Jeff patted her shoulder and sat with her until she’d cried herself out. She stopped trying to speak, her words coming out jumbled and confused, and let him hold her.
“Would you like to crash at my place tonight?” Jeff rubbed her back. “We could watch Singing in the Rain?”
“I’d like that.” Jackie squeezed her eyes shut, a few more tears leaking out.
Tomorrow would begin the process of laying Mom to rest. The arrangements would need to be handled and the bulk of that would fall to Jackie. She had Mom’s plans, what she wanted to do, and leaving that up to anyone else was asking for disaster. Jackie hoped she could physically do it.
“Come on, gimpy.”
Jackie let Jeff pull her to her feet. She gripped the side of the bed and leaned over the rail, giving her one, last kiss. The next time Jackie saw her, she’d be ashes.
Jeff kept his arm around her shoulders and steered her out of the room. Once in the hallway, Jackie stopped in her tracks, staring at the single, solitary chair and the man sitting in it.
She swallowed.
“She passed?” Dad pushed to his feet, no emotion in the depths of his gaze.
“Yes,” Jeff replied.
“Would you mind if I had a moment?” he asked, as though Dad needed permission for anything.
“Go ahead.” Jeff steered a still-stunned Jackie out of the way.
She couldn’t help but crane her neck and watch as Dad bent over the side of the bed and smoothed Mom’s hair back off her face, whispering words. Were they kind? Or was he gloating that he’d been right?
“Fuck it,” Jeff muttered. “You might hate him for the rest of your life, but he’s not the evil bastard you want him to be. He loved her as much as he could have ever loved anyone. He paid for her rehab, he paid for her insurance, he’d even go to her house sometimes when you weren’t around. Maybe he needed love in a way Mom couldn’t give him after you were born—I don’t know. What I’ve seen is that he’s always loved her—and us—he just sucks at showing it.”
Jackie stared at the man who was becoming more of a stranger with every passing second. Had she allowed herself to be blinded to the goodness inside that shell out of her own pain? Did she have it all wrong?
Dad straightened and turned toward them. His gaze locked with hers, and while there were no tears, maybe there was a hint of sadness. She swallowed and clutched Jeff’s hand as Dad approached them.
“Jackie, you’re looking better than reported,” he said.
“Thanks,” she muttered.
“We’re going back to my place, probably get some take out, and watch Mom’s movie.” Jeff glanced at her, then at Dad. “Would you care to join us?”
Jackie held her breath, unsure what she wanted him to say.
“I can’t, but maybe another time?” Dad grabbed his coat, then focused on her again. “This isn’t the appropriate moment, but there’s an opportunity opening up I’d like you to consider. Later, but don’t wait too long?”
He produced an envelope and handed it to her.
“Dad?” That word felt funny and kind of hopeful.
“Hm?”
“Thanks for sending the team to come get me. And for sending all that stuff.” She could estimate at the cost and it wasn’t cheap. “Do you know if the team got back yet?”
“Yes.”
“Oh. Okay.” Jackie stared at him, her words failing her.
She couldn’t ask about Felix. She just didn’t have it in her to find out if he’d died, too.
Saturday. Trinity Hall Pub, Seattle, WA.
Felix had no business being out of bed, but he couldn’t lie around all day. Aunt Liv cast him long, threatening stares from across the bar while he finished off his burger and stared out onto the street. He was almost positive that if his cousin, Erik, had anyone on shift besides the girls he’d have tried hauling Felix up stairs to the apartment and force him to rest. Felix’s family could be pushy and over protective at times, but they were good people.
Zain had forbidden Felix from setting foot inside the office which meant he’d had to beg Riley of all people to go get what was left of his shit and bring it to him. The sorry ass should have been there an hour ago.
The pub door opened and the sandy haired man strode inside, Felix’s bags over his shoulder.
“About fucking time,” Felix said.
“Chill, Princess, okay? I had work to do.” Riley set the bags on the floor. “These are disgusting. Your aunt will kill me if she sees these here.”
“In the back.” Felix knew better than to grab the bags himself. He’d barely been able to put on clothes by himself. Driving was excruciating. There was no way he could carry the bags, not with the damage to his arm, ribs and insides.
Riley followed him past the bar and through the double doors into the storage room. Felix gestured at the card table that served as the break space for the staff.
“You know, in your condition, someone would have washed this shit for you?” Riley set the bags down.
“My aunt’s not letting me leave here with anything.” Felix unzipped his bag and dug out the plastic hospital bag from his stay in Mauritania.
“What’s so important?” Riley asked.
Felix hadn’t been able to stash Jackie’s necklace anywhere else. The rest of his gear was gone, so he’d left the chain and pendant where he knew they’d be secure. He opened the hospital bag and both he and Riley took a step back. The stale smell of disgusting clothes mixed with blood and who knew what else did not make for an appealing aroma. Felix held his breath and pulled out his shirt. Someone had found it in some far-flung corner and returned it just before their departure.
He dug into the tiny pocket, going by feel, and pulled the delicate gold chain with the gold medallion out. The clasp was still there, but they’d never found the jump ring.
“What is it?” Riley asked.
“Our asset, it belonged to her mother. They were waiting on Jackie to get back to pull the plug on her.”
“Oh... Shit.” Riley shook his head.
“Thanks for bringing this over. Tell Aunt Liv whatever you want’s on the house.” Felix would pay for it later.
“What are you doing?” Riley frowned.
“I have to return this.” Felix pulled out his keys.
“You are not driving. Not like this. You’re swaying on your feet, dude. Really?” Riley sighed. “You Alpha Team guys, you’re all so sentimental. Come on. I’ll drive you.”
“You don’t know where I’m going.”
“No, but I bet you can tell me, like a big boy?” Riley twirled his keys on his finger.
Felix considered flipping Riley off, but truth was, not having to drive himself would be a relief. Granted, he wasn’t keen on having an audience if Jackie were home.
Riley led the way out to his pickup truck. Felix had sweet-talked Merida into giving him Jackie’s address. By some strange stroke of luck, it was only a twenty minute trip from the pub through the hell of Riley belting out country tunes and to Jackie’s little loft complex. Felix got out before Riley pulled to a complete stop without another word.
All he needed to do was run upstairs and push the necklace under her door. After that, Jackie would never have to hear from him again. As much as he wanted to be there for her, if she’d have wanted him, she’d have contacted him by now.
Felix pulled on the door to the complex, and the door didn’t budge.
Fuck.
He hadn’t thought about this bit.
He cupped his hands around his face and peered inside. The lobby had an open staircase, the elevator and a set of mailboxes. No one was around and he didn’t dare leave the necklace on the stoop and blindly hope Jackie found it.
“F-Felix?” Her voice was pitched so high he barely heard her. From that one word, he could feel a tidal wave of grief and knew without looking at her she’d been crying.
Felix’s tongue stuck to the top of his mouth.
He turned around and op
ened his mouth, but the words wouldn’t come out.
Jackie clutched a binder to her chest. A slouchy knit hat pressed her bangs down, somewhat hiding her red rimmed eyes. Instead of the same yoga pants and t-shirt she’d worn their whole trip she had on jeans and sneakers. Nice, normal clothes.
“Hey,” he whispered.
She pressed a tissue to her face, covering her nose and mouth.
He should leave, but he couldn’t stop staring at her, all the words he wanted to say sticking in his throat.
Jackie walked forward. He braced himself for impact, but instead of smacking him like he deserved she wrapped her arms around him, her touch gentler than he was accustomed to. He winced, his ribs protesting even the slightest bit of pressure, but he ground his teeth. If Jackie wanted comfort, he’d give it to her. He owed her that much. During their time apart he’d had time to think about how he’d been wrong, how he should have told her no that first night together. He should have done this the right way when she knew everything. Anything else was taking advantage of her.
The sounds of her sobs made his chest ache in an all new way. He closed his eyes and rest his chin on the top of her head. They stood like that for several moments with only the sound of Riley’s truck breaking the otherwise tender moment.
“Hey, now, easy with that one.” Riley ambled up to join them.
“Sorry,” Jackie mumbled and let go of Felix, glancing at Riley. She stepped back, her nose and cheeks redder than they’d been, staring at Riley with a funny crease between her brows. ”Which one are you?”
“I’m Riley. The good-looking one remember?” He grinned, but Jackie just kept staring. “Not to rush you, but I just got a work call.”
“Oh. Hell.” Felix didn’t want to rush this, but if Riley was called in, the matter was serious. Like when they’d been told to report for Jackie’s rescue.
“Like a rescue job?” Jackie asked.
“Yes, ma’am,” Riley drawled.
“I can give Felix a ride home. Or wherever.”
“You sure?” Riley didn’t even glance at Felix to confirm.
“Yeah. Thank you, again.” Jackie offered Riley her hand for a quick shake.
“Okay, then. I think that’s my cue to leave. Have a nice day and try not to pop any stitches you two?” Riley howled at his own joke and jogged back to the truck.
“Don’t mind Riley. He’s a bit of an ass.” Felix gestured at the quickly retreating truck. “And you don’t have to take me anywhere. I can get a cab home.”
“Did you get your phone replaced?” Jackie dug around in her purse a moment.
“Not yet.”
“How are you getting anywhere then?” She swiped the key card and pulled the door open.
“Look, Jackie, I meant to come over here and be gone before you got home. I know you probably don’t want to see me—”
“Shut up and go inside before I start crying again.” She swiped her hands across her cheeks. “Last night I couldn’t find my key card so I sat on the stairs and cried until my neighbor let me in. My neighbor who doesn’t like me, I might add. I just—I want to go home.”
“Yeah. Sure. Okay.” Felix stepped over the threshold.
She walked past him and jabbed the button for the elevator. He followed, not sure what to say or what the right decision was. They rode up to the second floor in silence, save for the sound of her sniffles. He was so relieved to see her that he was a bit numb. She wasn’t hurt too bad that he could see, and she was here. He didn’t know what to say when she got off on her floor, so he kept following, straight into her loft.
Flowers sat on almost every surface. Roses, lilies, tulips, carnations. They were everywhere. Lining the windows, in front of the TV. Even the fragrance was a touch overwhelming.
“Your mom...?” Felix swallowed.
“Yesterday.” Jackie blew out a breath.
“Do you...” He opened and closed his mouth, positive there was a right thing to say or do, but he couldn’t identify it.
Jackie shed her bag and coat. Funny, but he’d never pegged her for the jeans and flannel kind of girl. That done, she walked toward him. He braced himself for a slap, more tears, yelling, he just didn’t know.
She held out her phone.
“Check your messages,” she whispered.
He took her phone and dialed his voicemail. She paced away from him, snagging the binder she’d carried with her and taking it to the small dining table littered with other pages.
“It’s Jackie. It’s...five, I think. I don’t know if you’re alive or dead and...I’m scared to find out. I hope you’re alive.”
The automated menu played, followed by another message.
“It’s me. Jackie. Look—I’m pissed at you still and maybe it’s stupid, but I am. And I’m not. And my brother has me watching Singing in the Rain which makes me really sappy.” Her voice broke off in a sob before the message ended.
Once more the automated menu played, followed by message after message. It was an audio diary of her thoughts, the turmoil of the last twenty-four hours. At least a dozen starting mid-afternoon yesterday right up until an hour ago. Some of them were words, others nothing but the sound of her sobbing.
She’d called for him and he hadn’t even bothered checking his messages.
He crossed the loft to where she stood, staring at something only she could see, and placed the phone on the table. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her as tight as he could stand to. She laid her head against his shoulder and sniffled a little.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I took advantage of you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.”
“You’re here now. You aren’t dead,” she said into his shirt.
He stroked her back, unsure what to say or do. There was no fixing what he’d done, no taking back, and despite her phone calls there was no assurance she wanted to move forward either.
“How are you?” he asked finally.
Jackie opened and closed her mouth as though she didn’t know how to answer that.
“Physically?” He couldn’t shake that image of her covered in blood from his mind.
“Okay. You?”
“I’ll heal.”
“Oh my God. Sit? Please?” She gestured at the sectional that took up the most space. A galley kitchen lined the opposite wall, and a bed sat in a small nook with a bookcase partially blocking the vie.
Felix circled to the sofa and eased down. He didn’t want to admit how much he shouldn’t be standing right now. Parts of him ached he wished wouldn’t.
“How is everyone else? I’ve been so scared to ask. I mean... With mom, I just...” Jackie blinked, fat tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Hey? Hey, everyone came home. Everyone, okay?” He took her hand in his and gave it a tug.
She crawled across the sofa to him and curled up against his side, her head pillowed on his shoulder.
“I was so worried. I couldn’t hear...you know? And I kept thinking about the last time we talked. I said I wasn’t sure if I could forgive you—and I hated that was how I left off. Because I do forgive you. I do.” She sobbed into a tissue.
“Hey? Hey, we’re all good. Everything’s okay.” He squeezed her hand.
Jackie curled up next to him, pressing her face against his shoulder, right above his bullet wound. Pain jabbed up and down his arm, but he didn’t dare move.
“Are you okay?” She frowned at him and swiped the tears away.
“Fine.” His voice was a touch strained.
“You are not.” She poked his shoulder, and he winced.
“Stop that.”
“What happened?”
“I got shot a few times, remember?”
“No.” She stared at him with round eyes. “I only saw the one.”
“Well, I got shot in the arm, too.”
“Felix.” She slapped his thigh. “I’m sitting here leaning on you and you don’t say anythi
ng?”
“It’s not a big deal. Stop that.” He grabbed her hands.
“It is a big deal.” Jackie’s tears just wouldn’t stop, and he hated seeing her cry. “You died. They rolled you into post-op, and the minute I took your hand you died.”
“Oh...” No one had mentioned that to him. “Well, what are you doing smacking me around then?”
“Not funny.”
She’d been by his side. That fact wasn’t lost on him. Maybe there was hope?
“That last day is pretty fuzzy.” Felix gestured to his head. “I can’t remember everything that we said, but I remember we didn’t leave off in a great way.”
“I don’t care about that. You were right. If you’d told me, I’d have panicked or something.” Jackie straightened and stared at him. “Not having you with me...thinking you were dead... It made me realize how important it is to love people. I mean, I’ve always been a live in the moment kind of person, but I’ve been terrified you were dead. I couldn’t bring myself to call the Aegis office and find out because, well, I fell in love with you. And both you and mom could have died on the same day for all I knew.”
Felix swallowed around the lump in his throat, but it wasn’t budging. He replayed that last moment a few times, unsure if he was dreaming this. The drugs they’d pumped him full of had done a number on him after all.
“Shit. I wasn’t going to say that first.” Jackie shook her head. “I was supposed to say, I’m sorry, can we try to start again, but I suck at playing coy.”
“We can go with love.” He grabbed her other hand and squeezed. “I had this whole thing I was going to say about how I was wrong and I’m sorry, but I guess there’s no point now. I fell in love with you, Jackie.”
“I really want to hug you right now, but you’re hurt.”
“Yeah. I’m feeling it right in this area.” He gestured to his busted ribs, and the hole ripped in his chest.
“How about I get us something to eat—”
“Fries?”
“Not yet. That’s first date stuff.”
“You just told me you loved me. Isn’t first date a little out of order?”
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