by Rye Hart
“Oh no,” Mom said. “What happened?”
Telling my mom about Julie’s connection to Josh would only make things more complicated. My mom, who adopted me when I was just a baby, was already nervous about my relationship with my brother. When Josh first tracked me down, Mom spent weeks trying to talk me out of meeting him. She was terrified that my biological family would somehow steal me away from her.
“It’s not worth talking about,” I said. My voice was weak. It took all my strength to keep talking. “We just didn’t work out. That’s all.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Mom said. “I could tell you really liked her.”
“You could?” I asked.
“Well,” Mom said. “You haven’t mentioned a girl to me since that horrible ex of yours. I knew this one must be special if you were telling me about her.”
“Yeah.” I sighed. “She is pretty special.”
“Then—” Mom began, but I stopped her quickly.
“I have to get going,” I said. “Work is just nonstop right now, Mom.”
“Okay,” Mom said. “I understand.”
“I’ll see you for Christmas,” I said. “Love you.”
“I love you too, honey.”
I could tell my mom didn’t want to get off the phone. She was constantly worried about me. She thought I worked too much and too hard. She insisted that I didn’t have enough of a life. It probably made her so happy to find out I was seeing someone. And now, I’d disappointed her yet again.
With a groan, I left the conference room. Marcy was still sitting at her desk. She looked at me nervously when I approached.
“Cancel the Richardson contract,” I said simply. “Send them the confirmation and then go home.”
“Go home?” Marcy asked.
“It’s the holidays, Marcy,” I said. “You deserve a break.”
“Thank you,” Marcy said. “But, I don’t mind.”
“I insist.”
Marcy smiled and nodded. She immediately went to work on the Richardson paperwork. I left the office without another word.
My drive back home was slow and exhausting. In just a few days, my entire world had crumbled around me. Julie hated me. Josh wasn’t speaking to me. And my company was teetering on the brink of ruin. I felt like there was nothing I could do to make things right.
I got home and went straight to bed, tucking myself under the covers and blocking out the world. I slept most of the day, happy to have an excuse to turn off my brain. Still, when I woke up that night, Julie’s face was the first thing I thought of. No matter what I did, I couldn’t stop missing her.
CHAPTER 25
JULIE
Saturday morning came too early. Andrea was passed out on my couch, but I hadn’t yet made it off the living room floor. My head ached from all the wine we drank and, yet, the hangover still didn’t hurt as badly as the memory of what happened with Michael. I could still see him leaving the night before, disappearing out my front door without a backward glance.
Andrea tried to convince me to call him. By the time we opened the second bottle of wine, she was convinced that my love for Michael was real. She pushed me to forgive him, saying that it would only make me happier if I did. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to make the phone call. As much as I still cared about him, I wasn’t ready to face him yet. I didn’t know if I would ever be ready.
“Good morning,” Andrea mumbled when she saw that I was awake. “I need water.”
“On it.” I slowly got to my feet and grabbed two water bottles out of my fridge. I tossed one to Andrea. She groaned as she opened it and took a long sip.
“I hate hangovers,” Andrea said.
“This isn’t so bad,” I said with a shrug. “I’ve had worse.”
My mind returned to thoughts of Michael. I remembered waking up beside him after his company Christmas party. My head was resting on his chest and, even though it was pounding from the alcohol, I had never felt more comfortable. Just being with Michael used to be enough, but now, I wasn’t sure.
“How are you feeling about everything?” Andrea asked. She sat up slowly with another groan.
I shrugged. “I’m fine, I guess.”
“Have you thought any more about calling him?” she asked.
I shook my head and turned away. Today was going to be a long day. My parents were expecting me at their place by lunch.
“Just think about it,” Andrea said. “I won’t push you anymore.”
“Thank you.” I smiled, but it didn’t quite reach my eyes.
“Are you heading home soon?” Andrea asked.
“Yeah.” I nodded. “My parents want me there for lunch. You?”
“I’ll see mine on Christmas morning,” Andrea said. “But I have to get back to Dallas for work. My shift starts in like two hours.”
“Damn.” I laughed. “Have fun with that.”
“Yeah, fuck you.” Andrea groaned again, but it quickly turned into a laugh.
It took us a while to get moving, but soon, we were both heading out the door. Andrea walked to her car with a giant cup of coffee in her hand. I waved goodbye and climbed into my car, happy to be alone for the short drive back to my parents’ house.
As much as Andrea helped the night before, I needed time to myself. It was hard to wrap my head around everything that had happened between me, Michael, and Joshua. Accepting that they were brothers was hard enough, but finding out that Michael had been lying all this time felt impossible. Even after two days, I still couldn’t make sense of it.
Luckily, I didn’t have long to dwell. When I pulled into my parents’ driveway, my sister ran outside to greet me. Layla was on her hip, bouncing around happily and waving her arms at me.
“Hey,” I said as I hurried over to them.
Bethany pulled me in for a tight hug while Layla played with my hair. I kissed my niece on the cheek before turning my attention to Bethany. She was watching me closely, a slight frown on her face.
“What’s the matter?” she asked immediately.
“Don’t.” I shot her a warning look as our mom and dad stepped outside. “Not now.”
Bethany nodded and stood aside while I said hello to our parents. They both hugged me and quickly ushered me inside. My dad took my suitcase upstairs to my old bedroom. I’d be staying for a couple of days, although I wasn’t sure that was the best idea.
Despite how excited I was to spend Christmas with my little niece, I didn’t know how well I’d be able to hold myself together. Michael stayed in the back of my mind throughout the entire day.
We ate lunch together as a family, laughing and catching up on life. Bryan wasn’t there yet, though he would be arriving later that night. He and Bethany agreed to spend Christmas with our parents this year because his parents lived out of town. Everything was nice. Normal. Calm. I tried to feel comfortable, but I couldn’t stop my emotions from creeping up on me.
While my mom cleared all the dishes, I just sat at the table and stared down at my hands. Bethany was watching me from the living room. She had Layla on her chest, rocking her slowly to sleep, but her eyes never left my face. I could feel her gaze the entire time.
Finally, I couldn’t take it any longer. I pushed away from the table, mumbled some excuse about being tired, and ran upstairs. I felt like a teenager again as I pulled my door closed behind me and fell onto my old bed. My head hit the pillow, and immediately, fresh tears sprung into my eyes.
I was getting impatient with myself. All this crying was pathetic. Not only was Michael not worth it, but I refused to be the kind of girl who fell apart every time a relationship didn’t work out.
Angrily, I shoved myself up off the bed and began to pace around the room. My head was spinning with thoughts of Michael, and my heart ached from missing him so much. But I refused to let the tears fall. I walked circles around my childhood bedroom until I was certain I could keep my emotions at bay.
Just when I thought I was ready to head back downstairs, the door slowl
y crept open and Bethany stepped inside. She smiled at me knowingly and sat down on the edge of my bed.
“Talk to me,” she said simply.
I sighed and sat down beside her. She waited patiently until I was ready to unload everything. When I first saw my sister outside, I didn’t want to tell her anything. I just wanted to keep the whole situation a secret. I wanted to bottle everything up and pretend like it didn’t exist until after Christmas. But now that we were alone, I couldn’t stop myself from spewing the entire story.
“Michael is Joshua’s brother,” I said bluntly.
Much like Andrea, Bethany assumed I was kidding. She was shocked. As I told her the rest of the story, she just shook her head from side to side in disbelief. It wasn’t until I was completely done talking that she finally found her voice.
“Well, damn,” Bethany said. “No wonder you look like hell.”
“Thanks,” I snapped.
“Hey,” Bethany said. “Don’t expect me to start lying to you now.”
“I know.” I groaned. “I feel like shit, Beth. I barely slept last night.”
“I can imagine,” Bethany said.
“Michael showed up at my place last night,” I said softly. “He just showed up with what I assume was my Christmas gift. He didn’t even know something was wrong until I told him about dinner with Joshua.”
“How did that end?” Bethany asked.
“With us both yelling,” I said. “Then, I kicked him out and spent the rest of the night drinking with Andrea.”
“Sounds healthy,” Bethany said with a laugh.
I laughed with her, feeling relief flood my body. I hadn’t laughed much lately. It felt amazing to let myself feel something other than confusion and pain.
“I’m sorry,” Bethany said. “You don’t deserve this. Any of it.”
“I just thought we had something real,” I said softly. “Michael and me, I mean. We connected so quickly, you know? It almost felt like…”
“Fate?” Bethany finished for me.
“As pathetic as that sounds,” I said. “Yes, it felt like fate.”
Bethany shrugged. “Well, maybe it was.”
“How?” I asked. “How could it be? After what he did?”
“He lied,” Bethany said with a nod. “But is that really the worst thing you can imagine?”
“It’s not the best,” I said darkly.
“Of course not,” Bethany said. “I’m just saying, Michael isn’t the devil, Julie. He lied because he didn’t know what else to do. He obviously cares about you.”
“I just feel like our entire relationship was built on a lie,” I said. “Like none of it was real.”
“Do you really believe that?” Bethany asked.
I hesitated. My immediate answer was ready and waiting on my lips, but it didn’t feel true. When I thought about all the time I’d spent with Michael, a warm feeling spread throughout my entire body. I could remember the way I felt the first time I saw him, how his dark blue eyes had drawn me in instantly. Our first kiss came flooding back to me, and my stomach clenched with desire at the mere memory.
More still, when I remembered the way Michael looked at me as we stood in front of that huge Christmas tree in the middle of the town square, I knew his feelings were real.
“I don’t know anymore,” I said, defeated.
“Just think about it,” Bethany said gently. “You want to be with him, Jules. It’s written all over your face.”
“Of course, I do,” I admitted. “But what does that matter now? It’s not like we can just snap our fingers and fix everything. It doesn’t work that way.”
“Doesn’t it?” Bethany smiled.
“Beth.”
“It’s a phone call, Julie,” Bethany said. “One phone call. You call him, you talk, and you go from there.”
“What if it doesn’t change anything? What if he tells me it was a setup for whatever fucked up reason he might have?” I asked her.
“I don’t think that’s it, Jules,” Bethany said confidently.
“What makes you say that?”
She shrugged. “Gut feeling.”
“Girls!” our mom’s voice called from downstairs. “Layla’s up from her nap!”
“Oh, crap.” Bethany groaned. “Already?”
“We should get down there anyway,” I said. “Mom wanted to bake cookies tonight.”
Bethany linked her arm with mine and led me out into the hall. We bounced our way downstairs just like we did as kids. After one conversation with my sister, I no longer felt like my world was crumbling around me. I felt stronger. More confident.
Still, I didn’t know what to do. My confusion was stronger than ever as I stepped into the kitchen. Mom had all the stuff ready to make cookies. We got to work while Andrea changed Layla and then brought her over to help us.
The four of us girls spent the rest of the evening baking and decorating cookies. We crowded around the kitchen table with icing and sprinkles scattered everywhere. Christmas music played in the background and, just like that, I was a kid again.
We all laughed and teased each other while we worked on the cookies. Layla giggled every time she snuck a bite of icing. Even my dad made his way over to help. It was amazing to just be in the moment with my family and let my problems disappear.
When I went to bed that night, I didn’t feel like crying. Michael’s face appeared in my mind, and I smiled to myself, remembering everything we’d done together. I replayed our conversations over and over again in my head. I could almost hear his voice. When I drifted off to sleep, my memories turned into dreams. I awoke the next morning flushed with desire and smiling.
It wasn’t until I realized I was only dreaming that the smile fell from my lips. I felt Michael’s absence stronger than ever, and I wondered if Bethany was right and I should call him.
CHAPTER 26
MICHAEL
Christmas Eve arrived, but I wasn’t yet ready to face my parents. They both knew about my breakup with Julie. If I went to their house, they would spend the entire day grilling me about what happened. Despite how much I wanted to see them for the holiday, I didn’t think I’d be able to handle getting the third degree. Not yet anyway.
Instead, I went for a quick jog around my property and then jumped in the shower. I still hadn’t heard from Julie, but I wasn’t going to give up on her. After she kicked me out of her house, I knew we both needed space to cool down. Tensions were high. Tempers were even higher. I wanted to make sure we were both calm the next time we spoke. Arguing would solve nothing.
It had been a couple of days, though, and, since it was Christmas Eve, I decided to try. I got dressed and grabbed Julie’s gift off my coffee table. I tucked it under my arm and walked out to my car. The air was cold, and it helped embolden me as I climbed behind the wheel. No matter what Julie said or did, I wanted to try. She was too important. I couldn’t just let her go without a fight.
When I pulled up in front of her house, all the lights were off, and her car was gone. The driveway was empty, but I got out anyway. With the crystal Christmas tree in my hands, I hurried toward the front door and knocked quickly. I stood back and waited, but after five minutes, I knew she wasn’t home.
“She went to her parents’ place,” someone called out from my left. I whipped my head around to see the same neighbor from Friday night. She was staring at me suspiciously. “She won’t be back for a few days.”
“Thank you,” I said with a nod.
“Shouldn’t you be with your family, young man?” the woman asked.
I ignored her and walked quickly back to my car. If Julie wasn’t home, then I wasn’t going to lurk outside of her house, and I definitely wasn’t going to engage in a conversation with her nosey neighbor.
I drove back to my house in a fog. On the way there, I thought about driving up to Dallas. I imagined how surprised she would be to see me there, but when I thought more about it, I knew it would be a mistake. She was enjoying the h
oliday with her family. The last thing I wanted to do was take that away from her.
Instead, I went back home to my empty house. When I stepped inside, I could practically hear my breath echo through the place. I’d never felt more alone in my life. With a sigh, I went into the living room and grabbed a book off the coffee table. If nothing else, I could spend the day relaxing.
My phone rang before I had a chance to read more than a page. I saw Josh’s name flash across the screen. I thought about ignoring it, letting it go to voicemail. I was still angry with my brother for everything he’d said to Julie. But it was Christmas Eve. And he was still my brother.
“Hey,” I said, pressing the phone to my ear. “Merry Christmas.”
“You too,” Josh said. His voice was guarded.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“I want to see you,” Josh said simply. “It’s Christmas Eve. Plus, I really think we should talk.”
“Yeah…” I trailed off. I knew Josh meant well, but the idea of seeing him made my stomach churn. I didn’t know if I was ready for that.
“Are you with your parents today?” Josh asked. “Because we can always meet up tomorrow or—”
“No,” I said quickly. “I’m not with my parents. I’m home.”
“Great,” Josh said. “Then, can I come by?”
“Sure.” I sighed. “Yeah, that’s fine.”
“Okay,” Josh said. “Well, I’ll see you in like an hour.”
“Great.”
We hung up, and I tossed my phone on the couch beside me. Dread filled my chest, but I tried to push it away. I needed to confront him about what had gone down with Julie. Did he really still love her, or was he just pissed that she was with me? Why had he told her that I knew who she was? What was the point of all of that? I was still incredibly pissed.
Deep down, I knew Josh and I needed to work things out. We couldn’t hate each other forever. Not after missing so much of each other’s lives. Still, when I thought about the things he said to Julie, my face flushed with rage.
I paced around the house for the better part of an hour. If I kept moving, I could keep my anger at bay. Josh would be there soon, and when he arrived, I didn’t want to start a fight. We both deserved a chance to have a nice Christmas Eve. If we could do that together, then that would be even better.