LETTER IX
MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE FEB. 26, IN THE MORNING.
My aunt, who staid here last night, made me a visit this morning assoon as it was light. She tells me, that I was left alone with myfather yesterday on purpose that he might talk with me on my expectedobedience; but that he owned he was put beside his purpose by reflectingon something my brother had told him in my disfavour, and by hisimpatience but to suppose, that such a gentle spirit as mine hadhitherto seemed to be, should presume to dispute his will in a pointwhere the advantage of the whole family was to be so greatly promoted bymy compliance.
I find, by a few words which dropt unawares from my aunt, that they haveall an absolute dependence upon what they suppose to be meekness in mytemper. But in this they may be mistaken; for I verily think, upon astrict examination of myself, that I have almost as much in me of myfather's as of my mother's family.
My uncle Harlowe it seems is against driving me upon extremities: Butmy brother has engaged, that the regard I have for my reputation, andmy principles, will bring me round to my duty; that's the expression.Perhaps I shall have reason to wish I had not known this.
My aunt advises me to submit for the present to the interdicts theyhave laid me under; and indeed to encourage Mr. Solmes's address. I haveabsolutely refused the latter, let what will (as I have told her) be theconsequence. The visiting prohibition I will conform to. But as to thatof not corresponding with you, nothing but the menace that our lettersshall be intercepted, can engage my observation of it.
She believes that this order is from my father, and that my motherhas not been consulted upon it. She says, that it is given, as she hasreason think, purely in consideration to me, lest I should mortallyoffend him; and this from the incitements of other people (meaning youand Miss Lloyd, I make no doubt) rather than by my own will. For still,as she tells me, he speaks kind and praiseful things of me.
Here is clemency! Here is indulgence!--And so it is, to prevent aheadstrong child, as a good prince would wish to deter disaffectedsubjects, from running into rebellion, and so forfeiting every thing!But this is allowing to the young-man's wisdom of my brother; a plotterwithout a head, and a brother without a heart!
How happy might I have been with any other brother in the world butJames Harlowe; and with any other sister but his sister! Wonder not, mydear, that I, who used to chide you for these sort of liberties with myrelations, now am more undutiful than you ever was unkind. I cannot bearthe thought of being deprived of the principal pleasure of my life; forsuch is your conversation by person and by letter. And who, besides, canbear to be made the dupe of such low cunning, operating with such highand arrogant passions?
But can you, my dear Miss Howe, condescend to carry on a privatecorrespondence with me?--If you can, there is one way I have thought of,by which it may be done.
You must remember the Green Lane, as we call it, that runs by the sideof the wood-house and poultry-yard where I keep my bantams, pheasants,and pea-hens, which generally engage my notice twice a day; the moremy favourites because they were my grandfather's, and recommended to mycare by him; and therefore brought hither from my Dairy-house since hisdeath.
The lane is lower than the floor of the wood-house; and, in the side ofthe wood-house, the boards are rotted away down to the floor for half anell together in several places. Hannah can step into the lane, and makea mark with chalk where a letter or parcel may be pushed in, under somesticks; which may be so managed as to be an unsuspected cover for thewritten deposits from either.
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I have been just now to look at the place, and find it will answer. Soyour faithful Robert may, without coming near the house, and as onlypassing through the Green Lame which leads to two or three farm-houses[out of livery if you please] very easily take from thence my lettersand deposit yours.
This place is the more convenient, because it is seldom resorted tobut by myself or Hannah, on the above-mentioned account; for it is thegeneral store-house for firing; the wood for constant use being nearerthe house.
One corner of this being separated off for the roosting-place of mylittle poultry, either she or I shall never want a pretence to gothither.
Try, my dear, the success of a letter this way; and give me your opinionand advice what to do in this disgraceful situation, as I cannot butcall it; and what you think of my prospects; and what you would do in mycase.
But before-hand I will tell you, that your advice must not run in favourof this Solmes: and yet it is very likely they will endeavour to engageyour mother, in order to induce you, who have such an influence over me,to favour him.
Yet, on second thoughts, if you incline to that side of the question,I would have you write your whole mind. Determined as I think I am, andcannot help it, I would at least give a patient hearing to what may besaid on the other side. For my regards are not so much engaged [upon myword they are not; I know not myself if they be] to another person assome of my friends suppose; and as you, giving way to your lively vein,upon his last visits, affected to suppose. What preferable favour Imay have for him to any other person, is owing more to the usage he hasreceived, and for my sake borne, than to any personal consideration.
I write a few lines of grateful acknowledgement to your good mother forher favours to me in the late happy period. I fear I shall never knowsuch another. I hope she will forgive me, that I did not write sooner.
The bearer, if suspected and examined, is to produce that as the onlyone he carries.
How do needless watchfulness and undue restraint produce artifice andcontrivance! I should abhor these clandestine correspondences, were theynot forced upon me. They have so mean, so low an appearance to myself,that I think I ought not to expect that you should take part in them.
But why (as I have also expostulated with my aunt) must I be pushedinto a state, which I have no wish to enter into, although I reverenceit?--Why should not my brother, so many years older, and so earnest tosee me engaged, be first engaged?--And why should not my sister be firstprovided for?
But here I conclude these unavailing expostulations, with the assurance,that I am, and ever will be,
Your affectionate, CLARISSA HARLOWE.
Clarissa Harlowe; or the history of a young lady — Volume 1 Page 12