by Mel Gough
“Jason…”
“What were you doing with him?” Jason sounded almost hostile. He had gotten the right end of the stick and wasn’t happy about it at all. “Actually, no need to tell me. Ran into Helen yesterday at the post office, too. Asked her the same question. She wouldn’t say, neither. Tells me all I need to know, really.”
A wave of affection for his soon-to-be ex-wife overcame Ben. So she was still keeping his secrets.
“Him, Ben?” Jason was sneering. “Of all people, him?”
Suddenly, Ben couldn’t take it anymore. Jason’s tone cut him to the bone. With a deep breath, Ben sat up straight. “Yes, Jason, him. His name is Donnie. And I don’t see how this is any of your business.”
Jason glared at him, then exhaled sharply. “Right, Ben. If that’s how you want it.” His voice sounded tight. He got up from his chair. “Well, I’ll see you around.” And without another word, he strode out of the incidence room.
Ben’s heart was thumping hard as he looked after Jason’s retreating back. This had gone much worse than expected. But he’d probably been stupid to hope for a better reaction.
It hurt, losing Jason as a friend. But if that really was his attitude toward Donnie, then Ben didn’t see any other option. And it made Ben sad that he wasn’t even very surprised.
Now that Jason knew, the rest of the station would know soon enough, too. That hardly mattered now, but it made Ben uneasy.
He couldn’t dwell on that, though. He had other things to worry about. Trying to push Jason and their gossip-loving colleagues from his mind, Ben fished his cell phone from his pocket and dialed Arthur’s number.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Arthur. Got any news for me?”
“WHY’RE WE GOING into Atlanta?” Donnie was shifting nervously in the passenger seat.
Ben smiled at him. “You’ll see.” Donnie still looked suspicious, so Ben quickly added, “It’s for a good reason. Trust me!”
Donnie chewed that over for a moment, then nodded. “Alright.”
Ben reached for the dashboard to turn on the radio, but Donnie was faster. “Don’t, Ben.” He glanced up with a little grin. “No offense, but ya really know nuthin’ ‘bout music.”
Ben conceded the point. Donnie settled on something noisy—it might’ve been Metal; Ben didn’t know—and leaned back in his seat, relaxing visibly.
The loud music was an excuse to not have to talk. Donnie was still reeling from all that had happened lately. He seemed genuinely happy to spend time with Ben, but every so often, there was a haunted look in his eyes, as if he was worried that Ben would start asking too many questions.
Physically, he was much better and tolerated the two-times-a-week injection of Isoniazid well. He was back at work in the daycare, too, and that had helped him more than anything to find his equilibrium again. But so much had changed for Donnie in a very short time, it would take a while yet for him to adjust. Hell, Ben had a hard enough time of that himself. He was glad that the next change he had planned for them both would do its bit to help them feel more settled in their life together.
Ben parked the car on a busy main street lined with shops in the Ormewood Park neighborhood. Donnie looked at him curiously. “We gonna visit Arthur?”
“We are,” Ben said. “But first I gotta show you something. Hey, let’s get an ice cream on the way.”
The expression of total confusion on Donnie’s face made Ben laugh, but he said no more. They got out of the car, and Ben led the way into the ice cream parlor he had spotted across the street.
As they entered the shop, Ben said, “You better have a sorbet, or maybe frozen yogurt? Something low-fat.”
“Yeah, sure. But Ben, what—”
“Not long now,” Ben said, grinning. “I can’t tell you. It’s a surprise.”
When they had paid for their treats, Ben led the way down the street. Donnie relaxed as he savored the sweetness of his mango sorbet and looked at him with slightly narrowed eyes.
“That surprise better be good. Had enough bad ones…”
“It’s real good, buddy, promise.” Ben turned down a side street and walked along a row of apartment buildings. They came to a long graveled path ending in a collection of two-story duplexes, and Ben stopped.
Donnie looked confused again. “But Arthur’s is another block down.”
“We’re going there after. First the surprise.” Ben climbed the outside stairs to the second floor of the nearest building, Donnie at his heels. He finished his ice cream, then dug in his pocket for a key. As he walked into the apartment, he called over his shoulder, “Don’t get any sorbet on the carpet. It’s brand new!”
The short hallway led into a bright, airy living room with open-plan kitchen at the front of the building. The room was a good size and would look cozy with the new sofa and shelves Ben had already ordered. The walls had been painted a clean off-white, and the light blue carpet was indeed new.
“You like it?” Ben asked as Donnie stepped into the room, looking around cautiously. “Kitchen’s new, too.” Ben pointed toward the generously proportioned space fitted out with gleaming cupboards and the very latest in kitchen appliances.
“It’s real nice. Why’re we in here?”
“Because I wanted to show it to you before I sign the lease. Cuz if you hate it, we can keep looking…”
“Are we…moving here?” Donnie said, disbelieving.
“Unless you don’t like it.”
The look on Donnie’s face was one of utter bewilderment. “‘Course I like it. But Ben, yer commute’ll be endless!”
“Only if the traffic into downtown is bad. Maybe I should get a bicycle…” Ben enjoyed the deep frown on Donnie’s face for a moment.
“Ya lost me, man.”
It was time to end Donnie’s confusion. “I’ve got a new job, at Center Precinct,” Ben said. “Community policing, mostly. Arthur suggested I apply.” He grinned. “I even got a promotion.”
At that, Donnie’s face lit up with happiness. He took a step toward Ben, then stopped and looked at his fingers, sticky with sorbet. Wiping his hands on the bottom of his pants with a grin, he resumed walking. When he came to a halt in front of Ben, his indigo eyes were sparkling.
“Yer the worst tease, ya know that?”
“I try.” Ben grinned.
“Officer,” Donnie said in a low growl, “when’s that big bed comin’?”
Ben’s grin widened. “Soon as we want it.”
“How ‘bout now?” Donnie said, pulled Ben close by the front of his shirt, and claimed his mouth hungrily. Ben sighed with pleasure and relief that Donnie had taken this in his stride.
Donnie tasted of mangoes and sugar, and Ben couldn’t remember ever having wanted anyone more.
When Ben broke the kiss, Donnie gave a sigh of longing. “God, Ben.”
Ben was half convinced Donnie would pull away, too afraid to push this, to give in to their desire. It wasn’t exactly familiar territory, fucking on the brand-new carpet in an apartment that wasn’t even theirs yet.
But instead Donnie crowded in, pressing so close that their erections were trapped between their bodies. Ben reached up and cupped Donnie’s face. “You sure, buddy? D’you want this?”
There was a flicker of uncertainty in the indigo eyes, but then Donnie nodded. “D’ya…”
Smiling, Ben reached into one back pocket and pulled out condoms. Then he reached into the other one and produced a single-serve pack of slick and tissues. To Ben’s slight surprise, a grin stole onto Donnie’s face.
“What?” Ben asked suspiciously.
“Ya were a Boy Scout, amirite?”
Ben winked and took everything—tissues, slick, and condoms—into his left hand. “I like to come prepared.” Then he pressed into Donnie again. “C’mere, you,” he murmured with a sigh. He buried his right hand in Donnie’s hair, thumb caressing the nape of Donnie’s neck as he pulled him close and they resumed kissing.
They were bre
athless by the time Donnie pulled Ben down to the floor. Donnie now took the lead, and Ben soon found himself on his back, looking up at Donnie kneeling next to him. Strands of strawberry-blond hair were hanging over Donnie’s eyes, and he was chewing his lip as he surveyed Ben’s supine form.
“Alright,” Donnie murmured, his low, dark voice echoing oddly in the empty apartment. He scooted down toward Ben’s feet and began pulling off his shoes.
Ben let Donnie do the work, smiling slightly at the look of concentration as Donnie set about undressing him. Donnie was exceedingly gentle as he unbuttoned Ben’s pants and pulled down the zipper. Then Donnie glanced up, blushing slightly as he realized that Ben had been observing him. But there was a smile on his face, too, and not all of the color in his cheeks came from embarrassment. The front of Donnie’s tight denims was proof that he was as excited as Ben.
“Hips up,” Donnie murmured, and Ben obliged. When Ben was naked from the waist down, Donnie stopped. Ben held very still. This was Donnie’s show; he would play along with whatever his guy wanted.
Finally Donnie reached out and slowly undid Ben’s shirt buttons. The sight of Donnie’s face, flushed with arousal, yet entirely focused on the task at hand, was the sexiest thing Ben had ever seen. He reached down and stroked his own erection against his stomach while Donnie finished with the shirt. When it fell open, Donnie sat up on his haunches.
“Now what?” Ben asked quietly.
In response, Donnie got to his feet in one fluid, graceful movement. He unbuttoned his own shirt, and now held Ben’s gaze fast. Donnie’s lithe, smooth form emerged slowly and seductively. He was putting on a show just for Ben.
The shirt glided off the broad shoulders and onto the floor. Breaking eye contact only for as long as it took to pull his undershirt over his head, Donnie soon stood before Ben bare-chested, breaths coming fast with arousal. Slowly, Donnie undid the buttons of his pants. Ben let his gaze travel over Donnie’s smooth belly, the skin the color of cream, and followed the treasure trail down to the main prize. As the denim and boxer briefs slid down Donnie’s thighs, his silken length emerged, already hard.
When he had completely undressed, Donnie went down on his knees again, hand on his erection. He reached for Ben’s length, still lying against his belly, but then dropped his hand. A fleeting, nearly frightened glance from the narrow indigo eyes, then Donnie squared his shoulders and reached out again. And again, he stopped short.
“Buddy?” Ben was getting worried. Suddenly the excitement of their illicit activity felt juvenile.
Donnie shook his head minutely, staring at the floor. “Ben… I want to…but I can’t…”
And Ben suddenly understood. Sitting up quickly, he reached for Donnie, who hunched by his side, frozen in misery. “Hey, hey,” he soothed, and pulled Donnie against himself. Donnie allowed it but stayed stiff and tense. “I couldn’t care less,” Ben whispered. And, trying to lighten the mood before it had time to go completely down the drain, he added, “Fellatio is overrated anyway.”
Donnie gave a weak chuckle. Ben thought for a moment, deliberating. Then he got to his knees. “I love what we usually do. Why fix what ain’t broken, huh?”
Nodding, Donnie pulled away and let himself sink onto the carpet. His eyes were a little wet when he regarded Ben, but he blinked away the tears and took a deep breath. “Ya still wanna, right?”
“Absolutely!”
Ben took his time. It required a few minutes of gentle caresses before Donnie lost the awkwardness and the dejected expression from his face. Ben kept his gaze on Donnie while he prepared himself, and frequently stopped to stroke Donnie’s belly, sides and thighs. When Ben finally pushed in as slowly and carefully as he had the very first time they’d ever been together, a blush of arousal was returning to Donnie’s milk-white chest. His eyes slid shut and the hand on his erection kept pace with Ben’s thrusts.
After they were done, lying on the soft blue carpet, spent and satisfied, Ben pulled Donnie into his arms. “This is always good enough, buddy,” Ben said against Donnie’s temple. “We got nobody to please but ourselves. It ain’t a competition. All I care about is that I make you happy.”
Donnie’s arms came around Ben and hugged him tightly. He made a small choked-off sound on an outward breath but didn’t speak. Ben buried his face in Donnie’s tousled hair. A sleepy, familiar feeling enveloped him, carried on the scent of sex and sweat and Donnie’s shampoo.
“God, I love you.” Ben sighed. “And I can’t wait for our new life to start.”
“Me, either, Ben.” Donnie hummed against Ben sleepily. They stayed just where they were a few more minutes, drifting. Then Donnie lifted his head. “Hey, ya said we were gonna swing by Arthur’s.”
Ben sighed. “Yeah, guess we better get going.” He looked around them for the packet of tissues. As he pulled out a couple for himself and handed the pack to Donnie, he grinned. “Surprises aren’t done yet.”
“GLAD YOU CAME by!” Arthur smiled at Ben and Donnie sitting on his sofa. “How’s the apartment? Everything settled?”
Ben nodded. “Donnie likes it. I’ll sign the lease now, and we’re good to go.” He glanced at Donnie’s face, which was creased again in slight suspicion. He had to hide a grin. “Thanks for telling me about it.”
“When I heard they were renovating those duplexes, I just knew one of the units would be great for you guys!”
Donnie fidgeted, and Ben put a hand on his knee. When Donnie looked at him, Ben gave a quick wink. Donnie scowled, first at Ben, then at Arthur. “Why’re we here, Arthur? What couldn’t wait till tomorrow at work?”
“Alright, alright,” Arthur said soothingly. “Patience is a virtue, son. Anyway, you remember me cursing a blue streak about that funding application a few weeks ago?”
“Yeah,” Donnie said cautiously.
“Well, it came through. Finally, one that did! We really need that money.”
“Uh, that’s great?” Donnie said with mounting exasperation.
“It is!” Arthur continued, beaming at an utterly unconvinced-looking Donnie. “The funding is for staff salaries, you see. The center’s gotten so big, we need some permanent staff. Team leaders, some admin, that sort of thing.”
Slow comprehension was dawning on Donnie’s face. So many shocks today, Ben thought. It was all good news, but maybe a bit too much, all at once? But what was he doing? Stop being such a nanny, he’s stronger than you think. He took Donnie’s hand in his.
“Ya mean…”
“There’s only enough for a three-days-a-week post, but we’ll have a bit left over for volunteer training, too. If we get some better-qualified volunteers, they might stick around longer. You’ll oversee the daycare team’s training, maybe a bit of the others, too.” Arthur looked expectant. “What d’you say, Donnie?”
“I…,” Donnie stammered and glanced at Ben, then back at Arthur. “Ya sure? I mean, I…”
“You’ve been with us longer than anybody else. The kids know you. They love you. And the parents trust you. And,” Arthur added, his eyes suddenly gentle, “so do I. You’ve got a real gift for this work, son.”
Donnie’s eyes were very wide, and he gripped Ben’s hand hard. Ben drew small soothing circles on Donnie’s wrist.
“What do you say?” Arthur repeated. “Will you accept the job?”
“Yes! Yes, of course I will,” Donnie exclaimed. “Christ, Arthur, thanks.”
Donnie looked like he would’ve liked to say much more but simply couldn’t put his feelings into words. He looked at Ben again, his expression like Ben had never seen it before. Donnie was proud of himself, and it gave Ben a happy jolt.
He smiled at Donnie, then glanced at Arthur, who had seen it, too. “Well, I guess you got your miracle, Arthur.”
“HI, HELEN…THANKS for coming.”
Ben’s soon-to-be ex-wife gave a tight smile and slid into the diner booth opposite him. Ben had half risen and now hovered, a little foolishly. He quickly sat back down a
nd folded his hands before him on the table. They were cold, and shaking.
“You, err…are you well?”
Helen gave a curt nod in response, and sweat beaded on Ben’s forehead. What was the matter with him? There was no reason to be nervous around Helen. “Do you want something to eat? Breakfast? They serve it until noon…”
“Just coffee,” Helen said, sitting very upright, her hands in her lap. Ben motioned to the waitress who was hovering near the counter, looking bored. Midmorning was the slowest time in the only diner in Corinth, a town that emptied out every day when its residents went to work in Newnan and Atlanta.
“How’s college?” Ben asked, groping around for acceptable small talk topics.
Helen shrugged. “Still getting used to it.”
The waitress finally came slouching over, and while she poured Helen her coffee, Ben picked nervously at the paper placemat before him, his mind oddly blank.
“Ben,” Helen said, not unkindly. “Can we maybe sign the papers?”
“What? Oh, yeah, sure…” Ben fumbled with the folder that was lying by his side. “Here.” It took him a moment to extract the sheaves of paper on which he had already placed his own signature. His lawyer had received the paperwork from Helen’s lawyer only the day before, but Ben wanted it over with quickly. Helen had agreed to meet him once she’d dropped Laura off at school.
At first, Ben had felt liberated as he’d signed the paperwork the night before, but ever since, he’d had grown increasingly depressed. He hadn’t seriously been in danger of visiting a liquor store on the way into town, but it had definitely crossed his mind. Ben hadn’t told Donnie that he was about to finalize his divorce and that he would be meeting Helen, but he was sure Donnie had picked up on his somber mood the previous evening. Ben had gone to bed early and lain awake for a long time. Donnie had left him alone long enough so Ben could pretend to be asleep when he came to bed himself.
This morning, Donnie had given him a long look over breakfast but had kept his own counsel. Ben had been grateful not to be subjected to nagging questions that he wasn’t ready to answer. He couldn’t quite explain to himself why he didn’t want to discuss his divorce with Donnie. He thought that, maybe, he still didn’t feel like he could burden Donnie with his own problems.