CHAPTER SEVEN
Scarlet
Scarlet felt a hand on her shoulder as the film ended, saw James’s smile before anything else as he passed by her row, and for a fleeting moment they locked eyes. Swiftly, he bent his head down to her. ‘Meet me by the trees outside your camp.’ Startled, she nodded, but he was gone before she had the chance to say a word, moving away from the rows of seats set up in front of the large screen. A shiver ran through her body – excitement at the thought of a stolen moment alone. She’d tried so hard not to look at him tonight, not to think about him, but something about him kept drawing her in. And what if tonight was the last night she ever saw him? She was tempted, sorely tempted.
‘Tell me about Spencer,’ she said to Ellie, hoping she hadn’t heard their exchange and wanting to make sure her attention was on her friend, not herself.
‘Not until we’re in our tent,’ she said.
‘Ladies, please report to your matrons before lights out. There will be a briefing about your posting,’ an officer announced before they could all disperse.
Scarlet stared at Ellie. ‘Our posting?’
Ellie pulled her closer, mouth close to her ear. ‘It’s happening. Spencer told me we’re going to France.’
Scarlet was numb as she stared back at her friend, trying to digest her words. They were leaving? For France? She’d still been buzzing from their evening, doing something fun for once, but that happy feeling was fading fast.
‘Did he know anything else?’
Ellie shook her head as they leaned into each other and began to walk back to the tent.
‘No. Only that he’d been given some French money and we’d be going very soon. Then he kissed me.’
Ellie’s wide eyes and huge smile made Scarlet laugh.
‘Trust you to put a smile on my face at a time like this!’
‘I know, but he was divine. I could kiss him all night.’ Ellie let out a little squeal. ‘He’s so wonderful, Scarlet. Honestly, he’s just . . .’ Ellie sighed. ‘He’s lovely. I don’t know what else to say.’
Scarlet envied her friend’s great mood. She was already anxious about meeting James, or whether she should meet him, but then finding out they were going . . . Would she ever see him again? Would his unit be travelling with them? Would he end up dead or missing in action? The thought sent a chill through her.
They followed the rest of the nurses, all busy chatting, to their matron’s administration tent. Matron was waiting outside, pen and paper in hand. She ran through their names to check who was present, and after what felt like an age standing in silence, shifting from one foot to the other, she finally told them. Scarlet dug her fingernails into her palms, swallowing hard as she waited to hear their fate.
‘Ladies, we will be leaving the day after tomorrow at 0800 hours and setting sail that day,’ she announced. ‘Please collect your money, seasickness tablets and paper bag for your travels.’
Scarlet looked at the heavy paper bag being held up and hoped that either her stomach was strong enough not to need it or that the seasickness tablets worked.
‘You will need to check your carry bags and ensure you have all the necessary equipment that was originally issued. The trucks will transport us directly to the port and we will be boarding almost immediately.’
Scarlet swapped glances with Ellie and wondered if her friend had the same empty, churning sensation in her stomach.
‘Additional emergency rations to be collected are vitaminised chocolate, tea cubes, oat snacks, four cigarettes, a small French phrase book and four pieces of toilet paper each.’
‘Bloody hell,’ Ellie muttered. ‘That ain’t gonna last long. Four pieces for the whole journey?’
Scarlet didn’t even want to think about it. She didn’t know what was worse, the small amount of food or the fact that they probably wouldn’t be able to shower or wash and only had such a small quantity of sanitary items. She felt nauseous all over again. Home seemed such a long way away, a distant memory, the life she’d known before like a blur that had never really existed.
‘Equipment will be packed tomorrow to enable our field hospital to be operational within forty-eight hours of arrival. Your training is now over; however, you are expected to conduct yourself in an exemplary manner at all times. There will be strict segregation on the ship for this very reason, and nurses will not be permitted to undress or wash whilst aboard.’
Scarlet stifled her groan. Honestly, they couldn’t wash? It seemed ridiculous to her, given the circumstances, that they were so worried about men and women being on the same ship. Although she was certain it would be cool at night on the ship below decks, so they’d likely be happy to remain clothed.
‘You are dismissed. Godspeed, and be prepared for a trying journey ahead.’
Scarlet stayed rooted to the spot, watching as the women around her started to chatter and gossip, some of them crying. Shivers ran the length of her body, made her freeze, her breath coming in short pants, and it wasn’t until Ellie’s hand closed over her shoulder that she started to calm.
‘Scarlet, are you all right?’
She nodded. She had to be all right; there was no other choice. ‘I’ll be fine.’ She was in shock, that was all.
‘It means you’ll be one step closer to finding Thomas, right? This is a good thing.’
Scarlet bit down hard on her lower lip. Of course Ellie had presumed it was thoughts of Thomas upsetting her. She might finally find some answers about what had happened to him, where he could be, but that wasn’t it. Apart from the fear about what they were going into, it was the reality of leaving James, a man she hardly knew but who had made her feel so alive in the couple of times she’d seen him. Her chest ached, her feelings and her guilt weighing hard on her. But deep down she knew what upset her most was her fear of the unknown, and her sadness at not getting to know James better. She should never have thought such things about him anyhow; maybe this was punishment for forgetting she was engaged to be married.
‘Come on,’ Ellie said, nudging her shoulder and starting to walk.
Scarlet caught up with her and kept her head down, not wanting to join in the excited chatter with the other nurses.
‘I promised James that I’d meet him,’ she confessed to Ellie.
‘Where?’
‘The trees just outside of our tents.’ She hoped he’d still be there. Because he’d walked past her so quickly and she hadn’t had time to answer, he might think she’d decided not to come after taking so long.
‘Want me to walk you?’
Scarlet shook her head. ‘I’ll be fine.’
Ellie smiled at her and Scarlet forced one back. ‘Have fun, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.’
Scarlet wanted to say something smart in reply, but she couldn’t think of anything fast enough, and Ellie disappeared in the sea of nurses fanning out around them. Instead, she propelled herself forwards, head down as she made her way to the camp. There were people milling here and there, but she was nervous on her own, especially when she crossed the grass that stretched between where their tents were pitched and the trees that separated the property they were stationed on from the neighbouring ones.
‘Over here.’
She couldn’t tell for certain if it was James’s voice, but she could see a silhouette ahead and she doubted anyone else would be calling for her. She fisted her hands just in case, ready to scream and hit someone if they tried anything on.
‘I wasn’t sure if you would come or not,’ James said, reaching out to her, his voice suddenly much more familiar. She was just able to make out his face now. The moon was illuminating their surroundings enough to see by, and the fear she’d felt earlier at being alone disappeared. She felt comfortable with him already, even though she hardly knew him. There was something somehow familiar about him, something that made her comfortable with this man who made her heart race.
‘You’ve heard the news already?’ she asked.
He gest
ured for them to walk and she fell into step beside him. Moving was easier because she didn’t have to stare at him and feel she should be averting her eyes, didn’t have to think about the way something inside of her stirred every time he smiled at her or gave her a cheeky wink. But tonight, he seemed more serious than he’d been before.
‘We don’t have long and we’ll be landing in the worst of it,’ he muttered.
‘So you’re coming with us? I mean, we’ll be travelling with your unit?’
‘’Fraid so,’ he said, glancing at her. She could feel his eyes on her, but she didn’t dare look back, focusing instead on where her feet were falling with each step.
‘James, I want to find my fiancé so badly. I mean, there’s nothing I want more than to discover he’s alive, that he’s been helped or . . .’ She didn’t even know what to say. ‘The more I learn, the more injuries I see, I’m wondering if I’ve just been terribly naive this entire time. And then meeting you . . .’
James held out his arm and she couldn’t ignore the action. Scarlet tucked her hand into the crook of his elbow, couldn’t resist being close to him instead of feeling so alone. It was only one night. It was only one connection, one touch. By morning they’d be gone, and she could pretend it never happened.
‘Hope can be a dangerous thing,’ James said. ‘But without hope, maybe our entire army would have broken down by now.’
She inhaled, breathed in the scent of him, wished she wasn’t so drawn to him.
Scarlet slowed when James did and she saw where he’d brought her. It was a pond, once beautiful she was sure, but now overgrown and derelict. But there was still water filling its depths, glistening in the moonlight. He gestured for her to sit down, and she did, settling against a tree beside him. She tucked her legs beneath herself as he stretched his out in front.
‘I know it’s forward of me, but this is war. After tonight, we might never see one another again,’ he said. ‘I just have to tell you: you’re so beautiful.’
‘James, I . . .’ She needed to say something, to end whatever was going on between them. This wasn’t right. She couldn’t do this as though she wasn’t already promised to another man.
‘What? I can’t tell a woman she’s beautiful?’ His laugh was deep, his hand warm as he reached for hers. ‘Sweetheart, there’s every chance this is it, and there’s every chance I won’t make it home. What’s the harm in speaking the truth, given the circumstances?’ He paused, looking into her eyes. ‘And it’s more than that. I like you, Scarlet. You must know that?’
The harm was that she could so easily give in. If she’d met James and she wasn’t already promised, if . . . She pushed the thoughts away, didn’t want to imagine it. How could she even be thinking like this when she’d been so devoted to Thomas for so long? He’d been gone for over a year, and she’d never questioned her feelings for him before, not once in all those long months.
‘I need to go,’ she said, pushing up to stand, furious with herself. He’d told her he liked her, and her first thought should have been to tell him no instead of thinking about giving in to her feelings.
But James’s warm hand closed around her wrist, anchored her to the ground. ‘Please don’t go. Not yet.’ He kept staring into her eyes, his expression softening. ‘Can we not just sit here? Away from all the horrors, all the awful things we’re about to face, and just . . .’ He smiled. ‘Sit.’
His low voice washed over her, his fingers curled against her skin, sending impossible emotions, feelings through her body. She wanted to say yes, so badly.
‘I’m engaged to be married to another man,’ she croaked, forcing the words out, needing to say it.
‘I know that, Scarlet. I know that and I’m not asking for anything other than a peaceful moment. I like your company and this might be the last peaceful night we see in months, maybe even years.’
‘I’m sorry, I can’t be here. This isn’t right,’ she said, biting down on her lip as she went to move again. It would have been so easy to say yes, but she wouldn’t let herself.
James moved fast, so quickly that she didn’t realise what was happening, not immediately. One hand was still on her wrist, but the other touched her cheek, palm flat to her skin as his body moved half over hers, lips soft when he kissed her. It was the barest of touches, the connection only lasting seconds, but it was all Scarlet needed to tell her that she was in trouble.
‘Maybe it’s the war, not knowing whether I’ll live to come home,’ James murmured against her lips. ‘Or maybe it’s the fact that from the moment I laid eyes on you, the only thing I’ve been able to think about is you.’
Scarlet waited, her breath shallow, lips parted. She wanted him to kiss her again so badly, wanted him to touch her, yet at the same time she felt like a traitor, knew she was doing the wrong thing. She should have pushed him away, told him not to touch her ever again.
‘James . . .’ She put her hand to his chest, wanted to push him back.
‘Tell me it’s not what you want and I won’t do it again,’ he whispered. ‘I won’t do something you don’t want.’
She hesitated, couldn’t tell a lie when she so blatantly felt the opposite. Instead she dropped her gaze to his lips – gave him permission.
His kiss was rougher this time, more urgent, not the sweet press of lips like the first one. It made Scarlet feel alive, made a tremor run down her spine, made her want more. When Thomas had kissed her that night, the one time with passion, it had felt exciting, stirring, but nothing like this. This made her want more, made her think it was worth rebelling, worth doing something she’d never thought she’d do.
Guilt washed over her as she thought of Thomas, making her pull back. James must have felt the change and sat back, too, his fingers leaving her wrist and settling more softly on her hand.
‘We can’t do that again,’ she whispered, more to herself than him. ‘We can’t.’
‘And if your fiancé doesn’t make it home? Would you let me kiss you then?’
She pulled away from him, wrapping her arms around herself. ‘Don’t say that. James, don’t ever say that.’ Scarlet’s breath shuddered through her, the guilt unbearable. ‘Don’t make me wish that I could be with you when doing so would mean Thomas has to be dead. I love him.’
They sat in silence and Scarlet felt pain. A stabbing in her chest that could have been her heart breaking into pieces, shattering from the decision she suddenly saw in front of her.
‘Thomas?’ he said, pushing back, his eyebrows drawn together. ‘You said Thomas.’
‘My fiancé,’ she replied, confused about the expression on his face. ‘His name is Thomas.’
‘Thomas who?’ he asked, voice low.
She sighed, not wanting to discuss her fiancé in detail with the man she’d just kissed. ‘Thomas Sanders.’
The look on James’s face scared her, worried her, made her blood run cold.
‘What is it?’
‘And you’re Scarlet.’
Had he lost his mind? ‘What . . . ?’
‘My brother is . . . and you . . .’ He shook his head and pushed himself to his feet. ‘You’re his Scarlet. I can’t believe it. It’s you, isn’t it?’
‘Brother? You’re Thomas’s brother?’ Scarlet gasped, jumping up, feeling hysterical. Her fingers found her mouth, brushed her lips. She’d kissed her fiancé’s brother? ‘But he called you J, he never . . .’
‘Because our father is James,’ he said quietly, ‘so to avoid confusion I’ve always been J at home.’
Scarlet shook her head, forcing her feet to move, even though her boots felt like they were filled with lead. She wrapped her arms around herself, hardly able to process what had just happened. How could this man, the one man she’d felt something for, be Thomas’s brother? Or was that why she’d felt drawn to him? Similarities that she hadn’t even noticed, perhaps?
‘So, you’re Scarlet,’ he said, his voice softer than it had been before. ‘The Scarlet. I can’t believe I n
ever put two and two together.’ He shook his head, shut his eyes slowly, as if he was in pain. ‘I can’t believe I said what I said, about him not coming home. I never would have, I mean . . .’ He opened his eyes and clenched both his hands at his side. ‘I’m sorry.’
She nodded, slowly turning to face him properly. She took a deep breath, her cheeks heating as she looked into his eyes. They were dark, but they were different from Thomas’s, a humour there that was impossible not to notice. He made her feel all kinds of guilty – the feeling worse now that she knew the connection.
‘I can’t,’ she finally said. ‘I . . .’ She was lost for words. She hastily folded her hands together. ‘I can’t believe it. This seems impossible.’
‘The fact that we’ve met, or that we . . .’
‘Everything!’ she replied, flustered, as she positioned herself a modest distance from him. ‘Meeting you in the middle of nowhere when I’m supposed to be searching for Thomas.’ It seemed an almost cruel twist of fate that she’d met him instead. ‘Falling—’ she cut herself off. ‘Doing what we did.’
‘Well, Sussex is hardly the middle of nowhere,’ he said, smiling as he made his stupid joke before clearing his throat. ‘But yes, I don’t think this is something we’ll, well—’
‘Ever speak of again?’ Scarlet interrupted. ‘Please tell me that’s what you were going to say.’
‘Something like that,’ he said, nodding. ‘I might not be close to Thomas these days, but he’s my brother, and I never would have done this had I known. My lips are sealed.’
Scarlet felt the familiar heat of a blush touching her cheeks, which only annoyed her. Given the job she was doing, what she was being trained for, blushing seemed silly, and she hated not being able to control how she reacted.
‘You believe he’s alive then?’ she asked, ignoring his other comment, needing to act as though nothing had happened between them at all. ‘You speak about him in the present.’
Wives of War Page 8