by Anna Paige
"Just like the guard did at the concert."
I nodded. "It wasn't being grabbed by that guard that upset me like that; it was the memories it dredged up. It was feeling that grip on my arm and remembering the moment when the car was engulfed in flames and the only sound in my universe became the agonized screams of my dying parents. I heard them both screaming, burning. My mom regained consciousness just in time to feel the flames."
"Son of a bitch," Kade swore.
“It took me a long time to recover from my injuries. I had to take a leave of absence from work. Trish, the supervisor from hell, weaseled her way into management while I was out, beating me out of the job. Even after I was physically healed, I was still messed up, so maybe it’s good that they didn’t hold the position for me. I wouldn’t have been able to handle the added stress anyway. As it was, I’d lost my parents, almost died, and been dumped by my idiot boyfriend who claimed my life was just too turbulent for him and it was ‘throwing him out of balance’ or some dumb shit like that.” I forced an ironic laugh. “He bored the hell out of me anyway, so that was no great loss but still… he didn’t even wait until I was out of the hospital. Asshole. But he was the least of my worries, and he actually did me a favor. I was better alone, or at least that’s what I told myself. No attachments meant no getting hurt, no losing people, no pain.” It also meant no joy, no love, and no purpose, but I hadn’t cared at the time.
"I'm so sorry, Aubrey." Kade leaned over and tugged me to his chest, rolling us until I rested on top of him, the sheet gathering between us and providing somewhat of a barrier between our naked bodies. He wrapped his arms around me and locked them around my back, crushing me against his chest as I found a comforting niche at the base of his neck. He kissed the top of my head and trailed his fingers up my spine in a slow pattern that had me relaxing into him in no time.
A few more tears fell, and I watched them drip onto his neck and shoulder, rolling around to dampen the pillow under him. I didn't give in to the pain, though. I couldn't. If I did, it would drag me back under, and I'd fought too hard to let that happen again. I was surprisingly proud that I'd been able to talk about it without totally losing my shit. It was a huge leap in my healing process, one I'd never thought I'd reach. One I was so glad I'd found with Kade.
"I told you I trust you. Aside from my shrink, you're the only one to whom I've ever told the whole story." I reached up and brushed my fingers through his hair. "I never thought I'd be strong enough to talk about it, but with you, I am."
"I had nothing to do with it. You just didn't realize how strong you were until I pushed you, and to be honest, I kind of regret making you talk about it. I didn't want to see you in that kind of pain. I didn't know how bad it was, and I'm sorry for making you go there, but I'm also proud as hell that you made it through and that you chose me of all people to trust." He hugged me to him again, cuddling despite his earlier assertion that he didn't do such things. "Don't credit me for any of it, though, okay? It was all you."
"Agree to disagree," I muttered against his neck, fighting a yawn as my eyes drooped.
"Never," he teased as he resumed rubbing my back. "But we'll argue later. Right now, you just rest, okay? It's been an eventful afternoon."
"What if Kane comes back and finds you holding me like this?" I asked sleepily, already dozing.
"Then I guess he'll see for himself how right he was," he muttered as sleep overtook me.
•••
I awakened sometime later to an empty bed. The bus had stopped, meaning we were at the amphitheater. It also meant I’d slept several hours. I sat on the edge of the bed and stretched, pointedly aware of how sore I was in several places. I was in desperate need of a soothing bath, but that wasn’t exactly an option.
Still worth it.
I dressed in cotton capris and a thin T-shirt, running my fingers through my tousled hair as I stepped into the bunk-lined hall. The bus was quiet and still. When I walked into the kitchen, I was startled to find Kane at the table, his head bowed as he scrawled something into a notebook. Funny how I could tell them apart better now, even without dissecting their expressions.
“Hey,” I greeted quietly, feeling slightly embarrassed as I remembered what we’d done.
“Hey, yourself,” he smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “That was one long nap you took.”
I blushed, unable to help it. “I was tired.”
He just chuckled and bid me to join him. I grabbed a vitamin water from the fridge and slid into the seat across from him, barely able to hide my wince as my sore bottom pressed into the seat. “What are you working on?” There were music notes peppered over the page in a pattern that I’d never be able to decipher, even if I weren’t reading it upside down.
“Kade stepped outside to take a call from Jimmy; he didn’t want to wake you. While I had a minute, I decided to drag out my notes and tweak a few things on a piece I’ve been working on.” He tapped the page. “No lyrics yet, that’s Kade and Ethan’s domain. So far, it’s just a random melody I can’t get out of my head.” He was watching me intently and I found myself wanting to look away. He must have read my expression because his hand drifted across the table to cover mine, his eyes kind. “Hey, this doesn’t have to be weird. Okay?”
“I think it already is.” I averted my eyes, feeling embarrassed and a little sad. “I don’t want us to not be friends like we were before we...” Another wave of sadness hit.
He gave my hand a comforting squeeze. “We’re still friends. Nothing has changed. Well, we might be a little closer than we were a day ago, but that doesn’t change anything, at least not for me. I don’t want it to change for you, either.”
I grimaced. “I didn’t expect it to be this awkward. I wasn’t thinking about what it would do to us, what it would mean for our friendship.”
“It’s okay. I don’t mind being used.”
My eyes widened. “Used? What do you mean you were used? By me?”
“By both of you,” he said, shrugging. There was no accusation in his voice, it was a simple statement and nothing more. “You wanted Kade but you were intimidated by him and by how attracted to him you are. The thought of being alone with him scared you a little, but you knew I’d keep you safe.” He didn’t even give me time to deny it before pressing on. “He wanted you, but he didn’t want the one-on-one connection because he was scared he’d realize he has feelings for you, so he suggested I join you as a way to prove to me—and convince himself—that it was all casual.”
My head was spinning. I wanted to argue, ask questions about the feelings he mentioned, and apologize to him all at once. Instead, I sat there gaping like a moron.
“Don’t worry. Like I said, I don’t mind. I was into it. I mean, look at you. You are a beautiful, amazing woman, and I definitely enjoyed myself. For me, it was an afternoon of mind-blowing sex with an incredible woman, no strings attached. And now that it’s done,” he held my eye, smiling softly, “I would like to think the aforementioned incredible woman has no regrets and won’t let herself feel awkward around me. I like her too much to let what we did ruin our friendship.”
I managed to nod, swallowing the lump in my throat. “The aforementioned woman is honored to call you her friend. And she regrets nothing.” It was true. He was an amazing lover, and I couldn’t find it in myself to wish the afternoon away.
“Good.” He nodded. “Now let me grab my guitar and strum this melody for you. I want your opinion.” He gave my hand one last squeeze before jumping up to get his beloved Gibson from its stand.
I found myself grinning as I watched him, happy that we were okay and that he actually wanted my help with something he cherished as much as his music. Our afternoon activities were phenomenal but this—this moment—was what I was most grateful for. His friendship and trust. That was the best thing I could have asked for from Kane.
What I wanted from Kade… that was an entirely different story.
•••
/> That afternoon, while the guys were at sound check, I spent some time arranging more damage control. I found several opportunities for appearances—talk shows, podcasts, events like that—but I wanted to discuss them with Miles first, see what restrictions would need to be in place with regard to topics.
I called his office directly, bypassing Trish’s stellar personality all together for the sake of my sanity. As the phone rang, I was hit with a case of nerves. What if he knew just from the sound of my voice that I’d slept with a client—well, technically clients? God, he would be so disappointed in me, never mind what it would mean for my future at the firm. The thought of his disapproval tweaked something inside me, and for a split second, I felt like a total piece of shit for betraying his trust.
Rhonda’s words flitted through my mind, and I realized she was right. I couldn’t live my life according to anyone else’s expectations. I would never intentionally let anyone down but I had to stop letting fear of failing other people cause me to fail myself.
“Hey there, Bree Bree.” He was the only one I knew who still called me that. My father used to, of course, but Miles didn’t know, and I didn’t have the heart to ask him to stop. It was a sign of affection, a fatherly gesture that I found oddly comforting despite the associated memories.
“Hey, Miley,” I teased automatically, knowing how he felt about that name.
“Touché,” he said on a chuckle. “Miss Aubrey Taylor, what can I do for you today, ma’am?” He was pouring it on thick, the smartass.
“Well, since a big fat promotion, paid vacation to Ireland, and delicious assistant with rock hard abs to accompany me on said vacay is probably not within the scope of possibility, how about a little of that free advice you love to dish out?”
He laughed at my response. “That’s what I’m here for. Lay it on me.”
Slipping into work mode, I explained the problem I was having, reminding him that certain questions creeping into the various appearances could do more harm than good. We wanted to boost the band’s ratings, not set them up for an ambush by some overzealous interviewer. When I was done, he didn’t speak for a while, processing.
“So, they have an interview Friday that you’ve opted to let them keep, is that right?”
“Yes,” I said, nodding, not that he could see me, but it was habit. “It’s a countdown show, nothing heavy, and their part is pre-recorded, so no chance of being blindsided live over the air. I’ve checked into the station and show host, they aren’t known for sensationalism. I think we’re okay on that front.”
“I trust your judgment, Aubrey,” he assured me, without hesitation. “If you say it’s safe, I have no doubt it is. As for the other opportunities, I would err on the side of caution. Perhaps have the questions pre-submitted for approval. I’m sure anyone eager to have them on wouldn’t balk at a little pre-screening. Hell, they could email the questions and have the band record their answers in a way that looked like a live video feed. They’re on tour, so it’s not like they could do in studio appearances anyway.”
I thought a minute. “You’re right. And that could actually work. There’s one talk show host who has a young fan that she wants the band to meet. I could have them record their response to the show, inviting the little boy and his family to a concert. Maybe send some tour gear: shirts, signed CDs, and stuff, to be presented on the show.” I was typing quickly, making notes so I didn’t forget anything.
“Sounds like you have a handle on it, sweetheart,” Miles announced, his voice full of fatherly pride. It made my heart squeeze painfully.
“I sure hope so,” I muttered, clearing my throat.
“Stop that. You’ve got this, Bree. I wouldn’t have sent you if I didn’t think you could do the job. To be honest, you were the only one I knew for sure would be able to handle it.”
“Trish would probably disagree,” I scoffed, trying to distract myself.
“Trish was never going to get the assignment, no matter how much she pouted.” He sighed deeply, dropping his voice. “I would never say this to anyone else, so bear that in mind and keep this conversation between the two of us.”
I muttered my assent, and he hesitated a moment before taking a deep breath and blurting, “Trish is a goddamn snake. Period. I’ve never met anyone more manipulative in my life, and I’ve seen a lot in my day, believe me. Just because I trust you implicitly doesn’t mean trust is something I just throw around. It has to be earned. And she’s as untrustworthy as they come. I wouldn’t turn my back on her for even a moment, so there was no way I was putting her on that bus.”
I wanted to laugh at how vehemently he said it, how blunt he was about his dislike and mistrust of the woman. But I found I was far too annoyed for that. “If that’s how you feel about her, then why in God’s name did you give her the promotion? Why did you make her supervisor over so many more qualified candidates? I can think of five better choices off the top of my head, all more deserving than her.”
He blew out a breath. “Because the decision was out of my hands. It came from much higher on the ladder than my weary old ass has climbed. They wanted you for that job, Aubrey, we all did. But they also needed the position filled within a certain time frame, and you were still recovering from the accident. With your health and recovery status still up in the air, they forced my hand and gave the spot to Trish. As much as they wanted you, they couldn’t wait. She was next in line, not in my eyes, but in theirs. I had no choice.” His tone was apologetic, weary and defeated, like he’d failed me.
“It wasn’t your fault, Miles. I’m sorry I snapped at you. She’s just so…”
“Heinous? Soul-suckingly malicious?” he offered stoically.
“Yes,” I nodded again, fighting a smile. “And lately, she’s been weird, in addition to all that. Saying things that don’t make sense, acting like we’re supposed to be friends, joking around, but still with that air of superiority. It’s maddening.”
“Be wary of any offering of friendship from that woman,” he cautioned.
“Oh, I’m smarter than that.” I shook my head, fighting to ignore the little voice in my head reminding me that I might not be as bright as I was pretending to be given what I’d done with Kade and Kane. That voice was starting to piss me off.
I forced the thoughts back and focused on Trish’s attempts at manipulation as I made my way to the bedroom to find a long-sleeved shirt. Kade really was trying to freeze me to death. “She’s barking up the wrong tree if she thinks I’m falling for her bullshit.”
“Good girl.” There was a scraping sound like he was switching the phone to his other ear. “So, now that we’ve covered all that, tell me how things are going with the guys. Are they treating you respectfully?”
I felt my face flush. “Everyone has been very cooperative.” A lie, but being honest would only put Kade on his radar, and that was the last thing I wanted. And I kind of liked my constant power struggle with Kade.
“That’s what I like to hear.”
There was a lull in the conversation, and I decided to end the call, needing to head off any more questions I wasn’t able to answer honestly. “Well, I guess I’ll let you go. I need to start working on setting up these interviews while the band is at sound check.”
“Okay, kiddo. Thanks for touching base and for letting an old man share his opinions. It’s nice to be useful for a change.”
“You’re only as old as you feel,” I corrected. He was in his late fifties, not particularly old, though he sounded like it just then.
“Like I said, an old man.” Something in his voice gave me pause, and I couldn’t help wondering if he was all right. “I’ll check in a few days from now, but don’t hesitate to call if you need something before then.”
“I won’t,” I promised.
“And Aubrey?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m proud of you.”
I ended the call a moment later with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, hating that I’d let h
im down but still positive that I wouldn’t take it back if I could.
I sat there on the edge of the bed and asked myself: what did that say about me?
•••
Kade
The next few days passed in a blur. Between shows, Aubrey had us doing small things to boost our image. We spent Monday morning and afternoon at a soup kitchen serving meals; we also made a sizable donation to the organization running it before we left. Tuesday, she had us record ourselves announcing a super fan contest that would benefit several charities and gain the winners VIP passes to one of our shows. There would be a winner for each remaining venue of the tour, international concerts included. People were flooding our website with their entries within minutes, and word was spreading like wildfire.
That night, Aubrey finally attended one of our concerts and loved it, which I knew she would. Sadly, she didn’t scream my name or write it on her chest—at least that I knew of. She had refused to let me rip her shirt off to see for myself.
She and Kane had resumed their previous level of friendship with no apparent awkwardness between them, and she and I had gone back to antagonizing each other at every opportunity while stealing occasional moments together where our hurried kisses bordered on feral.
We hadn't slept together again, though, and the building frustration coupled with the close quarters on the bus was fucking killing me.
Thursday morning, the little minx purposely left the bathroom door open as she applied her makeup wearing nothing but a thin towel. She knew I could see her from my spot at the table, and I was sure it gave her enormous pleasure to see me suffer. I couldn't risk calling her bluff, though. Ethan had stayed on our bus the night before, after he and I worked on a new song into the wee hours of the morning. Kane might have looked the other way if Aubrey and I finally gave in and started going at it, but Ethan would shit a brick, so I would just have to take her teasing.