by Paul Preston
“Oh, I’m an entrepreneur. I manage a couple of enterprises. I liked your class Amy. You’re a great yoga instructor.”
“Thank you. Well, I guess I’ll see you at the soup kitchen on Sunday.”
“Yeah. I’ll see you there.”
I arrived early at the church on Sunday to help with the set up and received an unwelcome and embarrassing surprise. There was signage displayed over the arched entrance to the seating area that read “The Jim Jefferson Soup Kitchen.” Bill immediately approached me, accompanied by a man in a long ecclesiastical black robe. With an outstretched palm Bill took my hand and shook it. He gestured to the sign.
“So, Mr. Jefferson, what do you think?”
“Well, Bill… I don’t know what to say. I wasn’t expecting…”
“We wanted to honor the generosity you’ve shown to our Chicago Hunger Project and your pledge of further support. It was the least we could do. Jim, let me introduce you to the Pastor of our little church, Reverend Stills.”
The minister took my hand.
“I’m so pleased to meet you Mr. Jefferson. Bill has told me how committed you are to helping feed the poor. Your donation will keep our doors open over the winter. We appreciate your financial and especially your physical support here.”
“It’s my pleasure Reverend.”
We walked into the shelter and began setting up for the meal as the line of people began to arrive. Before the lunch service began, I looked over the crowd, once again searching for the face of the homeless man.
“Hey Bill, can you take a look at something for me?”
I took out my wallet the small delicate square I kept folded up in the space behind my driver’s license. I handed the faded picture to Bill.
“I was wondering Bill… Do you recognize this person? I… met him a little over three years ago now and need to talk to him. Have you seen him recently?”
“You know, I never forget a face. I think I do remember him.”
I opened my eyes wide and felt my heart beat faster. It was the first actual lead I stumbled upon ever since the incident occurred. Bill studied the picture intently.
“Do you happen to know his name? Or what name he may have gone by?”
“No… I never knew his name.
“Have you seen him recently?” I asked, excited.
“He used to come by the kitchen occasionally for meals. I haven’t seen him for a few years now. Do you know what happened to him?”
His disappearance matched the time frame of his beating. I heard once more the cracking sound of his ribs and the horrible sound of his wheezing afterwards. That’s it then, I thought. The CPD killed him. I looked down to the ground in response, no longer able to make eye contact with Bill.
“No… I haven’t seen him...” I said.
“Did you know him? Was he a friend of yours?” Bill asked.
I nodded no and then felt Bill’s hand rest upon my shoulder.
“Well, I’ll keep my eyes open for you Jim. Maybe he’ll show up here again.”
“OK, thanks…”
After the food service started, Amy breezed into the hall with her movie star looks and long limber body, stunning the crowd. She looked at me with wide open eyes and she took a place directly next to me behind the warming trays. Though I was sad about the homeless man, the sight of Amy cheered me up, helped me to forget.
“Hey Amy.”
“Jim… Is your last name, Jefferson?”
“I’m afraid so.”
“Did you see the sign on the building?”
“It’s hard to miss.”
“They named the building after you?”
“Yeah. It’s kind of embarrassing. I made a small donation to the soup kitchen and they… put up the sign. I didn’t know they were going to do that and I certainly didn’t ask them to.”
“How much did you donate?”
“It’s not important.”
“How much? Tell me.”
“25,000, I believe.”
“25,000 dollars? Oh my God! What a sweet man! That’s so generous of you Jim!”
She smiled sweetly and we began serving the warm food together. She stayed after the meal this time and helped clean up in the kitchen.
“I’ll wash, you dry. OK?”
“Sure,” I said.
Standing next to Amy, listening to the warm water trickle into the sink, I had a realization of what I needed from the opposite sex. I craved sex and intimacy from a woman as much as the next man, but perhaps even more so I simply had to be physically near them. Due to my deformity, usually I could only appreciate their beauty from across a room. I knew now I needed to be near enough to breathe in their sweet intoxicating scent and see up close how the light casts a shimmering luster upon their smooth skin and soft silky hair. A woman’s femininity was sacred to me now. It was the key that unlocked the happiness inside me and I could no longer live without it.
After we finished the dishes, I had the idea to act upon my impulses and ask Amy out. It was a huge risk for me and it was either going to be the beginning or the end of our relationship. Despite my nervousness, I had to do it. I figured I may never have a better chance, since I had luckily fallen into her good graces due to my donation. I wasn’t sure if she was attracted to me, even as a friend, but I was encouraged that she looked at me with kindness in her eyes and didn’t seem disturbed by my ravaged face. My heart started racing before I spoke and my words came out awkwardly.
“Hey Amy, uh… if… you know… you’re not busy this afternoon… I mean… if you don’t have a class to teach or… don’t have any other plans…uh…”
“Are you trying to ask me out, Mr. Jefferson? On a date?”
“A date? Oh no, not a date, you know. I just thought… I don’t know… we could hang out together today. Dinner and a movie if you’d like, something like that, or whatever you’d prefer. Or we could take a walk together, anything you’d like…” I mumbled nervously.
It felt similar to when I attempted to ask Bette out for the first time. Adrenalin pumped through my nerves as I waited for her response. I could feel moistness under my arms and hoped it didn’t show on my white shirt. Amy smiled at me in a teasing fashion, while leaving me hanging.
“I don’t know. It sounds a lot like a date to me, Mr. Jefferson,” she said, flirtatiously.
“OK, yes. I’m asking you out. Do you have any plans today?”
“Well, it depends. What’s your sign?”
“My sign?”
“You know. Your sun sign.”
“Oh, uh… Sagittarius, I think.”
“No way! My moon was in Sagittarius at the moment of my birth!”
“Well, then you have to go out with me,” I said smiling slightly.
“Do you know the exact time of your birth?”
“Uh, I’m not sure. It might be on my birth certificate, if I can find it.”
“I’d like to do a chart comparison, if you don’t mind.”
“I don’t know what that is, but OK.”
“So my answer is, yes. I’d like to go out on a date with you, Jim.”
“Great Amy.”
After catching a movie, we walked around the mall and had a bite to eat. As usual, I could tell that people who saw us wondered what a pretty woman was doing with such a hideous-looking man. But I didn’t care. We got to know each other as we browsed through the shops. It was just an ordinary date, but it felt special, like a new beginning for me. She asked me how I got my scar. In most cases I don’t go into details about it, but this time I elaborated upon the story, hoping it might impress her. It worked. After telling her what happened, she reached out, took my hand in hers for the first time and smiled.
“You are such a special person Jim. Do you realize that?”
“Thanks. Amy, I wanted to say, I really appreciate you going out with me and…overlooking the way I look.”
“Jim, you saved a woman from being raped. I don’t care about the way you look. I like
who you are on the inside.”
When I walked to the door of her apartment later in the evening, we shared that awkward moment of whether we should kiss each other goodbye or not. Then she broke the silence by inviting me to her birthday party.
“It’s going to be very informal. A few of my friends are having a vegan potluck on Saturday night at my girlfriend’s house. I hope you like tofu.”
“Tofu? Sure, I’d love to come,” I said.
“I’ll text you the address.”
“What would you like for your birthday Amy?”
“Oh, I have everything I need. Just bring yourself, that’s all I want. I had a wonderful time this evening Jim. Goodbye.”
She kissed me quickly on my good cheek and went inside.
While driving back home I had an idea for a gift. In a strip mall near her apartment I noticed a collection of New Age shops next to each other: an acupuncturist, a vitamin store, a vegetarian restaurant and a small business that was empty and for sale. The next day a called the commercial real estate broker, bought the property in cash in Amy’s name, signed the documents and had the keys in my hand that afternoon. I made a few calls and had mirrors placed on the interior walls, bought out the stock of yoga mats at a sporting goods store and had the wood flooring polished to a shine. I had a front desk set up at the entrance, installed a computer and phone system and called to have the utilities turned on. I had a simple sign painted on the front window, “Amy’s Yoga Studio”. It was ready a day before Amy’s party on Saturday. I had met her twice during the week at her yoga class and kept my gift a complete secret.
The party was nice and I met Amy’s friends, a collection of laid back, bohemian folks. Though we never talked about it, it appeared that Amy was unattached, as I didn’t see another man that she seemed close to at the party. I stayed to the end, hoping I could give her my big surprise. As we were about to leave, I handed her an envelope.
“Happy Birthday Amy,” I said.
“Jim, I told you, you didn’t have to get me anything.”
“I know. But I couldn’t resist. Open it.”
Amy ripped open the envelope and a set of keys fell out.
“What’s this? Keys?”
“It’s a surprise. Follow me in your car and I’ll show you.”
Amy kissed her friends goodbye, put her gifts in her trunk and we drove a few blocks away to the studio. I watched her eyes grow wide upon seeing the sign. I unlocked the door and turned on the overhead lights.
“You bought me… a yoga studio?”
“Yes. I hope you like it. I thought… you’re such a great teacher and already have a following of students. Why should Equinox get all the money for your services when you could hold private classes here? You could even eventually rent out the space to other teachers throughout the day to make additional income. Do you like it?”
“Jim… I can’t accept this. It’s too expensive. How much did you -”
“Amy, I’m a successful businessman. I have more money than I know what to do with. I’m giving this to you with no strings attached. Enjoy it. You deserve to have it.”
“Oh my God, I don’t know what to say. It’s… the best present I ever got. Thank you.”
Amy embraced me and we left, locking up the studio. We drove back to her apartment and she invited me in for a drink. After we finished our herbal tea, Amy set down her mug and stared at me deep in the eyes. She leaned forward and we kissed for the first time on the lips, quite sweetly. I stroked my fingers through her soft hair and held her. Suddenly, she stood up, unbuttoned her shirt, slipped out of her jeans, removed her bra and stood before me in just her panties.
“I hope you don’t mind. I usually don’t wear clothes around my apartment,” she said.
My mind went reeling with sexual fantasies, picking her up and carrying her to her bedroom, ripping off her panties and tying her wrists behind her to her ankles and kissing and licking her until she screamed with pleasure. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and tried to control my thoughts.
“I don’t mind at all Amy. Please, make yourself comfortable,” I said, smiling.
“I suppose I’m just a nudist at heart,” she said, sitting back down on the couch and snuggling against me.
“Lucky me,” I said, growing noticeably aroused.
“I’m sensing a very strong sexual energy from you Jim.”
I put my arm around her lightly around her shoulder, sneaking a look at her pretty pink bare breasts.
“You’re an attractive woman Amy.”
“I don’t want you to get the wrong idea about me Jim. I’d love to jump into bed with you and have an affair, but I was hoping there could be something more than just a physical attraction between us. I really like you Jim.”
“I like you too Amy.”
“So… would you mind if we went… slowly? Every time I’ve jumped into a sexual relationship in the past it never seemed to work out, in the long run. When we do it for the first time, I want there to be an emotional bond between us. I want it to feel special. Don’t you?”
“Of course I do Amy.”
I squeezed her shoulder tighter, drawing her in a little closer into me.
“Let’s take it slowly then and wait until you feel… ready. I’m fine with that Amy. I just feel lucky to be around such a nice and attractive woman like you,” I said.
“That’s sweet… Jim?” she asked.
“Yes?”
“Your hand on my shoulder…It’s… kind of… pinching my skin.”
“Oh… I’m terribly sorry Amy. Forgive me,” I said, embarrassed, immediately letting go of my grasp on her shoulder.
“That’s OK. My skin is very sensitive. I bruise easily, like a grape,” she said, laughing.
We kissed some more and I tried my best to refrain from touching her intimately, though I couldn’t help caressing my inner palms lightly over her swollen areolas once or twice and cupping her lovely full breasts in my hands. I felt my erection bulging painfully under my trousers, as if straining for air, coiled against the material of my pants. Holding back proved to be even more arousing than actually having sex with her. I felt like I was about to explode inside when I noticed her yawning.
“This is nice, really nice,” Amy whispered. “I’m sorry. I think the chamomile tea is kicking in,” she said, yawning again.
“I guess I should go then.”
“I guess.”
We stood up and I turned away to discreetly adjust myself. Amy walked me to her door.
“Jim, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but I’m not sure it’s wise for us to be alone again in an intimate setting,” she said, covering her arms across her breasts.
“Amy… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to…”
“It’s not you, Jim. You’re the perfect gentlemen. No, it’s me. I don’t trust myself around you, flaunting my body, practically naked around you. I should never have taken my clothes off. I don’t know what I was thinking. It’s been a while since I… I didn’t mean to tease you. I’m sorry. I’m so embarrassed.”
“Don’t be Amy. You weren’t teasing me at all. And you look absolutely lovely to me. I can’t express to you how wonderful it was just to be near you, to kiss you…” I said.
“Just the same, we should be more careful and not do anything we might regret later, until we get to know each other better. Don’t you think?”
I nodded and tried not to look down upon her beautiful exposed breasts and creamy skin.
“Thanks again for the wonderful gift. I don’t know how to thank you,” she said.
“It’s my pleasure.”
We kissed tenderly and she hid behind her open door as I left, popping her head around the side of the door and smiling. I felt a sense of euphoria I thought I would never be able to feel again.
“Maybe she’s the woman for me,” I thought, smiling to myself as I walked away.
I met with my lawyer and he arranged insurance for the yoga studio and drew u
p and filed the paperwork to open her small business. It was an immediate success. She kept teaching a few days a week at Equinox, while developing a following at her new studio. After a few weeks she was able to give notice at the gym and teach full time. She was quite busy, but we managed to see each other two or three times a week, meeting for lunch or a late dinner.
We never officially talked about it, but I felt like she was my girlfriend now. It was nice to have a woman actually carry on a conversation with me, unlike my short-lived affair with Janet. Even though Amy and I never had sex, there was a strong emotional bond between us and a growing tenderness and affection. We would often kiss quite intimately in my car after dates. Amy allowed me to fondle her breasts over her clothes. Everything was going quite well in my life and we had been together for nearly two months. My obsessive thoughts about Grace had faded during my time with Amy, though my memory of our short time together was still the last thing I thought about before I fell asleep every night. I often wondered how Grace was doing and how her marriage to the military officer was working out.
I began to let go of the idea of my being a Dom to a willing submissive. It was always nothing more than a sexual fantasy, intensified by the erotic images I saw on a nightly basis at the club. The thought of it was still sexy to me, but now that I was lucky enough to be in a regular relationship with Amy, It didn’t want anything to screw it up. And although Amy was a free-spirited and unconventional woman, I got the feeling she wouldn’t be into the whole dominant/submissive thing.
I called Big Johnnie to tell him the news about my new girlfriend.
“A Yoga Teacher! Niiice,” he said.
I invited Big Johnnie and his wife out to dinner and drinks to meet Amy, but he said he was too busy to meet me juggling his job and wife. He did share with me a juicy bit of inter-departmental police gossip. Apparently Officer Wagner used excessive force again on a perp while in the midst of a police investigation. The guy hired a lawyer and Wagner got written up this time.
“Thought you’d be interested to know, buddy.”
“Yeah, thanks Big J”
The news about Officer Wagner came at the same time I had become increasingly disenchanted with my job at Obsessions. The annual Board meeting was a few months away and I was seriously considering selling it. I know the men on the Board would outbid each other to give me a generous offer for it and it would open the path for franchising the concept across the country, without any further resistance from me. I would walk away a multimillionaire. but more importantly, I just wanted to work as a cop again. My true vocation had been derailed four years ago and I thought perhaps enough time had passed to heal the old wounds. I set up an appointment to meet with the squad commander who had hired me. I missed the job and I was never really given the chance to discover my full potential as a police officer.