by Treva Harte
* * * * *
What was the matter with the man? Lilli picked up the racket that had been discarded near the tennis court. She swished it forcefully through the air, as if Harry was on the receiving end.
He'd gone back to the office. Back to his life. He'd scribbled a note to her that said nothing, not even when he was returning. If he was.
She wanted to return to her own life. Yes, she did. Even though this one became more real every day. Even though her real life grew less desirable all the time. But this one wasn't full of the serene contentment she'd envisioned once from her mirror. She couldn't see clearly how things were, the way the inn host had promised—
Promised? No one could promise her the ability to know the truth. Lilli rubbed her forehead hard. Surely she wasn't thinking the innkeeper had managed all this? Everything she thought now was muddled. Absolutely nothing was going right. Nothing.
She heard footsteps coming down the graveled path. With Harry's disappearance, David Bradshawe was appearing more and more. Her plan to have Anabelle's father squash any romance had only worked while Anabelle's father cared to be about.
Idiot man.
“Hello, Mrs. Dayton!”
Lilli kept her lips from twisting into a snarl only with a huge effort. David's glib speech and overly broad smile reminded her of Mason's dear buddy Fred. Only a teenaged child could fall for such false charm. Anabelle was dazzled, though. Lilli had intercepted far too many meetings that Anabelle “forgot” to mention.
“David.” Lilli stretched out her hand.
“It's wonderful to see you.” David even sounded like he meant it. He grasped her palm, bending over it European style. Lilli kept her jaw from dropping when he kissed her hand. When he straightened he gave a serious look, not a charming one.
He really was a pretty boy. Graceful, too. She was sure many women would melt with that hand-kissing gesture. He simply hadn't picked the right woman this time. She had felt more for him when he looked directly at her like a man just then, instead of acting as a young gigolo.
“Isn't that just a bit excessive?” Lilli drawled out the words. She knew he could hear the snap to her voice despite her polite smile. “I'm old enough to be your mother.”
“You're much too pretty to be my mother,” David answered.
“I think you're much too practiced a flirt for me to believe you mean that.”
“Of course I do. Lilli—I've been thinking about you for weeks now. Wanting to know you better.”
Oh, God. Now what? She used to have a kind of radar about when men were interested. This interest stunned her.
Her amazed hesitation cost her. Suddenly she was mashed up against David's chest. Apparently tennis could make strong arms. Lilli struggled, realized how tightly he was holding her and relaxed.
“Why don't you let me go before you embarrass us both, David?”
“Why don't I not?” He laughed and forced her mouth open with his tongue.
She kicked him sharply in the shins. These stupid skirts were hampering her movement.
“Harlot!” Anabelle's voice cracked.
Wonderful. At least the word made David's arms drop from her. Lilli stepped back, took a deep breath. “Anabelle, I haven't—”
“Haven't what?”
Oh, even better. That was Harry's voice. It held steadier than Anabelle's, but she heard the same note of accusation in it as his daughter's.
“I haven't done anything to make you sound as if I am on trial.” Lilli stepped back again. “Good-bye, David. Better hunting next time.”
“You led me on!” David wasn't aiming for charm now. His voice shook with sobs instead. If she hadn't been involved, she would have sworn he was sincere. “I didn't know… Lilli, you must have cared. You were always looking at me, singling me out from the crowd. You're the first woman I ever—” He choked.
David Bradshawe was a much better actor than she'd given him credit for. Now even she was feeling confused. Yes, of course she'd singled him out while trying to keep him from Anabelle. Could he be that misled by her actions?
“Go home, David. Try with someone who might believe your lies.” When she saw Anabelle's pinched face, she knew she'd hesitated too long yet again. At least one member of the Nelson family already believed David's half-truths. What about the other?
She turned to Harry, dismissing the other, lesser man from her thoughts. Harry looked impassive. She knew he wasn't. He bubbled over with emotion, emotion that he usually hid from others. He couldn't hide from her.
Harry was upset. Furious. With her?
“You believe me, Mr. Nelson, do you not?” She kept her words formal in front of Harry's daughter. “You know me. You know David.”
“Do I?”
Oh, God. He was angry with her.
Anabelle interrupted the tense silence with a mewling noise. She turned and ran, sobbing noisily, toward the house. Lilli took a step to follow her and then hesitated.
Why don't you go take care of your charge, Mrs. Dayton?” Harry turned to the sniffling David. “I have other matters to attend to.”
“Do you believe me or not?” Lilli planted herself in the path.
He turned to look her up and down. Would she like the answer she got?
“Yes. I do,” he answered. His voice sounded certain, but also unhappy, as if he disbelieved her.
“Then why—” Lilli took a deep breath. She didn't want to ask more with someone else there. They'd have time later.
“I see. You're hoping for someone wealthier.” David's voice made Lilli jump. “Good luck. Other women have lost their reputations trying to land him.”
“Get out of here, puppy. Don't return. You're not welcome.” Harry spoke to David Bradshawe without bothering to glance at the young man, not even raising his voice. His contempt was clear enough…and his interest in someone else.
He looked only at Lilli.
Tension rose inside her as the sound of running footsteps grew more distant with every second. She hadn't wanted to discuss things in front of an audience. Suddenly she was afraid to discuss anything with Harry at all.
“He'll start gossip about you.”
“Gossip will die.” Lilli swallowed.
“He's a little viper who will keep rumors going. He could make things reflect very badly on you.” Harry held out his hand. He said the next words as if they surprised him. “Marry me.”
He wasn't the only one surprised. Lilli shook her head in disbelief. “You don't like marriage.”
He dropped his hand down and stepped back a little. “No, but perhaps I've made too much of my dislike. After all, it's simply a more formal, legal arrangement of our current terms. Our current arrangement has been rather enjoyable.” He smiled. “I could learn to like our marriage. You could, too. Marry me, Lilli.”
Marriage to Harry? He stood, hands in his pockets and head to one side, looking much like he did when he'd made his original offer to her. For a moment she felt almost giddy…almost like she was nineteen and being proposed to.
Once she had seen only the advantages of being with someone powerful and wealthy, sexy and interested. In fact, she'd stayed blind until recently to the trap of being with someone who didn't want to be married to you.
“Thank you for you offer, sir.” Lilli gave a deep curtsey, as if she were meeting the Queen. “However, I've already had a marriage much like what you propose. I don't want another. We can continue as you originally agreed to, or we can terminate our agreement entirely. You decide while I see to Anabelle.”
Anabelle's room was quiet. Lilli stopped outside the door. No noisy sobs, no hysterical shrieks. Was she really needed inside?
Coward.
Lilli turned the doorknob and walked inside. Anabelle's room was all girlish lace and frills, dried flowers and ruffled curtains. Curled up on the bed, a lump of silent misery, was Anabelle.
“I'm sorry,” Lilli whispered.
“Why? No matter what happened out there, you won.”
> She had won her petty war with Anabelle. Why was she sorry? Whether Anabelle believed the boy or not, she'd been shown David Bradshawe wasn't for her, something Lilli had wanted to show her for weeks.
“I'm terribly sorry that you've been hurt.” That much was also the truth.
Anabelle's chin quivered. Her face was splotched from her tears, but she didn't cry this time.
“I wanted this so badly. I should have known he didn't care about me.”
This was spoiled, careless Anabelle? Lilli took a cautious step forward and laid her hand on the teenager's shoulder. The girl turned her head away from Lilli, but nothing else.
“You made a mistake. It won't be the first time someone your age makes a mistake. That doesn't make you unlovable, Anabelle.”
“I didn't want to be like my mother.”
“Oh?” Lilli frowned. What had Harry said in front of Sarah's daughter?
“I want to have boyfriends, flirt. Get married when other girls do. Not like my mother.”
“Your mother married.”
“When she was almost thirty! My father had been one of her students. She taught school for years and years, never meeting anyone, never having any fun. She told me that people laughed when she married my father. Said she robbed the cradle. But who else could she find?”
No wonder Harry hadn't been worried about whether Lilli was too old for him! She gripped Anabelle a little tighter.
“Your life will be very different. Your father is wealthy. The good part of that is you'll never be forced to do anything for money. Unlike your mother, you can go places and have fun. The bad part is that you'll have to think carefully about why certain people want your company.”
“No one loves me. Just my money.”
“Anabelle, that isn't true—” Lilli spoke carefully. Now wasn't the time to discuss how spoiled behavior was unattractive.
“Not even Daddy wants to be with me. He sent you to console me instead of checking to see how I was. I bet he's already on the train back to the City. You're hired to care for me.” Anabelle sounded weary instead of snippy. “I don't want to pay to have people look after me. I'd hoped David would be the right one for me. The one who loved me.”
“Things don't always work the way you wish, dear.”
“Money doesn't fix that, does it?” Anabelle suddenly sounded more adult than she ever had. “You don't have any money, but I saw how David and my father look at you. You make things and people work the way you want them to. I don't know how to do that.”
“I didn't know how do anything like that when I was your age, Anabelle. Not a thing.” Lilli bent, gave the girl a kiss on the cheek. “You'll learn.”
Anabelle gave a long sigh. “You make me sound like a baby. Maybe I am, but I hate it.”
“I know.” Lilli laughed. “I suppose you think me saying so makes you sound like a baby. Believe me, it makes me feel like I'm an old lady.”
“You are old. Now please go away.” Anabelle didn't sound happy, but she didn't sound furious, either.
Lilli paused. Was going the right thing to do? She'd ignored her stepchildren. She knew now she'd been wrong to do it. But did Anabelle need some time alone to gather her pride together?
“If that's what you want.” Lilli decided to compromise. “I'm here whenever you need me.”
“I need to wash my face and tidy myself up.” Anabelle sat up. “Mary is coming to visit this afternoon and I'm not going to let her see me like this. She's a horrible gossip.”
Anabelle would be fine.
“When you're ready I can put a bit of powder on your face to hide things,” Lilli offered.
“You use powder?” Anabelle's eyes grew big. “Really? Thanks, Lilli—Mrs. Dayton.”
The two of them stared at each other. Had they actually reached a truce? Lilli ventured a little further.
“I do want to help, Anabelle. Not just because I'm paid to, either.” Anabelle smiled tentatively. She looked like her father then—wanting to believe, but afraid.
“I suppose you aren't so bad for a chaperone. Though I wish you had kicked David. The wretch. I hope Daddy scared the pants off him.”
Lilli laughed, though in the distance she heard the train whistle. She had the feeling Anabelle was right. She didn't know why, since he ought to be thankful she'd saved him from his sacrificial marriage proposal. Silly man. He might deny why he'd gone, but they both knew. He'd run away.
He'd be back. He had to be. He didn't ask for sympathy or cosseting, though the more she knew of him, the more she wanted to offer both. She wanted to help him—and not just because she was paid to.
Oh, damn the man. Instead of just wanting sex from Harry, she was starting to care about his feelings. To believe he or any man had them caused nothing but trouble.
He went straight to Alice, right from the train station. She'd taken one look and known, just as he half-expected her to.
“Well, whoever she is, she's slapped you down hard.” Alice pushed him into her gilt chair. He sat, heavily.
“When have I ever let a woman get close enough to slap me down?” He gripped the arms of the chair. They creaked in protest.
She was like all the rest. He'd simply managed to fool himself into believing she was different. He'd managed to realize he was lonely without her.
“Now.”
The word hung in the air. Harry shook his head. “I asked her to marry me. After all these years of solitary bliss. But all of a sudden I realized—I thought I realized—marriage was the best thing for both of us.”
“But she said no.”
“She said no.” He turned to grip her hand. “Alice, stay with me. Let's make a permanent arrangement. I'll even let you have your affairs as long as you stay.”
“Oh, Harry. You don't mean that.”
“You won't take me on either, then?”
“You'll never get a woman unless you pay for her, Harry. You aren't the sort that inspires a woman's love or loyalty.”
“I don't care, Sarah. I'm only sorry I didn't pay for you by the hour instead of for our lifetime.”
“More fool you. You wanted a respectable woman. You pay for respectable women with marriage.”
“I won't be the same fool twice.”
“Harry. Stop. You know we're much better as friends.”
He opened his mouth to protest and then slumped in the chair. “I know. It's a real pity, too. I wish things were different. You and I have always been honest and easy with each other. I don't find such virtues too often. Not in women.”
“Or in men, either.”
God. How many times did a man have to learn his lessons?
Alice leaned over him, smoothing his hair. She was dressed in a negligee, perfumed and powdered. Attractive. Sexy. Why couldn't he turn to her and forget?
“I have to rid myself of her, Alice. She'll haunt me if I don't.”
“Dismiss her, then. Isn't she one of your women?”
“No. Yes. I mean, yes, she is, but I don't mean I want to merely send her packing. I can't tell her to just go. Oh, she'd leave my house and not return quickly enough. She's already told me so. But I need her out of here.” Harry tapped his forehead.
“And here?” Alice tapped her chest. “That was the biggest problem of all between us always, Harry. It's hard to love a man who doesn't love you. I was never in your heart. Is she?”
Harry shrugged and turned to bite her earlobe. “Damn my heart. I don't need one.”
Alice shivered in pleasure from the brief flash of pain, just as he'd intended. Her tongue touched her lower lip, sensuously, in a gesture they both knew.
They hadn't been together for a long time. Did he want them to be? Why did he even have to ask?
“Will you help me, Alice? For old times' sake? You have more trickery…and more loyalty…than any other woman I know.” He slipped his hand against her pubic curls, teasing her labia. “I know you can help. Alice, I'm a fool enough about her now to believe her when she asks me for fai
th.”
“Is that so bad, Harry?”
“Yes. I know what I believe she is—the naïve part of me believes, anyhow. I think she cares. But I'm besotted. When I'm calmer, I think about what she's like in reality. I know she doesn't trust me. Other than her distrust, I don't know anything about her—her past, how she feels about me, what she wants. She's accepted my terms for our affair and never pushed for more. In fact, she just informed me she wants no more. Not marriage. She laughed at the idea. I must mean nothing to her.”
“She's an idiot. If you truly want to marry her, you'd be a prize. Harry, are you sure she's not right for you?”
“I'm sure that I'm as big an idiot as I was at eighteen, imagining a woman to be what I want her to be. I can't help myself. Alice, you have to make me not care, to not imagine her as some ideal no one could be.”
“I can try, boyo. But it may not be that easy. I'm an actress, not a miracle-worker.”
“I'm not expecting miracles. Why do you think so?”
“Well, for one thing, you've been fondling me for a number of minutes now. But your manly member there is no more hard than if you'd been working on one of your business accounts.” She squeezed his stroking hand and then backed away. “You must be damned involved with her. Why didn't you tell me so, straight out, last time?”
“I didn't know. Not exactly. Oh damn, I'm sorry, Alice.” For running to her. For seeking comfort. For wishing she was someone else even while he ran and sought comfort. He was a bastard.
“So am I. Your cock deserves better.” She knelt before him. He swallowed and his shaft began to harden. She unbuttoned his fly. “You like me to suck you this way, don't you? On my knees?”
“You like it just as much.”
“That I do.” She fastened her mouth onto the head of his cock and he groaned.
Lilli hadn't quite killed off his desire for another woman, thank God. When Alice's knowledgeable hands began to squeeze his balls, he moved himself closer to her face. Alice would work him until he released the edge of his frustration. He'd forget Lilli or die trying—
Damn him for being able to remember her even while someone else was getting him hard. The other woman sucked him down, deep, and his toes curled with delight. He remembered—or had that just been one of his fantasies, the ones that seemed so real when he was away from her? God, he thought he remembered when Lilli had tied him to the chair once and did the same. God, they'd done so many things. Things he'd never let a woman ever do.