by Ella Fields
Jude was on the balcony that faced mine, a steaming mug of something in his hand, staring at the ground as he slowly paced.
But even better than this rare sighting… he was shirtless.
Packed muscle shifted in his abdomen when he lifted his free hand to drag it through his tousled hair. His skin gleamed golden in the afternoon light, highlighting every defined inch of his muscular biceps and taut shoulders.
Then he stopped with his back to me, and my forehead pressed into the glass of my door.
As if he’d felt my burning stare, the way I was soaking in every facet of him, he turned a little, narrowing his eyes at me over his shoulder.
My breath hitched, a tumbling exhale fogging the glass. The yogurt fell from my mouth and splattered to the floor.
I could’ve pulled the curtain shut or backed away, but there was little point.
I’d been caught, and if I were being honest, I totally wanted to get caught.
I waited for him to scowl, to shake his head and march back inside the room that wasn’t his but maybe now was, but he didn’t.
His lips, dipped in sin and temptation, lifted into a smirk that pulled a strange wheeze from me.
He sipped his drink, lifting the mug into the air my way, then went back inside.
Tripping over my feet and stepping on yogurt, I hurried to my desk. I plucked out the sketchpad I seldomly used since the eighth grade and skimmed past less than stellar drawings of hearts and rainbows and stupid self-portraits to a blank page.
There, I drew what I’d seen inked into Jude’s skin. It was rough, but it didn’t matter. I tacked either side when done and hung it next to a picture of him holding a trophy from last year’s playoffs.
Then I traced them, the three black and gray snakes that intertwined into some kind of diamond, as though I were touching his skin. Shaded birds had taken flight above the snakes’ mouths, and stepping back to stare at the picture, I couldn’t shake the feeling that somehow, I’d seen something like this before.
I woke up choking and flew upright to wheeze, “What the hell?”
Mom continued to assault my room with my hairspray. “You slept through your alarm, twice, yet my use of your hairspray wakes you?” She paused with the can in the air, tilting her head this way and that as she inspected her updo of twisting red curls in the mirror above my desk. “I’m leaving, and you should be, too.”
My eyes widened as I glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed.
Mom stood in the doorway of my bathroom as I cleaned my teeth and dragged a brush through my hair. “I’ll be out late, but I’ll have Ricky prepare you dinner.”
Ricky was our cleaner and sometimes chef. A middle-aged Australian, he adored my mother but had yet to figure out she preferred females.
I knew better than to ask questions about her whereabouts. Either she’d smile and bid me farewell or she’d dive into a spiel about which lover she was currently feuding with.
I inwardly sighed when she licked her teeth and pointed at the straightening iron. “You slept on your side, and now your curls aren’t even.” As if I didn’t already know. “Iris wants me to meet her parents.”
“Oh? I didn’t think you were serious.”
“We’re not,” she said. “I’ll be at Kathleen’s.”
With that, she left, and I cursed when I realized the iron was ready.
If January Denane excelled most at one thing, it was freezing people out who’d dared to step too close. Ever since my dad had left, she’d cultivated a stream of revolving lovers but had never seemed interested in committing to just one.
“Been there and got what I wanted from it,” she’d say with a nod my way before dropping the subject entirely.
I didn’t see Jude until the lunch bell rang, and I purposely stalled in the hallway near his locker.
He was talking to Silas, but when the latter’s eyes flicked my way, Jude’s followed.
His perfect brows furrowed, and I hugged my tablet tighter to my chest and gave my mascara-loaded lashes a slow flutter.
Silas said something. Jude laughed a little and kept staring.
Then he snapped his teeth at me.
Oh my beautiful god.
I feared I’d melt into a puddle of desperation on the streaked marble floor.
Laughing again, he stalked off with Silas down the hall to the courtyard outside.
Plucking the black diary from my bag inside my locker, I took note of the encounter in messy, hurried scrawl, then slammed the door.
It would be two days before his eyes danced with mine again.
Tuesday rolled into Wednesday, and on Thursday, I decided I was done giving Cory the cold shoulder. She took her seat across from me in the back corner of the dining hall and pushed a pack of mini cucumbers over the table. “A peace offering.”
“An apology is too hard?” I said, eyeing the fresh vegetables while trying to appear disinterested.
Her hand covered the plastic-wrapped cucumbers, her delicate fingers curling around them. “Want them or not?”
I harrumphed and snatched them from her, tearing open the bag. “Fine.”
And that was how it always went. We’d fight over something dumb, and then offer each other food when we were sick of being alone. Not that she was ever truly alone with that boyfriend of hers usually watching her every move.
“Where’s Silas?” I asked, chewing as I glanced around the half-filled room.
“Outside,” she said.
I nodded, knowing that meant he and his friends were either throwing a football around or smoking weed. More than likely, both.
“Did you hear they announced the theme?”
I turned the page of my book, mumbling, “For what?”
“Prom, dummy.”
The pages fluttered to a close when my fingers slackened. “You’re going?”
“I told you I was,” she said. “I can’t let Silas show up on his own.”
I frowned at that. “You totally can.” Annoyance festered. I knew I was being selfish, but when we’d started high school, we’d made a pact that if one of us didn’t have a date, then neither of us would go. We’d stay home and binge-watch bad eighties thrillers and make bets on who would graduate pregnant.
That was before she and Silas became some type of epic forgone conclusion.
Cory sighed and quit digging at her pasta salad. “Fern…”
“Don’t take that tone with me.”
Her brows jumped, and I winced, waving for her to continue as I slouched in the leather-upholstered chair.
“I think you should come,” she said, leaning forward with her elbows upon the wooden table. “Tons of people go without dates.”
“They do not.” I dug my straw out of my water bottle, taking a sip. I’d learned the hard way what drinking water like a normal person did while trying to maintain my crimson lip look. Nothing good.
Cory’s eyes narrowed, as did mine. I set the water down. “Not here. They go with a date or a friend.”
“Since when have you ever cared about doing what’s normal?”
“Calling me crazy again?” I said. “Really?”
“Oh my god, stop.” Sitting back, she rubbed her temples briefly before crossing her arms. “I’m just saying I think you should think about it. I’m positive someone is going to ask you to go with them, and I don’t want you turning them down instantly and missing out because you’re so god damn stubborn, and you only want Jude.”
I was stubborn, so I couldn’t argue that, but, “No, thanks. What’s the theme anyway? Bubblegum nightmare?”
With Melanie on the committee, I was willing to bet I was close.
“Rainbow memories.”
I gagged loudly and felt eyes swing our way.
Cory laughed. “Right? Lamest of lame.”
Her phone rang. She retrieved it from the inside pocket of her blazer and grinned as she answered. A minute later, she was waving and gesturing outside to her boyfriend.
&nb
sp; I flipped her off and returned to my cucumbers and book.
Excitement over prom, murmurings about ticket sales, and talk of whom was already going with whom destroyed any hope the teachers had of operating a normal class schedule for the remainder of the day.
Hell, for the rest of the week, really.
AP English, my favorite as it was the only class I shared with Jude—when he deigned to show up—was ruined for me.
Garry and Tyler snickered, their heads butting too close for me to see Jude, who sat at the front of the class, as per usual.
Cory’s ramblings about prom had my mind crawling in dangerous directions. Maybe I didn’t need to wait and hope for something that might never happen. Maybe I should just ask Jude, the most coveted guy in school, if he’d go with me.
The guys broke out into a loud burst of laughter as if they could hear my thoughts even though I knew they were cackling over something else. Something I would never be privy to, and I wasn’t so sure I wanted to be.
My stomach flipped when Jude swung back on his chair to whisper something to them. I begged for his eyes to meet mine, willed them to, but the teacher snapped at him before he realized I was even watching.
I wondered if he knew I was always watching, and I wondered if I should listen to my best friend. If I should wake up and realize how bad this obsession was and quit it.
I’d never had a crush on anyone before, but I knew this had to be it. That was all this was. I liked someone, and I liked them a lot. She was overreacting. She’d crushed hard on Silas before they’d started dating. I remembered the dopey look and the doodling of his name all over her notebook well enough.
Who was she to tell me what was bad and what was good? Just because she’d actually landed the guy.
Suddenly flustered, I excused myself to the bathroom.
I didn’t really need to use it, but I did go there to check my reflection in the mirror. Realizing I’d forgotten my lipstick, I cursed and hurried out and to the stairs leading to the fourth floor where the dorms were located.
I knew Cory had a free period, so she’d likely be in there with Silas, who’d probably skipped, but I couldn’t let that stop me. Right now, I had class with Jude, and my lipstick was cracking and fading.
I made a mental note to try to be more adept in the makeup department. Long-lasting, my ass. Though I suppose eight hours didn’t mean much after eating a steak as big as my face for lunch and downing half a liter of apple juice.
Cobwebs lined the corners of the stone ceiling, and I cringed, wondering where our parents’ money was going if not to cleaners who would venture to every floor. Portraits of past headmasters and famous writers, politicians, and even an actress lined the rendered gray walls between each dark oak door.
I was two doors away from her room, which sat at the end of the long and narrow hall, when that voice called, “Well, if it isn’t my nosy little neighbor.”
I knew he had to be referring to me. I didn’t care if he wasn’t. I turned to find Jude Delouxe stalking lazily toward me with his hands tucked in his pockets. “What are you doing up here, Red?”
Shocked, I blurted back, “What are you doing up here?”
His dark brows rose, green eyes flaring. “I was curious, not to mention bored.” Stopping mere inches from me, he said ever so soft, “Answer the question.”
His scent was suffocating, killing me in the most wonderful way. Slowly, I dragged my eyes over his half-hidden hands, glanced at his unlaced black boots, then let them feast on his face.
That straight nose, the symmetrical arches of his cheekbones, and that shadowed jawline… perfect. He was too perfect for real life. Too perfect to be standing before me.
But he was, and I could smell him, study him, all I wanted.
Or maybe I could do more than that. “I was waiting for you.”
Confusion danced through his eyes, scrunching the beauty of his face. “Wha—”
I closed the distance before he could finish talking. Rising onto my toes, even in these torturous things us women called high heels, I pressed my mouth to his. It was warm, smooth, and I kept my lips on his even when his mouth parted. Fireworks exploded behind my squeezed shut eyes, and my heart cartwheeled, jumping into my throat.
Then strong hands grasped my upper arms, pushing me back. “What do you think you’re fucking doing?”
Dizzy and a little afraid, I struggled to hold his gaze. “What I’ve wanted to do for too long,” I said, too much breath gentling the words.
He still heard them, his eyes widening momentarily before he tilted his head and studied me.
I wasn’t sure what I looked like, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know, but I could feel my lips tingling, my chest heaving, and my breasts pushing at the confines of my blouse.
He swallowed, his grip on my arms loosening as his gaze dipped to them, then back to my face. To my lips. “So you thought just kissing me was a good idea?”
“The best I’ve ever had,” I said, rolling my lips as I swayed closer.
He nodded once, slowly, as if struggling to digest what I’d said, struggling to believe if I was being earnest. When his teeth dragged over his bottom lip, mine parted in response, and then he shrugged, and we collided.
A brass door handle dug into my back, but I didn’t care. I clasped both sides of his face and parted his lips with my tongue. A groan left him, deep and rumbling, evoking a shiver.
His hands found my hips, pulling my chest flush with his. His tongue skirted over mine, and I heard him whisper, “Have you ever kissed someone before?”
I was too far gone to give a damn about embarrassment, so I shook my head and carefully licked his upper lip.
Another groan, this one softer, accompanied a harsh exhale that heated my skin and tongue.
“I find that hard to believe, but I also don’t.” He squeezed my waist, dragging my lip into his mouth to suck. He released it with a pop. “You’re too cautious, too eager, but far too fucking beautiful to be so inexperienced. How does that even—”
“Dear god,” I whined impatiently. “Just keep kissing me, please.”
Immediately, I turned to stone, fearing I was going to turn bright red and die.
But then he chuckled. “I’m no god, sweetheart,” he whispered, a hand traveling to my lower back and pressing me forward to meet his hard body. I could feel him digging into my stomach, and a strange sound fled me. “I’m the worst idea you’ve ever had.”
“Prove it,” I said, my fingers crawling into his hair, my heart rejoicing and spasming dangerously when he smirked.
I had to be dying because he did.
Grabbing the side of my face, he angled my head back for his tongue to sweep into my mouth and lay waste to every dream I’d ever had. For they weren’t coming true, they were being decimated one by one, replaced with the sweetest type of nightmare I’d never dare run screaming from.
His palm was warm and so large, so right as it gently but firmly held my head still for his tongue and lips to assault mine.
Down the rabbit hole I fell, twirling and internally screaming as my wildest imaginations became a reality. He was spearmint and heat, unyielding and exploratory. Control oozed from his every rough breath, his touch, and in the mating of our mouths.
His tongue plunged and stroked, his teeth clamped and dragged, and my heart became a savage beast as I clung to him with the hope of this never ending.
“Jude?” A feminine voice crashed inside our bubble.
But that was another world, another dream, and I was content to ignore it.
Jude, apparently, was not.
He pulled away instantly, violent curses falling from his thoroughly kissed lips.
Marnie stood near the stairs with her hand braced on the gilded wood railing.
She was too far away to make out her expression entirely, but I could tell by looking from her to Jude that she was anything but pleased.
I didn’t know why she’d be mad when she was the one t
o dump him.
She turned and darted down the stairs.
“Mother of fuck,” Jude hissed. He glared at me, backing away as he ran a hand through his tousled hair. “You better pray you haven’t gotten on my bad side, Red.”
Then he was jogging after Marnie.
A thrill, searing and thick, shot through me, my fingers tracing my lips.
Jude
Marnie slunk back into her history class before I could catch her, so I waited by her bubblegum blue Jeep after school.
If she thought she could outrun me, she was wrong. Complaining of an upset stomach, I skipped out of class five minutes early to make sure I beat her to the parking lot.
Winter’s kiss was taking its time to fade, the fine layer of pine needles dusting the gravel lot, and cars parked between the trees not as thick as it should be.
Students poured out of the doors, and I waited, my eyes searching. Though I wasn’t sure if they were searching for the right person when I nearly missed her exit.
On her own, thank fuck, Marnie paused on the grass. A breathy laugh preceded tear-clogged words. “I saw you walk by, and I thought…” She threw her arms up and then dropped them. “Perfect. Finally, I get you on your own.”
I uncrossed my arms but didn’t straighten from where I was leaning against the driver’s side door. “For what?”
“To talk to you,” she said as if I were daft.
Perhaps I was. She hadn’t given me the slightest fucking inclination that she’d wanted anything to do with me for over a week. We’d broken up before, but this had been the longest stretch of time between patching things back up.
“Then I find you sucking face with the only girl in school who still wears braces.”
She didn’t have braces. At least, she didn’t have them anymore. For a moment, I remembered how it felt to drag my tongue over every crevice of her sweet-tasting mouth—definitely no hint of metal. The red-haired beauty was strawberry yogurt and wasted innocence.
I kept those thoughts to myself, of course.
“I’ve called you,” I said unnecessarily. The chick was glued to her phone. She saw every incoming and missed call, not to mention the few texts I’d sent that’d gone unanswered.