“Why isn’t it?” She glanced around her spacious bedroom, particularly her empty bed. “Seems to me now is the perfect time for lots of things if we want it to be, Barrington.”
“Girl, quit playing with me. I promise now is not the time.” All she had to do was look south to know he wasn’t playing games right now.
“Why don’t you tell me why now is not the time for me to be honest with you, baby?”
Barrington's right hand reached out stroking the side of her face, then cupped her nape. “Let me ask you this, Perri. Do you think you could handle me being honest with you?”
Perri recalled the brief thought crossing her mind that, while she had nodded her head, the fog in her brain knew she was in over her head, and her mind just didn’t seem to want to even faction that she totally did not give a care at this moment; something she was oddly sure she’d grow to regret in the days to follow. For now though, she wanted Barrington like she’d never wanted another man in the history of her short lifespan. She nodded, knowing she was poking the bear, but didn't care.
Perri wanted to know what it felt like to have Barrington moving inside of her body in a way no man ever had before. She wasn't quite sure how to respond or act since she'd never been with a man sexually before. But for the most part, she knew she wanted to experience her first sexual pleasure trip with Barrington, the love of her life, and she believed with all of her heart that she was every bit the love of his life as well. To her way of thinking, it just made since for Barrington to lose himself inside her eager and waiting body that was already so hot and on fire for him as it was.
Barrington sat on Perri’s bed, pulling her down in his lap, and took a deep breath before explaining his situation to her. He absently ran his hands up and down her arms. “Perri, I'm a man.” He swallowed hard. “A very experienced man,” he clarified. Tenderly rubbing his thumb back and forth against her chin, he gently lifted it so she was looking directly into his eyes. “Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you, baby?” God he wanted to feel his cock buried to the hilt inside of her beautiful body. He could already feel the heat radiating from what he knew had to be her wet and ready pussy. Just damn him. He was a horny bastard who had no business darkening the doorway to his innocent woman’s bedroom.
“I believe I know what you’re saying,” Perri said. “That you've been with a lot of girls.” She shrugged, dropping her eyes to his Adam’s apple as he swallowed hard a few times. “A lot of experienced women, too, I suppose.”
Nodding slowly, Barrington confirmed, “Yeah, Perri . . . I have.”
A strange feeling shot through Perri; a strange possessive feeling. She ignored it. “You're a musician, Barrington, so it only stands to reason that you've had your share of affairs. I'm not stupid. I know how the game is played.”
“No, Perri, you're not stupid.” Barrington studied her delicate flawless face then looked in her chocolate brown eyes, admiring the soft structure of certain Indian facial features, but also appreciating the fact that she was fully black; not that he could not have been interested in her if she weren’t black; still his preference had always been for black women. It was a personal choice, and Perri was his beautiful black woman. That fact made him feel proud inside, knowing he'd definitely found himself a good woman. Perri wasn't like other women—young and old—who were constantly throwing themselves at him. She also called it right when she said it was a game.
What Perri didn't know was that he was way too tired of playing, and seriously thinking about settling down. She also didn’t know how lonely he was on the road without being able to see her on a daily basis. And since they'd been seeing each other exclusively for the past year and a half, the longest he'd been with any woman and had wanted to be with, naturally Perri was the one he wanted to make a home for, settle down with, and have some babies.
The problem was, at age twenty-six, Barrington didn't just want to settle for casual dating. He wanted forever with his sweet Perri, but her being only twenty-one, he wasn't sure how deep her feelings for him ran. Sure, he knew she cared for him, he could feel it when she touched him—even innocently, and he could see it in her expressive eyes every time she looked at him. But since she had never dated anyone but him, he wasn't sure if she was ready to consider settling down for the long haul with him.
Barrington’s mind went to the velvet blue box in his bedroom. Over the last three months, whenever he had spare time, he’d searched for the perfect ring to upstart a pre-engagement with Perri. Every vibe she was giving off since he walked inside her house said her body was ready, and he was more than ready to join his body with hers in his bed forever. But still, he couldn’t just take for granted he knew what his baby felt for him just because he knew he was head over heels in love with his sweet Perri.
Pondering all that, Barrington said, “You’re nowhere close to stupid, baby.” Perri was smart, intelligent, funny, and the most beautiful person, inside where it counts and outside where it doesn't hurt, he'd ever laid eyes on.
“Barrington, even if you weren’t a musician, baby, you’re a gorgeous man so I can pretty well imagine that it's fair to say you've been with plenty of women.” With a one shoulder shrug, she briefly lowered her eyes as she said, “I know I can't compete with all the other women—”
“No, Perri.” He touched her lips to quiet her and lifted her chin. “You're not like all the others. I would never want you to be.” He smiled affectionately. “I love that about you.”
Did he just say love?
As if reading her mind, Barrington said, “Yes, Perri, I did say love.”
“Oh,” was all she could think to say, suddenly wishing she was Happy Feet so she could do a victory dance. God, my man loves me! Perri knew he did, could even pinpoint when his actions started to show his love for her. But still, to hear him say it was a feeling like no other that left her suspended out of her familiar element and dangling between heaven and earth, it just made her feel that good that Barrington had chosen to give his love to exclusively to her.
Unsure of how to take Perri’s silence, Barrington chuckled, but only for a moment. “Does it bother you that I love you, baby?”
Perri framed his face, kissed his smooth cheek and smiled. “Does it surprise you to know I love you right back, G-Man?”
Barrington couldn’t have stopped the grin that took up the space on his face if he’d wanted to. “Don't shit me, Perri. You don't have to say it just because I did.”
“I know I kid around a lot. But I would never joke about that, Barrington.”
“You’re serious, girl?” She’d better not be playing with him; not about this.
Perri stood, changed positions, climbing on top of him, straddling his lap. Her hands slightly trembled but it wasn't from fear, only sweet anticipation as she gingerly cupped his face with both hands. Looking into his beautiful yellow-green eyes, she said, “Does this answer your question?”
His cock jumped and he grinned, trying his best to control his emotions and libido. “There you go answering a question with a question again.” Needing Perri to be really still lest he lose all self-control, Barrington’s hands went to either side of her hips to still them from moving as he concentrated on breathing normally.
“There you go making something so simple complicated again,” she said shifting her hips slightly, hoping to feel the brunt of Barrington’s hard-on in the center of her core which was throbbing with need.
Barrington's face contorted like he was in pain, Perri swallowed hard, trying to figure out why he acted like he didn't want her, or even want to want her. She wanted to cry, and knew she would if he didn't hold her soon. She decided to get a little bolder, rocking forward on his erection which was already rock solid.
“Baby, don't,” came out of him in a strained whisper, his hot desire was about to push through his skin and Barrington wasn't sure how long he could remain a gentleman.
Like a sharp, blunt instrument cutting through smooth, rich, creamy butte
r, his words knifed her, seeped in her veins, lodged in her chest . . . and broke her heart. Looking in his eyes, Perri never dreamed this particular man, beautiful hero to her that he was, would crush her with two careless words.
Let me tell you something, Perri, she could hear Madear saying, don't ever let anyone strip you from you. You got you. You got your dignity, and that's all you ever need to make it this life, that be so ugly and unfair. You hold on to you, no matter what. You hear me, Sugarplum?
Who knew today she'd find out firsthand how true Madear's words were?
Willing all her dignity to the forefront, Perri forced her chin up two notches. Just like that she climbed off Barrington’s lap and ran out of the room, ignoring the pain in her heart that mocked her every step of the way.
Where the heck am I going? This is my house! He's the one who needs to get out, she thought about to open the front door and make a mad dash out.
“Perri?” Barrington caught up to her at the door, wondering where she was going. They were in her house. If anyone should be preparing to leave it was him. And hadn't he just tried to tell her that, to do exactly that? Wasn't he prepared to walk away from her without taking her invitation to sex that she was openly offering him no matter how painful it was for him physically? Hell, he was just trying to respect her innocence and it had her running away from him without an explanation whatsoever.
“Let me go, Barrington!” she ordered in a semi hateful tone.
Instead of complying, he kissed the top her head, holding her to his chest tightly.
“Why are you doing this to me?” she whispered, her voice cracked.
Closing his eyes, he told her honestly, “I'm not doing this to you, baby. Believe it or not, Perri, I'm doing this for you.”
Her laughter held no humor. “That's supposed to be my line, isn't it?”
Turning her stiff body around to face him, Barrington gently lifted her chin, forcing her to meet his probing gaze. “This is not a line, Perri.” He shook his head in denial as well as hurt and confusion. “Why won't you believe me?”
“Why won't you just tell me why you don't really want me?”
“Wait. Not want her? What?” Shaking his head, Barrington blinked, thoroughly confused. “Where did you get a crazy idea like that, Perri?”
She jutted her chin out. “If it's so crazy, Barrington, then you must be insane, because I got the idea from your actions. Or shall I say lack of them?”
Barrington tried his best not to, he really did, but before he could stop himself, he broke out laughing. Perri shoved his shoulders hard with both palms. He yelped and continued laughing.
Perri glared up at him, really wanting to smack the cockiness right out him. “Don't you laugh at me!” she demanded. When he only doubled over and laughed some more, she stomped on his right foot and ran out the door, pulling her keys out of the pocket of her jeans as she did. When she got to her car, fumbling to jam the key in the lock, they fell out of her hand, slapping her feet. She quickly snatched them up off the ground and attempted to force them in the lock again. And again, they fell to the stupid ground. “Dumb keys,” she fussed to the air.
Catching up to her at the car, Barrington scooped up her keys and held them in the air. “Don't you ever do that again, Perri,” he grated through clenched teeth.
“Damn you, Barrington. Give me my keys!” she ordered in a not so low tone.
“Not until you stop acting like a fool.”
Perri half laughed, half grunted. “You don't have to worry about that. This is the last time I play the fool for you.” Pushing at his chest with both hands, she yelled up at him, “Give me my keys. Now!”
He stared down at her. “Not until you tell me where you think you're going.”
“I don't owe you any explanations.”
“Wrong, Perri. I just told you I love you, girl. I think I deserve to know why you having a hissy fit.” The look in his eyes told her he meant to get an answer.
“Why don't you just go back wherever it is you came from and leave me alone,” she turned and started back up her driveway.
“Oh, no you don't, Perri.” Barrington caught hold of her arms as she struggled against him. “You are not just gonna walk away without explaining yourself.”
“Turn around and watch me.”
“I am; like a hawk. That's why I'm telling you, you’re not walking away from me until we settle this thing, whatever it is.” He honestly didn't have a clue.
“Well, I tell you what.” She tested his grip on her arms; it remained tight. “You let me go and I'll think about listening to you.”
“Are you gonna be a good girl if I do?” He was not her fool.
She wanted to haul off and slap the tar out of him. Too mad, stunned, and hurt to do anything, she remained quiet.
“I can't hear you, Perri. Is that a yes or no?” His hold on her wrists tightened as she squirmed one last time.
“Yes. All right!” she shouted.
Slowly, Barrington released his grip on her, but he held on to her hands. “Okay,” he announced like it was an introduction “why are you so mad?”
Giving him the evil eye, she challenged, “Wouldn't you like to know?”
“Will you just answer me straight out,” he snapped.
“Don't you yell at me, Barrington Knight!”
“Why not, Perri? You certainly don't think twice about yelling at me.”
“That's because you deserve it.”
“What I deserve is an answer. And I'm damn well gonna get one.”
Perri rolled her eyes at him as hard as she could, then folded her arms and looked out into the distant street. Unable to focus on anything, she blinked back angry tears.
If Barrington wasn't so annoyed he would have laughed at her again. Standing there like a spoiled brat of a child who'd just threatened her parents' that she was gonna hold her breath until they gave in to her wishes. Well, she can have as many temper tantrums as she wants, he thought, she's still gonna answer me.
“I'm waiting, Perri.”
“Go home, Barrington.”
Okay, it was cute before; now it's just downright annoying. “Look, girl, I came all this way to see you. The least you can do is be a decent hostess.”
Is he crazy? “Did I ask you to come over here?”
“No.”
“Well, then.”
He tried to hide his grin. “That didn't stop you from letting me in, did it? It also didn't stop you from kissing my face off.” He did laugh this time.
Her jaw gaped open. “Me?” she pointed at him, “You're the one who pounced on me. And you did it just so you could take pleasure in pushing me away like some little pest who got too close,” she accused and glared at him disgusted. “You . . . you . . . you . . .
Her mind went blank as she searched her brain for something, anything bad to call him. She could tell by the smirk on his face he wanted to laugh at her some more and that only pissed her off that much more.
“Like I said, Barrington, go home.” She started toward the house again.
“Aw, hell, I've had about enough of this. I'm sick of this shit, Perri.”
“Good! Be gone,” she called over her shoulder.
“Oh, I will.”
“Good!” She stomped even harder up the driveway.
“But you're coming with me.”
“Barrington,” she yelped as he lifted her off the ground. “Put me down!”
“I will . . . soon enough.” Opening the door to his Escalade, he shoved her in the passenger side, locking the doors as he did so. He stood there and watched her struggle to get the door open to no avail. Then he stared at her a while longer as she beat the side window. At that point, Barrington informed her, “They're childproof locks, Perri, which is exactly what you're acting like right now; a child!” Stalking over to the driver side, he got in, slammed the door, started the engine and, backed out of her driveway with her cussing him all the way.
Chapter Three
Fifty-five minutes later, Barrington pulled into his driveway. Instead of going around to her side, he pulled Perri out of his side right along with him, scooped her up, and carried her up his walkway. He'd already called ahead and told his housekeeper, Nia, to leave the door unlocked for him.
Barrington opened the door and pushed it shut with his foot. He then walked up his winding staircase and did not stop until he walked into his bedroom. Once inside, after closing and locking the door, he made his way over to the middle of his room, and only then, did he release Perri as he deposited her not so softly in the center of his bed. He looked down at her with a satisfied grin that he wouldn't even bother trying to hide.
“Now,” he announced, “you're on my turf, and you will listen to me.” When she just hoisted herself on her knees and sat back on her haunches, then bit her lower lip, staring up at him, Barrington just about lost all sense of reality as he fought the urge to pounce on her body for real this time. He shook off his desire, or at least he attempted to. Damn, even mad as the devil, she's sexy as hell.
He automatically started to sit down before he caught himself, knowing it was safer for him to stand and keep somewhat of a physical distance between them. “Look, Perri, I don't like it when you're mad at me, especially when you won't tell me why. And I don't know what made you think I don't want you, when wanting you is all ever seem to do. But I know you're a virgin too, Perri, and as much as I want to be your first, I don't want to hurt you.”
“Too late, Barrington, you already accomplished that.”
He swallowed back a curse, and sat on the bed, pulling her into his arms. She struggled against his touch. He then pulled her onto his lap and held her tight. As if all the fight had suddenly drained out of her, she stopped struggling, but her body remained stiff in his arms. He kissed the center of her back and kept kissing it until she finally relented and melted against him. “Sweet Perri, it's not supposed to be like this,” he spoke softly. Too softly.
She slowly turned around and her breath caught, her lungs suddenly too heavy to breathe through. He was too darn fine. “I don't believe this crap of you.”
If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1) Page 3