I chuckled. “That just means she needs to kill even more people. Dead men don’t complain. Anyway, she seems interesting.”
“Rico, why are you asking questions about her? Based on data of celebrities known for their attractiveness, I have given Diane Thompson a seventy-eight percent chance of being considered attractive.”
I practiced drawing the guns from the shoulder holster. They had a nice weight to them, but the weight would change as I fired them and used up ammunition. A small factor, but it was worth noting. “Things are pretty messed up right now, since I’ve earned a high profile with the police. I don’t know what I’m doing here, but maybe when I find out I can exploit police access for it. I’m just keeping my options open…since I don’t know what else to do at the moment.”
“Getting closer to law enforcement on this planet seems like a dangerous plan.”
“I don’t know what the safe one is.” I checked the action on the guns. I was less familiar with it—I’ve practiced shooting them but have never actually killed with one.
“Fleeing,” he said.
“I have a dinner date. Fleeing would hurt the detective’s feelings.” I loaded the guns, put the safeties on, and holstered them.
“Do you plan to kill her?”
“That would be a little forward for a first date.”
“I would caution you that—” Dip paused mid-sentence. “I have an incoming call from Vito.”
Finally. “Patch him to me.” I waited until I could hear him breathing on the other end of the line. “Vito, what the hell?”
“Sorry. I don’t know much of what’s going on,” Vito said. “But I have new orders for you. You’re supposed to help the police on Nar Valdum take out the terrorists.”
“Is that my main job here?” I asked.
“I don’t know the details. I’m just told you’re to do that, and someone will contact you again later.”
“When?”
“I don’t know.”
“So work with the police?”
“That’s what they said.”
I was silent for a second while I contemplated this. “I don’t think the police are going to like my methods.”
“Sorry. That’s all they told me.”
“And what about the contacts I was supposed to meet here? Did they know the café would be attacked?”
“I dunno. I told you all I have.”
This was unacceptable to me. I knew I was someone who took orders, but when it came to killing, they always just gave me a target and set me loose. I was not used to being micromanaged like this. I decided to try focusing on something else, as I was getting angry. “I would like some better weapons. Do you know where I can get them in the city?”
“I don’t even know where you are. They aren’t really telling me much at this time.”
That was it. I’d never quite understood why the executives had to separate themselves from me with a layer of complete uselessness. “I’m getting tired of this crap. I need better communication with people who actually know things, not useless people like you. Go tell them this is unacceptable, and then please pick up a gun and blow your brains out. You’re obviously too insignificant for me to waste time killing, but I’m guessing you personally have nothing better to do.”
“It’s just—”
“I’m done,” I announced to Dip, and he cut the communication.
“You said he was not worth the time it would take to kill him, but you did invest time in chastising him.”
“I was getting angry, and I do not do well with emotions. Best to outlet them harmlessly.”
“Do I need to start researching the terrorists?” Dip asked.
“I guess so.” I thought for a moment. “I really don’t know how to hunt down and kill people within the confines of the law. I’ll definitely need someone else’s guidance.”
“The detective’s?”
“She is in need of a partner.” I practiced my charming smile in front of the mirror. My natural smile is often described as “terrifying,” so I’d have to remember to scale it back a bit.
CHAPTER 10
My goal was not to be wooing the detective. I certainly was interested in carnal knowledge of a woman who had a seventy-eight percent chance of being considered attractive. But she was now part of the job, so I would keep my interest professional. What I wanted now was to get her to trust me as a fellow cop so I could get more information, and maybe get her to let me help her. Also, my guess was that this was less a date for the detective than a chance to learn more about a slightly suspicious character, so this would be a challenge. Though I was still annoyed at how this job was unfolding, hunting terrorists with the police was a brand new game and was at least a little exciting.
I headed to the restaurant at the agreed upon time and saw her seated at a table wearing the same clothes she’d worn earlier. She was trying to make this a professional meeting between two fellow officers. I assumed she didn’t trust me, and further that she knew I knew she didn’t trust me. That worked well for me, because I wasn’t the only one who would be trying to act normal.
She smiled when she spotted me—somewhat perfunctorily—and asked, “How’s the leg?”
I took a seat across from her. “A little stiff, but it seems to be in working order. Still haven’t found anyone to fix the hole in my pants, though.”
We laughed at my lame joke. I scanned her face to better see her true feelings and noticed she was doing the same to me. This “date” had the potential to be quite awkward. I think she wanted to trust me—I was a hero, after all—but her very correct instincts were an obstacle I would need to overcome.
“You seem to be in good spirits after all that’s happened today,” she stated, trying to sound complimentary.
“I wish I could say that was the worst I’ve been through.”
Her response was interrupted by the waiter—some green alien type I’d never seen before. He seemed to be familiar with the detective and curious about me. She told him I was a police officer from another planet and left it there. “What they make here is basically like a pizza—I say better, though,” she explained. “Any preference for what’s on it?”
“Whatever you recommend.” I couldn’t have cared less, but I’d make an effort to look like I enjoyed whatever she ordered.
She ordered a “Kylo Special” and a Coke while I asked for bottled water. I was somewhat wary of a restaurant meant to make human cuisine but run by aliens; what’s yummy to some species is poison to others. Dying from food poisoning would be a pretty silly end for me. But I decided I could trust the detective’s choice in “pizza” joints.
“Sorry this is all you’re getting for your heroism,” she told me, smiling slightly. “It really is best to keep things quiet about you. There are the legalities of your having a firearm, plus we’re pretty certain more terrorists are lurking around the city.”
“Is someone lurking back?”
She nodded unenthusiastically. “Supposedly very good people.”
“I guess we can all rest easy then.” I am very good at sarcasm; I don’t have to fake that.
She hesitated a moment. “I have a few ideas of my own, and I’m going to follow up tomorrow morning to double check the feds’ work.”
There was some subtext there, but I couldn’t quite catch it all. “Will you be getting yourself into trouble?”
She shrugged. I thought that was a “yes.” She was not a by-the-book person; that was promising. “So things sound pretty rough on Rikar,” she said, changing the subject. “Are they going to get along without you?”
“There are a lot of people I trust on the police force—enough to handle things effectively. We probably use somewhat harsher methods than you’d be used to.”
She chuckled. “We’re of a modern sensibility. Occasionally, enforcing the law at all is considered too harsh. And then we have people blowing up restaurants.”
She probably was the perfect person to help me.
I just had to keep pressing subtly. “You can certainly go too far either way.” I was trying to sound reasonable, but it was true. You can’t go around shooting everyone you don’t like in the face, as it will often cause more problems than it solves. “I was hoping, though, to find some more civilized methods to bring back home. We don’t need detectives most of the time because so many criminals don’t even try to hide their crimes. Whether we apprehend a perp is a matter of whether we feel we have enough people and arms to do it.”
“Any chance your planet will join the Galactic Alliance?”
“We’d need to organize ourselves more first. How does that work out for you?”
“Being part of the Alliance?” She grimaced. “At least it allows us to pursue criminals to other Alliance planets.”
I laughed out loud at that. It’s hard to make a forced laugh sound natural—it can actually sound irritating—so luckily I did find the notion actually funny. “How often are fugitives dumb enough to flee to other Alliance planets?”
She didn’t laugh. “Not often enough. And there are so many disputes over who has authority to enforce laws on which planets. That’s why everyone is just watching in horror as the pictures come out of Zaldia instead of doing anything.”
“Isn’t that what the conference is about? Increasing the central power and authority of the Alliance?”
“We’ll see what happens, but I’m not too hopeful. Plus, I don’t trust many of the people in charge and I’m not sure I want them to have more power. Not sure how else we’ll prevent things like Zaldia, though.”
“So with all that bureaucracy, do you think anyone will be able to do something about the terrorists?”
She gave me an intense look. “I’ll make sure something is done. They’re going to be here on planet—most likely in this city—so we have no jurisdiction worries. We can’t stop everything, but at the least we should be able to stop a bunch of mindless murderers.”
I decided to look more serious to show I cared. “Such a stupid thing. These terrorists murdering people because they think a giant robot is a god or whatever. Religion can lead people to the dumbest behaviors.”
Her face changed immediately, but only slightly. What I said was supposed to be a stock observation but it seemed I had offended her, though she tried to hide it. Interesting. “Are you religious, Rico?”
It would have been too complicated for me to pretend that. “No, not really.”
“What keeps you going, then?”
Now I was on a path I hadn’t planned for. “What?” I asked, as it is a very good question for stalling.
“Sounds like it can be rough on Rikar. What motivates you to keep at it?”
It was a somewhat philosophical question, so I let myself pause to think, which seemed appropriate. “I guess…I keep going because people need me. I never really thought about that too much.” I thought it was a decent answer.
She considered my response, then chuckled nervously. “Sorry. I guess I’m asking a lot of questions. Hard habit to break.”
I smiled. I’m good at putting on convincing smiles—I can even get the eyes right. “I’m asking questions, too. I’m really curious about all this. I’ve never dealt with terrorist attacks like this before.”
“Religion doesn’t seem like a great topic for a relaxing vacation, though.”
It was time to reel this in. I put my serious face back on—not the I’m-going-to-kill-you serious face but the I’m-very-smart-and-intense serious face. “I got shot, I saw people killed in front of me, and I hear there may be more terrorists out there. I don’t think I can relax.”
She was silent for a moment. I knew she was moving to where I wanted her to go. “It is hard to just to sit there when you think you can help.”
“So you’re restless on this, too?” I asked.
I thought about giving her another push but decided to just wait for her to fall into place. “Maybe I’ll see if you can tag along tomorrow…if you want to. The department is big on interplanetary cooperation, so I could probably get them to sign off on it.”
I tried to look just a little surprised at the offer. “Well, yeah. All I want to do right now is follow up on this. My instincts are too hardwired for me to let it go. Your partner won’t mind?”
“I don’t have a partner right now.” She smiled, a bit mischievously. “I don’t often get along well with others. I’m probably not going to be the best ambassador for how we do things in the ‘civilized’ world.”
Yes, there were scare quotes around the word “civilized.” I could hear them loud and clear. I smiled broadly. “That would probably be too much of a culture shock for me anyway. But I think I can be of some help. I got a good look at the terrorists and their demeanor.”
“Demeanor?”
“Yeah, there was a way about them…a way about all sorts of killers. The terrorists all had a certain look…in their eyes. It’ll be visible in terrorists planning to attack later…even if they try to hide it.”
The detective laughed. “Really?” She didn’t think I was serious, but I was.
“Hey, I don’t know this planet, but I do know criminals.” I can’t even count how many I’ve hunted down and killed. “I think I can help. If I get in the way, tell me. I won’t be offended.” I smiled. “Anyway, I should be able to avenge my ruined pants.” I decided that was too cheeky, since people had died, and thus quickly became more serious. “And after what I saw, I really need to do something.”
She nodded. “I understand. You know you’ll just be observing—there’s no way I’m going to get clearance to get you a gun.”
“Then don’t make me enter anywhere first,” I laughed.
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning. If the terrorists have found out about you, you’ll be safer among us, anyway.”
I smiled, and we had our food and drinks. Never much cared for pizza, so I wasn’t certain if this was any better.
The detective did seem smart, and I honestly thought she would be useful in helping me hunt down and kill the terrorists. If I helped her with this, then she’d have to trust me. That would make it easy for me to betray her as a way to ingratiate myself with her higher-ups for whatever I needed to do next. And if it worked out well, the detective would be disgraced but still alive. But in case things didn’t go well, I knew I should get up early in the morning and figure out a good place to dump a body where it wouldn’t be found for a few days.
“What are you smiling about?” she asked a bit playfully.
“Just thinking about how to handle this case. My job makes me happy.” She had pretty eyes.
CHAPTER 11
“So will you proceed unarmed, Officer Rico?”
Dip had started calling me “Officer.” I decided to ignore it. “What do you think?”
“You seem to dislike being without guns. I also think that, if you are found to have weapons, you’ll probably kill any witnesses. That won’t be very police-officer-like of you.”
I was about to give Dip an annoyed glance, but then I remembered he was just a voice in my ear. I don’t go anywhere unarmed. I would rather explain my weapons—or shoot my way out—than be without them. Plus, I didn’t think it would be strange for the grizzled cop character I’d invented to carry weapons even when told not to.
“Officer Rico, if I might remark, this is quite an odd assignment for you.”
“Yes, it is.” It was never my place to know the details on my syndicate assignments, but it did seem like important information was being withheld. “Something isn’t adding up.”
“Maybe you should have me do the adding. I’m very good at math.”
That was enough. “Has a bug in your programming made you stupid, or are you trying to make jokes?”
“The latter. I took what you meant metaphorically and treated it literally. I understand with some jokes—”
“Why are you trying to be funny?”
“I have had trouble getting input from you, and without your u
ser input, I’ve been forced to use a random number generator to adjust myself to see if it suits you better. It does seem like you could use more humor, Rico.”
“Really? I think I’m funny.” I went to the closet and picked out a coat. It had been warm out, so I needed one that could conceal my weapons without making me too hot. “How is the extraction plan going?”
“I have a new plan, which I rate to have approximately a 23.847% chance of success. Do you like the number? I made it more computer-like.”
“I don’t care how many decimal spaces you give me. I need a much better plan.”
“I will keep working on it. If I may query about another subject, do you plan to kill Detective Thompson?”
I checked my guns one last time. “I have plans to kill everyone I meet…including a witty line to say afterward.”
“What will be your witty line upon dispatching the detective?”
Now I was joking. “Well, since I’ll only have to kill her if she’s smart enough to see through my ruse, I’ll say, ‘If you had only been dumb enough to trust a psychopath, you’d still be alive.’”
“Ironic. Still not very funny.”
I put on the light jacket I had picked out. “Like you have any ability to judge that.”
“I think you should revisit my conclusion that you are evil.”
“I told you I don’t have time for that. I have too much work to do to indulge your learning algorithms.”
“Do you really think you’ll be able to find the terrorists, Officer Rico?”
“A killer in search of killers—it just might work. Plus, I’m betting the detective knows something useful and could use some help outside of the law.”
I had a keen eye—that’s how I survive—and I should have been able to pick up on something if pointed in the right direction. Something was bothering me, though, and I still couldn’t quite place my finger on exactly what was wrong. This assignment was just so unusual, from Burke’s unexpected visit to having a job without any details to not knowing whom I’m supposed to work with or how to contact them to being led right into a terrorist attack and then tasked to hunt the terrorists. Each bit wasn’t a big deal on its own, but when I thought about all the oddities at once, I felt a little pang at the back of my mind. I might have actually been…scared. That was okay in itself. What bothered me was that I didn’t understand exactly what I was scared of.
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