have pegged you as the girl to live with your boyfriend,” she said with a slight smirk.
“It’s kind of complicated,” I said with a smile, remembering the first night Alex and I had met. I had nearly attacked him with a baseball bat in the stairwell.
“Spill it, sister,” Amber said with a smile creeping into the corner of her lips.
I couldn’t help but smile as well as I launched into the story of how I care took the house, how Alex’s grandparents had died, leaving everything to Alex. It was slightly more difficult telling how Alex and I had come to be in a more intimate relationship without saying anything about Cole and the entire nightmare situation.
“So where is he then?” Amber asked, her face alight with excitement. “When can I meet him?”
“Um…” I hesitated, feeling a hard, cold knot forming in my stomach. “I’m not sure where he is right now, actually. It’s kind of weird, we’re kind of inseparable pretty much twenty-four-seven.”
Amber was about to say something when t
here was two knocks on the door. Before I could even take a step towards it to answer, it swung open.
“Alex, you’d better have a good reason…” Rod stopped short in the doorway as he closed it behind him. “Oh, hey, Jessica. Sorry, but I don’t appreciate you holding my man hostage, causing him to leave me waiting at the court by myself for over an hour.”
“Hi, Rod,” I said with a smile. I might not have caught the teasing in Rod’s voice if his personality wasn’t so similar to Alex’s. “Actually I’ve been hoping Alex was with you. I tried calling your cell a couple of times. I don’t know where he is.”
Rod got a puzzled expression on his face before reaching into his basketball shorts and pulling his cell phone out. “Stupid piece of junk,” he said as he shoved it back in his pocket. “Sorry, it keeps shutting off randomly.”
Rod then seemed to realize that there was another person in the house. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there at first. Who’s this Jessica?”
“This is my younger sister, Amber,” I said as I smiled at her. “Amber, this is Alex’s best friend, Rod Gepper.”
Rod crossed the room and reached out to shake Amber’s hand. I noticed Amber kept her gaze downward, as if trying to hide the violent marks on her face. I was surprised when after only a moment Rod laid two fingers very softly on the side of her face, just over the bruise on her cheek.
“Did someone do this to you?” he asked very quietly.
Amber didn’t say anything, just kept her eyes on the floor.
“Tell me where to find him and I’ll make sure he can never do that to anyone again,” I was shocked at the venom that filled Rod’s voice, it was frightening in the way he sounded perfectly calm at the same time. When I looked over at him I saw the intensity his eyes were suddenly burning with.
Amber finally looked up at him, with shock in her eyes. For a moment she almost looked fearful but after a second it melted away into a smile. “Thanks, but I really doubt he will find me here. He’s about 900 miles away right now.”
“Well, if he shows up and bothers you again, you call me and I will take care of him for you,” he said, his tone serious but a smile starting to spread on his face. I couldn’t help but smile too. So did Amber.
“Did you say you don’t know where Alex is?” he said as he broke his stare at my baby sister and looked over at me.
“No,” I said, that knot forming in my stomach again. “The truck is here, the motorcycle is here. His cell and wallet are still in his bedroom. I don’t know where he would have gone. It’s like he just vanished.”
As the last few words came out of my mouth I felt my body go numb. Vanished. As if he suddenly wasn’t in this world any more. As if he had suddenly been pulled back into the world he was supposed to be a part of now.
“Well, he was supposed to meet me at the basketball court over an hour ago and he never showed. He didn’t answer his phone either so I decided to come looking for him.” I barely heard the words Rod said. I was suddenly trying very hard to keep from throwing up. “Are you okay, Jess?” I heard Amber say. “You’re white as a ghost all the sudden.”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied as I folded my arms across my midsection to try and hide the trembling in my hands. “Just wondering where Alex could be.”
“I wouldn’t worry too much,” Rod said. “Alex likes to wander but he always comes home eventually.”
I nodded, barely hearing what he said. I wished I could take that as the answer to Alex’s disappearance but I had a feeling there was something much more terrifying and sinister to this.
The knot in my stomach never left the rest of the night. Rod left after exchanging numbers with my sister. Amber went to bed early, again sleeping in the master bedroom. I sat on the leather couch the rest of the night, waiting for Alex to walk back through the front doors yet dreading that he wouldn’t. I fell asleep there on the couch and had nightmares the entire night.
X
I felt numb the next morning when I confirmed that Alex was still not home. I called Rod who said he still hadn’t heard from Alex. I only got Emily’s voicemail again.
The temptation to call in sick to work was strong. I really did feel sick but it was only from worry and the terrifying familiar sensation of dread that filled me. I sincerely hoped that work would distract me from my obsession. Amber seemed grateful for the time by herself in the quiet when I told her I had to go into work. Mondays were always slow in the bookstore. I worked the morning shift and Austin came in at eleven to help with the afternoon rush to the espresso and then take over in the afternoon. Today was no different; there wasn’t a soul in the building besides me.
I ducked under the counter, grabbing for my purse that was stashed underneath. I set it on the wooden surface, digging through its contents for the book I had been reading. Pulling it out, I noticed there were two envelopes tucked inside. My brow furrowed, I pulled them out and set the book back down.
The envelopes were yellowed and aged looking. I noticed that one of them was sealed with wax, some sort of family crest pressed and then hardened into it. The writing on it was elegant and perfectly printed in a way you just didn’t see any more. Upon a closer look, my blood ran cold as I distinctly recognized the handwriting.
Cole.
My head spun and little black dots started forming on the outskirts of my vision. I then realized that I wasn’t breathing. My heart pounded and the sound of its thundering raged in my ears. My hands started shaking, making me nearly drop the envelopes.
I was terrified, horrified, but surprisingly, I was raging angry. Everything Cole had done to me, done to Sal, done to Alex, came rushing back at me and hit me like a punch in the face.
Before I even realized what I was doing, I had counted to eighty-one under my breath.
So I hadn’t just been paranoid. Cole was still around. He had been watching me, closer than I could have ever realized. Sometime he had been in the house or had slipped into the bookstore and put the envelopes into my purse.
He could still be here right now.
“Cole?” I said aloud with a quivering voice. My system felt suddenly saturated with panic.
But I didn’t feel any eyes on me like I had the past few weeks.
I could only pray I really was alone.
I opened the letter with the wax seal. I checked to make sure no one had entered the bookstore and that no one was around the front of the building. I leaned against the counter and pulled a yellowed piece of paper out. My eyes quickly glanced over it but froze at the date written in the corner.
1 June, 1759
I supposed the date should not have struck me as strongly as it did. I remembered Cole saying something about how he had not walked this Earth in a few hundred years. The reality that Cole had lived hundreds of years ago had not really occurred to me.
My Dearest,
Let me begin by first apologizing again for the things that happened with your father yesterday. I promise that I did not mean to anger him. Sometimes my temper seems to get the best of me. Please tell him again that I am sorry and that I take back what I said. I don’t think that he fully believed me when I said so myself.
I did not get a moment of sleep all last night. As I stared up at the ceiling all I saw was that horrific scene of me making a fool of myself but more front and center was the horrified look that crossed your face. It was well deserved and warranted. I regret every breath I took that was used to produce the words that came out of my mouth.
Please, my dearest, I beg of you another chance to make it up to you. Your father never need know of me again, nor James. Even through all the times I have begged you to end it with him, through all the times you have told me that you simply can’t, I will gladly desist if you will simply give me another chance.
I need you, my darling. I cannot live without you. Please.
Yours, always and forever,
Cole
I could only stare at the page for a long moment after I finished reading.
The laughter that suddenly burst from my chest startled me, it was so bizarre. It was amazing, that even though Cole had lived over 250 years ago, he was still exactly the same. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Charming, yet hiding a monster inside. Always wanting what wasn’t his and willing to do anything to get it.
It was out of pure and simple morbid curiosity that I pulled out the other letter. This one was obviously a woman’s handwriting.
8 June, 1759
I cannot even begin to describe the horror that filled me as I watched you and my father argue over what was best for my future. Father would not speak to me for two full days afterward. He would barely even look me in the eye and when he did it was with the utmost disappointment. He told James of it, I don’t know why I should have expected anything else, father tells James everything. I don’t think James took it as seriously as it actually was. He brushed it off without a second thought, for which I am grateful. The engagement is still on.
I find that I cannot stop thinking of you though. The way you whispered those words in my ear that night haunts my every thought. The way you touched me in the moonlight in the barn sends my heart racing.
Cole, I have to see you again, please come as soon as you can.
All my love.
I felt sick to my stomach, the nerves setting it on edge. At the same time my pulse raced. This only made me feel all the more sick. Whoever this woman was, I unfortunately knew what she was talking about. I remembered the crazed longing I felt to have Cole touch me again. Cole’s words were compelling and had been for me- mind boggling. Apparently Cole hadn’t just gained this skill when he was granted a pair of wings and black irises. It was a well-practiced ability.
I was so absorbed in my own thoughts that I did not even notice how Austin had come in and was looking over my shoulder.