Despite my angry tone she smiled at me and pointed toward the chairs lined up along the wall. “Please, take a seat. The doctor will be with you shortly.”
I reluctantly took a seat and sat nervously with my elbows resting on my bouncing knees.
“Mr Silver. Thank you for coming so quickly. Please follow me.” A silver haired doctor, complete with scrubs and stethoscope appeared in front of me and gestured toward a door on my left.
“How is she?” I asked as I stepped into the private room with the doctor.
“Please, take a seat.” He gestured for me to sit on tatty blue sofa that had seen much better days. “Amber is stable at the moment. She underwent minor surgery to repair tissue damage from the stab wound-”
I was on my feet and dragging my hand into my hair before he had a chance to continue. “STAB WOUND?” I yelled, more out of fear than anything else.
“I’m afraid so. Amber was brought into us bleeding heavily from a stab wound to her abdomen. She is awake now but still groggy from the anaesthetic.”
I dropped back in my seat and stared at the doctor trying to comprehend what he was telling me.
“What about the baby?” I whispered.
“I’m very sorry Mr Silver, Amber lost the baby.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Craig
“Mr Silver?” I looked across at the man sitting in front of me. “I appreciate that this must all come as a terrible shock to you. Can I get you anything?” I told him no. What could he possibly get me? My fiancée was lying in a hospital bed having been through God only knew what and our child, our baby was gone.
“We will keep Amber in for a day or two so we can monitor her. We also need to replace some of the blood she lost.”
“Does she know about the baby?” I asked tersely. I didn’t need to hear all the gory details; I would figure them out in due course. I just needed to know what Amber knew so I could prepare myself to be the support she would need.
“I’m afraid she hasn’t been coherent enough for us to fully explain what happened. She isn’t aware of the loss yet.” I nodded in understanding. It was going to be hard telling her, but I would rather it be me than some stranger.
I sat in the chair for a few more minutes as the doctor rambled on but I wasn’t really listening. I couldn’t shift this vision I had in my head of Amber lying alone, bleeding and needing my help. Only I wasn’t there. I couldn’t help her. Once again I hadn’t been there when she needed me. This time it wasn’t just a few bruises she’d sustained. This time she had very nearly lost her life, and our unborn baby had died. And then there was the question of who had done this to her? Had she been mugged or was there more to this? If only I had attended that appointment with her.
I had so many thoughts swirling around my head I hadn’t noticed the doctor stand. “If you would like to follow me, I’ll take you to her now.” I followed the doctor along the corridor in a daze. What was I going to say to her? Should I wait to tell her when she was feeling better? Shit! I didn’t have a clue. There was no right, or best way to do it. No matter how or when, the news was going to break her
The doctor stopped outside a door and peered inside. “It looks like she is asleep again right now. If you need anything just press the button on the device next to the bed and someone will come and assist you.” His tone was all professional but his eyes were compassionate. He knew I was hurting too.
“Thank you,” I whispered, fearing my voice would break if I tried to speak any louder. He nodded and walked away.
As I looked at the door I debated whether to go in straight away. I wanted to be with Amber. I needed to be with Amber. But I also needed to get my head together so I could be the strong person she was going to need.
Allowing the mix of emotions to swirl through me, I slapped both hands against the wall and leaned in, dropping my head forward. I hated what was happening and was struggling to fight back tears. I hadn’t cried in years, not since my father died, but the tears were threatening and I knew I had to be strong and composed for Amber. I couldn’t let her see my anguish and the rage brewing inside.
Amber’s room was a typical hospital room, small, cold and stark looking. She was lying on the bed covered by a white sheet and blanket that just accentuated her now ghostly pale skin and deep dark circles around her eyes. There was an IV line attached to her arm resting on top of the blankets.
I briefly closed my eyes and steeled myself for what I was about to do.
Seeing that her eyes were closed, I approached the bed tentatively, fearing I would wake her if she was asleep. She didn’t look peaceful like she usually did when she slept. She looked pained and sad and I wanted nothing more than to pull her into my arms and take it all away.
Quietly drawing the plastic chair up beside her bed I sat and took her hand in mine. I needed to touch her, to comfort her.
I sat watching Amber for some time, thinking back over the last two weeks. After the initial shock had worn off I was left somewhat confused about my feelings about becoming a father. I couldn’t deny what my head was telling me, that all good things must come to an end and that a baby was sure to end the content life I’d been leading with Amber. My heart on the other hand was swollen at the thought of a life created by both Amber and I, growing inside her, being nurtured and protected by her. Just that thought alone had me loving her more and filled me with an inexplicable sense of defence and love for our child. I quickly swiped away the lone tear that escaped when I thought about how that child had been ripped from us.
Amber’s eyes flickered and slowly began to open. “Hi,” she croaked when her eyes met mine.
I swallowed the lump that had been forming in my throat and replied with a weak “Hi.”
Neither one of us said anything for several minutes. We remained quiet with our gazes locked, searching each other’s eyes. “How are you feeling?” I eventually asked, when the burden of silence became too much.
“Sore. And thirsty.” I looked around and found a jug of water on the table next to the bed. I poured a glass and helped Amber sit up slightly so she could take a sip. When she winced in pain, I cringed and felt utterly helpless. This was one of those situations that I had no control over, and it was killing me.
“Thanks,” she said when I helped her rest back on the bed and then sat back on my chair again.
I closed my eyes for a brief moment and inhaled deeply, trying to muster up the courage to give Amber the news that was going to break her heart. “Amber, I need to tell-”
“No, Craig. Don’t please,” she cried and I raised my eyes to meet her tortured ones. “Please don’t,” she repeated on a whisper.
“I have to baby. We can’t ignore this.” This was killing me but I had to tell her, we couldn’t pretend this wasn’t happening. “We lost the baby, Ambs. I’m so sorry baby, so so sorry!”
A gut wrenching cry escaped Amber’s lips and I couldn’t hold back anymore. Leaning over the bed I pulled her into my arms, wary of hurting her and with my face buried in her hair I let the tears fall. I cried for Amber and what she had been through. I cried for the helplessness washing through me. Together we cried for the baby we would never get the chance to hold and love.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Amber
I yanked the brush through my wet hair as I stared at myself in the small mirror. I didn’t recognise the person looking back at me. My skin was pale; my eyes were bloodshot and rimmed with dark circles.
“Amber?” Craig’s voice called out from behind me, out in my hospital room. I didn’t reply. I knew why he was back. He’d come to take me home, back to my normal life. “It’s time to go, baby.”
I stared at the image in front of me willing myself to feel something… anything. But I was hollow, empty and lost. Lost between inconceivable anguish and insurmountable guilt that left me hovering in the realms of nothing. I’d switched off every emotion I possessed to try and protect me from the agony that would consume me if I dared to
grieve even the slightest.
“Are you ready?” Craig asked as he stopped in the bathroom doorway watching me.
I nodded and turned on my heel to walk back into my room, ignoring the bite of pain from my wound as I twisted sharply. It was a welcome sting to the otherwise numb feeling. Craig watched me closely as he stepped back to allow me through. He had barely left my side in the two days since I’d woken from my very real nightmare and he’d confirmed what I had already known in my heart. He was expecting me to crack at any moment.
“Are you sure you’re ready for this, Ambs? I could speak with the doctors and get them to keep you in for a while longer,” he asked softly.
I grabbed the small overnight bag on the bed and turned to face him, plastering a fake smile on my face. “No, I’m good. I just need to get out of here.”
Craig frowned but didn’t say anything; instead he took the bag from me and led me out of the room.
An hour later we were home and Craig was ordering me into the living room to rest on the sofa. I didn’t want to rest. I didn’t want to lie there and think because thinking left me wondering, and wondering left me feeling guilty.
“Can I get you anything?” he asked as he slipped my sandals off and pulled a blanket over me.
“No, I’m fine. I just need to sleep.” I pulled the blanket around me and closed my eyes, knowing he would leave me alone if he thought I was resting.
“Okay, if you want anything just shout and I’ll come. I’m going to be in the study catching up on some work. Okay?” I didn’t reply.
A minute or so later I heard the study door open and then close and then the faint sound of Craig’s voice as he spoke to someone on the phone. Knowing he would be busy for a while I got up and made my way upstairs to our bedroom. I had to get out. I couldn’t stay home and brood. I needed distraction and knew the best thing for that was work.
Making sure I could still hear him on the phone I walked into the wardrobe and pulled out my black jersey tunic dress. It was soft and loose around the waist so wouldn’t rub on my dressings. I grabbed a pair of low heeled black pumps and made my way into the bathroom. I knew I had to be quick so dabbed on some powder and concealer to try and mask the dark circles and pale skin and then pulled my hair back in a simple ponytail.
A final glance in the mirror said I still looked like shit but I was presentable. My classes would have been covered so I wouldn’t be teaching. I just needed to get behind my desk and bury myself in planning or admin. Anything rather than sit at home.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” I jumped at the gruff sound of Craig’s voice as I hit the bottom step when trying to sneak out.
I took a few steps toward the door but Craig moved and stood in front of it. “I’m going into work, Craig. I can’t sit around here all day.”
“You aren’t going anywhere. Bed rest, that’s what the doctor told you. You need to heal, Ambs.” I tried to step around him but he kept the doorway blocked.
“What I need, Craig, is to not be smothered. I don’t want to lie around doing nothing. I need to keep busy. Life goes on.” When he wouldn’t move out of my way I decided my only option was to go out through the back. There was no way he was going to let me leave through the front door, so turning around I walked quickly toward the kitchen.
“Amber, don’t you turn your back on me.”
“Leave me alone, Craig. You can’t stop me from doing this,” I yelled back.
I made it into the kitchen and was rounding the island when Craig grabbed hold of my elbow to stop me moving any further. “You are not going to work, Amber. I won’t let you.”
I tried to tug my arm out of his grasp but he had a firm hold. “If I want to go to work, I’ll go to work-” My gaze froze on my handbag sitting on the countertop. The bag I had been carrying with me a few days before.
I reached over to the bag and dipped my hand inside. Sitting on top a wad of balled up receipts was the ultrasound picture. I gripped the photograph tightly as suddenly the weight of trying to bury my grief came crashing down and I screamed. I screamed and sobbed and thrashed about until Craig let go of my arm only to pull me tight into his chest. I sobbed and cried until my body went limp and Craig carried me back into the living room settling me down on his lap as he sat on the sofa.
“Talk to me baby. You can’t keep this bottled up.” Craig said when I’d managed to compose myself.
I sniffled and shook my head. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
He placed a finger beneath my chin and lifted it so I would look at him. “There is everything to talk about.”
I searched his eyes trying to draw strength from them. “I… I don’t know what to say.”
“Just tell me what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling.”
“I can’t,” I sobbed. I’d buried those feelings. I didn’t want to bring them back again.
“Yes, you can. I’m here, baby. You have my support, we’ll get through this. Together. But you have to talk to me,” Craig’s rushed words came out as a plea as he pulled me in tight to his chest.
“I killed our baby,” I cried and wrapped my fingers tighter around the picture. “If I had just phoned you and come home like I was supposed to none of this would have happened.”
Craig moved quickly laying me back on the sofa as he leaned over me, his troubled green eyes boring into mine. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for this, Amber. None of this is your fault. The bastards that did this to you will pay. I swear on my dad’s grave that I will hunt them down and make sure they do.”
“But it is, Craig, it is my fault.” My eyes burned. “It was my job to protect him, or her, and I failed. I killed our baby.”
“Amber, no…” His voice faded off as he crushed his lips to mine, muffling the sounds of my sobs. “This is not your fault,” he said again as a whisper against my lips.
I was emotionally and physically exhausted and couldn’t keep from yawning. “You need to rest Ambs, either you rest here or upstairs, but you will rest.” I nodded in defeat. He was right, I did need to rest. The trouble was, whenever I slept I dreamed of that moment when two strangers had so cruelly changed my life forever. I was sure I would never be able to get over the loss. Not completely.
Craig
I’ve been driven by my emotions in the past, often acting on impulse and striving forward without thought for the consequences. Sitting there watching Amber sleep, though, I was torn. This wasn’t just about me this time. For whatever reason, Amber had been drawn into whatever twisted game someone was playing and it had cost her and us dearly. Before I’d carried her up to bed so she could get some much needed rest, I’d asked her to tell me what she knew about the attack. She’d made a statement to the police but had been in a fog at the time and hadn’t been able to tell them much. I’d hoped that being at home and curled up with me, it might have jogged her memory somewhat.
“Tell me what you can remember,” I’d prompted her.
She’d stilled for a moment and then a shudder had wracked her body. “There were two of them, a man and a woman. I think it was the woman who stabbed me.” My eyes had closed and I’d sucked in a harsh breath at hearing her say that. It killed me every time, knowing things could have been so much worse. I could have lost her too. “I only saw the backs of them as they walked away. My vision was too blurry from the pain and shock to see them properly but he was tall, at least six foot, dark, short cropped hair and broad. She was shorter, maybe about my height and had long dark hair. I couldn’t make out the exact colour; it might have been brown or even a dark auburn. She was slim and I’m sure she had darker skin, she certainly wasn’t pale like me.”
White hot rage consumed me as I thought back to that conversation. I’d wanted to push Amber aside and go and kill the fucking bastards for doing this to her. I was pretty sure I knew who she was talking about, it all fit into what had been happening. I’d also known that at that moment Amber needed me and I couldn’t desert her. I did
n’t know what to do.
As Amber slept next to me on the bed I stared at the image in my hands. It was an ultrasound picture of a perfectly formed baby. My baby. Never in my life had I felt the kind of rage that coursed through me at that moment. Someone was behind this and they would pay.
I had let this go on for far too long. Too many innocent lives were being lost and it needed to end… now!
There was someone I had to go and see but knew I couldn’t leave Amber alone. I quietly ducked out of the room and called my mum. “Can you come and sit with Amber for a while?” I greeted as soon as she answered.
“Craig, what’s wrong?”
My tone was short when I answered. “I need to go out but Amber is asleep and she can’t be left alone. Can you come and sit with her?”
She didn’t say anything for a moment and I was about to tell her not to bother. “Where are you going?” she said quietly.
“Are you fucking coming over or what, Mum? I need to end this shit but I can’t have Amber left alone.” I heard her deep inhale at my harsh words and tone, and I felt bad for swearing but I was too riled up to watch what I said or how I said it.
“What are you going to do, Craig? Please don’t do anything silly, think of Amber.” Her calm tone brought momentary relief from the storm brewing inside.
“I am thinking of Amber, Mum. This is all for Amber. I just need to go and speak with someone to find out what’s going on and to try and put an end to it all.”
“Please, Craig, think before you go off at the deep end. Think about what you’re doing.”
“Mum, these bastards killed James, they killed our baby and right now they have killed Amber. I can’t let that shit go. I have to sort it out.” A sob escaped from Mum.
“I’ll be right over, but please, Craig, please be careful.”
“I will, Mum, I promise. Amber is sleeping so can you let yourself in? I’m going to go right now.”
After Mum promised she would come right over, I went and sat on the edge of the bed next to my Pingu. As I stroked her hair away from her beautiful yet pained face I knew I had to do this. How were we supposed to move forward when we had so many things trying to pull us back?
Silver Dove (Silver #2) Page 19