A World Apart

by Mel Gough

  Without a moment’s hesitation, Ben replied, “And I love you, buddy.” He put his hand on Donnie’s neck.

  “Alright, you love birds,” Stacy said loudly, making both Ben and Donnie jump. She spread the papers on the coffee table before Donnie and held out a pen. “I promise not to keep you long. Donnie, please sign here, and here. And then you can contact the pharmacy and order the meds your doctor prescribed at the hospital.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  “YOUR FRIEND IS staying at our house?” Helen’s voice sounded suspicious through the phone. It was early still, but when Helen had texted him that she and Laura would return the next day, Ben had thought it best to call her right away.

  “Yes, well…yeah. He’s sick…. It’s, uh…”

  “What’s going on, Ben? Just tell me.”

  Ben rubbed his eyes and moved the phone to the other ear. His heart was beating hard in his chest. He had to tell her. He had never been able to keep secrets from his wife, and whatever else was different between them now, that hadn’t changed. He braced himself for her reaction.

  “Donnie…he…he’s more than a friend, Helen.” Ben let that settle for a moment. Helen said nothing, so he pressed on. “I didn’t plan it. It just happened. I’ve only known him a few weeks.”

  For a long while, Helen still didn’t say anything. Ben waited, feeling dizzy with apprehension. “I see,” she said eventually. Her voice was calm but clipped. “And your…friend, he’s sick?”

  “Yeah. He’s been in hospital with pancreatitis, and he can’t be on his own. I couldn’t abandon him.”

  Helen sighed. “Of course you couldn’t. Just…”

  Just don’t make a scene. Ben tried not to feel bitter. Got it. “Don’t worry. Nobody knows he’s even here.”

  “Not even Jason?”

  There had been times when Ben had shared everything with his best friend, sometimes to Helen’s annoyance and suspicion. Maybe she was now wondering just how close Ben and Jason had been, too. But Ben couldn’t deal with her going off on a tangent. He had enough balls in the air.

  So he quickly said, “No, not Jason, either. It’s—”

  “Complicated,” Helen finished for him. “I get it.”

  “You…you want Donnie to be gone when you and Laura come back?”

  The next silence stretched and stretched. Ben knew Helen. She was fighting with herself to keep her emotions in check, do the right thing, and be the adult. His wife had a kind heart. She would never turn out a sick man, as hard as it might be on her.

  “Of course not, Ben,” she said finally. “If he needs somewhere to stay, then he’s welcome, for however long it takes.”

  “Thanks, Helen,” Ben said quietly, relief flooding him in a warm rush.

  “That’s okay,” she said a little stiffly. “Listen, I gotta go. I’ll call you when I have an ETA for tomorrow, alright?”

  “Sure. Speak soon.” Ben ended the call. At least this was sorted, but he still felt unprepared for Helen, Donnie, and him all being under the same roof.

  BEN LOOKED AROUND the dinner table and gave an inward groan. This could never go well.

  To Ben’s right sat Donnie, already looking gray and exhausted from being upright for more than five minutes. Donnie was beyond tired; it had been a long day. He and Ben had spent several hours at the hospital, sitting in a noisy waiting room on uncomfortable plastic chairs, waiting for Donnie’s follow-up. It was ten days now since Donnie had been released, and being up and about all day was still exhausting enough for Donnie to have fallen asleep in the car on the drive back. The bruising still left over on Donnie’s face from Floyd’s beating was especially stark tonight against his pallor. Helen, who sat opposite Ben, kept stealing glances at Donnie’s face. Laura, on Ben’s left, was staring at her plate.

  Ben took a deep breath. Better get through this quickly. “Helen, hand me the peas?” She obliged, with a look that Ben couldn’t read. He tried to ignore it. “Laura, take some potatoes, darling.”

  Laura did so, then handed the bowl to Helen, who passed it to Donnie.

  “Thanks,” Donnie said, giving Helen his shy sideways smile. Helen looked momentarily confused, and then her eyes grew soft as she watched Donnie put two small pieces of potato on his plate.

  They ate in silence for a few minutes. Ben kept an eye on Donnie, still not convinced this was a good idea. Donnie ate tiny bites of potatoes with gravy, resting back in his chair often.

  “Don’t you like my dad’s cooking?” Laura asked Donnie after a while, her eyes on the tiny portion on his plate.

  Donnie gave Laura a smile. “I like it a lot,” he said, glancing at Ben.

  “Donnie’s still recovering. He has to eat really small meals,” Ben said, hoping things wouldn’t get awkward.

  “Why? What’s wrong with you?” Laura asked.

  Donnie spoke before Ben could answer. “D’ya know what the pancreas is?” he asked, leaning forward and giving Laura his full attention. Laura shook her head, wide-eyed, and Donnie continued. “It’s here,” he said, pointing at his middle. “Right where yer stomach is. It helps to digest the food ya eat. Mine’s sick, and it gets real mad if I eat loads at once.”

  “Does it hurt?” Laura asked, her voice full of fascinated concern.

  “It’s okay now,” Donnie said. “But yeah, at first it hurt real bad.”

  “Then I’m really glad Dad brought you home,” Laura said, giving Ben a smile. “It sucks, being alone when you’re sick.”

  “It does,” Donnie agreed. “Yer dad’s a really nice guy.” The indigo eyes that flashed in Ben’s direction gave him goose bumps. He was impressed with how well Donnie had handled Laura’s questions. He really had a gift for dealing with kids.

  Helen, who had been focusing on her food during the exchange, now turned to Donnie. “Where do you work?”

  Ben held his breath. He tried not to shoot Donnie a warning look. Donnie wasn’t an idiot. He’d know not to mention the AA, and what was happening between them. Nevertheless, Ben’s heart rate sped up.

  “At a daycare in Atlanta,” Donnie said, and gave Helen a smile. “I like working with kids.”

  Helen gave him an appraising look and finally returned the smile. She looked impressed when she said, “I bet they like you, too.”

  Donnie blushed. Helen seemed at the end of her interrogation. Donnie motioned at the living room. “I really like yer house, Helen. It’s pretty, but comfortable too.”

  Helen looked even more surprised. “Thanks. It was fun planning the colors and the furniture.”

  “Ya got great taste,” Donnie smiled.

  Clearly gratified, Helen answered Donnie’s questions about the artwork on the walls and how she had chosen each piece. Ben listened, impressed with Donnie, and slightly surprised that he was making such an effort to make this evening bearable. The conversation moved on to Laura’s hobbies and her school, with Donnie asking the right kinds of questions and listening attentively to both Helen and Laura. After a while, Ben caught his eye and nodded his wordless thanks. Donnie smiled.

  But soon Donnie’s shoulders were starting to tense, and his knuckles became white from gripping his knife and fork hard. Finally, he pushed his plate away. Donnie’s strength was waning, and Ben was getting worried. He finished his own food quickly, and then pushed his chair back.

  When Laura had finished a tale from her latest baseball practice, Ben turned to Donnie. “You look pretty tired. Do you want to go lie on the sofa for a bit? Or go back to bed?”

  Donnie looked relieved. “Think I’ll go to bed, if y’all don’t mind.”

  “Of course not,” Helen said with a smile.

  “You want me to help you upstairs?” Ben asked.

  Donnie shook his head. “Nah, it’s okay. Can manage.” He got up from the table with a little wince, but gave Helen another smile. “Thanks for letting me stay.”

  “Not at all.” She looked him over, her eyes full of sympathy. “I hope you’ll feel well again s
oon.”

  Donnie nodded his thanks and gave Laura a wink. Then he made his way slowly out of the room and up the stairs, his hand against his stomach. Ben frowned.

  “You can go help…your friend,” Helen said in a low voice so that only Ben could hear. “I can manage the dishes.”

  Ben forced his attention away from Donnie’s uneven footsteps on the stairs. “No, it’s fine. I’ll help.”

  As he and Helen carried dishes into the kitchen, Laura turned on the TV. They started loading the dishwasher while the opening tunes of Friends carried through from the living room.

  “Is Donnie okay?” Helen asked as she handed Ben a couple of plates.

  “Yeah, he’s fine,” Ben said, not keen to go into too much detail and make their conversation awkward. “He still gets tired quickly, and he’s struggling with eating. But he’s healing fine.”

  “He’s a nice guy, Ben.” Helen sounded a little strained but gave Ben a smile. “He has a real knack with Laura.”

  Ben suddenly felt very fond of Helen. This had to be difficult for her, yet she was taking it all in her stride. “I’m really grateful that you’re letting him stay. It means a lot.”

  Helen nodded, her lips pressed tightly together in a quick smile.

  Ben thought it best to change the subject. “How was your trip to Savannah?” They hadn’t really had time to speak yet; Helen and Laura had just gotten home shortly before Ben had finished cooking dinner.

  “It was good,” she said. “I think I figured out what I want to do next. I want to go back to college. Psychology sounds interesting.”

  “That’s a great idea, Helen,” Ben said, and meant it.

  “It’s not as expensive as I thought, either,” she carried on, before the thought had even crossed Ben’s mind. “The community colleges in Atlanta have some great offers. I need to have something new, too. Just the library job isn’t enough.” She gave Ben an almost pleading look as she handed him the last two glasses for the dishwasher. “You understand that, right?”

  “Of course I understand, Helen. I’ll support you. Just because we…didn’t work out…doesn’t mean I won’t help you where I can.”

  Helen’s smile was full of genuine warmth now. “I knew you’d get it,” she said. “And I meant it, that Donnie is really nice. Not like I thought at all…” She blushed.

  “He’s a good guy. He really is.” Ben took a deep breath. “I didn’t plan this, you know? It just…happened.”

  “I do know, Ben,” she said and closed the dishwasher. “I’m really glad you won’t be alone. You’re not made to be on your own.”

  “HELEN REALLY DOESN’T mind you staying.” They were lying in the guest bed together, Ben propped onto his right, Donnie on his left, facing each other.

  Donnie shook his head. “It’s real kind, Ben, but I’m good to go home tomorrow.”

  “I don’t know,” Ben said, studying Donnie’s face. The other man looked exhausted. There were dark circles under his eyes, and he was still very pale. When Ben had come to bed, Donnie had been dozing but had woken up as Ben slid under the covers. Despite Ben’s protestations that they could talk in the morning, Donnie had insisted on telling him about his plans of returning to his own house.

  “She needs her home back, Ben,” Donnie said. He had a point. Even though Helen had warmed to Donnie and no longer thought of him as an intruder, it would be difficult for them all to be under one roof. And Helen and Ben still hadn’t mentioned their separation to Laura. Ben would prefer to talk to his daughter before she found out that her dad was sleeping in the guest room with another man.

  “It’s not like I got nowhere to go,” Donnie continued. “Our house, it ain’t great, but it’s always been good enough for me and…”

  And right there was the other reason why Ben didn’t want Donnie to go. They still had no idea what had happened to Floyd, but Ben had a strong intuition that Donnie should stay well away from anywhere his brother might turn up.

  “I’ll worry about you constantly, buddy,” Ben said, reluctant to raise the topic of Floyd, which Donnie always avoided. “You’re barely back on your feet.”

  “Doc said ‘m healing fine. Ya heard him yerself.”

  That was true enough. Dr. Greene had been very satisfied with Donnie’s progress, and that he was showing no side effects from the new medication. The blood results from the samples taken today would come back in a few days, but Donnie was definitely on the right track.

  “It’s not hurting anymore, neither. But if it does, I’ll take the codeine, promise.” Donnie sighed at Ben’s unconvinced huff, and rolled his eyes. “How ‘bout ya come and check on me every day, huh?”

  Ben grinned at Donnie’s impatient tone. “Am I such a nanny?” He reached out and stroked Donnie’s face.

  Donnie gave a little grin, too. “Bit, yeah. Don’ stop tho…”

  “Being a nanny, or this?” Ben asked quietly, now stroking Donnie’s neck, then his bare chest.

  Donnie sighed with pleasure, stretched like a cat and rolled onto his back. “Neither,” he murmured, eyes sleepy as he regarded Ben from under his long lashes.

  “Night, buddy,” Ben whispered, and Donnie hummed, then closed his eyes all the way. Ben kept stroking his warm skin, and soon Donnie’s quiet, even breathing told Ben that he had gone to sleep.

  More than ever before, Ben longed to kiss those beautiful collarbones, the freckled shoulders, be with Donnie properly. He wanted to give his man pleasure, feel him, have them be one.

  They hadn’t talked about sex much, but Ben was sure that Donnie was aching for the same thing. Sometimes he seemed almost ready for intimacy, but something was still holding him back. They had only kissed so far, shyly and gently, and Ben didn’t want to push Donnie. There really was no need to rush anything, he reminded himself again. Sighing, he turned around to switch off the bedside light.

  Until it was 100 percent right for them both, this was good enough: Going to sleep together and knowing the other one was right there.

  “C’MON, DAD, RUN!”

  Ben hurried after the ball, but he wasn’t fast enough by a long stretch. Laura’s hit was perfect, high and wide. Only the park was no playing field and the high weeds beyond the fence, full of ticks and snakes, swallowed the little white ball without a trace. Ben, who had nearly slipped on the dewy grass and only barely managed to avoid falling on his ass, cursed under his breath.

  He turned around and watched Laura, all long legs and self-conscious early teenage gracefulness, come running toward him. “Dude. Dad!” She stopped halfway between her backpack that was serving as first base and the fence, and gave him a look that was channeling her mother to such a degree Ben did a double take. Fists resting on her narrow hips, dark brown pigtails flying as she shook her head at him, Ben had a vision of the young Helen he had courted in college.

  The thought of his still-just-about wife made Ben’s chest tight. He shook his head, dispelling the vision, and started walking. “C’mon,” he said to Laura, motioning to the bench where they had left their belongings. “We’ll get that damn ball after lunch.”

  Ben sank onto the bench with a groan, dropping the leather glove by his feet. Then he rummaged in the plastic Publix bag and pulled out two sandwiches. “BLT or ham and cheese?”

  Laura shrugged, but then, quick as a flash, snatched the BLT sandwich from him with a giggle and flopped down next to Ben. She leaned her bat against the bench carefully, and Ben handed her a can of Coke, then cracked open a Sprite for himself. For a few minutes, there was silence as they tucked into their sandwiches with the enjoyment only physical activity brings.

  “I told Donnie about how good you are at baseball,” Ben said after a few bites. He watched his daughter as she slowly chewed, then swallowed.

  “Bring him along to a game some time.”

  A sudden weight he hadn’t even noticed before disappeared off Ben’s chest. “Really?”

  “Sure,” Laura said. “He’s nice.” She grinned
at Ben, suddenly looking very grown up. “And he’s kinda cute. Bit old, but still cute.”

  Ben wasn’t sure what to say to that. This certainly wasn’t turning into the conversation he had rehearsed in his head for the last few weeks. “Laura, I know all of this is pretty confusing…”

  She rolled her eyes, now the bratty teenager again. “Daaaad,” she drawled, sounding bored with his slowness. “I know you think I don’t get it, that I’m too young to understand.” Her voice was mocking him and all adults, everywhere. “You fell in love with a guy.” She shrugged. “Happens. Cory’s got two dads, too. And Elena’s mom now lives in San Francisco with her girlfriend.” Her grin was impish now. “Welcome to the twenty-first century, Dad.”

  At first, Ben was slightly shocked that Laura had worked all of this out on her own. Then he was impressed. He hadn’t exactly expected her to be upset about Donnie but maybe confused. He certainly had been very confused at thirteen, when watching the older boys undress in the locker room had made him feel so strange. Maybe girls really were more mature at that age.

  “I’ll miss you, though,” Laura said eventually, now looking down at her almost finished sandwich. “When you move out.”

  Ben’s gut reaction was to reassure her that that wouldn’t happen anytime soon. But he didn’t want to give his daughter false hope, either. “We don’t have to worry about that just yet,” he said. Even to himself that sounded feeble.

  Laura didn’t respond. Ben was suddenly worried. Had Helen told Laura about their break-up, after all? Had she said something to their daughter she hadn’t shared with him yet? Maybe that she wanted him to move out sooner rather than later? He really shouldn’t be surprised if Helen had already made plans for when that time came, but the thought made him surprisingly uneasy.

  “Hey,” Laura said, finishing the last bites of her sandwich. “Let’s get that ball, and then I’ll show you how to actually catch it, okay?”