‘If I have your consent, then I’ll make the change to the roster myself if I can. It won’t take much for me to take charge of it.’
‘I’m pleased she has you looking out for her,’ Scarlet told him.
‘As I am pleased she has a friend like you.’
She watched as Spencer started to walk away and hoped for Ellie’s sake that something happened between them. Ellie deserved someone like him, someone whose eyes lit up every time he saw her and went out of his way to make her smile. Spencer was a great doctor, but there was something nicer about him than the other doctors, something about his manner that was almost boyish sometimes instead of the usual flippant and rude behaviour so many of the nurses were accustomed to. He’d made it very clear that he’d patch up anyone no matter who they were, that he’d become a doctor to do whatever he could to end the suffering of others, and it had made Scarlet warm to him even more.
‘Excuse me.’
Scarlet turned slowly and came face to face with a nurse in uniform, her blue eyes bright, blonde hair neatly pulled back from her face. She was pretty and looked calm and collected despite the conditions.
‘Yes?’ Scarlet replied.
‘I’m to find out who’s in charge here. Of your unit,’ the woman said. ‘I understand there is a unit here that’s temporarily joined the 81st?’
Scarlet nodded, wondering why this unfamiliar nurse was looking for her superior. ‘Yes, that’s right. We’re waiting for our field site to be taken before setting up our mobile hospital.’
The other nurse grimaced. ‘I’m afraid to say the battle has been hard-fought, but you’ll be moving soon. I’m Lucy,’ she said, extending her hand. ‘I’m with the 50 Mobile field hospital, but I’ve been sent to assist with your new set-up. There will be a group of us coming to assist your unit.’
Scarlet’s heart began to pound as she held her own hand out to grasp Lucy’s. ‘I’m Scarlet. Pleased to meet you.’ It was a relief to know there would be more nurses joining them.
They stood for a moment, awkward, until Lucy spoke again. ‘How are you faring here? The conditions are satisfactory?’ She sighed. ‘I’ve been nursing for some time, but nothing prepares anyone for all this.’
‘We’re desperate for hot water and sleep,’ Scarlet replied, ‘but otherwise we’re all right.’
‘This will seem easy compared to where you’re heading, believe me.’ Lucy shook her head. ‘We’re all in this for the long haul I suspect. I can’t see things getting better any time soon.’
Lucy gave a half-smile and Scarlet attempted to do the same, not sure about this confident nurse who appeared to know everything. ‘I’ll take you inside, then.’
After a day that had put a genuine smile on her face for once, Scarlet had the sinking feeling that she wasn’t going to have another day like it for a good long while.
‘You’ll be looking for our matron, over there in that office,’ Scarlet told her, stopping and pointing the way. ‘If you can’t find her, then I’ll locate a senior doctor for you.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Lucy?’ Scarlet called, above the arrivals of ambulances and nurses shouting for assistance, the constant merry-go-round of busyness starting all over again after the short lull.
‘Yes?’
‘If you’re joining us on your own without your unit, ask for me by name. I know how much easier it can be to have a friend when you don’t know anyone.’
Months ago, she might not have said anything, wouldn’t have thought about someone else’s plight, her thoughts far more selfish than they could ever be now after what she’d seen. But that was then and this was now, and she would do anything she could for another if it meant making their life a little easier. Besides, Lucy was obviously experienced, which meant there was a lot she could learn from her.
Lucy nodded. ‘Thank you, but I’ll be fine. I have a job to do, that’s why I’m here.’
Scarlet was taken aback. They all had a job to do, and she was only trying to be friendly.
‘Of course,’ she replied stiffly, not sure what else to say.
‘Thank you for your assistance.’
It had been an awful day at their new field hospital. Scarlet rolled her sleeves up and took a deep, shuddering breath, staring at the blood that stained her hands. She’d had some horrendous moments over the past couple of weeks, but nothing, nothing, compared to the day she’d just had.
‘I can’t do it,’ Ellie whispered.
When Scarlet turned, body slowly swivelling, she saw Ellie standing, tears streaming down her cheeks, hands shaking violently at her sides, teeth biting hard into her bottom lip. She hadn’t seen her for hours, they’d both been attending to different doctors and patients, and she wished she’d searched for her before now. She was pressed up against a bed, clutching it as if she were about to fall.
‘Come here,’ Scarlet whispered, holding her arms out. ‘Everything’s going to be fine, I promise.’
The truth was, it was a promise she couldn’t keep, but they were the words Ellie needed to hear, and if she had to soothe her then she had no problem being the one to say it.
‘I want to go home,’ Ellie mumbled. ‘I want to go home! I want to go home! I want to go home!’
Scarlet froze. Ellie began to scream the words, louder and louder. There were so many people around them, an entire hospital full of patients and other nurses and doctors.
‘Ellie, shush,’ she whispered, holding her tighter as her friend stood like a statue, yelling.
‘I want to go home!’
Where was Spencer? She needed help.
Ellie crumpled then, slipped straight to the ground, and Scarlet dropped beside her, holding up her limp body. Her friend’s eyes were lifeless, like there was nobody home.
‘Ellie, we can get through this. You need some sleep.’
They’d gone twenty-four hours with no rest, hardly a bite of food, either, and she was feeling shaky herself.
‘What’s going on here?’ Lucy appeared, helping to scoop Ellie up and hauling her to her feet. It took both of them to hold her up.
‘We need to get her into bed,’ Lucy said brusquely. ‘She needs a decent sleep and food, and she’ll be fine. I’ll take her.’
‘Nurse!’ the exasperated call of one of the doctors rang out, clearly needing assistance with a patient.
Scarlet sucked in a breath and stared at Lucy. She didn’t know whether it was the right thing to let Ellie go with Lucy while she went to assist the doctor. Lucy hadn’t exactly been friendly since she’d arrived, more interested in the work they were doing than making friends with the other nurses. The new nurse seemed insanely competent: never tired, always working, smiling to her patients but then straight-faced and serious as she attended her surgeries.
‘I’ve seen a lot of this,’ Lucy said, giving Ellie a shake that made Scarlet gasp. ‘You go and answer that call. I’m more than capable of assisting her.’
She was going to protest, but if it gave Lucy time to get Ellie away without any more fuss, then she’d keep on going no matter what, although if she was honest, she was feeling shaky herself. ‘Please look after her. She’s struggling, and if you’d known her before – well, it’s not like her.’
Scarlet would have gone looking for Spencer, asked if he could help, but it was useless. Ambulances were coming in faster than patients could be seen – they had been for hours, and the doctors hadn’t had a break, either. As well as the ambulances rushing in, trucks were racing out with injured soldiers headed for the harbour, the worst of them being airlifted out. But so many had died, so many weren’t going to make it, and Scarlet was finally, heartbreakingly losing her belief that Thomas could make it home alive. Part of her was starting to think that no man was going to make it out of this war alive or without body parts missing. It was the most dismal, heartbreaking thing she’d ever witnessed or imagined possible.
Scarlet turned from Lucy and Ellie and rushed to assist. The doctor who’d bee
n yelling was still working with no nurse at his side. She had to forget about Ellie for now and believe that Lucy would look after her. The other nurse seemed capable and caring, and Scarlet had no choice but to trust the decision she’d made. From what she’d seen of her, she was as trustworthy as anyone she’d met.
‘Spencer?’ She hadn’t recognised him when he’d called, his face smudged with blood and what appeared to be dirt, his hair full of dust. She reached for a cloth and wetted it, hastily wiping his face clean for him. Of course it was him, she chided herself. He was the only doctor who seemed capable no matter the circumstances.
‘What can I do?’ she asked.
‘We need to amputate. I have this one and more waiting. It’s the only way I can give them a chance of making it home, otherwise they’ll never survive the airlift out.’
Her stomach turned but she stayed strong. There was nothing she wouldn’t do if it meant helping to save a soldier’s life, and there were so many to get on the boats headed for home.
‘Tell me what you need,’ she said.
Scarlet didn’t mention that Ellie had just had to be virtually carried out. Spencer was already looking like he was on the brink of collapse, and she was certain he’d heard and seen the commotion anyway. His usually handsome face was etched with concern, lines deep around eyes that were usually bright, now dulled with tiredness. They were all struggling, even good doctors like him.
She administered morphine, prepared for surgery, did everything Spencer asked of her without faltering, but after they’d amputated both legs on one soldier and later the arm of another, Scarlet ran as soon as she was dismissed. She barely made it outside, tucked away from view, before she started to vomit – over and over again until the pain in her empty stomach was unbearable. She wondered if the smell of blood and burnt flesh would ever leave her nostrils.
Scarlet breathed hard, finally straightened and went in search of Ellie. She was worried about her friend; the fun-loving, always-smiling nurse that had kept them both full of laughter seemed to have slipped way, replaced by a shadow of the woman she’d been only a week earlier. Even on the dreadful voyage over, she’d kept her spirits up, and Scarlet was more than worried. She was terrified that Ellie might do something silly. She didn’t know what, but—
‘She’s fine.’
Lucy appeared just as Scarlet was about to go into the tent.
‘Sleeping?’ Scarlet asked.
‘Yes.’
Scarlet threw her arms around Lucy and pulled her in for a hug. She was not usually one for displays of affection like that, but beyond being tired, and feeling emotional, it seemed like the only thing left to do.
‘Thank you.’
Lucy was stiff as she held her tight, but Scarlet didn’t care. She hadn’t realised how much she’d needed the contact, to touch another human being, to be held. She understood why, after so long away from home, the soldiers they cared for were desperate for the words, care and affection from their nurses. They just needed someone to hold them and tell them everything was going to be fine.
‘I finally have a break. Do you have a moment?’ Scarlet asked.
Lucy nodded. ‘Of course. I’m going to get dinner.’
They walked side by side, Scarlet’s legs so tired she feared they’d give way.
‘Tell me about yourself, Lucy. You’re a great nurse,’ Scarlet said.
‘Oh, well, you know. It’s been full on here,’ Lucy said. ‘I arrived with my unit as part of the Royal Air Force, so I’ve been here since immediately after the Normandy landings.’
Scarlet nodded, impressed. ‘Well, I know I’ve already said thank you, but I really appreciate your help with Ellie.’ Scarlet paused, considering her words. ‘She’s not usually like this. I mean, it’s not her personality to be so down; she’s usually so positive. Being here has changed her.’
‘It changes a lot of people,’ Lucy said in a low voice. ‘I’ve seen doctors take their own lives after making mistakes, and a nurse hang herself. I know how easily people can snap out here when they’re pushed to their limits, and I don’t want to see that happen to your friend. That’s why I offered to assist.’
Scarlet didn’t know what to say. She was numb. She’d experienced sleep deprivation and hunger pangs that hit deep inside of her, and witnessed hideous wounds, but from the glint in Lucy’s eyes, she could see the other nurse had witnessed far worse.
‘I don’t know what to say,’ Scarlet admitted.
‘You don’t need to say anything, and I don’t want to relive it,’ Lucy said simply. ‘But I’ve seen the signs, I know when enough is enough. Not everyone is built to deal with the intensity of what we’re doing here.’
‘And you? How are you faring?’ Scarlet probably didn’t need to ask, because Lucy struck her as very capable.
‘It takes some adjusting to, but I’m fine,’ she said simply. ‘We have a job to do, and when we get back I want to train to be a doctor.’
Scarlet stopped walking. ‘A doctor?’
‘Yes,’ she said matter-of-factly. ‘I doubt it’ll be that unusual in years to come, and I like the work. It’s one of the reasons why I was sent to help your unit. I have a real interest in difficult surgeries and I made a bit of a name for myself volunteering for anything and everything. I want to learn everything I can.’
Scarlet was surprised. A woman wanting to be a doctor just wasn’t something she’d heard before. ‘I grew up with women who dreamt of being wives and mothers,’ she said. ‘But the more time I spend here, the more I truly see the world, the more I realise how narrow-minded that seems.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have a family,’ Lucy said, her smile softening. ‘I’m not saying I don’t want that one day, but I don’t want that to be all I’m good for. It sounds high and mighty, but I can’t help how I feel.’
Scarlet smiled. ‘You might be the most interesting woman I’ve ever met. I mean that, Lucy. You know, my family weren’t exactly happy for me volunteering here, but if I’d told them I wanted to be a doctor once all this is over, I think my mother would have had kittens!’
‘I know the feeling,’ Lucy said with a laugh.
‘So you don’t have a sweetheart back home?’ Scarlet asked.
‘No, I don’t. You?’
‘It’s a long story. I’ll tell you all about it one day. Let’s just say I’m engaged, and I’m hoping to find my fiancé while we’re here.’ She felt a pang from talking about Thomas when her mind had instantly jumped to James.
‘I’ll hold you to it,’ Lucy said. ‘One night when we can’t sleep you can tell me every single detail.’
‘I’ll see you shortly,’ Scarlet said, reaching out to touch Lucy’s shoulder. ‘Thank you again for everything you did for Ellie.’
‘You’re welcome. See you at dinner, unless we both fall asleep before then.’
Scarlet nodded as Lucy turned, and she decided to check on Ellie quickly before getting something to eat and then trying to get a few hours’ sleep. The casualties they’d received over the past days had been horrific. What they’d been told was a battle supposed to last a day had stretched out for more than a week with little end in sight. She was so tired she felt like her very bones were weary, feet dragging with each step, and tucking up beside Ellie for even an hour sounded like heaven to her right now. But she was pleased she’d taken the time to speak with Lucy. First impressions weren’t always right, she knew that, and there was a lot more to Lucy than she’d imagined.
She had been trying not to think of James, or Thomas, but as always happened when she prepared to sleep, her thoughts turned to them both. Whether she’d see them again, whether they were dead, bodies lying forlorn on the ground, or submerged in mud. Or whether someone was caring for them, a nurse with a light touch, a nun with a soft smile.
It was probably best she didn’t cross paths with James, not again, not after what had been said and done. She was here for Thomas, and to serve her country – just like he
was. There wasn’t time to think of ‘what ifs’ or ‘maybes’ because nursing was all she needed to focus on, and she knew now it was going to be a lot tougher than she’d ever imagined to get through her time here. They’d been in France less than two weeks, and it had already been the worst two weeks of her life – without a shadow of doubt.
The night they’d arrived, sitting on the beach and watching men being rushed on to ships headed for home, part of her had wanted to leap forward and check them all, make sure one of them wasn’t Thomas, but she knew there was no chance of it being that easy. If he were here, if he were still alive, wouldn’t they have heard from him? Wouldn’t she know? The army wouldn’t have thought he’d fallen off the face of the earth if he was still fighting with his unit. The chills started to spread down her body, like they were in her bones. Thinking like that made her realise how crazy this whole thing was, how unlikely it was that she’d ever, ever find him. She bent and entered the tent.
‘Needle in a haystack,’ she whispered to herself.
‘What?’
She leaned over and hugged Ellie. ‘Nothing. Just talking to myself. I thought you were asleep.’
‘My mother says that’s the first sign of going crazy,’ Ellie whispered, pushing back into her, starting to cry again. ‘But I think I’m the one who’s gone crazy. I can’t stay here, Scarlet, I can’t.’
‘Hey, I’m the one talking to myself, so that makes me the crazy one.’ Scarlet relished the extra warmth from Ellie as they huddled together. ‘I don’t know what to say, how to help you,’ Scarlet confessed, not wanting to pretend everything was fine when it so obviously wasn’t. ‘But I’m worried.’
Ellie leaned back harder into her and Scarlet hugged her tighter.
‘I’m so tired, and I can’t get some of the things I’ve seen out of my head. I . . .’
‘You can tell me,’ Scarlet said. ‘I get it, believe me, I get it.’
‘I thought I’d be good at this, that I would be able to keep smiling and laughing and make these soldiers feel better. I never thought hard enough about what I was going to be dealing with, how gruesome it would be and how many men would die.’
Wives of War Page 14