by Tasha Ivey
“Of course not.” She doesn’t even blink.
Without breaking her gaze, I nudge the bathroom door closed with my foot. “Good.”
I reach over to the top drawer to pull out a small box of matches and shakily slip one out between two fingers. Suddenly my nerves are getting the best of me, but I do my best to hide it as I swipe the slim wooden stick across the side of the box and hold the delicate flame to the wick of a tiny vanilla candle on the counter. I never believed her before, but Ella insisted that having candles in the house was a necessity and she gave me a ton of them when I moved in here. I’ll have to give her credit for this one.
As soon as the flame takes hold, I blow out the match and pull my phone out of my pocket, starting some soft music and slipping it into the dock. As soon as music floods the small room, I turn back to Devyn to notice that she’s completely frozen, despite the steam rising behind her, and looking almost panic-stricken.
“Don’t be scared of me,” I say softly, flicking off the light and approaching her carefully.
“I’m not. I just don’t know what to do right now.” She nervously runs a quaking hand through her hair, and I catch it as it falls again, dragging her over against me.
Dipping my head low, I plant a gentle chaste kiss on her lips. “Whatever you want to do,” I whisper. I kiss her again, deeper and with more determination of making her feel at ease with me, while my own heart is pumping blood through my body so fast that I’m getting lightheaded. Well, that or it has all traveled south.
I’d love nothing more than to strip her down, get her under the steamy spray, and kiss every square inch of her wet skin. But I don’t want to push her out of her comfort zone. She’s definitely worth me taking my time for.
I feel her body melt against me as she finally relaxes, so I tangle my fingers in her hair and tug gently until her head falls back and her neck is exposed. Dying to taste her skin, I dive in to kiss the tender flesh just under her jaw, and I kiss a trail all the way down to her collarbone. Just as I nip at the skin covering that narrow bone, her hands slip beneath my shirt and all the way up my chest, so I straighten and reach around behind my neck to tug my collar until it slides over my head. I drop it in the floor and watch the golden flame flicker in her eyes as she takes me in. Gingerly, her fingertips skim along my bare shoulders, down my chest, and along the sprinkling of hair leading down into my jeans.
Leaning forward only slightly, Devyn drags her heated, moist lips from the curve of my shoulder and down to the center of my chest, detouring for only a moment to run her tongue up the side of my neck, effectively sending a chill straight through my spine.
Devyn holds up an index finger and swirls it around in a circle, so I turn around as ordered. Starting low on my back, her hands trail up either side of my spine to the base of my neck. Then, with her fingers splayed across my shoulder blades, she traces the outline of my tattoo, following along the edge of each wing spanning the width of my back.
“Don’t move,” she whispers as her hands fall away.
I’m confused for only a moment until her sweater whooshes into the floor and her bra quickly follows, taking every discernable ounce of willpower I have not to turn around to devour her. Especially once she presses her superheated skin against my back.
“Mmm,” I groan. “You’re killing me.”
“Good,” she giggles a little too hard. I’m obviously not the only one whose nerves are in full force. “Don’t move.”
Her heat leaves me, but I forget all about it when I hear the nearly imperceptive whisk of the zipper on her jeans and the rustling of the thick fabric. They quickly join the growing pile of clothing in the floor, and I don’t know why it’s such a thing of beauty to see our clothes thrown together in my bathroom.
Oh, hell. That’s her panties.
“Can I turn around now? This is like not being invited to my own surprise party.”
She blows out a breath. “Okay.”
Before she can fully get the word out, I’ve spun around, and she scrambles to pull me against her, so I can’t see anything. Or so she thinks.
She’s seemed to have forgotten the fact that the mirror is directly behind her, so while I’m thoroughly enjoying the feeling of her warm breasts being pressed against my chest, I’m also enjoying the remarkable view. Her hair glows with a copper tint from the candle flame, and its perfect waves cascade down to the middle of her back, just where her waist begins to narrow. But almost immediately, her gentle curves fill out again, lending the shape to her flawlessly round behind.
“Damn. That’s the only word I can come up with right now.”
She turns to follow my gaze and shrieks when she sees the mirror, jumping to the side out of its view. Which, of course, just allows me the full frontal view.
The generous swell of her breasts. The almost imperceptible increase of flesh low on her belly, scarred by a few faint stretch marks left behind from her pregnancy. The flawless curvature of her hips. I’ve never seen anything more stunning.
I realize now that I’ve only dated girls. But standing here in front of me now is a woman. She thinks she has imperfections that take away from her beauty, but those perceived flaws tell her story. They make her who she is, who she has become. And to me, that only makes her more perfect than I already thought she was.
As odd as it sounds, William pops into my head. He always liked to tease me that a real woman wouldn’t ever give me the time of day if I kept up my “alley cat ways.” Well, I hope you have your sight back and can see this one, buddy, because nobody will ever have it better than I do right now.
Wait. Strike that. Avert your eyes because you’re probably not going to want to see this.
Even with little light, I can see the deep flush on Devyn’s cheeks, so I decide it’s time to turn the tables. Keeping my eyes locked on hers, I tug on the top of my jeans until the button comes free, and I slide the zipper down. She watches quietly as they slump to the floor, and I step out of them, nearly falling over when one foot gets hung.
Smooth.
Finally freeing myself, I make short work of removing my boxer briefs, as well, and kick them into the pile. I watch as her eyes lazily graze down my body, and regardless of how nonchalant she’s trying to appear, I can see the smoldering heat in her gaze. And just knowing that she’s turned on makes me even more so.
I nod toward the shower behind her. “We should probably get in before I run out of hot water.”
“Oh, uh, yeah. Probably.” But she doesn’t move.
Closing the distance between us, I take her hand and step over the ledge leading into the tiled shower, tugging her in behind me. Stepping under the stream of water, I keep pulling her closer until she’s right against me.
Like “I’m seriously violating her belly button right now” close.
I watch the water as it falls in ribbons down her skin and forms in a little pool between her breasts that are pressed against me, something I’d thoroughly enjoy if she wasn’t shuddering.
“Devyn. Relax.” I kiss the corner of her mouth, and her eyes fall closed.
“I don’t know why I’m so nervous,” she whispers. “I want to be here with you, I promise.”
“Tell you what…you stand over here.” I pause to move her directly under the spray. “And I’m going to wash your hair and your body. Nothing else is going to happen, so you don’t have to be nervous.”
She looks up at me, swiping at the stream of water trickling down her forehead. “What do you mean? I thought we were going to…you know…do more than shower.”
“Not right now.”
Devyn’s eyes narrow. “I told you that you didn’t want to see me naked.”
I chuckle and take her face in my hands. “If I could find a way to spend the rest of my life seeing you naked, I’d be all over that. In case you haven’t already noticed, you turn me on too much. I just want to slow things down a little until you’re not petrified of me. That might be in thirty minutes or it m
ight be in thirty days, but that doesn’t matter much to me. You’ve already had a relationship based solely on sex. I want to show you what it feels like to be loved, too.”
Those words falling so easily from my mouth sound so foreign to me. But the truth behind them tells me that she’s changed me completely in the best of possible ways.
Not only do I want to be loved, I want to return it.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.
“Dalton? You in here?” Sawyer’s voice echoes through the house as the front door closes.
I stretch my arms high over my head and yawn, nearly elbowing Devyn in the head.
Devyn.
In my bed.
Wearing only my blue sweatshirt.
When we got out of the shower earlier, she took the sweatshirt—which reached the middle of her thighs—and I took the pants. But Devyn is curled up on one side with her knees pulled almost to her chest, so if Sawyer walks into my bedroom right now, he’ll probably have the perfect view of her bare ass. Not happening.
Trying not to move the bed too much, I roll out of the bed and pull the sheet up over her, just as Sawyer steps into my doorway. I hold my index finger to my lips, and he nods, backing away as I exit the room.
“Sorry. Your front door was unlocked,” he whispers.
I close the bedroom door and shake my head. “It’s fine. Not like you don’t have a key. What time is it?”
“One.” He follows me back into the living room and sits on the couch next to me.
I kick my feet up on the coffee table. “Damn, I slept three hours. Did you get any sleep?”
“Maybe an hour or two. Would’ve been longer, but I got a call from the nursing home around ten.”
Looking over at him, I’m struck with some serious sympathy for my friend. Red, bloodshot eyes with dark circles under them. The corners of his mouth drawn down. He looks like shit. “The nursing home? That’s pretty shitty. Normally, they’ll give you a few days before you have to go pick everything up.”
“It’s not like that.” He pauses to pull an envelope from his back pocket. “They had a letter for me. From William. Apparently, he dictated it to one of his nurses, and she wrote it all down for him. But he signed his name. She was instructed to give it to me when he passed.”
“That’s a little out of character for him,” I admit. “What did it say?”
He holds it out to me.
“No, man.” I shake my head and hold my hand up. “It’s personal, so keep it that way. You can just tell me the parts you want to share, if any.”
He shoves it at me again. “It’s about you, too. Just read it.”
I scrunch my eyebrows together and take the crinkled envelope from him. Across the front is Sawyer’s name in a delicate, feminine scrawl. I slip my fingers between the ripped edges at the top and pull out two neatly-folded pages. After opening them up, I immediately notice the slanted signature haphazardly scribbled at the bottom of the second page. Probably the last time he signed his name.
Taking a deep breath, I glance up at Sawyer, and he nods at me, encouraging me to read.
Sawyer,
If you’re reading this letter, then I’m finally free of this miserable existence. But I don’t mean it how you think. I’m tired of being exhausted and broken and sick, and I’m ready to move on to whatever is next. Lord knows I was ready to go years ago, but I couldn’t, not without knowing you would be okay. And I know you will be now.
Makenna is one special young lady, and I can’t see how she looks at you, but I can feel and hear her love for you in everything she says. The two of you are going to have a lifetime of happiness because you’re perfect together. There’s nothing in the world more precious than that, so take care of her and always treat her right. Because if you don’t, I’ll kick your ass the next time I see you. I have a feeling that I won’t be around to make it to your wedding, but regardless of what happens with me, there better be one, as scheduled. You’ve spent most of your life catering to me, so once I’m gone, don’t even look back. Don’t let me get in your way of living the life you want anymore.
We have some history, you and me. We’ve been through some rough shit together, and I’m proud of the man you’ve become. You could’ve turned out completely different, but you’ve always been stronger than that, stronger than me. You’ve always pushed to become a better person, and never for one second have you turned your back on someone who needed you. I wish I could’ve been like you. But I did have one shining moment when I brought you into my home. I’ve never regretted it. I know I never said it, but you are my son. And I do love you more than you would ever know.
And that shithead, Dalton, too. (Be sure you tell him I called him that. He’ll love it.) After my family left me, I never wanted another one. I was perfectly fine with my solitary existence until you came along. And suddenly, I gained a son. And then another. You two have always acted like brothers with all of your bickering and pestering each other, so our strange little family worked, no matter how screwed up it was.
Please let Dalton know how proud I am of him, too. I gave him one hell of a hard time, but I know he delighted in proving me wrong. He’s a smart kid, and he’s got more compassion that any other doctor I’ve ever known. And that’s why I know he’ll also be a good husband and father. I know he’s always been worried about that.
Both of you will be. You’re both better men than I could ever be. So I expect to have a whole herd of grandchildren in the coming years. Just be sure to tell them stories of their old grandpa, but only the good ones.
I know my time here is limited. I can feel it more strongly than I ever have. But I can go in peace now. I’m ready because I know you’ve finally found true happiness. I’m not worried about you, Sawyer. I don’t know if I could ever say anything in this letter to you out loud, but I couldn’t move on without you knowing.
Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for being my son. You, too, Dalton. I’m proud of you both, and I love you more than I could ever write in this letter. There isn’t enough paper in the world.
Without you in my life, I wouldn’t be able to leave this world with a smile on my face. Keep your heads up, boys, and live it up. You only get one shot. Make it count.
Love, William
I blow out a long breath and swipe at the tears streaming from my eyes. Looking up at Sawyer, I see that he’s not faring any better, but I still feel a smile spreading across my lips.
“Old bastard called me a shithead.”
A chuckle breaks through Sawyer’s grim expression. “He did. And you are.”
“Oh, hell…come here.” I open my arms and lean into Sawyer, squeezing him just as tightly as he squeezes back. William was right about everything, including the fact that Sawyer is my brother. I’ve always known that.
I pat him on the back a couple of times and pull back. We both have to wipe away the tears spilling down our cheeks.
“So what’s the plan with the wedding?” I ask, resorting to wedding talk to change the subject before I totally lose it.
“It’s still on. Mak wanted to push it back a couple of months, just so we can deal with all of this, but after getting this letter and talking to the funeral home, I think I’m going to follow William’s advice. He didn’t want any kind of memorial service; he just wanted to be cremated and have his ashes scattered in Mobile Bay. Before his sight was gone, we spent a lot of time fishing out there. The funeral home offered to let us have a viewing tonight, but I don’t want to remember him that way. The memories I have are already perfect.”
“I agree with that.”
Sawyer straightens up and slaps both hands on his knees. “So…you need to be getting ready for a rehearsal dinner tonight and a wedding tomorrow, best man. William wants us to go on as planned, so I’m sure as hell going to try. He’s finally at peace, and I’m going to try to stop being selfish and be happy for him.”
I scrub a hand over my face. “I totally forgot that I have to take Devyn shopping.
”
“Well you better get a move on. Rehearsal starts at six.” He stands and looks at my bedroom door. “So I’m guessing you two…”
“Nope. Not yet.”
He grins. “Good. You really do like her, then.”
“More than that.” I stand and inwardly cringe, waiting for his reaction.
Sawyer raises a single eyebrow. “Oh yeah? Well, I guess I lost the bet.”
“I already lost it, remember. The bet was that I’d bring Kyler to your wedding.”
“Not that bet,” Sawyer says, grinning wide. “When you and Devyn were running around outside like a couple of ten year olds, Mak made the comment that she could tell you were falling hard. She even bet that you were already in love with her. I took her up on it. And honestly, that’s one bet I’m not too sad to lose. You two have definitely proved me wrong, and I’m sorry for being such an ass about it.”
I shrug and throw an arm around his back in a half hug. “Nah. You were just looking out for me, brother. I couldn’t ever find any fault in that. So what did Makenna win?”
His tired eyes are suddenly bright. Almost devious. “Do you really want to know?”
“With the look on your face right now, I sure as hell don’t. But have fun paying up.”
Sawyer shuffles toward the door. “No worries there. See you in a few hours, D.”
Shaking my head all the way to the laundry room, I check to see how dry Devyn’s clothes are, and they’re still as wet as I feel perverted for groping her bra. It sure is weird to see lingerie hanging up in here. I grab her jeans and panties from the top of the dryer and carry them into my room, laying them at the foot of the bed.
Devyn is still sound asleep, so I crawl over under the sheet and nuzzle into her warm neck, thoroughly enjoying the scent of my shampoo in her hair. She rouses awake and hooks her arms around my neck.
“Have you been awake long?” Her voice is soft and sexy.
“Not really. Sawyer came by and woke me up. The wedding is still on, so we have some shopping to do this afternoon.”