by M. Clarke
After we had our picnic dinner and when it was dark enough, we roasted marshmallows. We even made s’mores. Taking in the warm breeze, we watched the breathtaking sunset, and then the stars that slowly crept up.
One of the things I loved about this island was the stars. They were so bright and big that they felt like they were just a touch away, not to mention that there were countless numbers of them.
“We should head back home,”Jax said, starting to pack up.“It’s getting late.”
I nodded with a smile and stood up. After helping Jaclyn put on her shoes, I turned to see Jace gazing up at the stars.
“Did you see that? I just saw a shooting star.”He pointed, tracing across the sky with his finger. His eyes grew with excitement.“It was awesome.”
“I want to see,”Jaclyn whined with sleepy eyes.
Jax picked her up and planted her on one side of his hip. Pointing up at the sky, he said,“Do you see those stars, side by side?”
Jaclyn nodded, pointing in the same direction.“I see two big stars and two little stars.”
“That’s right. That’s Mommy, Daddy, Jace, and you.”
Jaclyn giggled, snuggling her head between Jax’s head and shoulder.
“Wait,”Jace cut in.“I see another one, but it’s very faint. It’s also smaller.”
Jax flashed his eyes at me. He didn’t know I’d been staring at him while Jace was explaining what he observed.
“Jax. I have something to tell you.”I rubbed my stomach with a smile.
“Raaachel?”Jax’s grin widened as he drawled out my name. His eyes twinkled brighter than the stars.
I nodded with a huge smile back. The kind of smile that said I love you. “I was waiting to tell you at the right moment. I believe this is the perfect moment.”
Jax kissed my lips softly, sensually.“I love you,”he whispered, pulling back.“When did you know?”
“A week ago. The day before we came here.”
We stared into each other’s eyes, letting seconds go by. It was the kind of stare that needed no words—that blocked out all existence around us—because all the emotions were conveyed through our eyes and our expressions. Jax wrapped his arm around me while he continued to hold on to Jaclyn, and I draped my arm on Jace’s shoulder, bringing him closer to us. We stood there watching the miracle of Mother Nature and all she had to offer.
Life was full of mystery, just like the universe. It could at times be scary as hell, but beautiful in return. If you were one of the lucky ones, and the stars lined up in your favor, your dreams came true. I was one of them, though at one point I almost wasn’t. I just had to trust my destiny and put faith in the higher being. I also needed to trust myself.
As big as the world was, there were smaller worlds within. My world was my family—the world I loved, the world I belonged in—and I didn’t want to be anywhere else.
“Let’s go,”I said, slightly shivering.
The air suddenly became cooler and a drop of rain fell on my cheek.
“It’s going to rain.”Jax looked worried.
After quickly packing up the remaining stuff, we were on our way.
“Last one to the top is the rotten egg!”Jace shouted.
We ran together as rain sprinkled on us.
“I don’t want to be the rotten egg,”Jaclyn whined as usual, holding my hand going up the trail.
“Don’t worry, Jaclyn,”Jax said, reassuring her.“No one is a rotten egg in our family. According to Jace, we are too cool.”
As Jax placed the bags in the trunk, we hurried to get in the car. When the thunder boomed, Jaclyn screamed.
Jace draped his arm around Jaclyn’s shoulder.“It’s okay. I’ll protect you.”
Jaclyn lit up with an immense smile and wrapped her arms around Jace the best she could from her car seat.“I love you, Jay.”Jay was Jace’s nickname now. The first word Jaclyn said was Jay when she was calling for her brother.
As I looked at my children in awe, I turned back to Jax. We exchanged knowing smiles, understanding each other and loving the words and actions of our children. Jax held my hand tenderly as we drove off. These were the happy moments—the precious moments we would cherish forever.
Knight Fashion Model, Nathan Cross, to be released February 22, 2016. Read Prologue below.
Knight Fashion Magazine
Release Date Early 2016
Prologue
Nathan
Tonight was the night. The night my whole life would change. It had only taken me a week to prepare, but I knew what I was doing—what I wanted. Most women planned their weddings when they were little girls. Most men delayed them as long as they could…more like avoided them like the plague, but I had planned mine the second I saw her.
The proposal would be simple but romantic. I had gotten the idea for a perfect spot when I ran into my landlord. We had started talking. I’d told her what I was planning, and she told me about the roof. No one was allowed to go up there, but she would make an exception for me. Well, more like my smile and my wink got me the roof.
As I sat on the rooftop, I listened to the love songs I had picked out for tonight. Ed Sheeran was her favorite singer so I made sure to include his music. Down below, I could see the amazing city lights of downtown Los Angeles. All the hues of blue, red, and yellow just popped out at me, and I couldn’t help but be mesmerized by them. I couldn’t help but get excited for tonight.
I’d strung white mini lights around a couple of small trees and along the border of the brick walls that gave enough protection so we wouldn’t fall off the ledge. Thank God the surrounding area wasn’t that big, but big enough for what I needed to do. With the glowing battery candles everywhere I looked, it was perfect, enchanting even. She was going to love it. It was even better than I’d imagined it would look. Toward the back, I had placed a table and chairs for two. The catered food was already set on the table that was covered with black linen. All I needed was Olivia.
I jumped when I felt the phone vibrate and took it out of my back pocket to check my texts.
Olivia: I’m coming up.
Me: You have to knock.
Olivia: Okay. We need to talk!
Me: OK.
Olivia: Why did you tell me to dress up? Why am I going to the roof?
Me: To save me. I’m locked out.
Olivia: Haha. Not funny.
Me: I guess you’ll have to wait and see.
Having to go ten flights up in the elevator and then take the stairs to the roof, I expected it would probably take her a couple of minutes or so, but those minutes felt like a lifetime. I had been calm as the night’s soft breeze, but now my heart was pounding so fast I couldn’t keep up with the pace. Olivia and I had been together for almost a year, and though we were practically fresh out of college and just getting our careers started, I didn’t see the point in delaying the inevitable. After all, I was only asking her to be mine forever. We didn’t have to get married right away. Some couples waited several years to tie the knot after the engagement.
Thump! Thump!
I took a long deep breath as I stared at the door. How long was I staring at the old rusted metal door?
Thump! It was another knock.
I blinked and checked my back pocket to feel the small box. Opening the door just enough for me to slip out, I bolted through and then closed the door behind me. I didn’t want her to see what I had done just yet. I wanted this moment with her, before I showed her my surprise.
“Nathan.” She giggled softly. “What are you doing?” Her eyes gawked up and down my body. “You look ravishing in your gray suit. You know what you do to me when you wear one.” She tugged my red necktie with her lips twisting and her eyes narrowing as if she were angry. “Locked out, are ya?”
I let out a short chuckle and held her close to me. Taking a whiff of her sweet flowery scent, my arm slid under her dress and up her soft thigh. “You smell so edible, Olie.” Olie was the nickname I had given her—a shorter version of Olivia. I
pressed my body tighter to hers. “You smell like you want to be fucked.”
Another round of giggles tickled my ear. “Maybe I do.” Her sultry, flirty tone sent wicked shivers through me.
“No peeking.” I cupped hand over her eyes, careful not to mess up her eye makeup.
“What are you doing?” She let out a laugh.
“Shhhhh! Be still.” I bit her earlobe playfully with my teeth. After opening the door, I dropped my hand to my side. “Surprise! Happy one-year anniversary.”
Olivia fluttered her eyelashes. Frozen in place, all she could do was stare at the setting in front of her. “Oh, Nathan, it’s beautiful. I can’t believe you went out of your way, but—” She finally broke her gaze and glanced around. It wasn’t over-the-top, but it was dreamy. Then her surprised expression was replaced by a soft smile. “Our anniversary isn’t till Wednesday.”
I twisted my fingers through hers and guided her to the table as I stared at her red silk dress that brought out her brown eyes. “I know. I wanted to surprise you.” She looked beautiful with her blonde hair down, flowing against the light wind. Though it looked darker under the night sky, she was absolutely stunning.
Olivia and I had meet at the restaurant I worked at as a waiter. We had many things in common, but both of us struggling was what had bonded us. She wanted to be a model and I wanted to be an actor. We understood each other. We were each other’s support. At this point in my life, she was everything to me. I never knew I could fall this fast and hard, but it had happened, and I wanted to embrace it and hold onto her forever.
“You’re too good to me, Nathan, but you really didn’t need to do all this for me.”
I helped her ease into her seat, and I got into mine. In front of us were plates of food covered in tinfoil. I had Chinese food delivered, Olivia’s favorite, just before she had arrived. I thought about asking my friends to be the waiters, but I wanted tonight to be just Olivia and me.
“The dishes are not pretty, but—”
“It’s perfect. It’s more than perfect,” she gushed. Her eyes flickered and twinkled in the candlelight. I was sure her eyes were pooling with tears. They sparkled against the glow of the candles.
A wave of pleasure seeped through me. Knowing how much she appreciated what I’d done so far meant the world to me. I still had another surprise for her, resting inside my back pocket. We’d discussed marriage before, but we both knew it would happen later on in the future. I might have jumped a little ahead of schedule without her consent, but it was only a proposal, my declaration of my love for her. We didn’t have to rush to the altar.
Olivia placed her hand over mine as her smile disappeared. “Nathan. We need to talk.”
I didn’t like the sound of her serious tone. I figured it had something to do with her waitressing job. She had mentioned how unhappy she was and how she wanted to look for another one.
“Okay, but before we do, let me ask you a question.” I’d planned to ask her after dinner while we were dancing, but my nerves got the best of me. I had to ask her now!
She nodded, pulling back her hair from the sudden gush of wind. Luckily, it was toward the end of summer and the weather was mild. I took out the little black box with my trembling hand and got down on my knees. After I opened the box, revealing a one-carat diamond ring, I peered up to see Olivia with her hands covering her mouth and tears in her eyes. I had wanted to give her a diamond larger than one-carat, but this was what I could afford at the present time. Hopefully, if my acting career kicked off, I could replace it with something bigger.
With my pulse skyrocketing and my forehead breaking out in a slight sweat, I said, “Olivia. We’ve been together for only a year, but you’re the one. I knew the day I met you. I love your smile, your humor, and your genuine heart. You’re everything I need and love. I promise to be the man you deserve, the man who will be by your side through the hardest parts of life, and I’ll take the hard times and turn them into the best times of our life. Every day the sun rises because of you. Every day, I’ll love you more than I did the day before. Will you marry me?”
I waited for her answer with a nervous grin. Any second now, she would blurt out the answer I wanted to hear. But…I began to doubt myself when her eyes told me otherwise. It went from being completely shocked to something else I couldn’t understand. Tears streamed down her face, so maybe I was wrong. That was a good sign, right? Olivia cried when she was happy, but they didn’t look like happy tears.
She shook her head. “No,” she whispered so softly that I wasn’t sure if I’d heard her right until she spoke again, “I can’t marry you, Nathan.”
I thought I’d heard her wrong—surely I had. But when she turned away and sobbed into the palms of her hands, that’s when I understood clearly. Standing up, I placed the box back into my back pocket and walked around to face her.
“I don’t mean right now or tomorrow, or next week, or month. We can wait till we’re both ready.” I tried to find a reason behind her actions. Had I said something wrong?
She pulled back and wiped her tears. Her eyes were calculating, judging me. “You did this to keep me, didn’t you?” She was angry, but her tone was calm. I didn’t know where this was coming from.
I furrowed my brows in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“You did this so that I wouldn’t take the modeling job in New York. You were afraid that I would leave you.”
“No, baby.” I took a step and stopped when she backed away from me. “You’ve got it wrong.”
How did tonight get so fucked up? I had planned it all out beforehand in my head: She would say yes. After dinner we would dance with the downtown lights surrounding us. We would go back to my place, and I would make passionate love to her. But…
She folded her arms in front of her chest, bracing herself. Her stance told me she was in charge. “I’ve made my decision. I’m going to take the modeling job. They want me to start on Monday. I’m flying to New York tomorrow. This is what I wanted to talk to you about.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “But we already discussed this. I thought you were going to find a job here, in Los Angeles. There are plenty of opportunities for you. We just have to be patient and let faith take its course, just like we talked about.”
I continued to speak when she didn’t say a word, “If you’re moving to New York then…” I looked away. I couldn’t believe what she was saying. With a fistful of my hair wrung between my fingers, I looked up to the sky. The stars and the golden full moon that gave tonight a beautiful backdrop to this romantic dinner suddenly became an eyesore.
I couldn’t believe she was leaving me. Sure, we had only been together for a year, but that year meant a lot to me. She meant the world to me. I just didn’t throw my heart on the line for anyone, let alone allowed it to get broken like that.
“Nathan. Please understand. I’ve got nothing.” Her tone was begging me to understand. But how could I? She was fucking leaving me for good.
I turned and bored my eyes into hers. “You’ve got me, baby. Am I not enough?”
She dipped her head low, avoiding my eyes. “I need this job. Please try to understand. This is a great opportunity for me. This job could make me big. I could help out my mom too.”
I felt like shit. If I had a better paying job I could help her mom financially, but I couldn’t. My temporary waiter job allowed me to be in this decent apartment, make the car payment, and save a little for rainy days, but that was about all. It sucked to be struggling to make ends meet. I understood every bit of it—every frustration and the need to save a penny part of it. But what was killing me inside was that she had just admitted that…I wasn’t enough.
“Please, say something, Nathan.” Her tone was softer and somber. “I can’t leave knowing you hate me. We can try the long—”
I cut her off and glared hard at her. Anger rose inside me, and I couldn’t control how much it was taking over me. “You know damn well a long-distance relationship wo
n’t work,” I snapped.
I wouldn’t be able to afford the flights to New York, and she would be busy, possibly traveling too if her career took off. I should be happy for her, happy that she had this great opportunity to work with the best agencies. But I couldn’t help the way I felt. This fuckin’ hurt too much. How do I let her go? How do I let my first love—the one I thought would be mine forever—go?
I withered and cringed when she touched my arm. “Nathan.” I heard her soft sigh. I knew this wasn’t easy for her, but I wasn’t going to make it a piece of cake for her. Regardless of our conversation last week, she had changed her mind without discussing it with me. It was already set in her head she was leaving me. Then what was the point of the discussion?
I gave her my back, refusing to look at her. “Go. Leave. I wish you the best. Have a great life.” Whether I sounded like a bastard or not, I didn’t care. My heart was broken. Most of all, I couldn’t believe she’d come to this conclusion on her own after discussing it with me. Would I have tried to get her to go back on her decision—yes. Would I have tried to work it out—yes. Would I have still proposed to her—maybe.
Perhaps subconsciously, I had known what would happen. Perhaps she was right. I’d only proposed to her to keep her here with me. It didn’t matter anyhow. What was said was said. What was done was done.
When I heard her heels clicking away, I thought of running after her and begging her to stay, but I knew this was a great chance for her. Was it right for me to take it away? I was screaming inside, not really knowing what to do. My thoughts were like a Ping-Pong match in my head. Do I or don’t I?
When I heard the door slam, I knew that was the last time I would ever see her again. Letting her go was the right thing to do, yet the hardest thing to do. My heart ripped out of my chest as I hit the floor on my knees before my mind had told it to. Everything moved at such a fast pace before I could register what was happening, even the loud moan that escaped from my mouth in agony. And Olie, thinking I wasn’t good enough for her, achingly repeated through my mind. A piece of me died tonight. A piece of me I could never get back…‘cause she took it with her.