by Shan
“Okay, so he was crazy. He’s never done anything to hurt me or the kids. What’s your point? You really don’t wanna see me happy with anybody else but it’s okay for you to go around parading with your girlfriend all in my damn face!”
“That muthafuckin’ day I got into that accident with the kids Rozalyn, that nigga all of a sudden popped up beating on my window, and asking me why I didn’t leave the kids with you. Why the fuck would he be me asking me that? I never thought about it until a week or so ago but I think he’s the one that cut my fucking brake line.”
Rozalyn shook her head in disbelief as tears slid slowly down her face. I didn’t care if it was hurting her to hear or not; I wanted it to hurt. I wanted her to hurt for having the nerve to love another nigga, to request to see or talk to another nigga after I had been the one by her side for the past six weeks. I got my brother still in Miami dodging bullets from the Italian Mob while I’m out here living with out so much as having to look over my damn shoulder. I could’ve been out there fighting my own damn battle and fucking off some of those Italians but the love I had for her wouldn’t allow me to just leave like that.
“He was never a drug dealer like he said. It looks like he killed his parents because they wouldn’t allow him to sell drugs like his grandfather and his brother Messiah. His brother Messiah was actually the drug dealer that Dmitri assumed Marvin to be. Poor little kid wanted to be just like his grandfather and brother when he grew up that he called himself the next King of Miami.” I mocked.
I was so impressed with the work that Black had done in getting the information on Marvin Christian who was originally from the Virgin Island. I held his entire therapy record in my hands, from the very first day he entered into the facility up until the last day he was released. This muthafucka’ was crazy as fuck and I wondered how in the hell he was able to get out and be free with that mind of his. Damn, I know I killed my damn pops but it was for good damn reason; this fool killed his whole damn family all because he wanted to sale dope and live up to some dream of running shit and being a fuckin’ king. It pissed me off thinking about how this fool had been in my wife’s presence all this time, had been around my kids, even around me, but he was still breathing. Although, I didn’t have the proof needed, I know he cut my brake line just like I know that he killed Dmitri. All of it seemed like too much of a coincidence to not be so. Before Dmitri brought this nigga around me things were cool, there were the everyday problems that came with the game but nothing major. All of a sudden he pops up and drugs are missing and I’m being blamed for it, my brakes are cut and me and my kids are almost killed and now that I really think about it---
“Oh shit! Look, I’m about to get my moms down here for real to come and look after you. I need to take a trip to Miami to handle some muthafuckin’ business!” I got up from the chair I was sitting in and stormed out of the room.
This muthafucka was most likely responsible for putting that homemade ass bomb under my car. Who else could’ve done it? I didn’t have beef like that with anyone to make them wanna blow me the hell up. I was about to be on a flight out to Miami within the next few days; this fool Sy had me fucked up. His records may claim he’s crazy but he ain’t seen shit yet.
28: Rozalyn
Everything on the table, including me went crashing to the floor. This was the second time in the past couple of weeks that I tried to get out of bed without the help of Tamar or the nurse. Doctors said that I wasn’t completely paralyzed and that with a lot of work I would one day be able to walk again. My legs felt like they were worth a good three hundred pounds each which meant to me that if I could feel that weight then I could walk. Each time I tried, I fell flat on my ass, frustrating my anger, and making a damn fool of myself. I knew as soon as Tamar came in here and saw me lying helplessly on this floor he was gonna fuss at me for doing this bullshit again. The fall wasn’t a pretty one either, it ignited further pain, and yes made me want them damn pain meds that for some reason he didn’t like for me to have.
No doubt, I appreciated Tamar being here for me, sticking by my side and helping me through all of this; I really did. He could’ve put me in the rehabilitation center at the suggestion of the doctors, left me there until I recovered, and only visited me on the weekends; but he didn’t. He was deeply involved in my care, made sure he took the directions of the doctors seriously, and was always around when it was time for my therapy. I loved Tamar for everything that he was doing at this present time but it still didn’t change the fact that all this happened because of him. He was the one that had me pulled out of Miami and taken to his worker’s house in Dallas. I didn’t care if he wasn’t aware of problems that Black and Xenya had; he should’ve known. He should’ve made sure he was aware of where he was sending his wife and kids. And where the fuck was Xenya and Black now after I got caught up in their bullshit. Now because of all that, I’m forced to sit up in bed for twelve to thirteen hours of the day, pissing in a damn bag and shitting in a fucking pan. I’m a grown ass woman that has to be wiped like a fucking baby everyday.
I hated to be mean to Tamar and yes I purposefully asked for Messiah on a daily basis just to piss him off. I wanted him to hate me as much as I hated him right now, hoping that maybe he would conjure up enough nerve to kill me, or just allow me to take enough pills to kill my damn self. I made sure I talked to him crazy everyday, never replied to him when he told me he loved me; rejected his kisses, his hugs, and everything hoping that he would stop loving me. I hated to see him loving me so much when I hated him so badly right now. It was sickening to see that he still cared for my cripple ass and for some twisted reason wanted to work on our marriage. I just didn’t get his way of thinking at all and I honestly don’t believe that I will ever get it.
“Shit Rozalyn!” Tamar ran into the room, raced over to me, and gently lifted me off of the floor
During the fall, I’d ended bringing my piss bag along with me and was now covered in pee. I began to cry as Tamar placed me back in the bed, especially after I spotted the frown that appeared on his face when he caught a whiff of my urine.
“I’m useless. Just let me die Tae! Just let me die!” I cried.
“Come on man, don’t start that shit. I told you I’m here for you. We gonna get through this,” Tamar said. “I’m finna clean this up and then I’m a put you in the tub. Don’t try to move again. A’ight. Hold up.”
“Mama okay?” Tamarion asked.
I looked up and spotted Tamarion standing in the doorway with a toy truck in his hand and a sad look on his face. The boys didn’t understand what was going on with me, why mommy was always in bed, why she never cooked for them anymore, or came to play with them. All the things that I’ve grown accustomed to since getting the boys back in my life had been taken away all over again and that hurt me more than anything in this whole world. Seeing them outside building sand castles on the beach, or even trying to get close enough to water without me; crushed me deeply. I so bad wanted to give up, attempt suicide once again, and hopefully succeed this time.
“Yea mama okay. Go back and play with your brothers, I’ll be in there in a minute,” Tamar said to him.
Tamarion didn’t do as his father asked him to do but instead stood by and looked on curiously. I couldn’t help but crack a smile at him as he nosily looked on trying to figure out just what his father was doing on the floor.
“Mama is okay,” I said weakly.
“Okay mama!” he yelled excitedly and took off running.
Soon as Tamar cleaned up the mess I’d made, he went into the bathroom to draw me some water for a bath. The stench of the piss all over me was starting to make me sick to my stomach and I couldn’t wait to get out of the dampened clothes. Soon as my body hit the hot water I felt as if I weighed a ton, the water seemed to make me feel heavier than ever, as if the water was seeping through my pores and filling me up.
“My mama will be here in a couple of days and as soon as she gets here I’m flying out so I can
handle that business,” Tamar said as he rubbed my back with a sponge.
“What business is that? Messiah—or Marvin?” I inquired.
“Rozalyn you don’t have to believe me but that nigga started talking to you to get at me for whatever reason. I ain’t never met Me--Messiah a day in my life until Dmitri introduced me to him but for some reason this dude got it out for me. I need to handle that before he handles me. I know for a fact he’s responsible for all the shit that’s been happening. He killed Dmitri and got them fucking Italians after me man,” Tamar said as his voice cracked.
I looked over at Tamar and noticed his eyes began to water in the corners. He wouldn’t admit it but I knew better than anyone how much Tamar loved Dmitri and how much Dmitri loved him. I knew that his death hit him hard and if Messiah was truly responsible for Dmitri’s death then maybe I was mad at the wrong person. The main reason I tried to get out of the bed on my own this time was because I wanted to get to those papers to see if just what Tamar had said about Messiah being psycho was true. I couldn’t believe that I was such a bad judge in character that I couldn’t pick out one decent male. Every nigga that I’ve ever been with intimately was fuckin’ bananas and that shit just didn’t sit well with me.
“You think he really did it Tae? You think he killed Dmitri like that?” I asked for reassurance.
“I’m not one-hundred percent but I know I didn’t do it Rozalyn,” Tamar said as he began to rinse the soap of me.
“I know that you didn’t do it. I knew that when I first heard that rumor but—I just don’t wanna believe that I put my life at risk like that. Put my kids lives at risk. I’m such a bad judge of character and what’s so crazy is you told me a while back that I didn’t know who Messiah was and that I was going to find out. I should’ve listened to you. If he cut your brake lines, I want him dead. My kids could’ve died that fuckin’ day,” I said suddenly feeling a sense of rage.
“Oh I’m a take care of that. Don’t you even worry about that.”
I looked into Tamar’s face, stared him in his eyes, and gently smiled at him, “I’m sorry.”
“You ain’t gotta apologize Rozalyn. I know that you blame me and truthfully it is my fault but that’s not why I’m here for you. I’m not here because I feel guilty, I’m here because I love you and I wanna see to it that you get better.”
I sighed, “Do you honestly think that I will walk again?”
“Yea, I know that you will walk again. You just gotta work at it, don’t worry I’m a help you,” Tamar leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. I turned my head towards him and kissed him on the lips. We stared into each other’s eyes, not saying a word, but just allowing our thoughts consume the space that was between us. I took it upon myself to kiss him again, pulled his bottom lip into my mouth and sucked it; savoring the taste of my husband.
“Love you Roz.”
“I love you too Tamar. I never stopped,” I admitted.
29: Tamar
Once my moms was around, I showed her around the house and prepped her on what to expect with Rozalyn. The live-in nurse I hired was supposed to be the nanny as well. Lately she has been spending more time caring for the boys than she has for Rozalyn being she wasn’t that good of a cook and they just couldn’t get along. My mom being here would allow me to be able to breathe while I was gone because I knew she would take good care of Roz and the kids. I also decided to give the nurse a few days off to go home and visit family to see if Rozalyn’s attitude would change without the nurse being around. If it did, then I knew it would be best for me to hire someone new.
A few days ago, I got in contact with Black to let him know what my suspicions were about Marvin aka Messiah. I wanted to see if he could help me prove that this nigga had been trying to kill me and that he was responsible for Dmitri’s death. The inkling at my heart told me that I was right about it all and all I needed was proof to get them Italians to go the fuck away. Donald should know that I’m not the one that killed his damn son but I guess he needed someone to blame for his loss. He wanted me to come to him and confess to some bullshit that I didn’t do and that wasn’t about to happen.
“Aye, I’m about to leave. You good?” I asked as I stepped into Rozalyn’s room.
She nodded her head but didn’t say anything. From the look on her face, I could tell that something was bothering her so I dropped my bags and went over to the bed. I leaned down and kissed her on the lips, the cheek, and then on the forehead.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I tried to get out of bed again last night while everybody was sleep,” Rozalyn said.
“What? Why? You gotta stop doing that shit before you really hurt yourself.”
“I was able to do this time Tae. I put myself in the wheelchair, I did it on my own this time,” Rozalyn said excitedly. She was so excited that I couldn’t even be mad at her. It was good to see that she was trying but she could seriously hurt herself if she fell the wrong way and I would’ve preferred she tried when someone else was around to assist her.
“How did you get back in the bed?” I asked looking around seeing that everything was in place.
“I did that too. I’m getting stronger everyday,” she smiled. “I needed to see those papers that you left over there. I believed you but I just had to see for myself that Messiah was this Marvin like you were saying he was. I can not believe that I spent all that time with someone who is as looney as he is.”
“I think we both was fucking with some nut cases ma,” I laughed.
“You still haven’t heard from Kari?” Rozalyn asked.
“Nah, she’s not gonna call me. She doesn’t want me pressing charges against her so she knows to leave me the fuck alone,” I lied. I placed another kiss on Rozalyn’s lips and headed out of the room, picking my bags up along the way. “See you later, a’ight?”
“See you later.”
***
Once I made it to Miami, my brother Taron and Black were at the house waiting for me to arrive. Walking in, I noticed the somber looks on each of their faces and immediately felt like something was wrong.
“Fuck wrong with ya’ll?” I asked dropping my bags to the ground.
“You want the bad news or the good news first?” Black asked.
“What’s the good news cause the way ya’ll looking I got a feeling I really ain’t gonna sit well with that bad news.”
“I found the video of Messiah or this Marvin dude killing Dmitri. Nigga had the nerve to still have the shit like he was keeping it for a souvenir or some shit. And on top of that I found a book of everything he’d planned to take care of in the next twelve months. Blowing up your car had been his first attempt at killing you. He said that since he failed at that, then he was going to torture you by fucking your wife, watching you suffer, taking your status, and then killing you.”
I chuckled, “Fucking Looney Tune ass nigga. Fuck him, where the fuck is he so I can handle this nigga ASAP? Muthafucka’ tried to kill me and my fuckin’ shorties and he think I wasn’t gonna figure that shit out! I want that nigga so bad I can fuckin’ taste his blood in my mouth!”
“Aye, that’s the bad news,” Black said looking over at Taron.
Taron took a deep breath, ran his hands across his face, and then crashed on the couch, “I gave that nigga the address to where ya’ll were at.”
“What the fuck? You did what?” I bellowed.
“Man I didn’t know he was on some bullshit like this. He came to my crib and told me he really wanted to see Rozalyn. He didn’t even know what happened to her,” Taron said shaking his head.
“What the fuck you mean he came to your crib? You invited that nigga to your house Taron?”
“Nah, he just showed up. I thought he was one of those Italians but once I saw it was him, we sat and chopped it up and he said he wasn’t on no beef shit. He said that he really wanted to see Rozalyn, and that he loved her.”
“Ron, you gotta be one of the dumbest niggas I know. How th
e fuck do this nigga even know where you stay? Did you even think of that? Why the hell would you give this nigga the address to where I’m keeping my wife and kids? I’ve been telling you since day one that something wasn’t right about that muthafucka’ and you send him to me! I swear to God if you wasn’t my brother I would murk your dumb ass right now!” I pulled out my cell phone and dialed my moms’ number to see if everything was okay. This shit was just unfuckinbelievable, unacceptable, and just flat out crazy. My brother had to be the dumbest cat on the planet right now for that mess he did for real.
“I’m sorry bro! I wasn’t thinking straight. I thought it would’ve been cool,” Taron said.
“How long ago was this Taron? When did you give him the address?” I asked.
“A couple of days ago,” he answered.
“I already sent a couple of people down there Tae so everything should be good,” Black said.
“This nigga could’ve already been at the house, watching and waiting on me to slip up so he can strike! I gotta go---gotta get to the airport and back to Houston immediately,” I grabbed my bags and turned to walk out of the door with Black following behind me.
“I appreciate you still fucking with me Tae. Money is tight right now and every lil’ thing you throw my way helps man no doubt,” Black said as he ran to keep up with me.
“Yea, yea---take me to the airport,” I said not giving a fuck about none of that shit he was saying.
“Okay, get in!”
The whole ride to the airport, Black kept apologizing over and over about what happened to Rozalyn and how he was working to handle the niggas that did the shit to her. I only nodded my head and half-way listened to what he had to say being my head was so consumed with thoughts of the wife and kids. I hoped to God that Messiah wasn’t already there and that the security Black sent would arrive soon. I couldn’t take it if something else happened to Rozalyn, or even to my damn kids.