Every Glance (Every Life #3)

by Tasha Ivey

  “I’m fine, but if you’re hungry, help yourself.” I slump into the couch and kick my shoes off.

  “How about something to drink? Coffee?”

  “No, but thanks.”

  She pads into the living room and sits next to me, tucking her bare feet beneath her. “I feel like I should do something. Just tell me what you need, and I’ll make sure you have it.”

  Turning my body toward her, I open my arms, and she scoots in closer to allow me to wrap them around her. “This is all I need right now.”

  “Well, you can have this all you want,” she says, her voice muffled by my chest.

  “Thank you. I really appreciate you being here with me. Was Simon mad when you called this morning?”

  She shakes her head. “No, I just explained everything to him, and he understands why I didn’t come get him from Aiden’s last night. He’s really worried about you now, though, and he tried to talk me into letting him skip school to hang out with you. I promised he could see you after school if you are up to it and wouldn’t mind him coming over.”

  “I’d love to see him. He’s always welcome…you don’t have to ever ask. But that reminds me…what happened with Kyler last night? You never did say.” I’d even rather talk about Kyler than to think about William.

  “Well, she apologized profusely, saying she realizes how her poor decisions have affected her relationship with me. I heard her out, but I haven’t really thought much about what I’m going to do. Kyler has always been really impressionable, so I can see how it was easy for Carter to get to her. And when it comes to you, I don’t know. At first, it was hard for me to believe that she behaved that way, but after I had a chance to really think about it, I remember her being jealous of Carter, too. She used to flirt with him right in front of me. She has always complained that I was given everything I ever wanted in life, even though it’s not the truth, so honestly her actions aren’t all that surprising.”

  “I’m sure it doesn’t help that I did date her first, and to her, I’m sure it looks like you swooped right in and took me away from her. When, in reality, I was the one pursuing you. Now, I’m not excusing her behavior—I’m sorry…she’s batshit crazy—but I can understand why she jumped to the conclusion that she did.”

  Totally ignoring my “batshit crazy” remark, she sighs and wraps an arm around my waist. “Yeah, I get it, too.”

  As soon as the conversation drifts away, thoughts of William encroach on me like a slow-rolling fog. I forgot for a minute that the last several hours really happened. But they did.

  And he’s gone.

  It’s going to be weird not going to the nursing home every few days to check on him or hearing his opinions about why my medical opinion is so much less valuable than his own. He loved to jerk my chain, and I looked forward to it. We’d usually end up laughing before it was all said and done, and seeing William with a smile stretched across his thin lips was a rare treat. To most people, our banter would sound hostile, but it was our own weird way of showing affection.

  I can’t imagine what Sawyer must be going through right now, though. As close as I was to William, he was Sawyer’s only relative, really. When his own parents were too wrapped up in drugs to even remember they had a son, it was William who was there for him. When his father died from an overdose and Sawyer was neglected to the point that he almost died, it was William who fought for custody of him. William’s own wife and children gave up on him years before, so he and Sawyer formed their own family.

  I’m thankful that he has Makenna in his life now, or I don’t know how he’d make it through the next few weeks.

  “You were really close to him,” Devyn says softly, picking up on my thoughts. “Are you related to him in any way?”

  “No,” I croak, swallowing down the lump forming in my throat. “I’ll tell you the whole story someday soon, but the easiest way to describe it is that he was Sawyer’s adoptive father. And since Sawyer was my best friend, he became my cranky, old uncle that thoroughly enjoyed kicking me in the ass when I needed it and when I didn’t, just for the hell of it. He had his faults, but I hope I’m half the man he was.”

  Devyn straightens and looks over at me. Her sincerity shows in her tired eyes. “You’re one of the best men I’ve ever known. What you’ve done for my son will never cease to amaze me. Most men wouldn’t take another man’s child under their wing and do everything in their power to build them up and be their friend. Seeing what a difference you’ve made in him tells me that you’re going to make on hell of a father one day.”

  The conversation makes me uncomfortable, but I’m too tired to strap on the filter. “I don’t know anything about being a father because I’ve never had much of one, but I know plenty about what not to do. Maybe that knowledge will help me in the end if I ever get the chance.”

  Her brows form deep lines between them. “What do you mean? I think I met your dad once when he came to career day back in high school. You don’t have anything to do with him anymore?”

  Hell, I might as well tell her. “He’s gone. Passed away last year. We haven’t exactly gotten along since I made the decision to be a small-town general practitioner instead of following his push into cardiac surgery. We had already been arguing about his right to make all of my decisions for me since I started college. It sounds silly, really, but that one decision was the straw that broke the camel’s back for him. He was still so pissed at me that, even when he knew he didn’t have much time left, he made my mom swear that she wouldn’t call me to let me know. I didn’t find out he was gone until three weeks after the funeral, and that was only because I happened to run into a family friend at the hospital and they offered their condolences. I’ve spoken to my mother a few times since then, but she’s still more than a little bitter herself that I defied my father. She says it was ‘disappointment’ that allowed disease to take root in his heart. How’s that for irony? He died of heart disease.”

  I guess the combination of depression and exhaustion open the floodgates because I tell her everything. My childhood, or lack thereof. The constant shove toward success. My entire life being mapped out for me by the time I was ten. And most importantly, my parents and the fact that their only purpose in my life was to be educators, not nurturers.

  “So I’ve told you before that everyone jokes that I’ve dated a lot, but I guess that’s one of the reasons why. I don’t have any idea what a healthy family relationship is like, so I’ve never had any desire to fly blind into getting married and having kids. And being a parent? Yeah, I’ve always been afraid that I’ll royally screw that up.” Devyn’s eyes go wide and her mouth hangs open slightly. “Shit, don’t take that the wrong way. I just…I don’t know how to say this without it sounding weird, but you and Simon have made me see things a little differently. For the first time in my life, it’s actually a possibility for me. You’re not a part of the revolving door; you’re the foundation I’d like to try to build on.”

  Her face softens as she lets out a slow breath. “Dalton, seriously, you don’t see what I see. You don’t get the privilege of seeing how you are with Simon, and he’s not even your son. The two of you have a lot in common, including the fact that you haven’t really had a strong fatherly presence in your lives. But you’ve been more to him in just a few weeks than Carter has ever been. And me…you make me feel special. Worthy of being loved, even after how horrible I was to you. You make me feel like I’m the center of your universe. Don’t you see?” She places one hand over my chest. “It’s all in here. You don’t need to be taught what you already have.”

  I don’t believe her for a minute, but I nod anyway. “I hope you’re right.”

  She stares at me, her light hazel eyes seeming to search for something within me, something beyond my façade, hidden deep in my soul. I’ve never been one to let anyone see that secret part of me, the part filled with raging insecurity and gutting fear. The part of me that was erected by the parents I was never good enough for, jus
t being myself, fed by countless others who made fun of me and harassed me…again, just for being myself.

  But Devyn goes there. She already knew my past because she was a part of it, but now that she knows about my family, she sees the full picture. I feel it the moment she breaks through that barrier I’ve spent so long building up. I expect to feel pain. Shame. But I feel what I’ve always needed the most. Acceptance and love.

  My head swims with it, making me almost dizzy. It’s an oddly freeing feeling that I never imagined I’d feel in my life. I’m suddenly filled with certainty that I can give something that I’ve never been given. Devyn was right; it’s in there.

  Love is a part of the human condition. We all possess it, but some fear it because of the pain it causes, locking it away so that they can’t be hurt. I was one of those people, and I was right about one thing. Love does demand to be fed. It demands to be felt, regardless of how you try to fool yourself into thinking you’re numb to it. What I never realized is that it hurts a hell of a lot more to stuff it down deep and fight to keep it there that it does to feel it. And let me tell you…it feels damn good.

  “What’s going on in your head right now?” Devyn asks, her soft voice breaks through the fog filling my mind. “You were really tense, but I think every muscle in your body just went slack. Are you tired?”

  “Not right now.” I swallow hard and lock my gaze onto hers. “I just…I just realized that I don’t think I’m falling in love with you…I am in love with you.” I hold my hand up. “Don’t say anything. I don’t expect you to say it back, and I’m fully aware that it’s way too early for me to say this, but I do…I love you.”

  Her face remains blank for a few seconds, and I start internally questioning whether or not I should’ve ever said anything. But suddenly she jumps up and straddles my lap, throwing her arms around my neck. “Thank God you said it first because I thought I was going to explode, thinking I couldn’t wait much longer to tell you. To hell with it being too soon. I love you, too.”

  I feel my cheeks spread my mouth into a wide grin. “You love me.” It’s not a question. Just an affirmation to myself that what I felt was real.

  She smiles back and leans in, pressing her lips to mine. With that innocent contact, a searing heat blooms just beneath the surface of my skin, and I feel the air around me shift into a nearly palpable electricity. It tickles my skin and buzzes along my nerve paths, kicking every cell in my body into supercharged frenzy.

  And it must be contagious because Devyn’s breath hitches in her throat and she dives into the kiss deeper, tangling her tongue with mine. Her cool fingers feel like ice against my flushed skin as she slips her hands up my sleeves to knead them into my back.

  Taking her lead, I find my way beneath the bottom hem of her sweater, my hands immediately finding the smooth skin of her low back and exploring further up in search of her warm softness. My fingers graze over the clasp of her bra and up between her shoulder blades, effectively pressing the entire length of my forearms against her bare skin. I love the way she feels.

  Devyn’s abdomen shakes with laughter, and she pulls back from the kiss.

  “What?” My voice sounds gravelly and drunk.

  “I don’t think we were meant to ever get any further than this.” She pulls her arms from my sleeves and crawls off of my lap to sit beside me. “Your phone is ringing again.”

  I guess I was far too lost in her to even notice or care. After slipping my phone from my pocket, I see the clinic’s number glowing on the screen.

  “Hello?” I answer, trying to sound a lot more together than I feel and attempting to ignore the feeling of a two-ton boulder in my lap.

  “Dalton,” Ella begins, “I just heard about William. I’m so sorry.”

  “Thanks, Ella. I appreciate you calling.”

  “What can I do for Sawyer? Oh, the timing is awful. Tomorrow is supposed to be a happy day for them. What about you? Stan and I thought about coming by your house when the clinic closes for lunch, so we can bring you whatever you need.”

  I look over at Devyn straightening her sweater and smoothing her disheveled hair. “I’m good. No need to come by. And I’ll let you know if Sawyer needs anything. He’s supposed to be calling me after he goes to the funeral home later.”

  Ella huffs. “Nonsense. I know what that man meant to you, Dalton. You shouldn’t have to sit at home alone. We’ll bring some lunch over for you. What do you want to eat?”

  “El,” I say with a little more authority in my voice. “I’m okay. And I’m not alone.”

  Come on…take the hint.

  “Oh?” I can practically hear the smile in her voice. “Reading you loud and clear. But we would at least like to come over later this afternoon, okay? We’re closing the office a little early today, so let me come over and coddle you like a good pseudo-mom should. And we need to meet her, so make sure she sticks around.”

  “She won’t be going anywhere if I can help it. Thanks, El. Call me when you’re on your way.”

  She snickers. “Oh, it’s like that, huh? Okay then…I’ll give you a ten minute warning.”

  Devyn rests her head on my shoulder and laces her fingers in my free hand. I like the way my dark skin contrasts against the smooth cream of hers. “Appreciated. See you later.”

  “Dalton, you know we love you, right?” Ella’s voice cracks slightly. She and Stan have both told me that before, but I’ve never said it back, even though I feel the same.

  “I know.” Maybe it’s William’s passing that’s put me in a sappy mood, but apparently I’m on a roll with expressing my feelings today. “And I love you, too.”

  After choking out a goodbye, Ella hangs up, and I cram my phone back into my pocket, immediately placing a soft kiss on the top of Devyn’s head.

  “Hmm…”

  Devyn sits up straight and turns to me. “What?”

  I smile and shrug. “I’ve said ‘I love you’ twice in one day, and I didn’t die.”

  Her lips curl up at the sides and expose her perfectly straight teeth. “Well, now, you don’t want to push it. Better take it easy.”

  I lean over and use the back of the couch to gain enough leverage to stand on my knees. Crawling over her, I push my body against hers until she lying across the cushions and I’m balanced only inches above her. “I rather enjoy living on the edge.” I allow my head to fall just enough so that my mouth can leave only a whisper of a kiss upon hers. “I love…love…love the idea of taking a shower right now.”

  She cackles and reaches up to grab the couch pillow above her head, and she smacks me with it. “Actually,” she giggles, “I wouldn’t mind one myself. Think you could take me to get my car, so I can go home and get cleaned up?”

  “If I let you go home to shower, then I wouldn’t be able to sit here and enjoy the thought of you in mine. Throw your clothes in my washing machine and raid my closet for something to wear until they’re dry.” I lower myself onto her, biting down on the groan that threatens to escape when my body presses into her soft curves.

  Being the vixen she is, she picks up one leg and wraps it around mine, hooking it around my thigh. “Would take way too long for my bra and sweater to air dry. But you can come to my house with me and imagine me in my shower.”

  I shake my head. “Not the same, but I have a good compromise. You just stay topless.”

  Laughter explodes from her throat. “You’re such a man.”

  “Yep. Can’t fault me for trying.” I waggle my eyebrows at her. “But you could just wear one of my sweatshirts, and I can take you home to get some clothes before Simon comes home.”

  She looks around, obviously contemplating.

  “Come on…”

  Devyn chuckles. “Fine. But I get to go first.”

  “Deal.”

  I help her to her feet, and I immediately miss her warmth against me. Taking her hand, I walk her through my bedroom and into my closet. She picks out a bright blue hooded sweatshirt while I search t
hrough my pajama pants for a pair with a drawstring that she can tie up. The only one I can find that will work for her is the pair of soft heather gray pants I wear most often. And I’m totally okay with that.

  Then, I lead her into my bathroom to show her where everything is. Sure, I could’ve let her shower in the guest bath, but what fun would that be for me?

  “Towels are here. Shampoo, conditioner, and body wash are on that shelf.” I can’t wait to smell my soap on her skin. “There’s even a brand new toothbrush in that drawer over there. And of course, if you need any assistance, I’m your guy.”

  She snorts. “Please. You do not want to see any of…this.” She waves her hands up and down, pointing at her body. “Having Simon didn’t do my body any good at all, believe me. There’s never been a man in the shower with me, and it’s definitely not starting today. Not unless you lose your sense of sight or something.”

  I grab her waving hands. “You’re the one that’s blind. Hell, Devyn, you’re gorgeous. And I know you’ve talked about how Carter never really gave you the time of day, but even in the beginning, I can’t believe he never took the opportunity to shower with you. I mean…he is a man, right? There’s not much better in this world than standing under scalding water with a woman’s slick, wet skin against you.”

  “That would’ve required a half ounce of romance, and man or not, he was severely lacking in that department. And honestly, I wouldn’t have let him. No way.”

  “Well,” I begin, taking a step toward her and sliding my hands up her arms, “would you ever let me?”

  Her throat works hard on a single swallow. “Y-yes, I think so. But I’d make you swear to keep your eyes closed the whole time.”

  Reaching over turn the water on in the shower, I chuckle and shake my head. “I don’t think I could ever make a promise that I know I couldn’t keep. But answer a couple of questions for me. Do you trust me?”

  “Yes.”

  Well, that’s good. She didn’t hesitate.

  “And do you think I’d ever treat you like that jackass, Carter?”