COLORS
OF THE SHADOW
Nava Dijkstra
Nava Dijkstra completed a Bachelor's degree in psychology and a Master's degree in Behavioral Science, which help her to enrich the development of the characters in her books.
In addition, Nava is a family consultant, specializing in issues of divorce, cohabitation and remarriage. In this framework, she writes novels about the complex familial relationship attributed to couples who remarry.
Nava Dijkstra is the author of five previous novels. She writes mostly about romance and combines it with suspense and mystery.
BOOKS
Copyright © Nava Dijkstra 2015. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
Colors of the shadow is available in trade paperback. For questions, contact us at [email protected]
Publisher’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination, or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Hebrew to English translations by Anelaida Labanen Galinato
PART I
Childhood
1
The atmosphere in the old truck was grim. The Zarian family sat in silence, as if they were strangers to one another. The father sat in front next to the driver. He looked hopeless. Sadness and pain were evident in every line and wrinkle on his brown face─several seemed to be distinct only from the last couple of days. His black wavy hair that was always well-groomed was disorganized, as if he left the house in a hurry and did not pay attention to it.
Fifteen-and-a-half-year-old Sherry was sitting in front of her sisters—Esther, who was twelve-and-a-half-years-old, and Tamar, who was eleven years old. Esther moved her legs back and forth restlessly. Her big black eyes were converged on a certain point in space, and her teeth were nailed to her crumpled lips. Her black straight hair was ponytailed over her head. It highlighted her narrow, egg shaped face and prominent cheekbones. Tamar and Esther looked more like their father and Sherry looked like her mother. Sherry’s eyes were brown like honey and her lips were thin. Sherry inherited her straight black hair from her mother. Despite her narrow forehead Sherry liked to keep her hair short with bangs. She had an inclination to art of any kind and kept her room decorated accordingly. Esther occasionally caught Sherry’s eye and was reminded of the considerable distance between them, stemming from their father’s unconditional preference for Sherry.
The father didn’t hide his regard for Sherry from the others sisters. In Esther’s point of view, all these were nothing compared to his exaggerated admiration for Sherry’s paintings, and his absurd prophesy that Sherry would hit the horizon in the art world. It would have been easier to market Esther in Hollywood as an acting match of Marilyn
Monroe than to fashion Sherry as a Rembrandt. But Esther was not recognized by her acting abilities which were much more impressive, in her opinion, than Sherry’s silly paintings.
When news came that they should leave their big and spacious house in Isfahan, a large city in Iran, and move to an abandoned warehouse in the garden of their father’s acquaintance, in the same city it was Sherry who exhibited maturity and courage, while Esther responded with childish tears. In comparison to Sherry’s benevolent behavior, Esther was stiff and inconsiderate. She, however, understood her father’s distress, but the fact that she got the news the day before departure while Sherry knew it a week before, intensified her resentment towards him. Her father’s explanation that he did this to keep her from emotional distress only made her angrier and her behavior towards him meaner and insensitive. No one judged her for it.
Sherry reached and put her arm on the shoulder of her other sister, Tamar, while playing with curly and soft ponytails. In response, Tamar raised her deep black eyes toward her. She was happy about the family trip that had fallen on her so suddenly. Sherry’s eyes turned to Esther’s sad face again, and she felt pity for her. She tried again to catch her eyes, but Esther turned her head to face the road.
The truck stopped next to a luxurious house, and Esther’s face suddenly brightened. She jumped from the truck and stood still, widening her eyes. The switch that her father prepared for them was not so bad after all. She started to run happily towards the house, but was abruptly stopped when she heard her mother calling her name. She looked away from the beautiful house and turned towards an ugly structure that was standing at the rear side of the yard. She understood that this was the tabernacle waiting for them—a disgusting warehouse that could never be a place to host any of her friends. Suddenly, a girl who had always been surrounded by friends found herself to the brink of great loneliness.
The sight in front of the warehouse was even more difficult. The entrance served as a living room, housing a bed and a faded blue table with worn out feet. At the back stood a rough and cracked wall that turned gray from dust. There was a low entrance leading to a small kitchen next to the girls’ bedroom. It was a small-size chamber containing the small cabinet with a hinged door that threatened to open up and block the entrance to the room. Nylon sheets struggled to cover the huge gaping breach along the wall. Even Sherry couldn’t hide her shock.
Esther ostentatiously left the house and sat under the tall strawberry tree wiping her tears. Her dream to be a Hollywood actress was severed in a moment. How could she imagine herself walking down the red carpet inside a miserable house like that? How could she believe in dreams? How could she dream at all? Until then, anyone who looked at her knew that she was blessed with a talent in acting. No one would believe in the acting ability of a girl who lives in the servant’s quarters behind the house of a wealthy family.
Her mother walked towards Esther. She was wearing a wide-brimmed dress that showed off her full figure and her short height. Despite Sherry’s similarity to her mother, Sherry’s height was evident and her noble gait was from her father. Her mother sat down beside Esther and put her hand on her shoulder without uttering a word. Her father did not notice what was going on with his daughters, and Esther’s stormy exit from the house did not prevent him from continuing to present the miserable room to Sherry. He opened the window and smiled at the sun. Sherry stood close to him, looking at his smile and kept quiet in a deadly silence. All she asked in her heart was for him to leave her with her grief. Suddenly, his voice cracked. Sherry watched her father’s protective mask crumble as his face clenched with the air of restraint. She finally realized that even her father, with all his business skills, would struggle to rise from the low point to which he fell.
Sherry sat in a bed that created a screeching sound. She had no strength left to encourage her father. Three days ago, when he realized that his father would not retract his demand to vacate his beautiful home, he sat down and talked about it with Sherry, explaining the nature of the conflict and their need to move to a small apartment. He won her encouragement, but she was unaware that their new home was not so much an apartment as it was an inhabitable warehouse.
Sherry felt a burning sensation rising in her throat, threatening to break out. The smell of mildew increased the feeling of nausea. She quickly approached the open window and took a deep breath, but the nausea she felt seemed to be augmented. Her breakfast bubbled into the lawn. As she was wiping her mouth, she noticed a boy watching her through a wide-open window. She looked at him, embarrassed that he had to watch the humiliating spectacle. Still embarrassed, she overheard Ester’s roaring yells as she entered back into the room, slamming the closet d
oor on her way. “How can the three of us live here? There’s no space. I’ll die here...” Her yells brought her father back to the room. His face resembled the expression of a child who was caught off-guard. Sherry closed the wooden shutters and sneaked another look at the boy who was still curious about the new tenants living in the warehouse, screaming and throwing up in the well-tended garden.
Sherry reached Esther to hug her, but Esther pushed her away. “It’ll be all right,” Sherry promised. “For the moment, our grandfather is very upset with our father, but you know that he will not let us live in a place like this. Perhaps he will find the person who stole his diamonds and everything would be like before. You know how much he loved us. It is just a matter of a few days.”
“Few days? I can’t stay here even for a minute!” Esther yelled, causing her mother to stop the housework and enter the room in a panic. “How will I be able to live through this for a few days? If I disappear, don’t look for me. More than anything else, I want to die. It’s not only that I’ve lost my friends because we moved to a new place, but I may not be able to invite anyone here because of my embarrassment. I will never have friends. If we don’t move within a few days, I will run away. I won’t ever want you to look for me.”
“Try to relax,” her mother said in a soft voice.
“Why should I calm down? How is it possible to relax here?"
Her father sat in bed quietly and looked at Sherry apologetically.
“Why are you asking Sherry to forgive you?” Esther detested. “It’s always about Sherry. You need to ask for my apologies. Sherry loves these conditions; they will influence her muses. She will paint you an amazing picture of emotions here. She does not care where we live. For her, the important thing is that she has papers and colors. I’m the one who needs an apology for not being able to be an actress. Who will hire an actress who lives in a musty warehouse like this?” Esther went out, slamming the closet door. This time it was submissive to the smash and let loose from its hinges.
“At least it won’t interfere with the entrance,” Sherry joked, trying to amuse her father a little bit.
“This is the first day. After a week, it will be easier,” her father said.
Sherry thought that even after 10 years, it would not become easy.
At night, Sherry laid down on the double bed next to her two sisters, looking at the peaceful face of Esther with no traces of turmoil left. Her cheeks were slightly blushing from the heat, and her lips were reddish, even as she was sleeping. ‘It’s a miracle,’ Sherry thought, that Esther actually fell asleep quickly, as she turned from side to side in bed, unable to find a comfortable position. Or perhaps it was not the inconvenience that bothered her, but rather her brain, that a while ago accepted the new reality. Now, she found the ability and the time to segregate in sequence one reflection after the other to an intensity that she could carry.
Sherry kissed Esther, taking advantage of her sleep. There was no way her sister would let her or anyone else kiss her, for the risk of saliva remnants on her smooth cheeks was too worrisome. Across the door there were whispers. But her parents’ words sounded clearly. “How did they enter into the room without anyone seeing them? you were home all day. Even if someone came in, how did he know where the key was?” her father asked.
“Maybe you didn’t notice then, and someone saw you?”
“I never hide the key to the safe before locking myself into the room. Aside from us, nobody knew where the key was hidden. It has to be someone who knew that from the previous week. We bought diamonds with all the money we had; someone who knew that we were going to run away to America.”
“Your brothers knew that we were going to run away. They also knew that you bought diamonds.”
“No, not even my uncles who are working with us. It’s true that no one besides my brothers could enter the house without a problem, but there is no way that they stole the diamonds. If they stole them, they would have returned them right away. They wouldn’t have watched my father throw me out of the house like a dog. They couldn’t watch my father suffer. They are not the thieves… no way. I can still build my life once again, but my father is not young anymore.” He sighed loudly. “The first thing I’ll do tomorrow morning is get us away from this place. I’ll ask for a loan from my brothers, leave Iran, and open a small business in the U.S. I’m familiar with this market; I can handle it faster. I’ll go to Itzhak. I do not have the courage to go to Shmuel. It would be like an admission that what happened is a punishment for taking you away from him. I will try to go to Itzhak first; I’m sure he’ll give me money. But, if he refuses, I will not be ashamed to ask Shmuel.”
“Do not humiliate yourself. Don’t you dare ask for money from your brothers. If they want, they will come by themselves and offer you help. Wait for a few more days and we’ll know what to do. We’ll find a way to survive.”
“I can’t wait until they offer to help me. I will not let you and my daughters live in a place like this. You deserve to live in a better place. You have no idea how hard it is for me to think that you have to clean the house of Nazir and work for hours in the kitchen in exchange for living here. I’m so sorry and so ashamed that I turned you from a divine painter and talented jewelry designer to a maid and cook.”
“I’m still talented. I can find a new job.”
“You’re so good in jewelry designing. Even the six necklaces that you designed for our daughters and the three nice bracelet sets are so beautiful. The way you put the diamonds in plastic chains...”
“Dental implant, the simplest,” she interrupted. “It was the job that I least enjoyed doing. My hands were trembling. The thought that we were escaping Iran with the girls wearing necklaces and bracelets set with diamonds, never stopped bothering me. But, I knew that the plastic chains were the safest way to smuggle the jewels without arousing suspicions that those were real diamonds.”
There was silence.
Sherry got up and opened the window. A light flow of wind dashed over her, trying to mend the people who were sleeping in the small and suffocating room. The lucid night air of far off places brought an aroma to the five human beings who met the first agony of their lives. Sherry enjoyed the caress of the wind. The sky was radiated with the light of the stars—dots of light in a dark wilderness. One star fell, and she closed her eyes and asked a silent night wish: that Esther would find peace in this place. She had so much to wish for, but she found herself asking for peace for Esther.
2
In the past, the first day of the new academic year was an exciting day for everyone. But this time, it was a sad day that emphasized the difference between the life in the past and the present: new school, new friends, new housing, all new, all strange. Sherry looked at herself in the mirror and brushed her short hair. Through the mirror, she saw Esther standing in front of the closet trying to find the appropriate clothing for school. Her chin seemed to fall down, making her face look sadder.
“Do you want us to go to school together?” Sherry offered in the hope that this would encourage Esther.
Esther did not answer, and Sherry went out of the house. She saw her sister leaving in an instant and walked after her with measured steps, trying to keep distance between them. Sherry smiled to herself. It was hard for Esther to admit it, but in the new place and the new conditions that hit them, Esther needed her. Sherry decided to find ways to be close to her until she discovered new friends.
When they arrived at school, Sherry waited until her sister vanished in the class, and only then did she walk towards her classroom, which was already full of students. During recess, Sherry went to Esther’s class. She hoped that their common destiny would bring them closer together, even though their relationship had been strained. Two girls from her class headed to her side and sat on a bench nearby. She continued on her way and heard the girls call her name. She went back and stopped near them. A girl named Nahid introduced herself and her friend Mina. Despite Nahid's smile, there was so
mething stiff in her face. Her chin and cheekbones were rigid, lacking the feminine and gentle structure of a fifteen year-old girl.
“What’s your name?”
“Sarry, but everybody calls me Sherry”
“Is it not a Jewish name?” Nahid asked and Sherry nodded. It turned out they knew some of the students from her previous school, which was enough to fuel their petty gossip. Sherry exhibited a lack of patience. She wanted to make it to Esther’s classroom before recess was over. “I’m sorry, but I must leave you to go to my sister’s classroom.”
“You’ll go when I tell you,” Nahid said sternly, leaving Sherry to wonder if Nahid was joking or gravely serious.
A male voice greeted Nahid. Sherry looked behind and was shocked. It was Amir, the son of Nazir, the owner of the warehouse where they lived. He looked at Sherry, and she prayed that the earth would split and swallow her. She was so afraid that he would expose the family who lived in their warehouse, and the girl who was throwing up outside the window into the lawn of his house.
He looked at Sherry for a long time, which made her blush, but he said nothing. He started a conversation with Nahid and Mina while Sherry took the opportunity to escape and visit Esther. But, she was afraid that leaving Amir alone with Nahid and Mina might give him an opportunity to expose her secret. She stayed where she was and waited.
When the bell rang, Sherry realized that the problem was not resolved. Amir and Nahid continued to talk and didn’t rush into the classroom. She was about to go back to her class, but Nahid again ordered her to stay. “I don’t remember that I permitted you to go.”
Sherry looked at Nahid, trying to find something in her face that would explain what she meant.
Despite the threat, Sherry walked away, but Nahid’s words continued to disturb her. She hadn’t come across any discrepancies with the Jews so far, although she heard about it from time to time. In the past, she had lived in a neighborhood where there was no misbehavior towards the Jews. In her father’s jewelry store, most customers were not Jewish, and her father had many friends who were non-Jewish. She decided not to think about it too much. She was sure that in time, it would all go away.
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