“Tenderly and lovingly kissing each one of us on the forehead, Madear went on to ask us individually what we would give up for the Kingdom.” Closing her eyes, Perri recited Madear’s exact words, “Your Mama and Daddy were willing to sacrifice spending the summer with you girls' to obey God when He asked them to serve as missionaries in Africa instead. It made them sad that they’d have to leave you girls’ behind, but they knew you'd be in good hands with me; so after God confirmed His request of them, John and Mary prepared to carry out His wishes. Not because they wanted to be deep and spiritual; but because they wanted to please God. Your Mama and Daddy were willing to give up their lives for the Kingdom.” Then standing, Mattie looked down at each of her girls again and said, “What would you girls give up for the Kingdom?” And with that she quietly left the room.
Perri opened her eyes and her gaze locked with that of her husband's.
Trying hard to ignore his libido, Barrington took in his wife's appearance, proud that she still had that satisfied-made-love-to look in her eyes. He looked at her tousled hair, tucked a strand behind her ear and held her closer, wanting to make love to her again. “And you said . . .?”
“All three of us were speechless for a long time. Then we each took a turn trying to think of what we would give up for God if He asked us to.” She smiled remembering, “It is funny, but we all had the same answer. We said we'd give up being mad that Mama and Daddy had to leave us before we were ready for them to go.” Perri shrugged, feeling hot tears stream from her eyes. “I guess you could say we gave up the only parents’ we knew and loved dearly. We let God have our anger, bitterness, resentment, pain, hurt, confusion and grief in spite of already giving up our parents’ for God’s Kingdom.”
“It couldn't have been easy, baby.”
“No, it wasn't easy for me, and it won't be easy for you, either. But I’m gonna be like my wise Madear.” Perri looked directly in her husband’s beautiful yellow-green eyes. “What are you, Barrington, willing to give up for the Kingdom?”
Barrington considered it. “You think God wants me to give up R&B, don’t you, baby?”
Perri shrugged. “It doesn’t matter what I think because it’s not for me to say. Therefore, I can’t answer that for you. Sweetheart, I can labor in prayer for you all day long—and I am always praying for you; but this is one cause you’re going to have to take up with God for yourself, because He’s not gonna reveal the answer to me. He’s going to reveal it to you, mighty man of valor.”
“I appreciate that, baby. Really, I do.” Barrington shook his head. “But don’t you have a hunch or something . . . anything to help me go on?”
“All I know for sure concerns my own situation.”
“Which is?”
“After I gave my life to Christ, I knew I couldn’t go back up on that stage as a dancer, flashing my skin, wearing compromising outfits, if that’s what you wanna call them.” She shook her head. “God wasn’t getting any glory out of that and I was digging my heels deeper and deeper into my own self-made mess. I'm telling you, it was ugly as homemade sin; makes me shudder just to think about it.
“I was up on that stage thanking God for allowing me to have the opportunity to dance, only to start shimming in some man’s face.” The whole scene disgusted her now. “How was that pleasing to God, Barrington? It would be like you and I going to watch our girls’ at a strip club.”
Barrington glared at Perri. “Now you did not have to use our baby’s as an example.”
“I imagine that’s exactly how God felt about me shaking my rump-shaker onstage for a bunch of horny males . . . and these days, females, too.” She chuckled.
“Don’t put that image in my head, baby,” Barrington shook his head. After carefully considering his wife’s words, he admitted, “I guess you got a point.” He suddenly kissed her, needing to draw strength from her mouth. Hating to release her sweet tongue, he broke their kiss. “Music is my life, baby.” He looked at her as if searching her soul for answers she’d already told him she couldn’t provide. “I don’t know how to do anything else. At least nothing I wanna do as bad as singing and performing for a live audience,” Barrington confessed.
“I feel you, baby.”
“Music is my life,” he repeated again to no one in particular.
“Maybe that’s the problem, Barrington.”
“Huh?” he was clearly confused.
“You said music is your life?”
“Yeah . . . it is.”
“What if God wants to be your life? Period.”
“You think so?”
“God is a jealous God; He’s loving but He’s jealous when it comes to His own children and whom they’re trying to serve.”
Barrington thought about it. “That could be, I guess.” He shrugged. “What does He want me to do about it? What did He tell you to do about dancing?”
“That’s just it, Barrington. God didn’t have a problem with me dancing; He gave me the talent to do it. The problem was I wasn’t using my dance movements and abilities to magnify Him. I was up on that stage prancing around half-naked, gyrating my hips to the beat of the music. And yeah, I was feeling good and having a good time doing it . . . until I left the stage. Then I’d start wondering what in the world possessed me to go up there and do all that carrying on in the first place. It was pleasurable while I was doing it, but the moment I stopped, I became downright disgusted with myself.” She involuntarily shivered.
“Barrington, it was like I would appear as the main attraction on stage; the music starts and I'm racing out to take my position. The crowd is cheering and jeering loudly and I'm up there wiling out, rump-shaking, teasing the male audience with suggestive looks and movements. Then whatever male singer I happen to be rocking with comes over groping me and all my body parts from behind, dry-humping me in front of a live audience in a packed out arena full of strangers. Not that it would matter none if I did know them, but I mean, I'm saying, it was enough to give me pause, you know.” Shaking her head adamantly, Perri said, “It just didn't feel right, G-Man.”
“I think I know what you mean,” Barrington said. “Because, baby, when I was out there on the road . . . this last time it just didn’t feel the same.”
“Not the same how? Good or bad?”
“I’m not sure, baby. It wasn’t like I hated being up there because I didn’t; it was like, well, like I needed more.” He searched her eyes. “Crazy, isn’t it?”
“Not at all,” she said and smiled sweetly. “Sounds like you’re really starting to think about your long term future.”
“Maybe,” was all he could say to that theory. “But, baby, finish your story.”
“Well, I continued to dance even though I had no clue why I did when I was so full of doubt about wanting to do it in the first place. I started looking at it like: well, I’m getting paid, so I stayed.”
“I never knew you hated dancing so much.”
“That’s because I didn’t hate dancing per se. I just wasn’t satisfied with the kind of dancing I was doing, that’s all. I was like, there has to be more to life than this bull crap. At the same time, my flesh wasn't ready to give it up.”
“Oh, I see.”
“Then there was you, Barrington; when I met you, I couldn't forget you. And you were the only male performer who didn’t look at me like I was his next happy meal.”
They laughed.
“What impressed me most about you was not your good looks.”
“Oh?” he chuckled.
“No. It was the fact that you never once asked me to come and dance for you, help you get your freak on, or any of the other madness most male performers are accustomed to and want. Most of all, Barrington, you didn't disrespect me in any way, shape, or form.”
“Come to think of it, Perri, it never even crossed my mind.”
“No?”
“No.” Barrington shook his head. “When I saw you across the room before ever being introduced to you, I knew I wanted
to get to know you, and I didn’t want it to have anything to do with you dancing for me, or anyone else for that matter. To tell the truth, baby, I was jealous every time you were up on that stage and I watched how those men of all ages were ogling you, checking you out and drinking in your every move. I didn’t even know you yet, but I mean, I was jealous as he . . . uh, all get up,” he caught himself before he cussed.
Perri laughed out loud. “Look at you now; trying to monitor your tongue and all. That’s so cute and I’m sure it pleased God that you even tried.”
Barrington laughed. “Anyway, baby. Tell me what you did when you realized you didn’t like how you felt dancing after giving your life to the Lord.”
“It wasn’t all dancing, Barrington; just the raw and raunchy kind. I still love to dance and I still do dance, as you know. It’s just I switched dancing partners. I no longer dance for the devil. I dance for God and I make sure He’s the one being glorified.”
“Okay. I can understand that. But how did you make the switch, Perri?”
“I was now someone’s Mama and I had to consider it this way: would I want my daughter up on somebody’s stage showing all her assets just to help some lust-filled soul get his freak on?”
“No!” Barrington and Perri said at once.
“Precisely, so really, Barrington, what choice did I have to make? As far as I was concerned it was not even a question. I knew I wanted to raise my daughter as what I considered to be right in my sight. To raise her right I had to do it God’s way. To do it God’s way I had to say no way to the worlds' ways. I had to stay on the straight and narrow path if I wanted to be pleasing in God’s sight—and I definitely knew I did want to. For me personally, that meant dancing for the Lord if indeed I were going to continue dancing. So the first thing I did was pray about it. Then I had to wait on God to reveal to me His plan for my life, and it wasn’t an easy wait either, but it was definitely worth the wait; that much I’m sure of.”
“Yes you were.” Barrington wrapped his arms around his wife’s waist, pulling her back against his chest. “But I would have taken you as you were.” He kissed her shoulder blade.
Chuckling, she teased him back, “And you did.”
“One of the best decisions I ever made, too,” he bragged.
“Now, you got an even bigger one to make.”
“Yeah, I do.” He kissed the top of her head. “Thanks for listening to me, baby.”
“Not a problem, my love. I’m always here for you. Remember that.”
“I will,” he promised. “So, what does your schedule look like today?” he asked to change the subject. Not to downplay what he’d said, but he was still confused as to what God wanted him to do about his music career, and frankly, he just didn’t want to put any more time into thinking about it right now. He would pray about it and then leave it in the Lord's hands, trusting He'd guide and lead him in the right direction. Barrington felt sure he'd know what to do exactly when he needed to know. Until then he'd just keep building his faith up.
***
In the wee hours of the morning, Barrington woke up, and didn't hesitate to wake Perri, too.
Opening her eyes, Perri slowly smiled as she watched her husband through sleepy eyes. “G-Man, you can't honestly still be horny; I filled you up good.”
Barrington laughed out loud, kissing her forehead. “Yes, baby, you did. But it's funny you should say that.” He grinned. “I know what God wants me to do.”
Perri sat halfway up, leaning on one elbow as she peered into her husband's beautiful yellow-green eyes now dancing with delight. “What, baby boy?”
“I don't have to stop singing; I just need to change the source I'm singing for.” Seeing the confusion in Perri's face, Barrington explained, “Baby, the music field is full of songs about being in love and the majority are from the secular field. But you only have a handful, if any that sing about being in love from a Christian standpoint.”
Perri nodded. “Okay. I'm with you so far.”
“Bottom line, Perri: Christian couples have sex because they need love, too.
Perri burst into laughter. “This is true. Go on.”
“And the truth is, as much as I love Gospel music, I can't get busy to This Is The Day.
Perri covered her face, laughing her head off.
Barrington pulled her hands from her face. “I'm serious, baby.”
She nodded. “I know you are.” She laughed. “It's still funny to hear you say it.”
“See, and that's part of the problem. Christians, most of them, are closed mouthed about sex, when it's the most natural thing in the world—between a husband and wife, that is.” He grinned at Perri. “See, baby, I have been listening to the sermons in church and reading my Bible faithfully since I got saved.”
“I know, Barrington. I'm proud of you, by the way.” She kissed his cheek.
“You're my prime example.”
“For?”
“The point I'm trying to make.”
“Which is?”
“That peck on the cheek you just gave me.”
“What about it?”
“Baby, that wasn't nothing but a little tease.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me, Perri. Baby, all that did was make me want you more. I mean, I really wanna make love to you right now. Point is while a woman has to 'get in the mood' a man is always ready to make love to his woman. Look, baby . . .”
Perri's eyes followed Barrington's and, sure enough, she saw that his manhood was standing straight up, commanding her attention. She looked back at him. “Believe me, G-Man, I see your point.”
They laughed.
“Okay, so you understand that just because a man changes masters, he's still a man. And a man is a man is a man all day long. Perri, whether a man is a Christian or not, he still wants to get his freak on with his wife,” Barrington said, chuckling.
Perri doubled over in laughter and Barrington laughed with her.
“I'm laughing, baby, but I'm serious as can be.”
“I know, Barrington.” She scooted closer to him. “So what are you gonna do?”
“Before or after I get my freak on with you?”
She laughed, playfully slapping his shoulder. “I'm serious, baby boy.”
“So am I?” he assured her. “Before or after I get my freak on with you?”
“After.”
“I'm going to create love songs so that married couples can get their freak on.” He shrugged. “And because it will be anointed, Christian couples won't feel guilty about making lyrical love using it as the backdrop to get their freak on, too. Because Paul himself said it best when he declared the marriage bed is undefiled. To me personally, that means God isn’t mad at his little sons for desiring a wife with FP.”
“FP?” Perri crinkled her brows. “Barrington, what does that mean?”
“It means that even though a man gets saved and starts living his life for God, the truth is that same sinner-turned Christian man still wants and desires a wife with 'freak potential' and, baby, that's on the for real tip. So since God already knows everything there is to know about mankind, really there's no need for men and women to keep their desires on the DL.”
“And Lord knows, Barrington, you not on the down low about anything.”
“But I don't mind going down low on you, baby. And you know this.”
Perri laughed. “Yes, G-Man,” she agreed. Perri climbed on top of her man. “Care to give me a sneak preview of those anointed love songs you gonna create for Christian couples to get their freak on with?” She moved seductively over him. “After all, we are married and all, so I mean, our bed is undefiled.”
“You don’t have to beg me, I'm always ready to freak you, baby.”
After Barrington sang the lyrical song of his heart to Perri, his mouth met and devoured hers. From there, up, down, inside and out, Barrington did freak Perri.
Perri tore her mouth from his long enough to whisper, “Hit me,
Barry.” And being a married woman very much in love with her husband, Perri made sure she freaked Barrington, too, right into the break of dawn.
Epilogue
Three years later
“Come on, sweet Perri, one last push. I see the head. You can do it, baby.”
Perri felt her vagina rip as she pushed her baby through.
Barrington kissed her forehead with tears in his eyes. “You did it, baby.”
Perri was still panting and breathing like she'd just run a three hundred mile marathon, only instead of a blue ribbon, she had a set of newborn twins to show for all her hard labor of love. “I wanna see them.” She smiled and laughed through her tears. “Let me see them,” she ordered. When the nurse placed both babies' on her belly, Perri cried, rubbing each one of their backs. “Thank You, sweet Jesus. Oh, my beautiful babies', Mommy and Daddy love you so much.”
Barrington kissed the back of their heads which were both full of curly jet light brown hair. “Welcome to the Knight family, my sweet babies.” He watched his wife. “Perri, one has yellow-green eyes and the other has chocolate brown eyes. Any idea what we're gonna name them?”
Nodding, Perri announced, “Noah Barrington and Sloan Perri.”
Barrington picked up Sloan as Perri held Noah.
“Wait until Jordy and Imani see you guys,” Perri told their baby loves.
“Thank you, baby for being the mother of all my children,” Barrington kissed her lips. “I love you, sweet Perri.”
“You're welcome, G-Man.” Perri kissed him back. “And I love you more, baby boy.”
THE END
From The Author
Greetings!
If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1) Page 40