“What if I said it’s for me?” His voice was deep and husky.
Kim licked her lips and glanced up at him. “I’d say you promised only to touch me in public.”
His gaze traveled over her face slowly, lingering on her lips.
“Forgive me for touching you,” he said quietly, just like he had yesterday morning.
Kim’s pulse was pounding so fast she felt like it would jump out of her throat.
“You’re … doing the other thing again too,” she forced out, her voice raspy and too high-pitched.
“What is that?”
“The smoldering look with your eyes.”
Colt smiled. “Forgive me,” he said in a low rumble.
Kim couldn’t catch a full breath. Colt’s head lowered so close to hers she could feel his warm breath on her lips.
“And forgive me for this.”
Colt pressed his lips to hers, and rational Kim left the building. The kiss was warm, sensual, and overpowering. Colt lifted her to her tiptoes as his lips took possession of her mouth, and he took possession of her heart. The kiss continued with an intensity that both thrilled and lifted her. She felt like she was soaring, and she never wanted to crash back to reality.
When he pulled back, they were both breathing quicker, and he was staring intently at her. His blue eyes were full of love, desire, and concern.
“What if I can’t forgive you?” she asked, but she didn’t want to hold on to old hurts anymore, she wanted to hold on to him.
Colt studied her, the concern in his eyes growing as he trailed his fingers along her cheek. “Please, Kim. Don’t push me away. I won’t survive without you. I’ll die alone and miserable.”
Kim’s heart did a happy flutter. In a whisper, she said, “Ask what you need to do for me to forgive you.”
She could tell he was afraid she was going to push him away. “What can I do to get you to forgive me?” he asked.
“Kiss me,” she said.
Colt’s slow grin appeared. He framed her face with his hands and murmured, “Yes, ma’am.” Then he was kissing her, and she prayed she really could forgive the mistakes of the past. But she’d worry about that later. Right now she could only return the kiss.
He slowed the kisses down and then did something completely unexpected. He released her from his arms, took her hand, and walked her over to the small loveseat in her room. They sat down side by side, and Colt pulled in a breath then rushed out. “Will you truly forgive me … for everything?”
Kim’s body went rigid. She wanted to move past it all, but she was scared to forgive, to trust.
The light from the hallway was dim, but she could see the earnestness in his blue eyes. “Please, love. I made the biggest mistake of my life five years ago when I thought you were choosing Holden over me, and I pretended to kiss that girl to make you jealous.”
She winced hearing it again, but most of all remembering.
“The other girls I dated were to try to find someone, because I was lonely and aching for you. I honestly have rarely kissed any of them or gone past one or two dates.”
She thought of what Holden had said that confirmed this. Colt hadn’t been a playboy, he’d been trying to heal his own battered heart. Yet the pictures of him with all those different women still made her sick. “I can’t stand it, Colt. I can’t stand the thought of sharing you with another woman.”
“Oh, love. You aren’t sharing me with anyone.” He captured her hand and placed it on his chest, right over his heart. “This is yours. All yours. It’s never belonged to anyone but you.”
Kim loved the way he was looking at her, his beautiful words, but she didn’t know how to let the past go, all the pain go, and trust him again. She stood and paced away from him. He stayed on the couch, looking uneasily up at her. “I don’t know, Colt. I want to forgive. I want to be with you, but … I’m sorry, I’m just too tired, and I need to get up early. Can we talk tomorrow?”
He stood also, and he looked so gloriously handsome she about caved to him and just asked him to hold her and forget about all the rest. “Kim … love.” He splayed his hands. “Please. I know we’re both tired, but we’ve waited so long to talk this out, and this is the first time you’ve let me talk. Please work this out with me, love.” He gave her an appealing smile. “We can sleep late in the morning, maybe even try a different hike or something.”
Kim stiffened and backed away. “I don’t sleep in. I don’t do different hikes.” His eyes revealed his concern, and she felt boxed in and cagey. This was why she lived alone in Costa Rica. She didn’t want him or anyone else telling her what to do.
She paced away from him and then flung back over her shoulder. “Everything was safe and predictable until you showed up. I like my schedules. I like my boring life, okay?”
“You like your boring life?”
Kim turned to face him, folding her arms over her chest. “It’s safe, all right. Safer than you.”
“Safe?” Colt’s brow squiggled. “I can protect you, love. You’re safe with me.”
“I’m not talking about my physical safety. I’m talking about my emotional safety. You made me this way, maybe you should like it.”
Colt took a step closer, but she held up a hand to stop him. He stopped and said, “I made you what way?”
“You cheating on me! I came to Costa Rica to escape from the stalker and from the memories of you, and now my OCD is coming back. I feel better, safer, and in control when everything is scheduled.” Had she really just said that? She had niggling concerns, but hadn’t even fully admitted to herself that her patterns were her obsessive-compulsive disorder from her youth resurfacing. Yet who could blame her craving stability and routine with what she’d been through?
Colt nodded. He didn’t appear to judge her or recoil from her. “When did you have OCD before?”
“When I was twelve.” She needed to sleep. She shouldn’t be telling him all of this, but she was exhausted and off her schedule. She always went to bed by ten or ten-thirty and was up before six. Always.
“And you overcame it then?
Kim nodded. “My parents got me in with a great psychiatrist. She helped me, explained that this happened often at the onset of puberty and with children who are overachievers. She helped me break the rules and understand the difference between good habits and rules that were unnecessary and rigid.” She was saying far too much.
“But it came back when you moved here.”
She hugged herself, miserable and embarrassed. Why was she embarrassed? It was partly Colt’s fault that she was dealing with this.
“Gradually,” she admitted. She tilted her chin up and straightened her back. “But it’s fine. I recognize now that I’ve let what were good patterns take over until they’ve become rules I won’t allow myself to break. OCD’s tricky because it’s easy to rationalize that something’s a healthy habit and slowly allow it to control your life. I know what I need to do, and if I can’t break out of it, I’ll get help.” She hoped her tone was rational and level. Everything was hitting all at once, and she felt completely out of control, which made her want to keep to her patterns even more.
“Okay. That’s good.” His voice was all calm and concerned. She didn’t like it. “I can help you too.”
“No, you can’t.” She pushed out a breath. “I still don’t know if I can trust you.”
He stepped back, his eyes looked wounded. Seconds passed agonizingly slow.
“Look, it’s late. I’m irrational. Please. Let’s just go to bed and talk in the morning.”
“Will you talk with me in the morning then?” he asked.
She hesitated and nodded.
“Will you let me stay close to you until you learn to trust me again?”
Kim closed her eyes. She shook her head and not letting herself look at him, admitted, “I don’t know.”
Colt strode up to her. Her eyes blinked open, and she stared into his handsome face. He bent low and planted a chast
e, sweet kiss on her forehead. “Please just give me a chance, give us a chance.”
Kim stared at him. He seemed so sincere, so in love with her. “After what I just admitted to you, really to myself. I have OCD Colt and have to constantly battle it. You still want to be with me?”
“Oh, Kim.” Colt stared at her so beseechingly. “I will always want you, love. Always.”
Kim gave him a tremulous smile. He was so sweet and said all the right things. Seeing him do what he could for those boys today had softened her as much as anything. He was a great man. If only she could be certain he wouldn’t betray her again.
“I’ll let you rest.” He gave her a soft, lingering kiss. “Goodnight, love.” He turned and strode from the room, shutting the door softly behind him.
Kim sank onto the bed. She should shower off the salt water, get out of her swimsuit, wash her face, and brush her teeth. She was too worn out emotionally and physically. As she drifted off to sleep without doing any of her usual habits she smiled, Colt had unknowingly helped her break her nightly patterns. Maybe she wasn’t as tied to her boring life as she thought.
Chapter 13
Kim awoke before the sun even shone in her windows. Her body felt like it’d been hit by a sledgehammer. She was exhausted and just wanted to roll over and fall back to sleep. She tried, fluffing her pillow, closing her eyes tight, regulating her breathing nice and slow. Long minutes passed … nothing. She couldn’t sleep.
She stood and stretched. It was silly to stay in bed when she could be up and working out. She’d feel better after she hiked. Maybe Colt was right though. After they got back from Holden and Navy’s wedding, they’d try out some of the other beautiful hikes in the area that she used to do when she first moved here. Colt would love some of the Arenal Volcano hikes.
Changing out of her swimsuit and into shorts and a t-shirt, she brushed her teeth, fastened her hair in a ponytail, and tied her shoes. Soon, she and Colt would do different hikes, and it wouldn’t even bother her, hopefully, but today it was smarter to do the amazing hike right by her house, and then figure out flights and the security issues they’d need to deal with to go to America.
She eased out of her bedroom and across the hallway to the spare bedroom. Colt was splayed across the bed, sleeping like he was dead. Kim smiled and felt a rush of love for him. He didn’t look like his usual perfect and charming self. He looked real, and even though he snored softly, he was still so appealing to her.
She loved him. It was as clear and bright as this new day. There was no reason to deny it or push him away. If the worst happened and he betrayed her again she would shatter, but she was already past the point of no return and had no choice now but to love him completely and move forward with him.
She hated to wake him. Standing there for a few seconds, she finally backed away and padded down the stairs. She’d leave him a note, and he’d probably catch up to her. She’d be safe on the familiar hike, she’d done it how many hundreds of times before Colt appeared in her life again, and she’d been fine. She would be fine today.
Writing a quick note, she left it on the table, disabled the alarm, and hurried out the front door. She took the hill up to the waterfall at a quick walk rather than a run and smiled at the new day, the fresh air, and the sun coming up behind her. She was breaking one pattern already. She hadn’t let herself walk up this hill in a couple of years. Today was going to flip her regimented schedule on its head. She would not do laundry or paint, and she would spend every minute with Colt. They’d fly to America and be there to celebrate his sister and her cousin’s wedding. She’d let him earn her trust back and with him by her side she could break the habits that had started to rule her life.
The smile faded as she thought about her stalker. Would the guy ever appear? But with Colt by her side what did it matter? Who cared about a few creepy notes once in a while? The guy had never tried anything, and Kim really doubted he would. Maybe it was time to rent out this house and return to America. Be with her parents and sisters. Maybe she’d even consider acting again. Who knew? The morning and the possibilities felt endless, happy, and refreshing.
She made the parking lot, and Ricki was at the gate, grinning at her.
“Good morning, Ricki.”
“By yourself today?” he asked.
She nodded. “Colt’s got a late start, but he’ll be here soon. Will you let him through when he comes?”
“Of course.” Ricki smiled and opened the gate. “Have a great run, Miss Kim.”
“Thank you.” Kim eased through the gate and strolled toward the stairs. Everything about being here was safe and familiar. Ricki would watch out for her until Colt came, and she was the only one here this early, as usual.
She was going to walk to the waterfall, enjoy the beauty of the falls and the morning, then walk up the stairs and home to Colt. She didn’t need to run today, she didn’t need to prove anything to anyone. Man, she felt great and could hardly wait to tell Colt about it.
She eased down the stairs, did some yoga and deep breathing at the falls overlook, said a prayer of gratitude for Colt and new hope, and then started her hike back up. Even though she was low on energy from little sleep it was easy to walk up the stairs rather than run.
She passed the trail that went off to a nature walk and paused. Maybe she should try it out. She’d explored it when she first moved here, and it had been beautiful.
Footsteps pounded down the stairs above her, and Kim’s happiness exploded. Colt had already caught her. She hurried up the stairs to meet him. “Col— Yanni?”
Yanni strode toward her. He looked strong and confident, kind of intimidating honestly, but that was silly. She knew Yanni well, and he’d always been friendly and kind to her.
“Where’s the boyfriend?” he asked. “You already ditch him?” He strode right into her space, and Kim took a step back, teetering on the stair.
“We had a late night.” Kim jutted out her chin and let him think what he would. “So I let him sleep in. He’ll be here soon.”
Yanni’s dark gaze narrowed, and he gave her a placating smile. “Too bad you won’t be.”
Kim’s stomach plunged. The sinister look in his eyes was terrifying.
She pushed around him and sprinted up the stairs. Yanni tackled her from behind. Her face slammed against the uneven concrete, and she screamed out in pain. Yanni stood, yanked her to her feet, and pinned her arms behind her.
“Let’s go,” he said.
“Help!” Kim screamed. “Ricki, help!”
Yanni chuckled. “You think Ricki is going to help you?”
“You’re the stalker?” she asked, her breath coming in short pants.
“In the flesh.” He released her hands and wrapped his arms tight around her abdomen, pinning her arms to her sides. Leaning in close, he whispered against her cheek. “I’ve loved you my whole life. When I followed your parents from America last year and found you here, I thought I could finally get to know you, make you love me too, but you constantly turned me down. I’ve been patient, waiting, flirting, hoping. Then the old boyfriend showed up, and I knew it was time to act. Ricki’s been watching for you to come alone. Today is our day, sweetheart.”
Kim flung her head back, hitting into the side of his head. He cursed and lifted her off her feet, carrying her up the stairs. Kim couldn’t get her arms free, but she dug into his thigh with her fingernails and kicked back at him with her heels.
Yanni simply held her tighter and kept climbing. Kim flailed and fought and prayed hard that Colt would come for her, but he’d been so tired. What if he didn’t wake up before Yanni whisked her far away from here? She hadn’t even had the chance to tell Colt how much she loved him.
* * *
Colt woke feeling like he’d been hit by a freight train. The last time display he remembered seeing on his phone was four-thirteen a.m. He’d struggled to sleep with all the worries over Kim, not just if she’d learn to trust him again, but the OCD she was dealing w
ith and the stalker that might never be found. Colt loved her completely and would do anything to help her through it. If she’d allow him to.
He stretched and listened for movement in her room. The sun was shining brightly, and he wondered if she’d actually slept in. That would be a good start to breaking her habits. Sliding off the bed, he hurriedly used the bathroom and brushed his teeth then went and peeked in her open doorway. Her bed was mussed, but she wasn’t in it.
“Kim?” he called.
The silent house mocked him. She’d disappeared. She’d left him. He checked quickly in her art studio, calling her name louder and louder. No response. Grabbing his shoes, socks, and cell phone, he pounded down the stairs and through the main room. No Kim. Maybe she simply went on a run without him, and she’d be back quick.
He saw the note on the table, “Headed to the waterfall. Come find me, sleepyhead.”
She hadn’t ditched him because she was mad at him, but he didn’t like her out hiking by herself. The waterfall was too quiet and remote before the tourists showed up. He hurried to put on his shoes and took off out of the house on a run. As he raced past John’s house a few minutes later, Bowzer came tearing out after him, snarling and barking.
“Bowzer!” John called him off.
“Did you see Kim?” Colt asked, over his shoulder.
John shook his head. “We’re just getting up.”
“If you see her, have her call me.” Colt waved and pushed himself up the hill. He had to get to Kim. She was probably fine, just doing her regular hike up and down those stairs, but he felt uneasy and sick to his stomach.
He finally reached the gate and one of the boys was there. “Hey,” Colt called. “Is Kim in there?”
The kid shook his head. “I haven’t seen Miss Kim this morning.”
Colt swallowed and pulled in quick breaths from his run up the hill. Where could she be? She’d said she was going to the waterfall. His gaze darted around. Could the kid be lying to him?
“You’re sure?”
The kid guffawed. “Yes, sir. I would know if I’d seen her.”
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