by Francis Ray
* * *
Cade slammed out of his car and rushed up the steps to Sabrina’s house. He patted the note he’d found on his car seat when he’d gotten inside this morning. “I miss you. Hurry back.”
Grinning, he rang the bell. Every day since he’d confessed he didn’t look forward to tomorrows, she’d made sure that changed. She cared. He saw it in her eyes, the soft touches, the way she smiled at him.
He’d waited almost thirty-eight years to wholly love anyone. The idea didn’t scare him. He was tired of being alone. Sabrina made life better, brighter. He was about to ring the bell again when it opened. Sabrina stood there, her eyes red and puffy.
He reached for her, but she shook her head, and evaded his touch. “Honey, what’s the matter?”
“Hello.”
Cade jerked his head around to see Sabrina’s mother and three other people. His gut clenched. His gaze swung back to Sabrina. “Did they get to you?”
Shaking her head, she circled her arms. “Cade, I’m so sorry.”
He opened his mouth, not quite sure what he’d say, then snapped it shut. He wouldn’t beg no matter how much he wanted to plead with her not to leave him as everyone else had. “Good-bye.”
“Please wait.”
Frowning, he stared at Sabrina’s mother, her hand clenched with the man’s standing next to her. “Why?”
“There-there’s something you need to know,” she said.
He could just imagine. He folded his arms across his chest, well aware his pose was defiant. “And what would that be?”
She swallowed, swallowed again. “I’m your birth mother.”
His arms dropped to his sides. He stared at her, hearing a rushing in his ears. He released the breath he’d held. Rage and resentment he’d fought to bury long ago surfaced.
“Why didn’t you just abort me?”
Her gasp cut through the room. He didn’t care. “You cared about your social position more than a baby who couldn’t defend himself.”
“I didn’t know you weren’t cared for,” she cried.
“And that excused you?” Cade snapped. “I made a successful life in spite of you and the cruel man who reminded me every day how worthless I was.”
“Don’t blame her.” A white-haired man stepped forward. “I’m her father. It was my decision to leave you with the Mathis family.”
“So your daughter didn’t have to worry about the bastard?”
“I’m sorry,” the woman cried. “I thought I was doing what was best for you.”
Cade’s laugh was ragged. “Lie to yourself if you want. You tossed me away because I was an inconvenient embarrassment. Well, I don’t need you, and I could care less about your apology.”
He whirled to go and went still. Sabrina stood by the door with tears streaming down her face. His stomach knotted. His birth mother had deprived him of a normal childhood, and now she made it impossible to have the woman he loved.
“Please,” the man beside Sabrina’s mother said. “She’s punished herself enough.”
Cade whirled toward him, his fists clenched. “Did she go to bed hungry almost every night? Was she worked from sunup to sundown? Did she have to wear castoff clothes? Was she—” He stopped, his breathing uneven. “No, she was loved and pampered. She still is. I never was.”
Cade worked to get his temper under control. “What about my birth father? Were you at least honest enough to tell him you were pregnant with me?”
“She told him,” the older man said. “He didn’t want you.”
“Just like you didn’t.” Cade looked at them with scorn. “And now I don’t want you. I hope you rot in hell.”
* * *
Cade wanted to put his fist through something, test the car’s speedometer. He did neither. He’d learned early to control his anger or suffer the consequences. But this was more difficult than anything he’d ever had to do.
His hands flexed on the steering wheel. He’d tried to forget the woman who gave birth to him. He’d thought he’d succeeded. He’d been wrong. Looking at her brought back all the hurt and fears he’d had as a kid, that it was his fault that he was unlovable. He didn’t know anyone at school who didn’t live with a relative. He was different—unloved and unwanted.
Pulling into the garage of his condo, he quickly parked and rode the elevator to his floor. Punching in the code, he went inside, slamming the door, at last able to vent some of his building rage.
His birth mother’s attack of conscience had done two things: irrevocably taken Sabrina away from him and confirmed that the man who’d raised him was right when he said Cade was an embarrassment to a rich socialite.
His birth mother gave him away and adopted two other children. To her he was just something to be tossed away and forgotten. She would have never given him a thought if he hadn’t been dating Sabrina.
Restless, he went to his bedroom to change into his gym clothes. He’d never been to the fitness center in the building before, but he needed to work off his anger.
Unbuttoning his shirt, he tossed it on the bed. One sleeve landed on the nightstand next to the picture Sabrina had given him of them at the wine tasting. He remembered clearly her smile, her wanting to place the picture where he’d see it every day when he woke up.
He had liked having the picture, liked knowing that someone cared and made him happy. She’d taken the picture of them with her phone camera. They were standing in front of the dancing water fountain in Uptown Village, both were grinning because she’d whispered something naughty to him.
He jerked up the picture, started to fling it across the room, but remembered her tears. This was hurting her. But for them there could never be anything else.
The doorbell rang. He opened the drawer on the night table, put the picture inside, and went to answer the door. He expected the waiter with the brunch he’d ordered. He’d planned to bring Sabrina back and spend a lazy day in bed and out. He never tired of her or being with her. And she was lost to him forever.
He jerked open the door. Sabrina stood there with tears glistening in her eyes. She brushed past him. He swung the door shut and turned to faced her. Pride dictated she never know how much losing her hurt.
“It might be rude to barge in but I was afraid you’d close the door in my face.”
Oddly, that hadn’t occurred to him. “What do you want?”
“For things to be the way the were, but that wouldn’t be fair to any of us,” she said.
He knew by “us” she’d included her mother. He’d never think of her as his mother.
Her hand shoved impatiently through her hair. “Perhaps we shouldn’t have ambushed you, but none of us wanted to tell you over the phone.”
“How long have you known?” he asked, his voice gravelly.
“Since this morning.” She swallowed. “They arrived shortly after nine. Although we aren’t related, I felt … funny learning you were my mother’s son.”
He flinched. “I’m not her son.”
She reached toward him, then let her hand fall to her side. “Placing you for adoption wasn’t taken lightly.”
“I don’t want to hear about her and her lies.”
This time she did touch him, placing her hand on his bare chest. His heart raced. “I care about you. Nothing can change that. I hope you feel the same way.”
“I hate the woman you call your mother.”
Sabrina shook her head. “She’s your mother too, and she’s hurting now.”
“You think I care what she feels?” He whirled away, spun. His chest heaved. “Whatever she’s going though, it can’t be a fraction of the pain and hurt I went through because she didn’t want to be embarrassed.”
“It wasn’t like that,” Sabrina said. “She thought it was best for the child—for you. She’s a wonderful, loving woman.”
“Just not to me.” His face hardened. “She could have cared less what happened to me. She went on with her life without a thought of me. She adopted two other
children.” He wouldn’t be jealous of Sabrina or her brother. He’d succeeded in spite of all of them.
“She adopted us because she and Father wanted children,” Sabrina explained. “She learned after they were married for three years that she couldn’t have children.”
“At least there’s some justice in the world,” he spat.
“Cade, we can work through this. Please. I know it’s hard and you’re angry. I can’t blame you, but please don’t turn your back on what we have.”
He slowly shook his head. “Every time I see you, I think of her and what she did to me. The rage and hate I thought I’d buried boils to the surface. I can’t think of anything else.”
“Cade.” Sabrina’s voice trembled. She stepped closer. “Give it time. You can’t let this break us up.”
“There is no ‘us’ and there never will be.”
“Please, Cade. I love you.”
He stared, transfixed by the words no other person had ever spoken to him. He cared for her as well, but it was too late the instant he’d learned her adoptive mother was his birth mother. “Please leave.”
“Cade, did you hear me?”
He went to the door. “Good-bye, Sabrina.”
“I’m not giving up on you, on us.”
She wouldn’t. She was too stubborn. “I don’t want to work with you on any new patients. You can talk to your supervisor or I can.”
Hurt and surprise flashed in her face. “If you think you can run from me, you’re mistaken, Cade. You’ll remember my lips, my arms around you, the warmth of my body next to you, the—”
He jerked the door open. “Leave or I’ll call security.”
“You can’t stop caring any more than I can. When you realize it and accept that it breaks my heart knowing what you went through, what seeing my mother does to you, I’ll be waiting.” She walked through the door, her fingertips briefly touching his arm and then she was gone.
Cade closed the door, lonelier than he ever thought possible. And this time there wasn’t even the hope that one day he wouldn’t be because his hope, his life was Sabrina, and she could never be his.
Nineteen
Monday morning, Cade didn’t need the alarm clock to wake up. He hadn’t slept all night. He couldn’t get Sabrina’s tear-stained face out of his mind or the face of his birth mother. Muttering a curse, he picked up the controls and turned the television on, hoping noise would keep his thoughts off the two women.
It didn’t, and neither did the car radio. He was in a pissy mood when he entered his office. Iris looked at his face and silently handed him his schedule.
“Is there a delivery in my office?”
“Yes.”
“Get rid of it. Now.”
Iris took off. He stared at the list of patients.
“It’s gone.”
He glanced up. “Don’t accept anything else,” he said. He’d forget Sabrina. It might take a lifetime, but he’d do it.
* * *
Sabrina dragged herself out of bed and went to work despite the concerned protest of her mother. She hadn’t liked Sabrina going to see Cade last night; she liked it even less that Sabrina was subjecting herself to more pain by not giving up on getting back together with Cade. She hurt for Sabrina and blamed herself. She didn’t believe Cade would ever forgive her, and thus Sabrina. If Sabrina didn’t believe otherwise she wouldn’t be able to go on.
With her sun shades on to conceal her red eyes and puffy lids, Sabrina went to the neuro floor. The nurse-in-charge said Cade was there and in a mood.
Sabrina’s heart ached for him. He was hurting. She had no idea what she’d say to him. Then the elevator door opened and he was there. His face was hard, his eyes blazing with anger. She thought he would take another elevator, but he stepped on. So did three visitors. They all got off at the ground floor. She quietly followed Cade outside.
He turned at his car. “Do us both a favor. Don’t speak or come near me again.” Getting into his car, he drove away, taking her heart with him.
* * *
Cade glanced in the rearview mirror, saw Sabrina standing there, her head bowed, and knew she was crying. He gripped the steering wheel to keep from slamming on the brakes and going back to her. Then what? He saw her and remembered the woman who had tossed him away and loved her. He wasn’t so low to be jealous that his birth mother loved her and not him, but neither could he push it from his mind.
He sped through the security gate as soon as it lifted. At a red light, he called Sabrina’s house. Her mother wouldn’t have left so soon.
“Hello.”
“Your maiden name? Who’s my father and where can I find him?” he asked, recognizing his birth’s mother’s voice.
“You have to—”
“His name, dammit. You owe me that!”
“James. Christine James. A.J. Reed. He owns a car dealership in Sugarland.”
Cade disconnected the call, then called his office. “Iris, clear my schedule for tomorrow.” He hung up. Maybe there was a chance he could find one person who wanted him. He thought of Sabrina, pushed it away, and sped through the green light.
* * *
Tuesday, a little after noon, Cade sat in a rental car and stared at the Mercedes and Cadillac dealership that spanned half the city block. And his father owned it. He didn’t doubt she’d told the truth. She was too upset not to. Cade’s mouth tightened. She should have been that conscientious thirty-eight years ago when she’d given him away to a man who made his life hell and took enjoyment in it while doing so.
Cade got out of the 550 Mercedes sedan he’d specifically requested. He wanted to get the man’s attention. He would have driven his car, but he knew his mind wouldn’t have been on the four-hour drive, plus he was too anxious to take the time. There was still a chance his birth mother and her father had lied. They might not have wanted him, but his father could have.
He hadn’t been able to find anything personal on the Internet about A.J. Reed. There’d only been information on his dealership. There hadn’t even been a picture of him.
His palms sweaty, his heart rate irregular, Cade opened the spotless glass door. No salesman in the modern and elegant showroom rushed to greet him although he saw three milling around. Obviously, in the strained economy they were doing well or they had learned that some people preferred to look. All the men wore ties and white dress shirts. One finally moved away from the other two and, smiling, came to Cade, extending his hand.
“Good afternoon, sir. I’m Charlie Waters.”
“Dr. Mathis,” Cade said. He wanted to impress so why play around?
A predatory gleam entered the man’s eyes. “Welcome, Dr. Mathis. How can I help you today?”
“I’m looking for a CL series. I heard you had a good selection,” Cade said. He’d looked online and planned this moment. The car started at $94,000.
“What do you drive now?”
“A Lamborghini.”
The man practically drooled. “I was in Houston for a medical conference and decided I’d like to drive back to Dallas,” Cade said. “I’m prepared to write a check for the full amount, of course.”
“You’ve come to the right place.” Waters waved his hand toward a shiny gray car on the dais. “We can start with this beauty.” He went on to extol the virtues of the car that included a heated steering wheel and pedestrian detection.
“Sounds good, but if the owner is available, I’d like to speak with him. It’s been my experience that the owner can give me a good feel if I’d like to do business with the company.”
There was the briefest hesitation. Cade couldn’t tell if the man was afraid of losing the sale or of the owner. “Of course, I’ll match any commission for you if the owner completes the sale.”
“That’s not necessary, but that’s awfully nice of you. I’ll get A.J.”
A.J. Reed. His biological father. Cade tensed, but nothing showed on his face. Seconds ticked by, then he saw the salesman returning. With him wa
s a tall, well-dressed man in a tailored suit and polished ostrich cowboy boots, a wide grin on his brown-skinned face.
Cade took an immediate dislike to the man. He wasn’t sure if it was because he had abandoned him or because the fake grin on his face had a high BS reading. A.J. stuck his wide, manicured hand out two feet away, his grin widening. “Good afternoon, Dr. Mathis. Welcome to my dealership.”
“Good afternoon,” Cade said, hoping, waiting for some sign of recognition, but there was nothing. He didn’t look like either parent, although Cade’s eyes were black like his birth mother’s father.
“Thank you. Charlie was telling me about the car on the dais. Is it possible for us to take a test drive?” Cade inquired.
“Get the keys,” A.J. ordered.
Cade looked at his wrist long enough for A.J. to follow the direction of his gaze and see the thin platinum watch. “I hadn’t realized the time. I don’t want to keep you from lunch. I can come back.”
“No. No. Have you eaten?” A.J. asked.
Cade shook his head. “I just drove in from a medical conference in Houston.”
“Then, I insist you let me buy you lunch.” As Cade had expected, A.J. wasn’t about to let a man willing to pay cash for a car walk out of his showroom with just his word that he’d return.
“All right. I’ll drive, if you’ll point me in the right direction.”
“Sure. I know just the place.”
* * *
The place was Party Palace, a gentleman’s club. The parking lot was packed. At the door, A.J. flashed another grin, and gave a twenty to the man at the door.
“Welcome back, Mr. Reed,” greeted the smiling hostess.
A.J. winked at Cade as if they shared an inside joke. Cade followed as the woman in a black miniskirt and plunging V-neck top showed them to a table near the center of the stage. “Mr. Reed, do you want your usual?”
He grinned, another inside joke. “A drink for now. We’ll talk later.”
The woman kept the smile on her face, but Cade could tell it was forced.