by Lucia Franco
My stomach dropped. I froze. A pregnancy test? I’d only had sex with Kova twice. There was no way I could be pregnant…I hoped. Fear seized my heart and my breathing became labored as I realized I needed to get my hands on another morning after pill soon.
“I don’t have to go, I went before I left,” I lied.
He tilted his head to the side. “Luckily I only need a little.” He handed me a small cup and said, “Three doors down on your left. Write your name on it and slip it through the window. Then come back.”
I grimaced, knowing what was ahead of me.
Walking down the bland, gray hallway to the bathroom, I closed the door behind me and took in the small space. Just thinking about having to pee was causing me fear as the urge struck me. Spreading my legs and squatting over the toilet, making sure not to touch the rim, I positioned the cup under me.
Expelling a heavy breath, I looked down at the cup perplexed. My urine was a murky brown. Definitely not what it should’ve been. Maybe I was dehydrated and needed to drink more water. Lately, I’d been cutting back so I didn’t have to use the bathroom as much. Guess that wasn’t such a great idea.
After I put the plastic cup in the cabinet, I washed my hands and walked back to the room. The pressure in my belly had dwelled to a low glow. Despite not wanting to deal with it at all, I’d take this pain over anything else I’d been dealing with recently.
A few minutes later, the doctor came back. I was feeling better and realized I probably could’ve skipped coming to the doctor’s if I had just gone to the bathroom and dealt with the pain instead of acting like a baby.
“Good news, the pregnancy test is negative, but your sample does show bacteria. I’m going to send it to the lab to be cultured. For now, I’d like to perform an abdominal ultrasound and draw some blood.”
My brows pushed together. “Why do we need blood work?”
“Just a precautionary. Even though the urine pregnancy is negative, we still like to follow it up with a serum pregnancy test to rule out a false negative. The morning after pill is not always effective,” he responded, head down and writing in his folder. My stomach churned at the thought. I knew no form of birth control was one hundred percent, but it never dawned on me until this moment just how big that tiny window could be.
Nearly thirty minutes later, I was stuck with a needle—four times might I add—since the nurse couldn’t get it right, and then lathered with warm gel. I had to squeeze the sides of the table as the ultrasound technician pressed on my abdomen and bladder. I was thin, weighing in around one hundred pounds soaking wet, if that. She should’ve been able to see everything and not need to push as hard as she did. When I asked what she was doing, she said looking for cysts because they can cause major abdominal pain. When she asked me to turn over, she scanned my kidneys.
The doctor walked back in and shut the door. Looking at me, he took a pen out of the pocket of his lab coat and grabbed a prescription pad. “It appears you have a kidney infection. It’s a pretty bad one, I might add. You could’ve had a reaction to the morning after pill that didn’t help stop the infection, and the severe cramping in your abdomen is most likely caused by the pill. I suggest refraining from taking the pill in the future and be on a more consistent form of birth control.” He paused and pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose. “Does it hurt to urinate?”
“It burns like you can’t imagine.”
“So you hold it in, then,” he confirmed.
I nodded.
“That’s the worst thing you could do—stop doing it. I’m going to prescribe you some antibiotics and a pain reliever. Take the antibiotics until they’re gone and the pain pill as needed.” He scribbled on his pad. “I’m also suggesting you take the rest of today and tomorrow off. A heating pad will help too.”
“Doctor, there’s no way I can take another day off. I just can’t.”
He ignored me. “If you’re not feeling better by the end of the second day, call me.”
“But I can’t miss another day. I have to go back tomorrow.” My heart thumped against my chest, anxiety taking over at the thought of missing another day.
He peered down his nose over his glasses at me. “I’ll write you a doctor’s note. If your coach has any problem with it, he can call me. Your body needs rest.”
I nodded to pacify him, ready to go home.
“Like hell I’m going to take another day off. Coach would have my head on a stick if I did that,” I said to Hayden once we were back in his car.
He chuckled. “Maybe it would be a good thing you did. That way you can rest up and not get set back even more. It will give you time off your foot too.”
“My Achilles isn’t going to heal in two days. It’s going to take quitting gymnastics completely for that to happen.”
“If that’s the case, then why did your coach water down your routines?”
I sighed. “To help heal the strain as much as possible and work back up to that level, I guess. They don’t want me making it worse where I have to actually take time off.”
He looked over at me. “You must hate that.”
“Like you can’t even imagine. I’ve tried so hard, put everything into being here, and I get hurt. That’s just my luck.”
We pulled up to the drive-up pharmacy and Hayden dropped off my prescription for me. We parked and went inside while it got filled. I picked up a heating blanket, another big bottle of Motrin, then sat down and waited for my medication when Hayden walked off. He was back in minutes handing me a bottle of juice and a box of medicine.
Looking down, I asked, “What is it?”
“Cranberry pills. I read in Cosmo they should also help with UTI’s and since it’s kind of connected, I figured why not. It’s all natural stuff so it won’t counteract your medication.”
My jaw hung open, my brows scrunched together. “Please don’t tell anyone you read Cosmo, Hayden. That’s so…not hot.”
He grinned. “It pays to have a sister who reads them. You’d be surprised the stuff you can learn in there.” He paused, pulling out his phone and did a quick Google search. “Most outrageous, psychotic tips Cosmo has suggested that will put you in the hospital.”
Our eyes locked and we smiled. “Let’s read it while we’re waiting,” I said.
The doctor had been right—my body desperately needed the rest. All this training had finally caught up to me. Overused, overworked, and not resting muscles properly probably added to my body shutting down and not being able to fight the infection. I had a fever all day long and well into the next morning until it finally broke. The painkillers were magical, and the agony I had been dealing with was finally starting to dissipate within twenty-four hours. Even if I had gone to gym, it probably wasn’t the brightest idea to train while on them. They made me loopy, which Avery got to enjoy when I face-timed her and filled her in on all that happened, sans the sex.
None of my coaches or teammates had called, except Hayden. Not that they would anyway. And truthfully, I didn’t know whether that made me happy or not.
Loneliness struck. Looking around, I liked my space and I was used to my privacy, but for some odd reason the solitude was hitting hard and beginning to upset me. My emotions were scattered about and frayed at the edges. I was going to break if I added one more thing to my fucked up lifestyle. Between training, school, keeping track of all the lies I told, I’d never had this much time to myself to reflect on my current state. Tears welled in my eyes as realization dawned on me at the person I’d become. A habitual liar.
My phone rang, distracting my thoughts. Picking it up, I glanced at the caller ID and a smile broke out across my face.
“Hi, Dad!”
“Hey, baby girl, how are you doing?”
“I’m okay. How are you?”
“Oh, you know, no rest for the wicked.”
I grinned. That was his favorite line. “Yeah.”
“So, Mom called me…” he trailed off, waiting for me to finish for
him.
“I have a little infection, but I’m doing much better now. No need to worry.” I really didn’t want to go into detail about the kidney infection.
He released a stressful sigh. “Honey, I always worry about you. You’re my daughter, and with you not being home it makes me worry even more.”
My shoulders relaxed. “I know, but really, I’m okay. My friend, Hayden, took me to the doctor and then we went to the pharmacy afterward to get what I needed.”
“The doctor prescribed you some medicine?”
“Yeah, antibiotics and a pain killer. They’re helping tremendously.”
“Are you getting enough rest, sweetie? I know you’re probably used to the schedule by now, but maybe you need a break.” He paused. “You can come home any time.”
My heart softened at his thoughtfulness. “No rest for the wicked, Dad,” I replied quietly.
He chuckled. “Tough little thing. What did Konstantin say about you being home?”
“I actually haven’t spoken to him, and I’m honestly surprised the gym isn’t blowing up my phone. Hayden did take in my doctor’s note so maybe that’s why.”
“Good. That’s because I took care of it for you so you didn’t have to worry. I stressed to him that it would be in his best interest to give you time to rest. I had to smooth out his ruffled feathers when he called me,” he chuckled lightly. “That piece of paper doesn’t hold much water for some people.”
I pursed my lips together, puzzled. “You spoke to Kova?”
“I did. We actually talk about every other week. I know you can take care of yourself, but I do worry about you there all alone, so he gives me updates and lets me know how your training is going.”
This was news to me. I had no idea he spoke to Kova so often. While I found his concern over my well-being genuine, unlike my mom’s, I also was disheartened by the fact he could call Kova and not me. Then again, the phone worked both ways and I didn’t call home very often either.
My heart softened. “Thanks, Dad, I appreciate it.”
“Get some rest, go to bed early.”
“Same with you.”
“Your mother sends her love.”
I laughed under my breath. “I’m just sure she does,” I said sarcastically. “Tell her hi for me.”
“Will do, sweetie, talk to you later.”
Hanging up the phone, nostalgia struck me. The painkillers were making me emotional. I changed into some pajamas, climbed into bed and switched on Netflix, searching for some mindless teenage drama to watch. As I was dozing off, my phone vibrated and the screen lit up.
Coach: Open the door.
My heart stopped.
Climbing out of bed, I ran to my door and checked the peephole, but saw no one. I sent a text back saying I didn’t see him.
Coach: Coming up now.
Turning the lock, I pulled the door open and Kova walked in.
“What are you doing here?” I asked as he dropped his keys and phone on the counter. Before he could open his mouth, I spat, “And if you have one thing to say about my attire, I will lose my shit.”
Kova ran a hand through his hair, his eyes raking over my body. My loose top and boy shorts were all I could manage wearing after breaking a fever.
“This was the first minute alone I had to get away from Katja.” He let out an exhausted sigh and his eyes traveled down my body. He took two steps and stood before me. Palming my jaw, he tipped my head back and examined me.
“Your eyes are all glossy and red, and you have circles under your eyes,” he said quietly. His hands threaded my long hair and fluffed it up. I remembered how much he liked it when I wore it down. “I did not mean to hurt you.”
I pulled away and looked at the floor, ashamed he knew my absence was partly due to him. I was a little peeved it took him two days to check on me.
“You didn’t though…I really did it to myself.”
“Adrianna, do not fool yourself. If it was not for me, you would not be sick.”
I swallowed, shrugging. “Partially. But also because I wasn’t taking care of myself properly.”
“I feel terrible about it, I am very sorry, Adrianna. I was too rough, too careless, I said some mean things, and I put one of my gymnasts at risk. It is just another thing I cannot forgive myself for.”
“I won’t deny you were rough with me. You were. My body was running on fumes, so it didn’t help to fight off any kind of infection either.”
Exhaustion took over and I walked to sit on the couch. Leaning over, I placed my elbows on my knees and clasped my hands together.
“This was a big mistake,” I admitted, my heart aching with each word. “Catastrophic mistake. I wish nothing had ever happened between us. I wish I could take it all back. I came here to be the best I could and I let myself down.” Looking up, I met his eyes. “Maybe I’m not as strong as I think I am.” Kova shook his head and came to sit next to me. “I should’ve told you I was a virgin, it was wrong of me and I’m sorry. We could’ve ruined so many lives, Kova.” Tears welled in my eyes and I hated that I showed any kind of emotion. Damn pain pills!
Kova brushed a strand of hair away from my face, cupping it behind my ear. Our eyes locked and I saw the inner turmoil he was faced with. He hadn’t shaved in days, and there were black circles under his eyes too. Gone were the vibrant green eyes I’d come to love, and in their place was a dull shade of olive.
“You look like you haven’t slept.”
“I have not,” he admitted dismally. “You have been on my mind day in and day out. You think you are not strong, but you are. You have taken everything I have thrown at you and ran with it. You are a fighter, Adrianna. Few can handle what you have at the rate you have, and that caused the lines to blur for me. You make me question so many things in my life right now. I wish I could tell you what they were, but I cannot. Just know you are not weak, not even close to it. You are strong, do not ever doubt yourself.”
My heart sputtered in my chest. This was one of the nicest things he’d ever said to me. A tear slipped from my eye and he wiped it away with the pad of his thumb.
“But you are right about something.”
I tilted my head to the side. “About what?”
“That this was a mammoth mistake. I was unfaithful and I hurt you in the process. I failed both you and Katja, and for that, I could not be sorry enough.”
I averted my eyes so he couldn’t see the pain he caused. “There’s a question I want to ask you, and I hope you will answer it.” His forehead cinched together. I wasn’t sure where this question came from or why I was asking it, but I had to know. Maybe it was the pain relievers talking again.
“Was I really the only gymnast you’ve ever been with? Or were there others? Please be honest with me.”
My heart thumped wildly against my chest waiting for his answer. “Ria, I am a lot of things, but I am not a pedophile. I do not yearn for young girls,” he said with disgust. “In fact, I find it repulsive. There has never been another before you, though not for lack of trying on their part. There were some aggressive ones, but I never took it past the professional level.”
“So you were never with Reagan?”
He pulled back in horror. “Reagan? Never. Where would you get that idea?”
I shook my head, feeling like an idiot for even asking now. “Just some things she said to me.”
“Reagan, while she is an incredible gymnast, lacks the drive and willpower you have. There has never been more than a coach/athlete relationship with her, or anyone else. I can promise you that.”
Reaching a hand into his pocket, he pulled out a little box. Flipping it over, my heart sank as I read the front of it. I shook my head, a sad laugh escaped me.
Kova and his stupid little, white fucking pill.
“We’ve been pretty stupid, haven’t we?”
He huffed at my understatement and handed the box to me. “Me more so than you. I knew better”
Opening it up, I p
opped out the morning after tablet. I stared at the pill and hesitated. I had to decide whether I should just ignore what the doctor recommended and deal with the repercussions later, or hand the box to Kova and explain why I can’t take it and how I’d had a pregnancy test already.
I glanced Kova’s way. The last thing I needed was a baby or for him to go to jail. I reached for the bottle of water I left on the coffee table earlier. Popping the tablet into my mouth, I swallowed it without dwelling on the situation further. His shoulders relaxed visibly but then something dawned on me. He was more worried about me being pregnant than my well-being. Luckily for him, I didn’t have the energy to confront him.
“Problem solved,” I said dejectedly.
Standing up, I went to step past Kova, but he placed a hand on my thigh and stopped me. With him sitting on the couch and his height, we were eye level with each other. Turning toward him, I looked into his tempestuous gaze. His hand was high on the back of my leg, cupping the crease of my thigh and butt. His fingers moved in little circles, causing a warmth of heat to course through me. My nipples hardened. I didn’t move, I couldn’t, as his hand skimmed over my ass and up my back ever so slowly. Goose bumps coated my skin. He placed his other hand on my body and my breath caught in my throat as he pulled me closer. After what he said, I was confused by his actions.
“Kova?” I whispered.
He sat up higher. “I do not know what it is about you, but I have the hardest time keeping my hands to myself when it is just you and me. You understand me as I understand you. We have the same drive.”
A pained look resonated on his face. He muttered in Russian as his hands roamed my body. Despite the pain he caused me a few days ago, my body came alive when he touched me.
“What are you doing?”
“Memorizing you with my touch.” Kova shuffled me closer between his legs, and I could smell the faint scent of vodka on his lips.
My heart hammered against my chest. This man was so confusing. His words contradicted his actions on a daily basis. But one thing I knew for sure, there was no denying what he felt for me. The look in his eyes as his hands caressed my back, pulling me closer, solidified his feelings. My shirt lifted, baring my back and stomach. His palms grazed my nipples and my back bowed in response. His head dipped to the side, and a breath caught in my throat.