by Susan Vail
Even though Sarah was against the idea, she helped Emma sneak out of the house. They climbed into the buggy and managed to leave without anyone noticing they were gone.
Chapter 9
It was only because the house was empty and quiet that Matthew heard the knock at the door from his bedroom. He rolled over in his bed. Who could that be, he wondered. The entire community should be at Emma’s house for the wedding. The knock echoed through the house again, but this time it seemed even harder than before. He relunctanly got out of bed and walked downstairs to answer the door.
He was shocked when he opened the door and Emma was standing there. He looked past her and saw her sister Sarah sitting in the buggy. He gave a little wave and she waved back.
“What are your doing here?” he asked Emma. “Your wedding is supposed to start soon.”
“I know,” she said, suddenly feeling a sense of panic that her family would discover she was gone. “I only have a few minutes.”
She looked down at her shoes, not sure what to say next. Suddenly this seemed like the worst decision she could possibly make.
“I…I got your letter,” she was finally able to say. “I came to say I’m sorry you’re hurting. I never wanted to hurt you.” She looked up at him and when their eyes met they both began to cry.
Matthew couldn’t believe how selfless Emma was, especially on her wedding day. He was too caught up in his own emotions to be there for her, yet here she was, comforting him.
“I shouldn’t have given you that note,” Matthew said, shaking his head. “I’m so sorry I was so selfish.”
“Neh, we’re friends and you should be able to tell me how you feel. And if I was a good friend to you I would’ve come over here long before now and talked this over with you.”
They were quiet for a few minutes. “Is that your wedding dress?” Matthew asked Emma.
“Jah,” she said, smoothing out the front of the dress. “I made it myself.”
“It’s beautiful,” he said to her.
“Denke,” she said blushing. “If you look close enough you can see where I made mistakes.”
“All I see is perfection,” Matthew said quietly.
Emma looked up at him. His dark eyes were so full of sadness. Why hadn’t she fallen in love with him like he had with her?
Sarah called for Emma that it was time to go. The wedding would be starting soon and she hoped to get her sister home before people began to think she was a run-away bride.
Emma sighed when she heard her sister’s voice. She knew she needed to go. She looked up at Matthew and suddenly threw her arms around him. “You will find someone wonderful,” she reassured him. She held onto him a little bit longer, unsure why she suddenly didn’t want to let go. His scent was so familiar to her but in all the years they had been friends she had never been this close physically to him. She buried her face in his neck and felt his skin against hers.
She finally pulled away and looked him in the eyes one last time before finding the strength to turn around and walk away. He was better off without her anyway, she told herself. He deserved to be loved the same way he loved – fully and completely.
The ride home seemed to take forever. The girls rode in silence, each one thinking their own thoughts about what had just happened.
Sarah’s stomach was in knots. Levi was a nice guy, no one would dispute that, but she wasn’t sure he loved Emma the way Matthew did. Maybe it was because Levi and Emma had only been together for a short time compared to the lifetime that Matthew and Emma had known each other.
Emma couldn’t help but think back to all the fun times she had shared with Matthew growing up. She thought about the frog races, the countless lunches by the pond, and the dreams they shared. She shook her head as they pulled up in front of her house. All of that was child’s play, she told herself. It was time she grew up and left all of that behind.
Chapter 10
Dear Emma, by now you are married. The cake is probably eaten and the guests are starting to leave. Soon you will be lying in your husband’s arms and anticipating what is to come. I would be lying if I said I didn’t imagine that moment myself a time or two over the years – what it would be like to lay next to you on our wedding night. I would be nervous to finally be able to kiss you and take you into my arms as my own.
It’s terrible for me to sit here and think of you like I am but I can’t help myself. I had hoped to see what your hair looked like when it was down around your shoulders after you’d taken your bonnet off for the night. I had hoped to watch you rocking our baby to sleep in a rocking chair I would’ve made for you the very day I found out you were pregnant with our first child. I had hoped to sit in the living room after dinner and read the bible to you and our children, looking out at each of you and being so thankful I was put in charge of protecting you and providing for you. And I’ve looked forward to all the times you would show me a quilt you were making or a piece of embroidery and I could praise your hard work and the gifts Gott had given you.
I feel like I didn’t just lose you today, but my future as well, our future. I have never been so heartbroken in all my life.
Just like the other letters I have written to you over the last year, I will not give this one to you. But unlike the others I can say with certainty this will be the last one I write. I have to learn to let go and I will never be able to do that if I keep writing to you.
This is the last time I will write these words but they will always remain etched into my heart – Emma Mast, I will love you forever.
Chapter 11
Matthew folded the letter and put it in the box with the others. He had to get a larger box several months ago to fit his growing collections of undelivered notes. Before he put the lid back on, he surveyed the large pile of unread letters. He dipped his hand inside and pulled up a handful of letters and then dropped them down again. He sighed, his heart heavy with the pain that each one carried.
It’s time to get rid of the box and its contents, he told himself.
He picked up the box and carried it outside. The full moon lit up the sky and earth and made it easy to see where he was going. As he started to walk towards the barn to get a shovel he heard a horse and buggy coming down the road. He could see the light on the front of it getting closer and closer to his house.
Matthew knew it was his mother coming home from the Mast’s house. He knew she would be sensitive to his feelings and spare him the details of the evening but even so he thought he would make it easier on her and spend some time outside until he was sure she went to bed.
He made his way to the barn and found a shovel.
“Matthew.” A voice from behind him made him jump.
He spun around and he could see his mother’s silhouette in the doorway.
“You scared me!” he said to her with a nervous laugh.
“Matthew I have something to tell you.”
Matthew’s stomach tightened. He could tell by his mother’s tone the news would not be good.
“Emma is missing.”
“What do you mean she’s missing?” he asked confused.
“We realized earlier that her and Sarah were gone. When they got back Levi went out to talk to her and the rest of us went inside to get ready for the ceremony. Something happened out there Matthew but none of us know what it was. Levi came in and said Emma would be in in a minute but she never came in. We’ve spent the evening looking for her but no one knows where she is. Her family is worried sick…”
As his mother’s words trailed off Matthew was filled with a sense of fear and panic. Where had she gone? Where was she now?
“You haven’t seen her have you?” his mother asked hopefully.
“Neh,” he answered. “But I have to go look for her.”
Matthew took off towards the front of the house where the horse and buggy stood waiting for him.
“We’ve looked every where,” his mother called after him. “Where are you going?”
&n
bsp; Matthew didn’t answer her. There was only one place he thought she might be. If she wasn’t there he had no idea where he would look next. He passed several other buggies on the road, each one driving slowly, no doubt looking for any sign of Emma.
When Matthew got closer to Emma’s house he pulled the buggy over to the side of the road and tied it to a tree. He didn’t want anyone to see him sneaking onto the Mast’s property.
He let the moonlight guide him to the pond at the far end of their land. He let out a sigh when he finally reached it. He didn’t see her.
“What are you doing here?” he heard a small voice say.
Matthew squinted his eyes and looked in the direction of the voice. They finally rested on someone slumped over by the water.
“Emma?” he asked.
He heard her sniffle and knew she was crying.
Now that he knew she was there he could see her more clearly now. He walked over towards her and sat down next to her.
“What happened today?” he asked her. “My mother just came home worried sick because you were missing. Are you ok?”
“Neh,” she said, her face buried in her hands.
“Would you like to talk about it?” Matthew asked her gently.
With that she started to cry. Without looking up at him she explained how she and Sarah had come home earlier and Levi was outside waiting for them. When she told him where she had gone he ordered Sarah into the house.
“I tried to tell him that you and I were just friends and I only went to your house to make sure you were ok. I told him he could ask Sarah if he didn’t believe me.”
“Was he angry?” Matthew asked.
Emma let out a dark laugh and looked out over the water. “He was furious. He told me no wife of his was going to embarrass him by being late to his own wedding because she was off consorting with another man.”
“Did you tell him we were just friends?” Matthew tried to make sense of this madness. There was no reason for Levi to be this angry with Emma. Nothing had ever happened between them.
“I told him,” she answered. “But he didn’t believe me. He said I even smelled like you.”
Matthew was embarrassed. He didn’t know what he smelled like but he thought that maybe some how his scent had come off on her when they hugged.
“What did he say after that?” Matthew asked, unsure he wanted to hear the answer.
Instead of telling him Emma turned to look at him. Thanks to the light of the moon he could see Levi didn’t say anything next, he acted instead. The left side of Emma’s top and bottom lip were swollen. He had hit her.
“I was so embarrassed,” she cried, burying her face in her hands again. “I came out here hoping the swelling would go down and no one would have to see what he did to me. It’s taking much longer than I thought it would.”
Matthew was furious. Levi had hit Emma and here she was hiding in the dark to protect him.
“Emma I’m so sorry he did this to you. You deserve so much better that this. Please tell me you won’t go back to him.”
“Of course not,” she replied. “How could I live with someone who would do this to me.”
Matthew stood up. “Come on,” he said gently, extending his hand to her. “You need to get inside and get some ice on that. That will help the swelling go down.”
Emma paused and Matthew read her mind. “Don’t worry, all the buggies were gone when I pulled up to your house.”
She took his hand and let him lead her back to her house. She sat at the large table in the kitchen, which still held all the food and desserts left behind from the wedding. Matthew had been in the their kitchen hundreds of times and knew where everything was. He made his way around, gathering ice and a bag to put it in, then a kitchen towel to wrap the bag in. He handed it to Emma just as her family walked in. They were relieved to see her, then shocked when they saw her lip.
“What happened?” her mother demanded.
Emma told them the story and they all gathered around her and cried with her. After a few minutes her mother pulled away and said they should give her and Matthew time to talk.
Her mother kissed her on the forehead. “I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m glad you’re ok. We’ll all make sure Levi never lays a hand on you again.”
Emma smiled as much as she could with her swollen lip.
Once everyone had left the room, Emma pointed to the box Matthew had sat on the table in front of her when he first sat her down. “What is that?” she asked.
Matthew was embarrassed. He left the house in such a hurry he must have brought the box with him. He didn’t even remember taking it to the pond with him or bringing it into the house and sitting it on the table.
“Oh,” he said blushing. “It’s nothing.” He picked it up but didn’t know what to do with it.
“What’s inside?” Emma asked gently.
Matthew sighed. He might as well tell her. He sat in the chair next to her and held the box on his lap.
“Remember how I said I wasn’t going to write you any more letters?”
Emma nodded.
“Well, I did write to you, I just didn’t give them to you.”
“Can I read them now?” she asked.
Matthew looked down at his box, not yet willing to hand it over. “You don’t want to read these,” he said still not looking up at her. “I wrote them more for myself – to help me deal with my feelings.”
“Do they have my name on them?” she asked slyly.
“Jah,” he said with a little laugh. “They do.”
“Then it sounds like they were written for me.” Emma said with a little laugh of her own.
Matthew looked up at Emma. Her swollen lip broke his heart. How could he deny her anything?
He handed the box over, his stomach knotting as he placed it in her lap.
Emma took off the lid and pulled out one letter, then another. Tears filled her eyes as she read them. Matthew couldn’t look at her anymore. He had never planned on showing anyone these letters that contained his deepest thoughts and emotions.
Emma read a dozen or so letters then closed the lid and handed him back the box.
“I knew you loved me,” she said wiping the tears from her face. “But I didn’t know you loved me that much.” She held out her hand, which clutched the last letter he had written her, the one from just a few hours ago.
Matthew sighed. He took the letter from her and placed it back in the box.
“I’m going to burn this box and all the letters inside,” he told her still looking down at the box.
“Why would you do that?” she asked him surprised. “The letters are so beautiful.”
“It was my letter that got you in trouble today,” he said heavily.
“Neh, it wasn’t,” Emma assured him. “Without your letter, I wouldn’t have seen Levi’s true character until it was too late.”
She reached over and put her hand on his arm. “Your letter caused me a tiny bit of pain now, but it saved me from a lot of pain later.” She shuddered at the thought of what her future could’ve been like.
Matthew looked at Emma and his heart felt like it could explode with love for her. He picked up the ice pack and brought it to her lip. He softly held it there for a minute until she reached up and took it into her own hand.
“Matthew, I’m not ready to say I love you like you love me, but if you’d be willing to take things slowly with me, and give me time, I think that in the future I could have your name etched on my heart too.”
Tears filled his eyes. Maybe he had heard God after all. He had just needed to be patient while God worked things out.
“I’m willing to wait for you for as long as it takes,” he said cupping her hands in his.
Emma smiled as best she could. She had a feeling it wouldn’t take long at all.
**********
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Bethany rolled over, pulled her quilt over her shoulders and tucked it under her chin. She looked out her bedroom window at the red blinking light above the dark horizon.
She had grown up watching the light and when she was five she asked her mother what it was. “A television station tower,” her mother had replied sharply.
Bethany turned the words over and over in her little mind. None of them made sense to her.
“What does that mean?” little Bethany asked. “What is a television…” She paused, not remembering the full title her mother had given it.
“A television,” her mother started “is a little box full of evil. People sit in front of it and it sucks away precious minutes of their lives. And that antennae,” she said with deep disgust in her voice “is what carries that evil to each of the Englisch boys and girls in Fairfield and beyond”.