by Rye Hart
“You got to ask me a question last night I never got to toss back your way,” I said.
“Then shoot. I’ve got two cups in me and I’m feeling good.”
“What are your plans for the future?” I asked.
The waitress came up just as I asked the question and took our order. Whitney wanted two scrambled eggs with cheese and a stack of pancakes and I ordered an omelet with hash browns. Whitney was absolutely appalled that I wasn’t eating pancakes and I admitted that I was going to steal some of hers.
That little altercation resulted in her ordering a second stack of pancakes, just in case we ran out.
“Two stacks of pancakes?” I asked.
“Don’t underestimate me,” she said. “I can put them away.”
“So,” I said. “Don’t skirt the question. What are your plans for the future? Have you ever thought about opening your own practice?”
“Honestly, I don’t really know what I’m going to do. But whatever decision I do make, I have to do it fast. I’ve got just enough money to make it three more months. Then I’m gonna be in trouble.”
“Have you job searched at all?”
“Not really,” she said. “This vacation was just supposed to be all about relaxing. You know, taking it slow and getting my mind off things before I got back to reality.”
“Back to reality?” I asked.
“Yeah. Gwen convinced me to take a chunk of time off and just get away. Clear my head and take a break from the slump I was in before I started giving legitimate thought to what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.”
I nodded but my mind started reading into her words. If she came here for the sole purpose of vacation, then I was just a fling; something she’d do as a fun little activity while she was here before she went back to her world and left me behind. I was just a way for her to get her past behind her before she left me and went chasing after her future.
A future that didn’t include the likes of me.
“A part of me has wondered if I should start my own practice but, at this point, I’d have to take out a small loan to get it up and running. I don’t have enough money in my savings account any longer to fully front the cost.”
“Uh huh,” I said.
“Plus, the only law I’ve practiced up until this point is corporate law and I don’t know if I’d want to set up a business around that type of law. It just left such a bad taste in my mouth.”
“Yeah,” I said.
“But I’ve got two weeks with you before I have to think about that kind of stuff,” she said, smiling.
And there it was. Confirmation that I was nothing but a temporary distraction.
Here was what I knew for sure; Whitney was impacting me in a way I would’ve never thought possible. But I also knew I wasn’t going to be strung along like this. I might’ve been just a nice little fuck for her but she was breathing life back into me. I was beginning to incorporate her into routines and aspects of my life I hadn’t exposed to anyone except Paxton. I wasn’t about to sit here with a woman who was just using me as a side fuck before she went back off to her life and left me here to flounder by myself.
I had to protect myself. I had to nip this in the bud and get back to the way things were before she came rolling into my life. If my nightmares were going to return, I needed to start coping with that as soon as possible. If she was really going to be gone, I needed to be coping with that as soon as possible too.
“Liam, are you okay?” she asked.
Our food arrived at the table and I started eating before I could answer her. She continued to drone on about the pros and cons of opening her own practice. She talked about the branches of law she might want to try out but how there were other certifications she’d have to get before she could practice any of them. She babbled on about things she’d do to help Gwen with her business when she got back, but never once did she insinuate that we’d keep in touch once she left Gatlinburg. I reached for my wallet but Whitney jutted her hand out. She insisted on paying and I wasn’t willing to argue over such a minor point with her. She left a twenty on the table and told the waitress to keep the change. Then, the two of us headed back to my truck.
She tried to take my hand but I pulled away from her.
“Liam? What’s wrong? Was it something I said?”
“Could you take out your phone and get us back to the resort?” I asked. “I’ve got no clue where we are.”
“Yeah, sure,” she said. “Liam, did I say something wrong?”
But all I did was let out a sigh before I wrapped my hands around my steering wheel.
“Okay,” she said. “It says we should back out and go left.”
So, that’s exactly what I did. I followed every direction she gave me until the resort came into view. Then, I went into autopilot and drove us through the resort. I could feel the air in the truck growing thicker with tension but it wasn’t something I wanted to address. This was her vacation and she didn’t deserve it. The first week had been rough, with her getting lost and injuring her ankle. She’d been through a great deal in her life and worked hard to get where she had and then she was dealt a blow with the bullshit her boss asked her to do.
She deserved to get away and get her head straight but what she wasn’t allowed to do was drag someone along for the ride. She wasn’t allowed to pull someone into her gravitational orbit and keep them there just for her own pleasure. I was a person, a human being with feelings, invested in the time we spent together. And maybe this was the point. Maybe this was the world reminding me that I was a terrible person and I deserved nothing but loneliness. Maybe this was my penance for the choices I made during that bullshit deployment that forever changed my outlook on life.
But, if I got to choose the length of this punishment, then I chose the shortest amount of time available.
I pulled us up into the driveway of the cabin and quickly cut the truck off. I took out my keycard and strode for the front door as Whitney called my name behind me. I needed to pack my stuff up and get out of here. I needed to leave all of this behind before I became any more invested in the woman that was currently running up behind me.
I walked into the cabin and made my way to the bedroom but I couldn’t get there before Whitney grabbed my arm.
“What is going on?” she asked.
“I need to pack and get home,” I said.
“Why?” she asked breathlessly. “I thought… I thought we agreed last night that you’d stay.”
I rounded on her and planted my feet. “I’m more than just a fling, Whitney.”
The tone and strength of my voice even caught me off guard and I watched her take a step back from me. Her eyes widened and her breathing began to pick up. I could hear the words I’d just spoken ringing in my ears while Whitney stood in front of me and, in an instant, I knew I’d traveled down a road I could never come back from.
CHAPTER 28
WHITNEY
The tone of his voice stunned me. It was hard and crisp. He was upset at what I’d said during breakfast and I wished he had said something sooner.
“Liam, I didn’t mean it like that,” I said.
He turned his back toward me and started packing his things. I watched him zip up his suits in the travel bag before he packed his shoes and socks in his suitcase. His face was stoic. The kind of stoic it was when I’d first met him. Every single wall I’d tried to peel back from him was crashing back down and I wanted to stop the cascade before things got any worse.
“Liam, just stop for a second.”
I grabbed at his arm but he pulled away from me like my touch was fire. His brow was stern but his eyes were hurt and I had no idea how to make this any better.
“Come on,” I said. “You know I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Then how did you mean it?”
“I just meant that I needed to get away and clear my head for a while. I didn’t mean that you were just… some tool to do that with.”
&n
bsp; “Then what am I?” he asked.
What in the world was he expecting? I’d only known him for a few days. And yes, it was fun. So much fun. I enjoyed the time we were spending together and the memories we were creating. He lit a fire in me in ways I’d never experienced before with another man. I was finally indulging in things I’d only dreamed about. I’d pushed my love life aside for years to get through law school, and then I continued to neglect it when I took that awful job and thought I could actually change the world for the better.
“You’re a wonderful man,” I said. “One I’m enjoying spending my time with. Please don’t leave.”
“Look, I’m not really sure what we thought we were doing but it’s better if this just ends now,” he said.
“Liam, you’re being ridiculous.”
“And how’s that?”
“You’re reading way too much into a conversation over breakfast,” I said.
“I don’t think I am,” he said.
“Liam, what do you want me to say?”
I looked up into his light blue eyes and I could tell he was almost gone. The way his mouth was turned down into a frown and his eyes seemed so far away. He was reaching out for his suitcase while his suits were tossed over his shoulder. I knew if I could just get him to sit down on the bed and listen—get him to just think this through—that we could spend two more glorious weeks with one another before we both had to go back to our realities.
Wait, was that the issue?
“Nothing,” he said. “You don’t have to say anything.”
He picked up his suitcase but I wasn’t ready to give up this fight. I grasped his arm and stopped him in his tracks, trying to find a way to communicate all this to him. I wanted to tell him how he made me feel. How he opened me up to a part of myself I thought was dead and buried forever. I wanted him to know how much I appreciated him and how much fun I was having with him.
Why couldn’t we just have fun together?
“You saved my life, Liam. Please stay. Please let me repay you for your kindness.”
“You don’t know the first thing about saving lives,” he said. “I didn’t save your life.”
“Yes, you did. I would’ve frozen out there in the cold and died because I wouldn’t have been able to get up. You saved me, Liam.”
I felt his muscles flexing underneath my touch but not in a good way. His entire body was pulling taut and he seemed to grow in stature. There was a darkness I recognized that was looming over him. A darkness I’d experienced that first night with him.
When he woke up screaming and had to take a shower.
“Liam, I don’t know what you expected but let me lay it out, okay? We spend two weeks together and we make all these memories. We have fun, we enjoy each other’s company, and we get to experience things we’ve never experienced before. You with the resort and me with… all of this. All of you.”
I watched him turn his head back toward me and I was praying I had his attention.
“Then what?” he asked.
“Huh?”
“What happens after those two weeks are up?” he asked.
That was the problem. It wasn’t about opening up or not wanting to open up. It wasn’t about temporary flings or being used or experiencing new things and being afraid of them. Hell, it wasn’t even about being vulnerable or naked with another person you hardly even knew.
This was about the future. About where we would both go after this was all said and done.
“Why won’t you just open up to me?” I asked.
“Why should I?”
“Besides the fact that I did? Try the fact that we’ve shared more between the two of us in the past few days than most people do in a fucking lifetime.”
I knew I was getting angry and I knew it would upset him. I watched him slowly turn around and I took a step backward, trying my best to stand my ground. There was a mixture of anger and sadness and frustration fluttering over his face and all I wanted to do was get him to put down his stuff and cool his damn jets for a second.
“You have no idea what you’ve done for me, do you?” he asked.
“What?”
“You just don’t get it. You’ve got no idea and you don’t have any idea because you hardly know who I am.”
“Because you won’t talk to me, Liam,” I said. “You won’t say a damn thing about yourself and you know more about me than anyone in my life besides Gwen.”
He chuckled to himself before he shook his head and it only made me angrier.
“What’s so funny?” I asked.
“For you, it’s just black and white. From here, you go back to your world and you find a new job. Maybe one you like, maybe one you hate. You spend time with your best friend and you sleep soundly in your bed and, soon, you’ll forget about this entire thing. You’ll forget about me, and you’ll forget about this. But that’s the problem because I could never forget about you. Not after what you’ve given me.”
“And what is it I’ve given you, Liam?” I asked. “Can you at least tell me that?”
But, instead, all he did was turn around and start walking down the hallway.
“See?” I asked. “You want to blame this on me but you’re the one who can’t even open your mouth to talk.”
“Yep.”
“And here you are, walking away from me again when you won’t even tell me what the fuck is going on!”
“Uh huh,” he said.
“Fine, go, Liam. Stalk out of here like a little boy.”
He whirled around at the front door and I saw his nostrils flaring. I stopped in my tracks and braced myself for whatever was coming. At this point, I didn’t even give a damn how he said it. I didn’t care if he yelled it at me from his damn truck.
All I wanted this man to do was talk to me the way I’d been able to talk to him. All I wanted to do was give him the sort of relief he was able to give me.
But he wouldn’t open his fucking mouth.
Then, without a word, he turned around and opened the door. I watched him from the porch as he loaded everything into his truck and I stood there while he backed out. Part of me wanted to run after him. To jump in the back of his truck and force my way into his life until he realized my worth. What I could bring to him and the comfort I could give him if he just stopped being so damn reclusive and scared.
His truck drove off down the cobblestone pathway while I stood there shivering in the cold and all I could think was that maybe this was how it was supposed to end. Maybe this was supposed to be the catalyst for me going home. Maybe Liam was only in my life to open it up just a little bit. To show me that my life could be better and that it could be full of happiness if I was just willing to take a few steps I’d never taken before.
I stood there while my toes grew numb, hoping he would turn around and come back. I wrapped my arms around my chest while icy tears brewed behind my eyes. I didn’t even know what he was expecting from all this. I got the sense that maybe he wanted more. That maybe he wanted to keep in touch after all this was said and done, but I still didn’t know. He hadn’t actually told me anything. He’d just beaten around the bush, hoping I’d get the picture or some shit like that. Was that what Liam was afraid of? That I would reject him if he talked?
At this point, it didn’t matter. What was done was done and it was obvious he wasn’t coming back. I walked back into the resort cabin and closed the door. Then my eyes slowly panned over to the cushions on the floor. With a tear streaking down my cheek, I went over and laid down on the cushions. They smelled like him and I took a deep breath. I wanted to memorize his scent before I went home because, the truth was, I couldn’t stay here anymore. I didn’t know if the resort would refund my money, but I didn’t care.
I needed to get as far away from the memory of him as I could.
CHAPTER 29
LIAM
The wind was howling and the ground was moving. I ran and I ran, breathing in the metallic scent of the air. Bombs were w
histling in the distance and gunfire was shooting all around my head. The rock sprayed into my face while I held someone on my back, trying to get them to safety.
I could feel blood trickling from my nose. I could feel it dripping down my throat. I could feel my ankles burning from the lack of skin and I could hear the person on my back groaning for help. I kept turning down hallways while the lights got dimmer, threatening to swallow us both in darkness while I kept running.
Suddenly, I was outside. The ground was moving like waves in the ocean and I was running over them but getting nowhere. Bombs were going off beside me while someone kept screaming for help in my ear. I held the body on my back close to me, trying to let them know it was going to be okay. That as long as they were with me, they would be safe and healthy.
Because I was a doctor and that was what doctors did.
But then, I turned a corner and was met with a stone wall. A wall with chains dangling from them that dripped with the blood of the dead. Bodies were scattered around me. Bodies that had scalpels impaled into their backs. Scalpels that glared with my fingerprints while tears poured down my face and that was when I recognized the voice on my back.
“Canter. Help me.”
I shot up like a bat out of hell in my bed while sweat poured down my neck. Wiping it away, I groaned as I shifted my legs over the bed. Another fucking nightmare had come and gone, waking me up before dawn to greet me with its sleepless calling. It’d been two days since I’d last seen Whitney and every fucking time I closed my damn eyes, I saw it. War. Unrest. Blood. Bodies. I saw that damn shithole flash behind my eyes as if it had fucking happened yesterday.
I wasn’t getting an ounce of sleep.
Grunting, I lifted my drenched body off the bed. I ripped the sheets up and walked them to the washer, tossing them in before I took my clothes off. I threw everything in, along with some detergent and started the washer. Then, I slipped into the bathroom to take a shower. I smelled like I’d just come running out of the woods and I needed to get myself clean. I needed to scrub the blood off my hands and run hot water over my back, just to make sure he wasn’t there.