“You’re not funny, Perri.”
“Good! I’m glad you realize that because right now I’m being totally serious.”
“That’s the problem! You’re too serious about your feelings and could give two shakes of a rat’s ass about mine.”
His comment made her realize she’d unintentionally hurt his feelings. And not for the first time, it dawned on Perri if anyone should be all hurt, mad, upset and spooning out hefty sizes of repressed anger it was Barrington; yet here he was showing her kindness, trying to be logical where she was being downright unreasonable, not to mention outright nasty and hateful. She couldn’t be more ashamed if Barrington had pointed in her face, calling her a hypocrite, which was exactly how she’d been acting toward him.
“I’m sorry, Barrington. You’re right,” she admitted. “I haven’t been considerate of your feelings where our daughter is concerned. For that, I apologize to you.” Chancing a look at him she said, “I honestly mean that.”
Affording her an easy smile he realized he never could stay mad at her for long especially when she owned up to her mistakes which he knew wasn’t easy for her to do. He also knew it was twice as hard for her to get used to the idea of sharing their daughter with him and that he shouldn’t expect too much too soon being that for all intended purposes it was going to take time. And hadn’t he promised her they’d have plenty of time to work it out together? Knowing she was determined to keep a wall between them, Barrington was more determined to knock down all the barriers that kept them oceans apart, promising himself that instead of helping her fight the troubled waters, he’d wade the bitter waters, riding out each wave with her until it became sweet. He didn’t doubt it would though he accepted that it would take as long as it takes.
“Apology accepted.” Smiling, Barrington added, “Thank you.”
Puzzled, she asked, “For what?”
“For blessing me with such a beautiful baby; you did good, Perri.”
Unable to hide her smile, she said, “We both did an awesome job creating that miracle.”
Allowing her words to penetrate his thoughts, Barrington said to no one in particular, “I just wish I could have been there to see such a precious creation make her grand entrance into this awaiting world of possibilities.” He looked at her with hopeful longing in his eyes. “I just want her to have the best of both our worlds, different as they may be to others on the outside looking in, who only choose to view our different colored skins. I don’t give a damn what society says, I will never accept that Imani being blessed to have fifty percent of your black heritage and fifty percent of my white heritage will turn out to be a curse for her. Color didn’t play a factor in our love for each other, baby. I won’t believe it has to make us use our daughter against each other.”
Brushing tears from her eyes, Perri offered a weak smile. “I never want that for our baby.”
To lighten the mood, he joked, “It’s unanimous; two for two isn’t bad. Dare we go for three?”
She laughed. “You’re crazy as ever. Small wonder our child is such a ham.”
“And I could sure eat her up.” He shook his head. “I’m still in awe that beautiful little being is mine. I never would have thought I was capable of making such a valuable contribution to this sometimes crazy mixed up world.”
“Sometimes crazy?” she said, chuckling.
He grinned. “I’m in a zone; nothing but positive thoughts centered around our girl’s world.”
Drying her hands on the dishtowel, Perri took his hand. “Follow me, please.”
After taking his time perusing around, he said, “I feel privileged. You actually let me see the inside of your office where you create, I’m sure, the most amazing designs I’ve ever seen.”
“Please don’t mock me.”
Hooking his finger under her chin, he raised it to meet his gaze, “It’s called sweet honesty, Perri. Sincerity is exactly what I’m offering you at all times.”
She swallowed hard, purposely stopping herself from swooning in his awaiting arms. And it was a struggle, knowing his arms held the sweetest warmth she’d ever known. Too bad the one thing they lacked was security. That thought entered her mind without permission. Forcing herself to get past the hurt for the moment, she walked over to the entertainment center and scanned the shelf, finding what she wanted, and popped it into the DVD player. “You need to see this, Barrington.”
Following her, he sat on the chaise without another word, eyes glued to the TV screen.
For the next two hours, Barrington was enthralled with what he saw. Too choked up to speak, he simply grabbed Perri’s hand bringing it to his mouth, kissing it and then moving it to his chest where he allowed her to feel the beat of his heart which still raced for her.
Understanding his unspoken dialogue, she nodded, silently conveying how welcome he was. Without thinking about it, she laid her head on his shoulder and together, she and the father of her child cried as they continued to watch Imani make her grand entrance into the world which was full of glorious possibilities where her well-being was concerned. Not to mention love overflowing from both her mommy and her daddy’s world—different as they’d always been.
With his heart still so full, Barrington confessed, “Perri, even if I didn’t have any hands with which to pick a woman to carry my seed I would still try my damnedest to find a way to ensure it was only you. Thank you for sharing this rare and precious moment with me, because you’re right; I really did need to see it for more reasons than you’ll ever know.”
Perri could only smile at him.
Kissing her lips as friendly as his flaming desire would allow him to, Barrington said, “Thank you once again, baby, for blessing me with such a beautiful daughter. For truly I am a blessed man, and I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart and the depth of my soul, I forgive you, Perri, for not telling me about Imani.”
“Thank you, Barrington,” was all she could manage to say.
He tenderly wiped her tears away. “My sweet Perri, please don’t cry. I wanna see you happy. You definitely deserve it.”
Sniffing, she found her voice, whispering, “You can give Imani your last name.”
This time it was Barrington who felt tears being tenderly stroked from his eyes. Pounding his chest lightly three times with his fist was all he could manage to do.
“You’re so very welcome,” Perri replied quietly as she hugged him.
Chapter Twelve
“Well, I’m assuming Barrington did call yesterday and you did let him visit with Imani. So, how’d it go?” Journey asked, hoping all went well with their first interaction as a family.
On a frustrated sigh, Perri told her, “Better than I thought believe it or not.”
Laughing, Journey said, “Meaning what exactly?”
Perri shrugged taking the cordless into the living room. “I’m not exactly sure.”
“Perri, you must have some idea,” Journey assumed. “Did he stay long?”
“Yeah . . . actually he did.”
Clearly hoping for more detail, Journey demanded, “Okay, girl, what gives with the one statement answers?”
Perri laughed. “I don’t know.”
“You do know,” Journey insisted. “Now, talk to me.”
“It was nice I suppose.” Perri swallowed hard suddenly fighting back tears.
Hearing her friend's voice crack, Journey asked, “Perri, what’s wrong?”
She shook it off, “Nothing; just being silly.”
“I don’t think so, Perri. Save it for someone who doesn’t know you as well as I do. I wanna know what’s going on with you. What are you thinking?”
Swallowing hard, she confessed, “Jern, I really did like having Barrington here. Fool that I am I enjoyed his company. It reminded me of our better days”
“Perri, there’s nothing wrong with remembering. Sometimes it actually is good for the soul. We both know what a hard time you had letting your relationship with Barrington go, and nob
ody expects you never to think about the man as long as you live.”
Refusing to skip down memory lane, she simply said, “That’s all behind me now and, that’s where I want it to stay, Jern.”
“I feel you. Sounds like it’s still not easy for you to let go,” Journey observed.
“You got that one right.” Perri sighed heavily. “Jern, I’m afraid I may still have it bad for the one and only man who broke my heart. No warning, no apology, no explanation. Just up and bounced, and to this very day I still don’t know why.” Tears streamed down her face.
“Oh, Perri, it’s all right, honey.” Tears sprang to Journey’s eyes, she hated when her best friend was in such pain unable to help her, just like the first time Barrington had hurt her, leaving her to deal the best way she could.
“No, Jern, it’s not. I don’t wanna still want him.” Perri sniffed. “He doesn’t deserve a thing from me after what he pulled, still yet here I am whining over the man.”
“Maybe that’s not such a bad thing, Perri.” Journey knew she was going to rake her over the coals but she had to be honest. And just being honest, Journey thought it a good thing for the two of them to admit their mutual feelings for the sake of their daughter as well as each other and come to some sort of amicable agreement. They both deserved that.
“What?” Perri couldn’t believe her ears.
“I mean it, Perri. Listen to me, okay? I’m gonna tell you like I told Barrington. In life everything happens for a reason, and just maybe the reason y'all came full circle was to get to the bottom of what exactly tore you apart in the first place.”
“That’s easy. It was his selfish disappearing act that tore us apart.”
“Come on, Perri. Be fair to yourself and him. Look at it like this; you do deserve to know the real story why Barrington was gone when you woke up. Just ask him why he didn’t bother calling to say goodbye.” Journey let that sink into her friend’s stubborn mind. “It won’t be easy to rehash it after all this time,” she admitted. “But it’s a step to getting the closure you need.”
Perri considered everything Journey said. “You’re right,” she conceded. “I do need answers, but I’m just not sure I can handle traveling that same road to get them.”
“Why?”
“Last time it was a dead end with no explanation of where to take a detour.”
Journey laughed, shaking her head, “Girl, you and your metaphors.”
“I’m serious.”
“I know you are, Perri, and I’m serious when I tell you to keep an open mind. Just ask the man why he fled the love scene; let him speak his mind and really listen to what he has to say. I think you'll be surprised at what he has to tell you.”
Suddenly suspicious, Perri asked, “You know something I don’t?”
“No. Well, nothing concrete.”
“So your opinion would be based on?”
“The love for you I saw in his eyes.”
Sure she'd heard wrong, Perri laughed. “You saw what?”
“Clear as blue, I saw love for you.”
“Yeah, Jern, right,” Perri didn’t believe that but if her friend did, okay.
“You don’t have to take my word because I’m not the one who has to convince you.”
“Girl, please. I can't be catching feelings for Barrington.”
“You mean stirring up feelings, don’t you? The feelings you never got over in the first place. Believe me. He's not over you, either. So when Barrington tells you the same, and he will, you need to consider believing him, Perri.”
“You know what? You’re starting to talk crazy, Jern. I’ve got to use the bathroom, so I’m hanging up this phone. Talk to you later.”
“Think about it, Perri. Bye.”
***
Usher’s You Got It Bad crooned in the background as Perri lay on the couch, trying not to think about Barrington. Of course, the more she tried not to think of him the more she thought about him. “Yeah, Usher, I got it bad.” She started at the sound of the phone ringing.
“Yeah, Jern, talk to me,” she laughed.
“I’d love to talk to you, but I’m not Journey.”
She blinked rapidly. “Barrington.”
“Sorry to disappoint you.”
Perri sat straight up on the couch. “It’s not that,” she quickly said. “I’m just surprised to hear from you again so soon.”
“Why, Perri?”
“Just am, that’s all.”
“I don’t have the luxury of waiting on time to bring you around, Perri.” Barrington sighed tiredly. “But whatever, okay. I just called to tell you I’m leaving day after tomorrow. Or at least I’m supposed to.”
Perri swallowed the disappointment. “I see,” she said tightly.
“I don’t think you do, Perri. Otherwise, you wouldn’t sound so put out with me. But then again, I guess I just have that effect on you.”
Perri didn’t respond. She couldn’t; she didn’t expect him to leave town so soon.
“But,” he continued, a hint of smile in his tone, “I do remember a time when my effect on you had you melting in my arms.”
That was all she needed to get her guard back up. She rolled her eyes. “Obviously you have more confidence in your so-called past accomplishments.”
She was still in denial. Barrington laughed. “If you say so,” he abandoned the subject. “Where’s cupcake?”
“Napping.”
“Why is she always sleeping whenever I call?”
Perri didn’t miss the annoyance in his voice. And she didn’t appreciate it. “Because you always call when she’s asleep,” she snapped.
Barrington blew out a puff of frustrated air. “When will she be up?”
“She’s a baby. I couldn’t exactly ask her how long she thinks she may like to sleep.”
“Why you always gotta be smart with me?”
“Why you always ask stupid questions?”
“What’s stupid about wanting to know when my daughter will be waking up?”
“Nothing if she were old enough for it to make a difference. But since she’s not . . .”
“Whatever.”
“My sentiments exactly,” she said.
A thick, uncomfortable silence hung between them.
Barrington silently counted to ten. “Would it be possible for me to swing by for a minute?” he decided to ask. When she didn’t answer right away, he said, “Please, Perri, I only wanna look in on my baby girl and kiss her goodnight if she’s down for the night.”
Her heart softened at the hope in his voice. “I don’t have a problem with that.”
“Thank you.” He seemed to breathe easier. “I’m about thirty minutes from you.”
“Thirty minutes? Where’d you go?” God, she didn’t mean to sound concerned, or jealous.
So she did still care what he did with his time. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “I hit the studio for a minute.”
“Nine o’clock at night?”
“I had something on my heart I needed to get down on a track while it was fresh. It’s still raw, but at least I got something to work with, you know.”
“I hear you.”
Switching the subject, Barrington asked, “Have you eaten?”
Come to think of it she hadn’t. “Not yet.”
“Hungry?”
“I could eat a little something.”
“What do you feel like eating?”
“What are you near now?”
“Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Krispy Kreme.” He glanced to the left. “Oh, and Captain D’s.”
She laughed and commented, “So many options to choose from.”
“I know right.” He laughed.
“Do you have a preference?”
“Long as I get some food I don’t care. Whatever you want is fine with me but hurry up because I’m starving.”
Perri laughed picturing his gorgeous face. “Same old Barrington,” she said amused.
&n
bsp; “Would you really have me be any other way?”
She thought about it. “No not really. Captain D’s sounds good right now.”
“I can go for that,” he agreed.
“I want—”
“Green shrimp,” Barrington finished her request.
She smiled. “Yeah, how’d . . .” Perri shook her head, grinning. “Never mind, I’ll see you when you get here.”
“All right, be there shortly.”
“Barrington?”
“Yes?”
She waited a beat before saying, “Be careful.”
Barrington grinned, encouraged by her concern. “Thanks, baby. I will.”
After ending the call Perri sat with the phone in hand wondering what she’d just opened herself up to. “Come on, girl. It’s just dinner not a date. Don’t make too much of it. Just be nice tonight. After all, it’s what Imani would want.”
A sudden cold chill ran through Perri. She couldn’t explain it, but something just did not feel right. She found herself waiting for Barrington to pick up his cell phone, though she had no idea what made her call him back.
“You know what?” she said soon as he answered.
“What?” He was grinning just because this time Perri called him.
“I got to thinking, why not just come on over? I have a mobile menu; you know they deliver food from most anywhere you can think of to eat.”
Barrington swallowed back disappointment as he cursed under his breath. Why had he allowed himself to hope she was calling because she really wanted to talk to him? “Yeah, baby, but I’m already tired.” And he was. “I just really don’t feel like waiting no long time on them to get there.”
“Oh pooh, they’ll probably be here before you. If not you can spend some time with Imani. You even said you’re tired so just head on this way.” Perri couldn’t explain it but she wanted Barrington to come over right now. Deciding to toss in some incentive, she told him, “Maybe you can catch a quick nap if they’re not here by the time you arrive.”
The thought of spending time with his daughter did appeal to him. Plus, Barrington thought it would give him a chance to sneak in some quality time with Perri. About the same time he made up his mind he heard her speaking.
If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1) Page 14