by Haley Jenner
"Not at all," I ease his fears immediately, confident in my words.
I'm happy for them, finally pushing through the obstacles in their life to get to today. Gives the rest of us hope, assurance that we'll get there too.
"When you headed to Belle?" Archer pulls my attention, his focus on readjusting the tie around his neck.
"In a minute, just wanted to see you were set."
"All good, kid. She know you're comin'?" he asks, meeting my eyes.
I swallow, looking at Archer's ear and not his face. "No. I'm nervous about surprising her with it. You think she'll be down with it?" I ask hesitantly, shifting on my feet.
"Kid. Look at me," Archer commands, waiting patiently for my gaze to focus on him. "What you're about to do will mean more to Belle than you'll ever know. Much as I hate to admit it, you've been the greatest constant in her life. No one deserves this honor more than you do. I'm proud of you, kid, of the man you are. Couldn't be happier that you're Belle's best friend."
I swallow again, deeply, my Adam’s apple bobbing around the thickness in my throat. "Just stop fuckin' kissin' her and we won't have any problems," he tests and I have to laugh. His eyes show that he's not one hundred percent joking but he'll get over it.
Walking towards me he pulls me into a tight embrace, patting my back before pulling back my shoulders. "Go bring me my woman," he demands, roughing my hair before exiting the room.
"Fuck, Archer. Not my hair," I whine, moving to the mirror, assessing the damage, all the while ignoring his deep laugh as it filters down the stairs.
"Babe, you look beautiful." I hear Aubrey's voice through the door like a sharp knife to the chest. I knew she'd be here, obviously, but the reality of walking through that door and seeing her, is daunting as all hell.
How will she act? Like nothing happened? Or will her porcelain skin shade at my presence, with the memory of our night fresh in her mind?
Breathing deeply, I knock softly on the door before entering the room hesitantly. I smile wide when I see her. There's no denying that Annabelle’s a beautiful woman, but right now, standing before me, ready to marry my brother, she's something else. "Annabelle, you're breathtaking."
Her thick dark hair is out and wavy, a veil that stretches to the ground pinned into the crown of her head. Make-up, a little heavier than she'd normally wear, brings focus to her large brown eyes. The ivory gown decorating her body is strapless, fitted to below her hips before flaring out into a tail. The material is covered in lace, pearl studs decorating her ears and completing her look. She looks beautiful.
I turn my attention to Aubrey and Darci, working hard not to settle on Aubrey. "Ladies," I smile wide, offering them my dimple. Darci gives me a small wave but Aubrey only stares.
My eyes focus on her; dressed in a black off-the-shoulder cocktail dress, like our tuxedos, simple, but classic. I let my eyes drag the length of her body; recalling every curve, every angle, every freckle. Reaching her eyes, I watch as they close slowly, relishing in my attention as though she can feel my eyes touch her body as my hands have done.
Shaking my head to bring me back in the moment I flick my eyes between the two of them. "Give us a second, yeah?" I motion towards Annabelle and they both nod, moving to leave the room.
If Darci noticed our exchange, she doesn't let on, only smiling softly at me before disappearing after Aubrey. I wait until the door closes quietly behind the girls before turning my attention back to Annabelle.
"Shouldn't you be with your brother?" she questions, her delicate brows furrowing.
Nodding at her, I move to stand close, pulling the worn friendship bracelet from my suit pants. "Something old, something borrowed and something blue," I state, laying the band in my open palm.
Tears fill her eyes as she looks down at my hand, at the bracelet she made for me years prior. "You took it off," she accuses around a sniffle.
"For today. Only for today. Is it too tacky for you to wear? You look so classy." I suddenly feel unsure of my gesture, of myself, feeling stupid, but Annabelle shakes her head vigorously.
"No, absolutely not. Put it on me," she invites, offering me her wrist.
I breathe a deep sigh of relief as I tie the braided band on her delicate wrist. "This way I stand with you as your best man as well," I explain.
"Thank you," she whispers, toying with the bracelet. Moving to scan her eyes over me, she smiles. "You look so handsome, very dapper.” Playfully she flicks the suspenders currently visible under my open jacket. When I smile down at her she presses her finger into the dimple at my cheek, scrunching her nose in a laugh.
"Ready?" I ask, quirking my eyebrows up excitedly and she laughs easily, nodding her head quickly. Offering her my elbow, her laughter ceases in her throat as her beautifully made up face twists in confusion. Exaggerating an eye roll, I grasp her hands, squeezing tightly. "You didn't think I'd let you walk down the aisle by yourself, did you?" I say quietly.
Her calm exterior dissipates as her emotions overtake, causing tears to spill from her eyes. "Jakey," she whispers.
My own eyes water immediately, the depth of emotion in the moment, overwhelming. "I love you, Annabelle. Let me have the honor of giving you away."
Annabelle reaches up to hug me fiercely and we hold on to one another for a few minutes, reining in our dramatics.
Smiling wide as she pulls back from our embrace she grabs hold of both my hands. "I couldn't think of anything that I would want more in this very moment."
Aubrey and Darci are waiting outside when Annabelle and I exit together, both their eyes shining with unshed tears. Aubrey winks at me, causing my feet to falter, memories invading my brain. Deep breathing I pull myself together and lead Annabelle to Archer's Jeep, helping her up.
God only knows why she chose this piece of junk as her mode of transport to her wedding, only offering a small grin, shared with Archer, when Ma questioned her. That grin told me everything I didn't need to hear. I came to the logical decision that I required no further details on the matter.
I drive slowly to the chapel, unable to remove my focus from the rearview mirror and Aubrey's warm blue stare. I read so much in her eyes as we drive. The longing, the memories, the sadness. Each and every story, no doubt reflected in my own eyes.
Annabelle twists in her seat, grabbing my attention. My gaze shifts toward her as her eyes flick between myself and Aubrey. Stealing another quick glance at Aubrey, Annabelle's attention hasn’t gone unnoticed by her either as she moves stiffly to focus on the grass lining the road as we drive. I force a smile at Annabelle and she returns it, unsure and curious, eyes flicking back to Aubrey.
Lifting my chin over her head, I direct her attention outside, to the small crowd gathered at the maple. The distraction works, her breathing coming deeper as she turns back to me, smiling wide, unfiltered happiness brightening her large eyes. Pulling into the lot, I jump down, refusing to let myself look at Aubrey again. I lift Annabelle from the car and we share a sneaky smile at how much it would piss Archer off to see.
Darci and Aubrey make their way through the crowd before Annabelle and I follow their path. I feel proud to share this moment with Annabelle and I'm grateful that today, officially, she becomes my family. That we'll share a last name and remain connected in that way forever.
Archer's eyes fix to Annabelle the moment we come into view and I can see in his face that no one else exists to him. His eyes drag up her body and his mouth quirks up in approval. Stepping forward, Archer hugs me hard before I turn to offer a quick kiss to Annabelle's cheek. It's only fair to the guy that I don't touch her lips - it is his wedding day after all.
Moving to stand beside Archer, I take my place as best man and I'm overcome with pride and love for two people that mean the absolute world to me. I seek out Ma's eyes to let her know she's standing here with me and she winks at me, cheeks already tracked with loose tears.
The celebrant begins and my eyes find Aubrey's once again. Standing next to Annabelle,
her own stare is fixed on me and my breathing comes hard in my chest. In one shared evening, I’ve learned how open her eyes seem to be, linked completely to her feelings. Right now, she’s consumed by us. By memories that shouldn’t be. I'm all she sees. Like me, the images of our intimacy are invading her mind. But it’s wrong, whatever we shared was against every moral fiber I have, so with every last drop of willpower I can muster, I break our connection. I turn away from her and focus on only Archer and Annabelle.
Annabelle cries through her vows, promising to love and support Archer through life. To always fight on his side and be the kind of woman he deserves. Archer smiles only for Annabelle, talking low, not caring that the crowd of people can't hear his words. He vows to love her passionately and completely, as he has always done. He thanks her for showing him what it means to love someone, for bringing promise and happiness to his life.
I admire the love they share and the strength they've each shown in fighting for one another. I envy it too, knowing first hand that fighting doesn't always work. Not when the other person can't find it in themselves to fight the obstacles and challenges with you.
The ceremony concludes on whoops and whistles as Archer bends Annabelle into a hungry kiss, not at all fazed by their audience.
The chords of the melody fly easily from my guitar as my fingers work the strings. The words of the song echo into the stillness of the night as I watch Archer and Annabelle take their first dance as husband and wife. Their backyard is decorated with fairy lights and lanterns and their guests mingle, drink and dance.
Archer has since shunned his jacket, tie long gone as the sleeves of his white shirt are rolled to his elbows. He holds Annabelle close, whispering in her ear as her face stays connected to his neck.
Archer chose the song they’d dance to as husband and wife. “My First, My Last, My Everything”. While my voice doesn't have the baritone Barry's can carry, the lyric is fitting. I think so, anyway.
As soon as the first line left my lips Annabelle's face buried into Archer's neck, where its since stayed. He picked right. I like that.
The last chords trail off into the night and laying my instrument down, I walk towards the newlyweds. Archer pulls Annabelle's attention by passing her to me and she comes willingly, squeezing me tight. "Thank you, Jakey. That was beautiful," she gushes, mascara slightly smudged from her tears.
"Told you, you married a man who let me sing 1D at your wedding we'd have problems," I joke and she laughs freely.
"He chose well," she concedes easily.
"That he did," I agree. "Good day?" I question, swaying with her to the soft tune now playing.
"The best," she smiles, her brown eyes shining brightly. Archer comes to steal her back as the song changes and I offer her a quick kiss, earning myself a deep growl for marking her with my lips. "Love you, Jakey," she declares before Archer has her full attention once again.
"Dance with me," Aubrey tests, coming in close, lacing her hands around my neck.
"Aubrey," I warn, moving to disentangle myself from her touch.
"Jake, please," she begs. Staring into the blue depths of her sad eyes, I can't bring myself to say no. I can't bring myself to bring any further sadness to her crystal colored eyes. So I don't. I pull her in close, fitting her hips against my own. Using one hand, I hold her lower back and work the other into her hair at the nape of her neck.
She breathes in my scent, keeping my eyes as we dance. In this moment, it feels so right. Being together, dancing alongside our family and friends. If only they knew the torture it brought us both. We don't speak, instead enjoying the few minutes of touching the song grants us, but as quickly as it started the soft tune fades into the next and I step back slightly, beginning to detach myself. "You haven't called or texted me. You won't talk to me," she accuses, it’s soft in its delivery, but still full of hurt.
Squeezing her neck lightly, her eyes close in the pleasure of my touch. Regretfully I pull away, stroking my thumb along the column of her neck, just to allow myself the feel of her soft skin, just once more. I'd love to taste it. Put my lips to her neck and watch her skin break out in goosebumps, but I don't.
"You did good today, Jake. You're a good man."
"Ain't feeling much like that lately, Strawb'ries," I concede, giving into my need to touch her again and brushing my thumb along the fullness of her bottom lip. It's dangerous to touch her like this surrounded by our family, but in that moment, I don't care. In that moment, all that exists are her sad eyes and my want to make them happy. I'd love to taste her along the path my thumb traveled. Bend and lick along the plump bottom lip before closing my mouth over hers. But again, I don't.
"J-Baby…. No," she whispers, hurt plaguing her words.
"Nothing you say or do is gonna change that, baby. We did wrong, Aubrey. This…" I motion between the two of us, "it’s not right. As good as it feels - IT. AIN'T. RIGHT."
Aubrey's head bows low, eyes hidden, but I can feel the shame radiating from her. "I just want to talk to you," she pushes, reaching for my hand, but I pull away.
With everything I can manage I step out of her touch and watch her eyes fill with tears. "Can't do this, Aubrey. Much as I want you and believe me, baby, I do. This…. This…. It’s not me. Please, don’t ask me to be someone I don't like."
My words reach her ears and she bows her head again, nodding at her feet. I can't stand that look of dejection in her posture. It hurts, it confuses me, but mostly it makes me want something I shouldn’t. So I choose, at least in that moment, to save myself. I save myself from reaching out and touching her again. From begging her to choose me. From dragging her home and feeling her all over my body once again. I save myself by turning, walking away and not looking back.
CHAPTER FOUR
Aubrey
The song that allowed us a moment to touch, to just be, begins to fade away and I feel Jake step from my grasp. My hands start to sweat in panic. The feel of him receding causing my hands to shake with a desperate need to pull him back. "You haven't called or texted me. You won't talk to me," I accuse softly, against my better judgment. Admitting this aloud is as hurtful as his consistent rejection. I’ve called. I’ve texted. I’ve begged for him to talk to me. But every single time I’ve reached out it’s been met with silence. Silence that makes my gut ache with the fear he regrets what happened between us. A regret I can’t make myself begin to feel. I know I should. I know, deep in my soul that what we did was wrong. But my heart won’t let me feel bad about it. Instead it courses warmth through my body every time I think of it. Which is often. It makes my blood heat until my skin flushes. Until every last nerve recalls the way his hands felt skating over my skin. Touching me. Tasting me. Loving my body. It makes my body flutter with unresolved need.
Jake squeezes my neck lightly, bringing me back to the moment and I can see the anguish in his eyes as he continues to pull away from me. My eyes close instinctively at the light pressure of his hand. I feel the callused pad of his thumb slide down the column of my neck and my skin tingles at the touch. Opening my eyes, I watch him, his gaze focused on my neck, on the path his thumb just traveled as his tongue pokes out to wet his lips.
"You did good today, Jake. You're a good man," I continue when he doesn’t speak. Fuck me, if I wasn't ready to blubber like a damn fool when I heard him through the bedroom door talking to Annabelle, asking to walk her down the aisle. Darci was frowning at me, judging me for eavesdropping. But I couldn't give a care in the world at that moment. I could finally hear his voice again. When he ducked through the doorway, eyes to Annabelle, I got to smell him, I got to roam my eyes over him. I'd thought about him constantly, but seeing him in the flesh, watching his eyes rake over my body. God. My need for him became unbearable.
"Ain't feeling much like that lately, Strawb'ries," he admits, once again moving to touch me. That callused thumb dragging along my bottom lip. Even in the softly lit backdrop of Archer and Annabelle’s backyard, I can see his eyes darken at
the touch, and I almost give in to my need to touch my tongue to his thumb. But we both know his touch is dangerous enough. Amongst our closest friends, our show of intimacy is audacious. Possibly even foolish.
He finally finds the strength to break our physical connection and I watch the sadness overtake his eyes. It slices into my chest at the thought that he would, could, think so poorly of himself.
"J-Baby.... No," I whisper, hurt plaguing my words.
"Nothing you say or do is gonna change that, baby. What we did was wrong, Aubrey. This..." he motions between the two of us, "it's not right. As good as it feels…IT. AIN'T. RIGHT." He punctuates his last words ensuring they carry the weight he's aiming for and my head drops low, the shame in my eyes projecting so bright, I hide them to disguise the feeling.
"I just want to talk to you," I push, lifting my head and reaching for his hand, but he pulls away, and I want to cry, scream at him to stay with me.
Steeling control, Jake finally steps from my reach, and I stop my feet from moving towards him as my eyes fill with tears. "Can't do this, Aubrey. Much as I want you and believe me, baby, I do. This...it's...it’s not me," he shakes his head emphasizing his point. "Please don’t ask me to be someone I don't like." His words reach my ears, and I drop my head again, nodding at my feet.
A second passes, maybe two and I feel, more than see Jake walk away from me. My entire body deflates at the feeling and I let out a long drawn out breath, controlling the sob that wants to rip from my throat.
Slowly lifting my head, my eyes meet with Luca's cold stare. His eyes flick to Jake briefly, then back to me before he lifts a beer to his lips, taking a deep pull from the bottle. I hold his stare for a moment, letting myself understand the gravity of what just occurred. Jake and I were already balancing on the edge of irredeemable trouble, but tonight my actions almost launched us off the ledge. Luca saw what happened. Witnessed the pain between the two of us.