by Lois Richer
“You mean—he’ll ask you for money when he learns you own the ranch?”
“Yes.” Tanner exhaled. He hated saying this, hated distancing himself from this woman he admired. But the thought of Sophie, Davy or Beth being hurt because of him was intolerable. “I don’t know if you and the kids should come to Wranglers anymore.”
“We have to!” She stared at him. “Unless you have someone else in mind to cater the camp next week? And the Easter morning sunrise ride?”
“No, but—”
“It’s my job, Tanner, and I don’t quit on a job. Ever.” She leaned forward, covered his hand with hers and squeezed. “Isn’t the whole purpose of Wranglers Ranch to minister to needy kids?”
“Yes.” Fear churned in his gut, eating away his resolve. He had to protect her. “But what if—”
“You’re always after me for not trusting.” Sophie’s beautiful smile curved her lips. “This time it’s you who isn’t trusting, Tanner. Think about those two boys. They know Tucson’s streets because they grew up on them, right?”
Tanner nodded though he didn’t get where she was headed.
“You’re trying to help street kids. Maybe this is God’s way of easing your foot in the door for this ministry.” Sophie tilted her head to one side, thinking it through as she spoke. “Maybe Trent and Rod are the first steps in your outreach program for Tucson’s street kids. Possible?”
What a woman! Not only did she chide him for his doubts, she saw past the immediate problems to the possibilities. How could he keep away from her? He couldn’t.
Tanner leaned forward and brought his lips to hers. The kiss began lightly but quickly took on its own life, rapidly escalating into something more meaningful as Sophie wrapped her arms around his neck and tilted toward him. She kissed him back in a way that made Tanner certain she must have some kind of fond feeling for him.
A burst of yearning flared inside him. This woman felt so precious in his arms, like a wonderful gift he could never deserve. Tanner wished for more than a simple kiss but he didn’t want to ruin the friendship she’d trusted him with. He was not going to repay this giving, caring woman by deepening the embrace, by asking for more than she could give. Sophie didn’t want a personal relationship. She’d told him that. He’d respect her wishes no matter how much he hated letting her go. Besides, he didn’t deserve Sophie.
Carefully Tanner eased away from her.
“What was that for?” Sophie whispered. She looked as shaken as he felt.
“Just—because.” He pushed her soft brown hair off her face. “Because you’re an amazing woman with amazing vision and amazing talents.”
“Tanner, I cook. Hardly amazing,” she scoffed.
“You don’t just cook, Sophie. When you offer food, you meet a need by seeing into a person, past the barriers they put up to the hurting place inside them that aches to have someone care.” He was saying too much and he knew it, but Tanner couldn’t stop. “You can’t pretend that you don’t go over each menu for Wranglers very carefully, making sure it fits the ranch and whatever occasion you’re serving. That detail and caring is evident in everything you do, from loving Davy and Beth to maintaining a house you don’t own.”
Afraid he’d said too much and given away how deeply he admired her, Tanner clamped his lips together and visually dared her to deny it.
“Thank you.” To his surprise Sophie’s eyes welled with tears. She squeezed his hand before letting go. “Thank you for saying that.”
“It’s the truth. You’re a very special lady, Sophie Armstrong.” Her gaze met his and somehow got tangled. For a brief moment, a yawning space in time, Tanner felt like he could see into the heart of the woman behind that brown-eyed gaze, who took on the world without complaint.
Then her lids dropped and hid her thoughts.
“I wish you’d tell me more about your past, Tanner.” Her eyes narrowed and her voice dropped to a wistful tone. “If I knew more about your time on the street, maybe I could better understand why you’re so worried about this Tige and what he might do.”
“I don’t like to remember that time.” Tanner ripped his gaze from hers, afraid she’d see how much he feared her knowing the whole truth about his past. He blinked when her fingertips brushed his cheek.
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to bring back any bad memories for you,” Sophie whispered. “I just want to help you.”
“You’ve already helped me a lot.” He felt like a traitor. Was it lying if you kept a secret like his? Yes! his brain yelled. “One day I will tell you all about Tige and my past,” he promised. And then she’ll walk away from you.
“I’ll hold you to that,” Sophie promised, though questions remained in her dark eyes.
How Tanner wished he could be totally honest with her. But he kept hoping that with time she’d come to know him better, trust that he wasn’t the total jerk his decision back then seemed to make him; that if Sophie knew who he was in his heart she’d be willing to forgive him his youthful mistake. Maybe.
“But what are you going to do now? Because I’m not about to walk away from my commitment to help you and Wranglers Ranch,” Sophie said in a firm voice. “I believe that through you, Tanner, this place is going to reach a lot of kids. There’s no way we can let one messed-up drug addict stop God’s work.”
We. Tanner smiled. He liked knowing Sophie was on his side. Liked it a lot. But Tige—what was he supposed to do about Tige? Lord?
“I will hire a security firm tomorrow.” He frowned as he studied her. “But I’m not sure that’s enough. I can’t guarantee your kids’ safety when they’re here, Sophie.”
To his astonishment she smiled.
“What’s so funny?”
“Not too long ago, I’d have insisted I was perfectly capable of caring for my kids,” she told him with a chuckle. “Or I’d have hightailed it out of here and shuttered them up at home regardless of how they protested.”
“You’re not going to do that?” He knew before he asked that she wasn’t. “Why not?”
“A certain man recently rebuked me about my faith, or rather my lack of it.” Sophie chuckled at his sheepish look. “I’m glad you did. Your words made me think about my claim to be a Christian. I was really convicted when I read a verse in First John that says, ‘If we are afraid, it is for fear of what He might do to us and shows that we are not fully convinced that He really loves us.’ I’ve been living in fear, Tanner.”
“And now you’re not?” His brows drew together.
“Oh, I’m still afraid the sky will fall on me,” Sophie joked, but the shadows in her brown eyes told him it was true. “I haven’t gotten rid of that monkey on my back so easily. But lately I’m realizing how my lack of faith in God hurts me. And my kids. So I’ve been trying to work out my faith, or rather to let God work it out, by relinquishing my control.”
“How’s that going?” He didn’t have to ask. Tanner could see by the look on beautiful Sophie’s face that she would far rather cling to the reins of running her own life. His heart empathized at the difficult lesson of true faith in God that she was learning.
“It’s not easy,” she said in a low voice.
“Not supposed to be, honey. Trust is a process, one step at a time.” He couldn’t stop staring, appreciating the way she thrust out her chin, determined to trust no matter how much she hated it. “It gets easier, Sophie,” he promised.
“I hope so.” This time she didn’t look away, didn’t immediately end that sensitive current that zipped back and forth between them. Instead she studied him with an almost tender scrutiny. “Do you realize that you conducted your first real outreach tonight, Tanner? And you didn’t even have to leave the ranch.”
He blinked, stunned to realize that it was true. He’d invited Tige’s kids to come without even thinking. Tonight he’d t
alked to them as a friend, not as the preacher he’d figured he was supposed to be. “It seemed to come naturally,” he muttered, awed by the insight.
“That seems like the best way.” Sophie grinned at him. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” He savored the moment, delighted to have her there to share it. But the reality of the situation returned like a wet blanket. “But what about Tige?”
“What about him?” Sophie straightened her shoulders and met his look with a stern one of her own. “He’s nothing to me. We’ve never met. Why should he care about me or my family?”
“I don’t know.” Troubled, Tanner frowned. “Tige was never exactly rational...”
“Listen.” Sophie wrapped her fingers around his arm and squeezed, catching and holding his attention. “In learning to trust I’ve begun to understand that I have to live in the now or I’ll drive myself crazy with what-ifs. Let’s just keep working toward Burt’s goal and trust God to work things out. Let’s ‘fan into flame the gift that is within you.’”
“I still don’t know what that is,” he complained.
“You’ll figure it out.” She smiled a Mona Lisa smile. “I think I have.”
“Oh.” He hoped she’d tell him what his gift was but she remained silent, though her eyes glowed with some inner secret. “Thank you, Sophie,” he murmured, returning the pressure of her fingers against his.
“For what?” She tilted her head to one side.
“Everything. The party. Making every guest feel welcome. Making me feel special. For helping me make Burt’s dream come true. For being you.” Without even thinking he leaned forward and kissed her again. It felt so right to have Sophie here at the ranch, by his side, being his partner.
She wouldn’t be here if she knew why you’re so afraid of Tige, especially of what he could tell her. Sophie wouldn’t stay if she knew you walked away from your child and never looked back.
Brought back to reality by that warning voice, Tanner helped Sophie pack up the kids while resolve filled his head. Along with hiring security for the ranch he would hire a private detective to find his child. Wranglers Ranch and the message of God’s love was too important to be sidetracked by a man from his past. If he told her, Tanner was certain Sophie would agree.
The voice in his head laughed at him for believing Sophie would ever condone his past actions. If she knew what he’d done, she’d probably hate Tanner for abandoning his child.
Please don’t let Sophie hate me.
Chapter Nine
“I don’t like the look on your face.” Sophie tamped down the frisson of excitement that always fluttered across her skin whenever she was near Tanner. “Can you fix my oven or not?”
“Probably not,” he muttered in disgust as he squeezed out from behind the appliance. “We’ll find out when you turn on the breaker.”
She did that, then returned to find him scowling. “Nothing?”
“Dead as a doornail. Sophie, the thing is older than time. You need a new one. Can’t the person you rent from see that?” Obviously frustrated, Tanner gathered up his tools. “Why didn’t you use the stove at the ranch?”
“I did use it for your Easter sunrise ride this morning,” Sophie reminded him, wondering why she couldn’t rid herself of this feeling that Tanner wasn’t telling her something about his past. She’d felt it again earlier when she’d asked him if he’d heard from Tige and he’d brushed her off.
“You used our kitchen to great success.” Tanner patted his stomach, smile back in place. “Your cooking was so delicious that I’ve decided we’ll have a sunrise service at Wranglers every Easter.” He frowned. “So why didn’t you take these cinnamon rolls there?”
“Because they were still rising while I was at Wranglers. Besides, Mrs. Baggle’s place is only a few blocks away from here. It seemed silly to haul everything out to Wranglers and then back to my place. Also, how was I to know this thing would cease working today?” She glared at the old stove. “I don’t have time to take the rolls to the ranch now. Mrs. Baggle’s Easter brunch is going to be ruined and that’s all she asked in return for teaching Beth.”
“Mom, Mrs. Parker’s home.” Davy burst through the door, basketball clutched under one arm. “She’s got a walker.”
“A man is trying to help her up the stairs,” Beth added.
“Edna.” Sophie grinned and exhaled her relief. “Of course. Thank You, Lord.” She closed her eyes, whispered a prayer of thanks and picked up the phone. After speaking to her elderly neighbor for a few minutes she wished her a happy Easter, then hung up. “Tanner, will you help me carry these pans next door?”
“Uh, yeah. Sure.” His confused look made her giggle. But the cowboy’s face rapidly cleared as he followed her across the backyard to her neighbor’s house. “You’re going to use her oven,” he deduced.
“Yes, I am. Edna’s homecoming is an answer to prayer.” Sophie was surprised by how frequently it seemed God had answered her prayers lately. This Easter held more promise than she’d ever experienced. Was that because she’d been spending more time studying her Bible? Or because of Tanner?
Though Edna had just been released from full-time care and was still slightly pale, she seemed very mobile and utterly delighted to see them. Actually she seemed most excited to meet Tanner and clung to the cowboy’s hand as she introduced her son, Ronald.
“He’s a good son but he’s like his father. Not handy at all,” she complained. “I need a ramp to get in the door and Ronald doesn’t know how to make one. Do you?”
“Uh, sure.” Tanner handed the pan of rolls to Sophie and left to fetch his tools, Ronald following.
“Wow! Your Tanner’s a hunk,” Edna squealed when the door creaked closed behind them. “And so big and strong. It’s good to have a man around, isn’t it, dear? Didn’t I tell you that?”
“Tanner’s a good friend. I’ve been doing a lot of catering at his ranch,” Sophie explained, embarrassed by her neighbor’s garrulous appreciation of the cowboy. She hugged Edna. “You look good, Edna.”
“I feel very well. It got much easier once I put my heart into doing the exercises. I was stubborn about obeying the physiotherapist.” She twittered with laughter, then urged Davy and Beth to take a treat from the jar that seemed never to empty. “My, how you children have grown. Now, tell me about your mother’s boyfriend.”
“Boyfriend?” Davy frowned at Beth, then at Sophie.
“Tanner’s not—” But she was drowned out by Beth, who was eager to share all she knew about the man who now seemed a permanent part of their lives.
But Tanner wasn’t part of their lives. And Sophie couldn’t let herself forget that, no matter how much she wished for more than friendship. She’d barely begun to trust God. Trusting a man was far more difficult, even if he was a man for whom she had increasingly strong feelings.
She’d tell Edna that later. For now she dashed between her neighbor’s kitchen and her own, checking the food she’d prepared and sharing a smile with Tanner as he hammered and sawed under Ronald’s gaze to form the ramp that would assist Edna.
Affection bubbled up inside Sophie. How many men would spend their Easter Sundays building a ramp for an old woman they didn’t even know? Edna was right. Tanner was a hunk. And he was handy as well as very good-looking. He was also a good kisser.
She told herself to stop hoping that would happen again.
“It’s time for me to deliver this food,” she announced when the rolls were golden brown and oozing with sticky glaze.
“Leave the kids here with me,” Tanner said. “They can help finish the ramp while you make your delivery.” When she didn’t answer he frowned. “Okay, Sophie?”
“Yes,” she murmured, touched by his generosity. What would she do without Tanner’s unstinting help?
It didn’t take
long to reach Mrs. Baggle’s. There were eight older women waiting and they twittered and giggled like young girls as Sophie set out the brunch she’d prepared.
“Scalloped potatoes,” Mrs. Baggle breathed. “I haven’t had those for years. And baked ham with cherry glaze. How wonderful.”
“I hope you enjoy everything,” Sophie said as she arranged napkins. She set a covered square container in the fridge. “The dessert crepes are in here, ready whenever you are, Mrs. Baggle.” She had to smile at the other women’s eager expressions. “Now, shall I make tea?”
“Oh, no, dear. We’ll do that after we’ve eaten. Will you join us?” Mrs. Baggle nodded when Sophie declined the offer. “Of course you want to spend your Easter with Beth and Davy. And your nice boyfriend. Go now, dear. You can pick up your containers tomorrow.”
“Thank you. Happy Easter,” Sophie called as she walked out the door, neglecting to correct Mrs. Baggle about Tanner. After all, he was nice.
The ladies’ cheerful “Happy Easter to you, dear” made her smile.
For the first time in a long time, it truly was a happy Easter. Thanks in large part to Tanner.
I need to think of some way to thank him, she mused on the drive home. But how? Tanner was rich. He sure didn’t need anything she could buy.
Sophie was surprised to find the big cowboy sitting on her front step with her children when she pulled up in front of her house. The kids jumped up and hurried toward her.
“Tanner says we’re going to the zoo,” Davy said, obviously excited.
“Are we?” Her heart skipped a couple of beats when Tanner winked at her.
“We are,” he affirmed. “We’re just waiting for you to change out of your work clothes.”
“Okay, then.” She eased past him, trying to erase the memory of being in his arms by focusing instead on the joy of spending an afternoon of free time with him—which did nothing for her heart rate. “I’ll pack a little lunch—” Tanner’s hand on her arm stopped her short. His touch sent a zing of warmth through her body. She couldn’t tear her gaze from his.