I felt so angry with everyone and everything. I was angry at James for getting himself in this position in the first place, and then of course when I felt like that, the guilt deepened because you shouldn’t speak ill of the dead. I was angry with the people who did this to James, and the hospital staff for not saving him. The thought of having to go back to work and get back on with my ‘normal’ life infuriated me. And then there was Craig, who was getting the brunt of my ire. It didn’t matter what he said or did, I was like some mad psycho Kathy Bates character around him. I was either ignoring him or ripping his head off. He didn’t deserve it; he had given me nothing but support and love through the whole ordeal.
One thing I realised over those days was that I hated being on my own. Yes, I wanted to be alone with my thoughts, but I didn’t like being alone in the physical sense. I guess I took comfort from knowing Craig was near if I needed him, or just knowing that I was not alone.
With Craig out running and Becki doing whatever she was with Scott, I decided to give my dad a call. I knew he was struggling with things too and I hoped we could bring each other some comfort.
“Hi, Dad, how are you?” I asked when he answered.
“I’m okay, Ambs,” he replied with a sad sigh. “How are you doing?”
“The same, pretty numb to be honest.”
“I’m glad you called. I need you to do something for me,” he said, sounding distant.
“What’s that?”
He inhaled deeply before answering. “They released James’s body; we have the okay to go ahead with the funeral. Could you go to his place and pick out something for him to wear? I can’t do it, Ambs. It will destroy me.” And it wouldn’t destroy me? I thought.
“I’m not sure, Dad. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do something like that at the moment.” It would also add to my already overflowing guilt, because it was then I realised I didn’t have a clue where my brother lived. “When do I need to go?”
“Could you go over this weekend so we can get it to the Chapel of Rest on Monday?” There went my chance of being able to try and pull myself out of the black abyss that was swallowing me up minute by minute.
“Sure. You’ll have to text me the address, I’m not one hundred percent sure of it.”
After promising him one more time that I would go through this hell for him, I said goodbye and decided to start running a bath. Craig was due back and I wanted nothing more than to snuggle up with him in some luxurious scented bubbles. I was hoping it would help ease some of my tension away.
In the bathroom I grabbed the bottle of lotus flower scented bath oil that Val had given me for Christmas, and poured some under the running water. As I watched the liquid begin to foam, I breathed in the exotic scent and closed my eyes, willing myself to relax.
A minute later a look at my watch told me Craig had been gone a lot longer than usual. He was usually so meticulous with his runs, you could almost use him as a timer because his pattern never deviated or faltered. From leaving the house to stepping back in he was usually gone fifty four minutes, give or take, and yes I’d timed him. I was always amazed that he managed his route so quickly, often coming back having barely broken a sweat. He truly was a fine specimen of male athlete. This time, though, he’d been gone for well over an hour and I couldn’t help but worry about what was keeping him.
In the bedroom, I pulled my hair up to keep it from getting wet. As I was reaching for my brush the notification alert light flashing on my phone grabbed my attention. Taking a quick glance at the screen, I let out a frustrated sigh when I was rewarded with the reminder that Mother Nature was expected any time soon. Perfect! As if my emotions weren’t all over the place as it was, I also had to deal with hormonal hell as well.
“Hey, Babe. I’m back,” Craig panted, just slightly out of breath, stepping into the bedroom. “Everything okay?”
“Where have you been? I was getting worried.” I sounded like some clingy, over dramatic, control freak.
“Running, you knew that,” he frowned, searching my eyes as he neared me. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I mumbled.
“Don’t give me that crap, Amber. You forget I can read you better than you read yourself. Something’s wrong, tell me.”
I remained quiet, trying to decide what to say without sounding like a pathetic idiot. “You were gone so long… I. It’s nothing. It’s stupid.”
“Hey,” he said softly and tilted my chin so I would look him in the eye. “Nothing you think is stupid, so tell me. What’s wrong?”
I paused for a moment, lost in the mesmerising grip of Craig’s green eyes. “I got worried. You were gone for over an hour, Craig. You’re never gone that long. I thought… I thought something had happened to you.” My voice quavered as I realised just how fearful I’d become in those few minutes of uncertainty, not knowing where he was.
Craig pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me in a comforting embrace. “I’m here, I’m fine. Nothing happened to me, I was just outside talking to Jack from across the road. He heard about James and wanted me to pass on his condolences.”
Sagging against him in relief I felt stupid for my melodramatic reaction. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“You have nothing at all to be sorry about. Is that a bath I hear running?”
“Shit!” I scrambled out of Craig’s arms and dashed into the bathroom, getting to the taps just before the water started overflowing.
As I was leaning over the bath, letting some of the water drain away Craig came up behind me and ran his fingers along my spine. “Strip for me, Pingu,” he whispered against my ear. I momentarily froze, shocked at his sudden come on. When his warm breath continued to breeze over my skin and his hands snaked their way around my body I soon found that familiar buzz of anticipation flooding my senses. “I want you naked, Amber.”
I turned in his arms until we were chest to chest and peered up into his heated eyes. “Craig, I’m not sure I’m-”
“We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with right now. I just want to help you relax a little, and ease off some of that tension.”
Craig continued holding my gaze, keeping me captive in his battle of dominance and desire. At that moment, I needed Craig to take everything away and to free me of the worries of whatever was happening. The need to obey him seeped through me and I found myself following his order to strip. I dropped my hands to the hem of my T-shirt, and drew it up and over my body until it was off. Craig took a step back, allowing me the space to continue. I watched his eyes follow my hands as I lowered them to the button and zipper of my jeans. I popped the button and pulled the cold metal tag of the zipper down in an unhurried pace. They then darted back up to mine and seared me with a ferocious fire. “Amber, just take the fucking clothes off will you. I’m trying really hard to be a gentleman here, but you’re making it almost impossible.” He closed his eyes and took a few calming breaths. “Please, just get undressed so we can get in the bath.”
I quickly stripped the rest of my clothes and walked over to the bath, feeling Craig’s gaze on me the whole time. “Are you going to join me?” I asked over my shoulder as I placed a tentative foot in the water. The temperature was just right so I climbed in and laid back. The hot water enveloped me, causing me to suck in a deep contented breath. I closed my eyes, moaning in appreciation as the warm water immediately helped me start to relax.
Craig was still standing, rooted to the same spot and staring at me when I opened my eyes a few seconds later. “Craig?” I queried. “Are you coming?” He muttered a curse under his breath before moving toward me, stripping his sweaty running gear off en route.
“Shift forward,” he said, standing buck naked next to the bath. From my position laying back I had the perfect view up his toned body, still glistening with the remnants of his running exertions. “Amber, move forward so I can get in behind you. And stop looking at me like that or no amount of self-control and respect
will stop me from doing what is going through my head right now. You know what you do to me.”
Oh, I knew, he did the same to me. All he had to do was look at me in a certain way or talk to me in his seductive deep baritone and I was ready to beg him for more.
I shuffled forward, allowing Craig enough space to climb in behind me. When he was leaning back and settled I shifted to rest between his legs, and lay back against his chest. With the heat of the water and the warmth of Craig’s body surrounding me I closed my eyes again and tried to relax.
After a few minutes of quiet, the only sounds coming from the softly fizzing bubbles and the hum of water running through the central heating system, Craig whispered in my ear, “Are you feeling better now?”
“You’re here with me, of course I am.” I smiled and tilted my head round to face him. “I’m sorry I’m such an emotional wreck at the moment. I don’t mean to take things out on you.”
Craig’s hands slid along the outer edge of my thighs and up my body coming to rest on my shoulders. “You’re not taking anything out on anyone. You’re going through a pretty rough time and this is all part of the grieving process… I might not have walked you down that aisle yet, Ambs, but I will vow to you here and now that I will always be by your side, for better or worse.”
As Craig’s skilled hands began working the knots out of my tense muscles, I allowed myself a few minutes of total and utter bliss. I tried to forget everything and concentrate on the love and affection of the man behind me. “Craig?” I asked, breaking the silence.
“Hmm mm.”
“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“You’ll never have to find out,” he whispered against the top of my head.
When Craig’s hands left my shoulders and began tracing lazy circles along my arms I sighed in contentment and leaned back into his chest again. “Those hands of yours have worked their magic again.”
“Good, because I would like for these hands to create some more magic, but only if you’re feeling up to it.” His hands moved to my front and rested over my belly, causing it to clench in anticipation. It didn’t matter how down or depressed or stressed I was, with only the slightest touch Craig could turn me in a quivering pile of mush. “I want to make you feel good, Amber, in every way possible.”
With my eyes still firmly closed and my head resting on Craig’s shoulder, I allowed the sensations of his caress to consume me as his hands worked their way up toward my breasts. “That feels good,” I groaned as he cupped each breast in a firm hold and rubbed his thumbs across my increasingly sensitive nipples.
“I want you to feel more than good, I want you to feel amazing,” he growled in my ear. “I want you to forget everything except how I’m making you feel. How your body is humming for my touch, how with every one of my movements your lips quiver in a silent plea for more.”
“Craig, that’s unfair,” I moaned.
“What is? Taking away every worry, every upset and concern you have and throwing it out the window? It’s fair, baby.”
A shudder ripped through me as he moved one of his hands between my legs and started stroking along my inner thigh. “That’s not what I meant and you know it,” I panted as his hand moved higher.
“Oh, and what did you mean then?” he questioned as he dragged a solitary finger once along my pulsating clit, teasing me further.
“Stop teasing me, Craig,” I implored. “Please, just touch me.”
“No,” he barked and withdrew his hands from my body. My eyes sprung open and I twisted my head around to look at him. He was looking back at me with a wicked smirk on his face. “You do it.”
“What do you mean? Oh… no, Craig. I can’t.” I shook my head and pleaded with my eyes for him to continue.
“Uh huh, yes you can.” He reached for my thigh and pulled it outward, draping it over the edge of the bath and opening me up. “I want you to feel what I feel. I want you to appreciate your own pleasure.” Taking my hand in his he entwined our fingers together. “I want you to touch yourself. I want you to get yourself off while I watch.” He placed my hand between my legs and stroked his own back up my body to my breasts.
“Craig, I’m not sure I can,” I whispered.
“Oh come on, don’t go all coy on me now. You can’t tell me you haven’t done this before.” He nipped at my earlobe and tweaked a nipple. “I happen to think watching you pleasure yourself is a fucking mighty big turn on. Just try it okay?” He continued playing with my breasts and nipping and sucking on my earlobe and neck, overwhelming my senses. Without clear thought, I found myself running the tip of my finger through my folds and circling it around my clit. “That’s it, baby, see how amazing you feel, how hot you are.” His voice had changed, husky with desire.
Craig continued encouraging me with his naughty words and his persistent teasing of the sensitive flesh of my breasts and neck. Soon my body began to quiver and my breathing became laboured as the pressure of release built within me. “Come on baby, give it up,” Craig growled, and as he sucked on my shoulder a violent orgasm ripped through me, sending my body into a frenzy of intense shudders.
Sagging back against Craig’s chest again I tried to catch a deep breath to fill my screaming lungs. “That wasn’t so hard was it?” he asked wrapping his arms around me and kissing the top of my head over and over. I peered at him out of the corner of my eye and saw the smile on his face. “Are you nice and relaxed?” he smirked, and together we started laughing for the first time in days.
“Come on let’s get you out of here.” Craig shifted us and reached around me to pull out the plug, allowing the now bubble free water to drain away.
“What about you, Craig?” I asked as we wrapped ourselves in towels. “What about your stress relief?”
“We’re going to see to that now.” Grabbing my hand he pulled me into the bedroom.
“On the bed,” he growled as he yanked my towel off me and dropped it to the floor. “I know you’re ready for me so don’t pass go, don’t collect two hundred, and don’t you dare dawdle.”
If I wasn’t all hot and bothered before, I was then. “Yes, sir,” I giggled and backed up to the bed with Craig stalking me, a predatory gleam in his eyes.
As I fell back onto the mattress Craig followed me down, discarding his own towel throwing it across the room. “I need you, Ambs, but are you sure you’re okay?” The look of concern clouding the desire on his face made my heart swell. He was always more concerned about me and how I was feeling than he was for his own wants and desires.
“Don’t speak, Craig. I need you too.” I pulled his head down and pressed my lips to his. “Fuck me, Craig. Hard,” I whispered against him and heard the hitch in his breath. It always affected him when he heard me use anything other than ladylike language.
“Fuck, Ambs,” he groaned. Suddenly his tongue was plunging into my mouth and his cock was sinking into my throbbing core. I wrapped my legs around his waist and clenched my inner walls around him causing a deep and sexy groan to reverberate from the back of his throat. “You little minx. You love it that much you’re holding on tight huh? Grab the pillow and don’t let go,” he panted, not breaking his steady rhythm. I did as he asked and was then startled when he leaned back onto his knees, taking me with him. The new elevated position stretched me out and opened me up to him. With each new movement he pushed deeper and with more power. He hit my secret spot over and over until the overwhelming sensations of ecstasy swamped me and I was crying out, shaking as an almighty explosion ripped me apart. Craig was right there with me, pinning me with his intense green eyes as he let go spilling himself inside me with a deep growling rendition of my name.
Craig lowered me gently back onto the mattress then stretched out over me, our gasping bodies pushing against each other. “Holy. Fucking. Shit, Ambs.” He was panting heavily when he lifted his head to look at me. “Don’t ever say stuff like that to me again. Christ, I thought I was going to explode.” I giggled as he dr
opped his forehead back to mine and continued trying to steady his breathing.
After a few minutes Craig rolled on to his back and grabbed me, pulling me into his side. We remained curled up together for a while longer, catching up on stuff I’d missed whilst living in my pit of dark despair, and I told him about needing to go to James’s place. I was relieved when Craig said he would come with me, I wasn’t sure I could have faced it on my own.
It felt weird, sitting in a bar with happy Friday evening revellers all around me. I knew I was feeling better but I wasn’t in a ‘happy place’ by any stretch of the imagination. Becki and I were nice and cosy, sitting by the roaring open fire, catching up. We’d discussed her job, the latest celebrity Scott’s security business had worked for, and now she was bitching about her parents. “They don’t get it. They are so bloody stuck in their ancient ways they think it’s a crime to live in sin. Do you know they haven’t once been to Scott’s place?” She shrugged and shook her head like it was no big deal but I could see the hurt in her eyes.
“Maybe they haven’t had time,” I reasoned.
“Pfft, that’s bullshit and you know it. If they have time for the golf club and the tennis club and whatever other crap they’re involved with, they have time to come and see where their only daughter lives.” She took a sip from her drink and looked out around the bar. “Anyway, enough about me and Mummy and Daddy Dearest, tell me missy, what’s all this Craig has been telling me about you being on the verge of oblivion?” Blunt as ever Becki.
“I don’t know Bec, you tell me. You know more about that conversation than I do.” I hated that they had been colluding behind my back.
Silver Dove (Silver #2) Page 8