by Todd, E. L.
“A guy can dream, okay?” Breccan said.
Easton shook her head. “You drive in my car all the time. That should be enough.”
“But you haven’t let me drive it yet.” Breccan smiled. “And you totally should.”
Easton ignored his comment. “Calloway, this doesn’t change anything. Beatrice is still a horrible person and can’t make up for what she did.”
Calloway sighed. “Now I feel guilty for yelling at her. I really screamed at her, telling her that I thought she was an evil person.” He remembered the avalanche of tears that poured down her face. The words had wounded her deeply. “Now I feel evil.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Easton said, rolling her eyes. “Beatrice hasn’t changed. Who knows how she will be tomorrow?”
Calloway was distracted with thoughts of Beatrice, staring outside the window of the library. “I should apologize.”
“Are you listening to me?” Easton snapped. “She isn’t worth it, Calloway. Just because she did one good thing doesn’t make her good. You better not date her again—I won’t put up with it!”
Calloway looked at Easton. “I’m not going to date her again,” he said. “And she doesn’t want me anyway. Remember?”
“I’m sure she’ll pull the same garbage as last time.” Easton sighed. She started to imitate Beatrice’s high-pitch voice. “I’m so sorry. I just couldn’t stand the way Hawk treated you so I left him for you. Please forgive me. Now take me out to an expensive dinner and buy me things that I don’t need.”
Against Calloway’s will, he laughed. “Okay,” he said. “You made your point.”
“Promise me, Calloway,” Easton pressed.
Calloway had no interest in dating Beatrice again but it wasn’t because of her betrayal. Now he felt guilty for thinking such evil things about her in the principal’s office, that he wanted her to suffer and experience horrible pain. He never should have stooped so low. He could forgive Beatrice for everything as long as her apology was sincere, and since she told the principal the truth, he decided that she was worthy of forgiveness. Calloway wasn’t the type to hold a grudge anyway. But this didn’t change anything—he still didn’t want to date her. There was only one person that he wanted. “Who I date isn’t any of your business.”
“You are my best friend!” she snapped. “Yes, it is.”
Calloway smiled at her. “I know you are just trying to protect me but—”
“I mean it, Calloway. I don’t want you to see her again.”
“Okay. I won’t see her anymore,” he snapped. “But it’s not because of your request. I don’t want to date her again because I don’t feel the same way about her anymore.”
Easton sighed. “Thank goodness,” she said. “I was worried you were going to repeat the same mistakes.”
“If Beatrice asks for forgiveness, I’ll give it to her,” Calloway explained. “I don’t hate her anymore. But I don’t like her either.”
“I don’t think you should forgive her,” Easton said. “But as long as you don’t date her again, I guess it doesn’t matter.”
“I wouldn’t date her even if I still had feelings for her,” Calloway said.
“Why?” she asked.
Calloway was quiet for a moment. “You know why.”
He relived the night of the prom in his mind, the blissful moments as well as the dark ones. He remembered seeing the Hara-Kir across the way and how it signaled to him, making an inexplicable gesture. Somehow, Calloway knew the Hara-Kir was friendly—it had no interest in attacking him—and when he thought about it, they were always friendly, even when he was chased through the Grandiose Historian Library when he retrieved the Kirin Book. None of the Hara-Kirs ever tried to mane him. They only pushed him away. They had no quarrel with killing his friends, but they spared him from their sharp knives and powerful fists. It was becoming more evident the longer he thought about it. They saw him as an ally.
“I think I should go to the Anti-Life alone,” Calloway said quietly. “The Hara-Kirs won’t kill or hinder me, but they have no problem stabbing you in the heart. It’s the best course of action—that you don’t accompany me.”
“We already established this,” Breccan said. “We don’t want you to go alone.”
“I know,” Calloway said. “But it’s the most logical choice. You know that they won’t hurt me.”
“But we don’t know why,” Easton said. “You are missing the point, Calloway. We are going together—end of story.”
“BUT WHAT IF YOU DIE?” Calloway shouted. He tried to control his anxiety but he was failing miserably. The idea of his friends being killed was too disturbing to contemplate.
“I accepted that fate a long time ago,” Easton said. “If the journey claims my life, so be it. I never expected to die from old age or from a sickness. If I die in the line of duty, my death will be a happy one—meaningful.”
“BUT YOU ARE RISKING YOUR AFTERLIFE!”
“And I understand that as well,” she snapped. “I’ve made my decision so respect it, Calloway. Just because I’m a girl doesn’t mean I need to be protected. I know exactly what I’m doing. The only reason why I’m here is because I want to be.”
Calloway ran his hands through his hair and closed his eyes. “I just can’t lose you—either of you. I couldn’t live with the fact that I survived and you didn’t.”
Easton grabbed his hand. “And once again, that is something we are willing to risk. Our lives are irrelevant, Calloway. We are saving everyone else’s life. It’s a small sacrifice.”
Calloway shook his head. “I—I’m just scared,” he whispered. “None of us may return.”
Easton nodded. “It’s a possibility.”
Calloway took a deep breathe. “The Hara-Kirs see me as an ally—they must. There is no other explanation.”
“An ally?” Breccan asked.
“Why do you say that?” Easton asked.
“The gesture,” Calloway explained. “In addition to everything else that has happened. I’m just afraid that I won’t be able to return when I cross over—that they won’t let me.”
Easton and Breccan said nothing, at a loss of what to say.
“I was convinced that my father was good—that he wanted to end the Anti-Life—but now I’m not so sure. Weston was right—everything is working against me. All the evidence points to the opposite, that—”
“That what?” Easton asked. “That you are a Hara-Kir?” she asked incredulously. “Marquan proved that you weren’t.”
“I don’t know.” Calloway sighed. “But there is obviously something evil about me. There has to be.”
Easton grabbed his hand. “You’re jumping to conclusions, Calloway. We have no idea what’s going on, so stop assuming that you are evil because it isn’t possible. You are the greatest person I’ve ever known, even if your tendency to forgive people annoys me at times, and I know there isn’t a chance that you are anything less than good. There isn’t a single doubt in my mind.”
“But—”
“And if we do find out the opposite, that you really are involved with them in some inexplicable way—it won’t change anything,” Easton said. “We are still your best friends—evil or good.”
Calloway took a deep breath. “You mean it?”
“Of course,” she said, squeezing his hand. “Forever.”
Breccan nodded. “Even if you are a Hara-Kir, you are still my cousin so I’m stuck with you.”
“Thanks.” Calloway smiled.
Easton released his hand. “I think we should use the portal after graduation whether we finish the book or not. We can’t keep waiting around.”
Breccan nodded. “Yes,” he said. “The time is here.”
Calloway took a deep breath and tried to dim the anxiety in his body. He could run away from all of this and have a normal life, going to Dartmouth in the fall and becoming a teacher like Mr. Avey, and even get married and have kids, but he knew he couldn’t do that. This
was where he was meant to be.
“I just hope I survive long enough to attend college,” Easton said. “I’ve always wanted to experience it.”
“Where are you going?” Calloway asked.
“Fresno University, of course,” she answered.
Calloway nodded and then looked at Breccan. He was certain that his cousin had completed his college applications and knew that Breccan took the SAT a few weeks ago while he was at work, according to Aunt Grace, but since he remained silent Calloway feared the worse—that he was rejected.
Final Days
The last week of school approached so quickly that Calloway didn’t realize how close graduation really was. In his mind, the end of the school year always seemed so far away, like a distant light at the end of the tunnel that never came any closer, but in reality, it was just around the corner.
When he walked to his English class he saw Beatrice standing outside the classroom, smiling at him as he approached. Calloway ignored her and reached for the door handle, but Beatrice stepped in the way, blocking his path.
“I want to talk to you,” she said.
Calloway looked at the watch on his wrist, a gift from Aunt Grace a few years ago. Their class was going to begin in a few minutes. “We don’t have time.”
“Please hear me out,” Beatrice begged.
Calloway sighed. “Thank you for telling the principal about the camera. My aunt and uncle were very happy with the return of the money, in addition to the justice they received.”
She nodded. “You’re welcome,” she said. “I wish I had said something sooner—I should have.”
“Yes, you should have,” Calloway said simply. It wasn’t his intention to be rude or malicious but he agreed with her statement—she didn’t do the right thing to begin with.
She tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear, an action that used to make Calloway’s heart race like he was running a marathon. Now the movement had no effect on him. He was immune to her beauty, no longer infatuated with her perfect smile and beautiful eyes. “I’m so sorry about everything, Calloway,” she said sincerely. “I made a mistake and would do anything to take it back.”
“I forgive you, Beatrice.”
“Even though I don’t deserve it?” she asked.
“I wouldn’t be accepting your apology if you didn’t.”
She grabbed his hand but Calloway shoved it deep into his pocket. “Can I have another chance, Calloway? You’re an amazing guy, the best I’ve ever known, and—I want you back. Please give me another chance. I promise I won’t hurt you again.”
Calloway heard the sincerity in her voice and it made him pity her. He didn’t want to hurt her but he couldn’t avoid it. “No,” he whispered. “I’m sorry, Beatrice.”
A tear fell from her eye. “Calloway,” she whispered, grabbing his hand again.
“No,” he said, pulling it away gently. “Everything has changed. I don’t feel the same way.”
“Yes, you do,” she said. “I know how much you care about me.”
Calloway smiled, amused at the irony of the situation. “I thought I had feelings for Easton the entire time I was dating you? You even asked me to stop seeing her because of it. How is that situation any different?”
“I was just being jealous, Calloway,” she said. “And I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. I know you wouldn’t have feelings for someone else if you were dating me.”
Calloway nodded. “Which is exactly why I can’t date you, Beatrice.”
Her eyes widened and another tear fell down her face. The sight broke his heart, even though it shouldn’t, and he couldn’t stand the sight any longer—it physically wounded him.
“You do?” she asked sadly. She sniffed and wiped her tears away.
Calloway nodded.
“It’s Weston, isn’t it?”
Calloway wrapped his arms around Beatrice and hugged her to his chest, letting her cry into his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “We could still be friends. I wish you nothing but good things. I know you’ll find someone that will treat you like the goddess that you are.”
“But I already did,” she said. She squeezed him harder.
Calloway listened to her cry for a moment and hated the sound. Knowing that he was the reason for her agony made him feel like a jerk—just like Hawk was. “Please don’t cry.”
“So, you two are together now?” She sniffed
Calloway closed his eyes. “No.”
“Then I don’t understand,” she said.
“It’s complicated.” He sighed.
“Does she not feel the same way?”
Calloway was quiet for a moment. There was no simple explanation to illustrate his relationship with Weston. He couldn’t even describe it. “Yes,” he said. It was the best reason he could think of.
“Then you should move on with someone else,” she said as she pulled away with a glimmer of hope in her eyes.
“I can’t,” he said. “I’m sorry.”
Her face fell in the anguish of heartbreak and Calloway didn’t know what to do. There was nothing he could say to make this better.
“But I’ll always be your friend, Beatrice. And if you ever need anything I’m always here for you.”
“Do you think you would give me another chance later?” she asked. “Maybe after some time apart when you are over Weston?”
Calloway sighed. “I’ll never be over her.”
Beatrice nodded then wiped away another tear. “She’s very lucky.”
Calloway smiled. “And I was lucky that I got to spend time with you,” he said. “I don’t have any regrets—even if it didn’t end well.”
Beatrice wiped away her smeared makeup and nodded, not saying anything to his comment.
“We should go inside,” Calloway said. When he turned to open the door, Beatrice kissed him on the cheek then darted inside, sitting in her seat in the middle row. Calloway froze at her touch for an instant, but then he moved to his chair in the back, away from the front of the room.
He finished the rest of his classes in a quiet stupor, realizing that these were the last days he was going to walk down these halls. Most of the time he hated being here but now he wasn’t ready to part with the school. The idea of never seeing Mr. Avey again clenched his heart painfully—he was like a father to him.
The final exams were taken with ease. Calloway actually studied for the tests to keep his grades high so he could meet his conditional acceptance for Fresno University. He knew he did well on his history and biology exams, and assumed he got a perfect score on his math test, ending those classes with a sense of accomplishment.
Hawk was absent in the final week, including the last day, and Calloway was elated that Hawk wouldn’t be here to end the school year—it was the best gift he could have received. Beatrice didn’t speak to him but he caught her looking at him often, the look of longing in her eyes. He wished their relationship hadn’t come to this—that she didn’t finally care for him now that they were apart. Her different behavior made him realize she didn’t really care for him to begin with—it was only when she couldn’t have him that she wanted him. Calloway still felt guilty about telling her the truth about Weston—that she was the only one he wanted. Those words brought tears to Beatrice’s eyes, drops of moisture that he felt responsible for. But he didn’t know what else to say—it was the truth.
They presented their collage assignments in photography class, but Calloway never displayed his, losing the points on the project. When the class bell rang, all the students placed their completed assignments into a pile and dashed from the room, welcoming the arrival of the summer holiday. Calloway rose from his chair and approached Beatrice’s desk.
“This is for you,” he said. He placed his collage on her desk, which depicted her face in various images; some where she was laughing and others when she was staring at a flower, admiring the beauty that was so similar to her own. “This is what I see.”
She grabbe
d the paper and stared at it for a moment. There were tears glistening in her eyes and Calloway felt horrible for making her upset—that wasn’t his intent. “Aren’t you going to turn it in?” she whispered.
“No.” He smiled. “I made that for you.”
Beatrice stared at the pictures. “I don’t know what to say…”
“Don’t say anything,” he said. Calloway knew this was the last time he would ever see her. They had no mutual friends and they weren’t going to the same college so this was it—their last moment together. He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. “Goodbye, Beatrice.”
She started to cry harder when Calloway stepped away. “Goodbye.”
Calloway left the classroom without looking back, joining Breccan who was waiting for him outside. The weight of his grief was starting to take its toll on his body. Now all of his classes were finished, ending the last day of high school. He was officially a college student. The idea of never seeing Beatrice again almost made him turn around and ask for another chance, but he knew he was just being emotional—Beatrice wasn’t the right one for him. As much as he would like to make it work, he couldn’t do that knowing he was in love with someone else.
The campus looked different as he progressed down the path to the classroom building. He noted the details of the trees and the exact color of the grass, inhaling the scent through his nose. He stared at his reflection in the windows as he walked by. His entire high school career had been spent in misery but now he was sad that it was over—it didn’t make any sense.
When he walked to the classroom building, he turned to Breccan. “I’ll meet you in the parking lot.”
Calloway entered the hallway and moved slower than he normally would, taking in the moment with silent clarity. The hall always seemed so big but now it felt smaller than it ever had, like Calloway couldn’t fit inside anymore.
When he entered Mr. Avey’s classroom he didn’t take a seat in the desk, but stood at the front of the room, admiring the last notices on the whiteboard and the empty rows of vacant chairs. He read some of his favorite novels in this classroom and stared at Beatrice’s golden hair with awe—those were good memories.