by Kristen Cobb
The connection she felt with him at this moment would stay with her until the day she died. Never had she felt its like. She only wished he were up here flying next to her. Not because she lamented his inability to change form. She merely wanted to share the experience with him. Soaring through the air, leaving the land far below. As soon as the thought flashed through her mind the trees answered. It was possible to share her powers. She could turn into a tree around him. They would be bonded and he would share in all her powers.
The trees never lied. That meant she could share her powers with him. What would he think if she brought up the topic? The answer to that question came easily without any further thought required. He would take it as an insult and think she could not accept his inability to change form. Conri’s pride made it a subject she needed to broach carefully. Most men would accept her offer without question but Conri was not most men. The belief of being somehow less than and defective ran deep. It would not be easily overcome.
She flew into the copse of trees just ahead of Conri and his horse. Landing somewhere near the center she turned back into a human, the only downside being she was always naked after changing form. She could not change the form of other objects, which meant leaving her clothing behind. At the moment being naked did not pose any problem at all.
Conri rode up, immediately jumping off his horse. He allowed the animal to simply walk away, focusing his gaze on her in the darkness. “Hello wife.”
“I like hearing you call me that.” She walked over to meet him halfway. The soft, wet moss squishing beneath her feet.
“I like saying it.” He pulled her into his arms and kissed her, a gentle assault of his sensual lips against hers.
Feeling Conri’s manhood begin to swell Nessa reluctantly pushed him away, holding him at arms length. She could see his confused expression as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. “There is something I need to tell you before we do that.”
“I do believe we have shared enough startling revelations for one day.” He tried to pull her into his arms again.
She held him off, her arm stretched out to its full length, hand against his chest. “This needs to be said now.” Looking at him for a moment, trying to decide how best to handle this, she made a decision. “Take your clothes off.”
“I thought you wanted to talk?”
“I do.” She wanted to tell him about the bonding now. Waiting would not make it any easier. He was bound to overreact. She needed to make him listen to everything she had to say, not just part of it then try to walk away upset. Wrapping her legs around his waist and holding on tight had worked earlier in bed but the ground was soaking wet from the rain. If he sat down now his clothes would get wet. It only made sense to take them off. Besides, she should not be the only one naked.
She took her hand off his chest and held it out. “Shirt please.” A slight grin curled the edges of his mouth as he complied. Taking his sword and sheath off he laid it on the ground next to them, then his belt and dagger. Next came the shirt, slowly pulling it off over his head. Handing it over to her he leaned back against the tree to pull off his boots.
While Conri continued undressing she draped his tunic over a low hanging branch. He set his shoes beside the sword then began pulling down his pants. Standing before her naked he handed her the pants. She hung them over the same branch then motioned for him to sit down at the base of the tree. Once he was settled on the mossy ground leaning back against the trunk she sat down on his lap, wrapping her legs tight around his waist.
“I do not think this position is conducive to talking.” His hands roamed across her back. His swollen shaft lay at the ready against his stomach.
“I think there is a way for me to share my powers with you.” There was no point in dragging it out. Better to get the worst part over with first.
Conri’s shaft shriveled. The expression on his face turned almost angry. “What happened to not caring if I could change form? That did not last long.”
He tried to get up but she locked her legs around his waist. Setting his hands around her waist he tried to pry her off. Forced to gather in power to increase her strength she held on tight. “Will you stop and listen to me please?”
“Stop doing that. You cannot possibly be this strong.” He continued attempting to dislodge her.
“You are perfect exactly as you are I merely want to…”
“Change me into something less embarrassing.” He finally stopped trying to pry her off, choosing to stand up instead.
Holding on tight with her legs, she wrapped her arms around his neck. “We cannot have a discussion like this. Sit down and stop acting like a child.”
“A child. I am not the one acting like a child. Get off me Ness.” He tried to pry her arms off his neck.
“No. Sit down and listen to me or I swear you will never get me off. I will force you to walk around like this for the rest of your days.”
Conri sat down but refused to look at her, acting as though she were not even there.
Nessa kept her arms and legs wrapped tightly around him. “I love you exactly as you are. I do not care if you refuse to bond with me and share my powers. That is entirely up to you. I merely want you to know the option exists.”
He finally looked at her, skeptically, but at least he was acknowledging her existence. “What do mean bonding?”
“While flying here I started thinking about how free I finally felt and that it was all due to you.” She released her hold on him just a bit.
“Me?” The anger in his eyes began dissipating, replaced by a hesitant curiosity.
Nessa unwrapped her arms from around his neck, placing a hand gently against his chest. “Even after revealing my secret you still wanted to be with me. You are the first person to ever make me feel proud of who I am. I never want to make you feel anything other than proud of who you are. That is not the reason I wanted to talk about this.”
“Fine. Tell me about this bonding. Could you maybe release the death grip on my waist?” Conri raised his knees behind her.
She unraveled her legs, stretching them out on either side of the tree for a moment, leaning back against his legs. “The bond I felt flying above you was unlike anything I have ever experienced.”
“For me as well.” He was looking into her eyes now. The truth of his statement revealed in their depths.
“Then I thought about how wonderful it would be if you could share the experience with me. That is when the trees told me about the bonding.” They were past the worst of it. He was actually listening rather than reacting now. She allowed her body to completely relax.
“The trees talk to you?”
She ignored the note of disbelief in his voice. “Sometimes they tell me things. Generally it is to warn me about events that have not happened yet but tonight was different. They told me that if I turn into a tree around you, we will be bonded and through that bond I can share my powers with you. The trees have never been wrong, nor would they lie to me.”
“Seems to me that if you turn into a tree around my body I would most likely die.” Conri had yet to touch her. There was still a distance between them that had nothing to do with physical proximity.
The answer popped into her mind immediately, as if the trees were listening to their conversation. “The trees say yes, you would die, but then you will be reborn. We would be as one, connected, sharing in all of my powers.”
“It could change me in other ways. What if I was not the same person?” He had no idea what to say, could not even believe they were having this discussion.
“That is something to consider. I do not think there is any way to know if having my powers would change you.”
“And if I say no?” Would she still love him? Conri watched her closely in the moonlight, trying to discern every nuance of her reaction.
“I do not expect you to give me an answer tonight. Whether we ever discuss this again is up to you. I love you exactly as you are and promise never to bring
it up again.” Her eyes never left his. There was no deception or avoidance in her unwavering gaze.
Would she truly be able to handle his inability to change form? He could not help wondering if going to visit his family would change her mind. She might realize how unlike her he really was when she met other shifters. This visit to see his grandfather would at least allow her to make an informed decision. Right now she had never met anyone else who could change form. He finally realized no matter how much Nessa professed her love there was no guarantee it would hold true once she met other shifters, men that could share that experience with her. Taking her up on the offer to bond would only force her into being with him. She deserved to have all of the options before making a decision like that. The fact that his inability to change form had already come up again seemed a telltale sign. It would always be an issue between them. He’d been a fool to believe otherwise.
Conri lowered his knees, wrapping his arms around her to keep her from falling backward. “Get some sleep. If we leave tomorrow it will be a long day.” He spread his legs a bit to allow her room.
“I will never mention it again, you have my word.” She reached out to touch his face. “Please do not…”
He grabbed her hand, looking into her eyes as best he could in the glittering shafts of moonlight filtering through the canopy of leaves. “What I am will never be enough. You should be with others of your kind.” Nothing had changed and everything had changed all at the same time. He still loved her but Nessa was not the average mortal he believed her to be. He watched as tears filled her eyes, helpless to do anything about it.
He expected her to argue. Instead she acquiesced, lying on her side between his legs. He could feel her warm tears falling onto his bare chest as she silently wept. Wrapping his arms around her as tight as possible he fought back a few tears of his own.
Lying on the dirt floor of the barracks Will woke to the feel of someone’s hand over his mouth. Before he could remove the hand and yell out a woman’s voice whispered in his ear. “Meet me outside.” With that she removed her hand and promptly disappeared.
No light at all filtered through what was basically a barn for humans. He sat up, trying desperately to clear his sleep fogged brain. Will watched as the door opened, allowing in just enough light to see the silhouette of a woman as she slipped outside. Alana, the woman who suggested he claim to be Nessa’s husband.
Will could not completely fault her advice. It got him into the castle to see Nessa. On the other hand Nessa was seriously angry at him. She’d been angry at him plenty of times before. What concerned him this time was the warrior she claimed to be in love with. He had never known Nessa to pay the least bit of attention to a man. Her seeming disinterest in other men was the main reason he never worried about their own lack of intimacy.
Rousing himself, stepping through the slumbering men as quietly as possible he headed outside. Thankfully Donal was a sound sleeper. He slipped out of the barracks, closing the large wooden door slowly to keep it from creaking. “What do you want?”
“For you to get her out of here.” Alana’s nearly perfect features contorted in anger. The darkness made her appear almost evil.
“I am trying but there is nothing I can do about it tonight.” Turning around and heading back into the barracks he could not get away from the woman fast enough. Something about her put him on edge, making him feel as though he needed to watch his back.
7
Nessa refused to leave his chamber. The last time he saw her was the night she turned into a raven and met him by the river. She offered to give him the powers of a god and in return he made her cry. Eventually they both fell asleep. He woke some time during the night when he felt the lose of her warmth, watching a raven fly away through the darkness.
At least he knew her location. Allister and Sedric were checking on her regularly, bringing her food and water, although they said she did not eat much. According to Sedric Nessa lay on his bed in the dark crying. As if that were not bad enough apparently now she stopped doing even that. Allister tracked him down early this morning and said Nessa stopped crying. His first reaction had been relief until Allister told him all she did now was lie there without making a sound. Allister brought in the new tray of food, removing the old one, and she refused to say so much as a word.
So here he stood, in front of the castle looking up at the window wondering what to do. Rory refused to lift the ban and he would not go against his king. That meant he could not go up there and talk to her. He needed to lure her out of that room somehow.
He made an attempt to stay busy, to keep from obsessively thinking about her, which proved utterly useless. He would have to leave this place once she was gone. There were simply too many memories. He could never stay here without her. Better to lose her now though. How much more painful would it be years from now when she finally realized how inadequate he was for one such as her?
Donal appeared beside him, a wooden sword in each hand. “Are you ready?”
He hadn’t even heard the boy approach. So much for always being aware of your surroundings. “Not just yet Donal. I have a problem to solve.” He spent the last three mornings training Donal, well, trying anyway. They did not have a sword small enough for a boy his age so they were using one intended for a grown man. Apparently Nessa told Donal she would talk to him about the training. It seemed the least he could do after making her cry.
Donal looked up at the tower with him, imitating the same thoughtful expression. “We should get her out of there. My mother did that when my sister died. It was kind of scary.”
“What did your mother do?” Now the boy had his complete attention.
“She would not come out of the house or let anyone near the body. Now matter how hard my da tried she just sat there.” Donal’s thoughtful expression turned to one of intense sorrow. He looked off into the distance, reliving painful memories.
Grief. Nessa was grieving the loss of their relationship. It made perfect sense. The question now being what to do about it. He would not lie and tell her they had a future together. That would be cruel when he knew better. He did however have an idea about how to get her out of that room, at least long enough to talk to her. Although a bit manipulative and likely to make her angry he could think of no better option.
“How about we go and find Allister. I will have him work with you this morning. There is something I need to do.” Conri found his first smile in days. Nessa would come because she loved him. Her feelings for him were one of the few things he did not doubt at this point.
“Are you going to get Nessa out of the room?” Donal was dragging the points of the wooden swords in the dirt as they started walking toward the training field.
Conri grabbed both of the swords. “Never carry your weapon like that and yes, I intend to get Nessa out of that room.”
She’d been laying in Conri’s bed for days. The only reason she knew it had been days was because she could see the sun sneaking in around the edge of the shutters each morning. As far as she could tell there seemed no reason to go back out into the world. Even Conri, an immortal, did not want to be with her now that he knew the truth. That meant there was absolutely no chance anyone would ever be able to love her, no chance of her ever having anything resembling a normal life. It had all been an illusion. Now she also knew this life would go on year after year with no end in sight. She still had so many questions left unanswered, like could they be killed. Even those unanswered questions were not enough to get her out of this bed at the moment.
The first thing she did upon returning to the castle was pour the poisonous potion out the window. She made a vow, albeit silently, but it still held as binding. Her feelings for Conri had not changed. Betraying him by killing Rory could no longer be considered an option. At this point there seemed no reason for her to even be here. Conri would never be able to get past the fact that he could not change form. Those people did irreparable damage by casting him out. She would not keep
going through this. It was simply too painful.
So where did that leave her? Nowhere. Dermot would be furious when she refused to kill Rory. She was under no illusions concerning her foster father. He fell into the category of men who wanted to control her powers. Laurence told Dermot and Mor about her ability to change when he first handed her over. Her abilities were the one and only reason Dermot agreed to take her all those years ago. She had been deluding herself to ever believe otherwise out of a need to feel loved by someone.
Then there was Will. He suddenly seemed to believe himself in love with her. Over the last few days she actually considered leaving with him, going back to Dublin and pretending to be happy as his wife. There was however one major problem with that plan, her immortality. She would not age with him. Even if she never changed form or used her powers again the truth would eventually come to light. Even a fake life with Will was not a viable option now.
She had nowhere to go so why even get out of this bed. Could she starve herself to death? Was that even an option for an immortal? Her first thought was to go and ask Conri but that would mean seeing him. Just thinking about him made her want to cry again. She cried so much in the last few days there could not possibly be any tears left in her body.
The door suddenly flew open, banging back against the stonewall. Sedric stood in the doorway, the faint glow of candlelight from the stairwell shining behind him.
“I am not hungry and I do not want to talk.” Nessa pulled the blankets up to her chin, turning onto her side. Curling her body into a tight ball she closed her eyes, willing Sedric to go away.
“Conri has been hurt.”
The panic in Sedric’s voice caused her to sit up, throwing off the covers. “Where is he?”
“I brought him to Marta’s house but I dare not move him anymore. The wound is bad.”
Nessa jumped out of bed, wearing only Conri’s tunic. She considered getting dressed then decided against it. The only course of action that made any sense was to change form and fly to Marta’s. Anything else would waste precious time. Having no idea if an immortal could have a mortal wound she refused to take a chance with Conri’s life. If revealing herself to Sedric was the price she needed to pay then so be it.