by Eve Gaddy
“Lana, wake up.” He repeated her name until he finally got through to her.
Her eyes blinked open and she stared at him, panic still swimming in the depths of her eyes.
Slowly, the panic cleared. “Gabe?”
“It’s me, baby. Shh, you’re okay.” He kissed her forehead. “You’re safe now.”
“I…was dreaming.” She reached up and touched his injured cheek with gentle fingers. “Your cheek is red. It looks like… Did I do that?”
Their eyes met. He didn’t know what to say. If he said no he’d done it to himself, she’d know it was a lie. “It’s fine, Lana. You didn’t mean to.”
“I hit you, didn’t I? I hurt you.” Her eyes filled with tears. “Oh, Gabe, I’m sorry.”
“Forget it, it’s not a big deal.”
She sat up. “Dammit, I thought I was through with the nightmares.”
“Obviously you’ve had them before.”
“Yes, but not in months. At first I dreamed all the time. Nightly, almost. Terence…” Her voice trailed off and she started again. “He moved out of the bedroom because I kept him awake. I hit him, just like I did you. He…he said I was dangerous.” She sucked in air on a sob.
That rat bastard had said too damn many things to hurt her. “He’s a stupid jerk. I told you, it’s nothing.”
She touched his cheek again, looking unbearably sad. “Maybe he was right.”
“Don’t say that. Don’t beat yourself up over something you did accidentally. It’s nothing, it doesn’t even hurt.”
“I thought I was better. Thought I was handling it. The self-defense course made me feel better. Safer. Stronger. More in control.” She laughed bitterly. “I’m in great control, aren’t I?”
Deliberately he grasped her arms. “You are better. You did what you had to do. Winters brought everything back to you, that’s why you’re having nightmares again. But they’ll go away again, Lana. You conquered them once, you can do it again.”
She got up and grabbed her pillows, then started to pull a blanket off the bed.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m going to sleep on the couch. I’m not risking hitting you again.”
“Lana, don’t be ridiculous.” Gabe grabbed the blanket and they tussled over it until she let go. “Come back to bed. Come on, honey, let me hold you.”
He argued with her until finally she agreed. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close to his heart. Her head was against his chest and her breath was warm, though her body was icy-cold. He stroked his hands up and down her arms and her back, trying to warm her. Trying his best to comfort her.
“I don’t know what to do,” she whispered against his chest.
Neither did he. “Go to sleep, honey. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”
THE NEXT MORNING they got up late and Lana had to leave for work, so they didn’t talk. Gabe had a physical therapy appointment and after that he planned to go job hunting. Maybe even drive over to the employment office in Corpus Christi.
His phone rang a few minutes later. He checked Caller ID, surprised to see Red Covey’s name come up.
“Hey, Red.”
“How’d you know it was me?”
“Caller ID.” Which Red didn’t have because he considered it a newfangled waste of money. “How’s it going?” Red was an old friend. In fact, he’d given Gabe his first fishing pole and his first job, working summers and after school at Red’s bait and tackle shop in Corpus.
“Can’t complain. How’s that leg of yours? Must be pretty bad since you haven’t gotten your butt over here in a month of Sundays.”
Gabe grinned. Red didn’t like to beat around the bush. “I’m doing okay. Tell you what, I have a physical therapy appointment this morning but I could come over there this afternoon. I’ve got some free time on my hands.” And it would let him put off going to the employment office for another day.
“Sounds good. And it wouldn’t hurt my feelings if you brought along a brew or two when you come.”
Gabe was smiling as he hung up. Red was the one person, besides his family, whom Gabe hadn’t been able to ban from his hospital room. But then, Red had been like another father to him, especially after his own had passed away. So that made him family in Gabe’s book. He should have gone to see him before now. While he hadn’t seemed to be slowing down, Red was in his mid-seventies and wouldn’t be around forever.
Red’s shop, located under the causeway bridge in Corpus, had one of the premium locations for the bait and tackle business. A large number of the locals fueled up there, especially the commercial fishing boat captains. Not that you’d know it to look at the place. It never changed, except maybe to get grimier. The sailfish on the wall was probably at least as old as Red, and to Gabe’s knowledge, had never been dusted.
But Red was scrupulously honest, had the best diesel and gas prices around, and he was always willing to shoot the breeze with the fishermen who frequented his store. Over the years, a succession of teenage boys worked for him. Many of them, like Gabe, had gone on to become fishermen or successful businessmen in the community. Several of them, though, “weren’t too bright” as Red put it, and the job at Red’s was often the high point of their careers.
When Gabe arrived, Red was sitting where he always did, in a rocking chair on the dilapidated porch. The only thing that had changed was that his daughter had badgered him into quitting chewing tobacco. Now an enormous wad of bubble gum took the place of the chaw of tobacco that used to sit in his cheek.
Red’s shrewd green eyes appraised him. “You look a sight better than you did last time I saw you. I don’t mind telling you, hospitals give me the willies.”
“I’m not real fond of them, either.” Gabe handed him a beer from the six-pack he’d brought and opened one for himself, taking a seat in the other rocker. “I’m better. Not great, but a cane’s better than those damn crutches.”
Red took a deep swallow of beer, then burped. “Now that hits the spot.” A companionable silence fell while Red rocked and drank. “Heard you sold your boat. Did you make a good deal on it?”
“Yeah. Better than I’d expected.”
“That’s good. El Jugador sure was a fine vessel. Shame you had to let it go.”
“Yeah, it was. The buyer said you’d told him about it being for sale. Thanks for sending him my way.”
He nodded. “Sure thing. So, you been thinking about what you’re gonna do now?”
“Yeah, but thinking hasn’t helped much.” Gabe tipped back the can and drank some of his own beer. “Still haven’t come up with anything.” He looked out at the bay, at the rolling surf, gulls circling overhead in the bright blue sky. “All I ever wanted was to fish. And I had it.” He glanced at Red. “But that’s gone now. It’s hard to realize you can’t keep chasing that same dream.”
“I reckon. You might think about chasing another one, though.”
Like Lana. But he wasn’t at all sure that was working, either. “I’m too old for dreams, Red. I’m mired here in reality.”
Red gave a raucous, booming laugh. “Hell, son, you’re never too old to dream. I’m seventy-five years old and I’ve still got dreams.”
“So what’s your dream, Red?” He looked at him curiously. He’d never heard Red talk like this before.
“I’m goin’to Florida. Open me another shop right on the ocean.”
“You’re moving? Leaving Texas? Why?” Red was a fixture. He and his shop were a landmark. He’d been there since…well, forever.
“My granddaughter’s there. She’s starting to spit out great-grandchildren and I’ve got a mind to see them. Ginger’s been scoutin’ out locations for me and says she’s found just the place.”
He still could hardly believe it. No more Red’s place? Red, gone to Florida? But the old man looked happy, more than Gabe had seen him look in a long time. “Sounds like you’ve got it all planned.”
“Yep.” He took a sip of beer and nodded. �
��Except for one thing. I need to sell this place.” He looked around with pride, seeing the place, Gabe knew, as it had been in his youth. “But I don’t aim to sell it to just anybody. I want someone who’ll treat it right.” He speared Gabe with a sharp look and jabbed a gnarled finger at him. “So, how about it, Gabe?”
Gabe just stared at him. “You want me to buy your store? Me?”
“Why not?You said yourself you don’t have any plans. You can make a good living here. Always been good for me.” When Gabe didn’t answer, he said, “What’s wrong? Think you’re too good to be a shopkeeper?”
“No. I just never thought about it.” But now he was beginning to see the possibilities. The place needed a lot of work, but hard work had never worried Gabe. He knew he could get some help from his family, especially his brother-in-law Mark, who had been in construction.
The location was perfect, and Red had a well-established clientele that would remain loyal to another local taking over. As long as Gabe didn’t do something stupid, like raise prices too much. And it would be his own business, he wouldn’t have to answer to anyone else.
“What kind of price are you talking?”
“I’ll make you a fair deal. I don’t gouge my friends or family.”
“I’ve never known you to gouge anyone, Red. I’m just not sure I can afford it.”
“Oh, I imagine we’ll work something out that suits both of us.” He grinned and crumpled his can and tossed it over his shoulder. “Now crack open another one of them beers and let’s have a toast.”
Gabe pulled a couple more beers out and opened them. “I can’t imagine this place without you.”
“Make it yours, son. It’s time I passed it on.” He took the can and smiled.
“To dreams,” Gabe said, tapping his can against Red’s.
“Damn straight,” Red said.
CHAPTER TWENTY
GABE FELT GREAT. Better than he had since the day he’d realized he would have to give up deep-sea fishing for a living. Thanks to Red, he had something to look forward to now, a business he could build doing something he understood and enjoyed.
Best of all, he could even start fishing in the bay again. Red had included his 17-foot skiff in the bargain, claiming it wouldn’t be worth hauling to Florida. Since the boat was twenty years old and hadn’t been much to begin with, Red was probably right about that.
But the small boat would be fine for Gabe to use just for pleasure, at least until business was going well enough for him to afford a better one. Eventually he might even expand to take people on guided fishing tours of the bay.
He couldn’t wait to tell Lana, so he stopped off at her house on the way back from Red’s. He knew she was home from work because her car was parked in the driveway. He rang the doorbell and waited. Even though she’d given him a key, she kept the dead bolt on when she was there alone. She answered the door a moment later.
She wore a sleeveless pink blouse and the white skirt that made her legs look like they went on forever and set his mouth watering right off. Then he saw her face. She looked as though she’d been crying.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She stood back to let him in.
He stepped inside and bent to kiss her. She turned her head and his lips landed on her cheek instead of her mouth. She tugged nervously on her skirt and wouldn’t meet his eyes.
He looked at her closely but he couldn’t tell anything from her expression. “You haven’t eaten yet, have you? Let me take you out to dinner. I want to talk to you about something.”
“I have dinner cooking. Why don’t we eat here? I’m not really in the mood to go out.”
“All right. But first tell me what’s wrong.” He touched a finger to her cheek. “You’ve been crying.”
“It’s nothing. A headache.” She flashed him the most insincere smile he’d ever seen on her face and walked toward the kitchen. “Dinner should be ready shortly. Do you want something to drink? A beer? Tea?”
“No, I’m good.” He wished he could say the same for her.
During dinner Lana was quiet and distracted. Gabe wanted to tell her about the shop, but she wasn’t exactly inviting a heart-to-heart, so after a few attempts at conversation, he gave up. He applied himself to the chicken casserole she’d made, even though he wasn’t all that hungry.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” he finally asked her as they washed up after dinner. “Winters didn’t change his mind or anything, did he?”
“Not as far as I know.” She picked up the last pan to dry it. When she finished, she folded the dish towel and put it on the counter. “What was it you wanted to talk to me about?”
“It’ll keep. What’s going on, Lana?”
“We need to talk. About us.”
“What about us?” He didn’t like the sound of that. Especially not coupled with her behavior all night and how upset she’d been the night before.
She didn’t answer, so he followed her into the den and they sat on the couch. Lana folded her hands together in her lap in a gesture he recognized as one she used for control. “I’m not sure how to say this.” She plucked at her skirt, smoothed it down, then raised her gaze to his.
“Just say it.” He was getting a bad feeling. A very bad feeling.
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since…the other night. About Winters, and how I reacted. And about other things.”
“You don’t need to worry about Winters. That’s over and done with.”
“No, it’s not. And that’s the problem.”
“Lana—”
“No, please. Just let me finish. I’ve been thinking about you and me.”
He’d been blown off enough to recognize the kiss-of-death talk. He just hadn’t expected it from Lana. He’d thought…he’d thought she loved him, even though she wasn’t ready to say it.
She took in a breath and said the words in a rush. “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
There it was. He should have seen it coming, but he hadn’t. Even though he didn’t see the point in dragging it out, he still had to know. “Why?”
“Our relationship isn’t working. For either of us. We both know it,” she added.
“Yeah, well I don’t know it. Say what you mean, Lana. It’s not working for you. Things were working for me just fine.” He couldn’t read her eyes at all. They were cool and remote, a gray-blue like the ocean in winter.
“Gabe, it must be obvious that I’m…not in a good place right now. I thought I’d managed to put my past behind me, but it’s plain that I haven’t. I need time to…figure out how to get my life back together. To figure out how I’m going to deal with the past. To find out if I ever can deal with it enough to have a relationship again.”
“And I don’t fit with your plans. You don’t believe we could work this out together.” He wouldn’t beg her but, by God, he deserved an honest answer.
“No, I don’t think we can. I need some time alone. Besides, I’ve already hurt you enough.” She put her hand on his knee and looked at him earnestly. “I don’t want to continue to hurt you.”
He moved his leg away from her touch. If he could have paced, he would have. Hurt him? As if she wasn’t killing him now? “Is this about last night? You’re breaking up with me because you popped me one during a nightmare? Dammit, Lana, I told you that was nothing. It didn’t bother me.”
“It bothered me. But the dream isn’t the only thing wrong. That’s just a symptom.”
“Stop making a federal case out of a nightmare. You had a bad dream, so what?”
“As if that were all, but it’s not.” She sprang up and started to pace. “It really bothers me that I misjudged a situation so badly I was arrested for assault.”
“That wasn’t your fault. If Winters hadn’t been hassling you—”
“No.” She shook her head. “No excuses. I should be able to deal with a drunk without breaking his nose.”
“Maybe you overreacted, but th
at’s understandable given what happened to you.”
“This isn’t just a minor problem, Gabe. I haven’t dealt with my past. I told you from the first, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to.”
“We can work it out,” he repeated, knowing he sounded desperate. “If you want to.”
“Gabe, I’m sorry. I think it’s the best thing for both of us if we don’t see each other for a while.”
“Define ‘a while.’”
“Gabe—”
“Forget it,” he interrupted, and stood. She had no intention of ever getting back with him. She just wouldn’t say it because she was trying to let him down easy. But there was nothing easy about this. Nothing easy about losing the one woman he’d ever truly loved.
Lana had never told him they would last forever. She’d never even told him she loved him. Obviously she didn’t.
“I’m sorry,” she said, and her voice cracked.
He still wanted to comfort her. What a dumb-ass he was. She didn’t want his comfort. Or anything else from him. “Yeah, fine. I’ll go get my stuff.”
He limped out of the room and into her bedroom. He didn’t have much.A few shirts, a razor and a toothbrush. He stood there looking around her bedroom a moment. It hadn’t taken much time to rip out his heart. Get it over with quick, he thought. Before he made a fool of himself and begged her not to do it.
When he came back she was standing by the window with her back to him. He set his clothes beside the small table by the door. Then he got out his key chain and removed her key, laying it on the table.
“I put your key on the table. I’ll gather your stuff together and you can come get it sometime.” Preferably when he wasn’t home.
She turned around. “I know you’re angry. I can’t blame you. I should never have let myself get involved with you in the first place.”
He knew better than to ask, but he did it anyway. “Why did you then?”
“I wanted to be normal again, and I thought I could be with you. You were fun and you were kind. And you understood me in a way no one else could.” She smiled faintly. “I couldn’t resist you.”