She looked at the clock. A few hours had passed, and the painting that she called ‘Guilt’ stood before her. Her father stood in the darkness. Above him were tall trees kissing the stars. Behind him was a girl watching him and under him was another girl. It was impossible to look at the painting without feeling the pain that Sherry invested in it.
She went to pick up Shahar from school and continued painting. Only when Ofek arrived, she stopped working in order to go to him. Before going out, she glanced at the painting that she had just completed. She was certainly pleased. It was different. Something from her mind suddenly hitched with the paint.
In the following weeks, she spent days in the painting room. She found a connection to herself for the first time. The paintings seemed to be some sort of rehabilitation. Her past came out from the canvas and this time, she was able to look at them instead of running away from them.
She saw Ofek coming down the stairs with a suitcase. “Are you going on a vacation?” she asked. Then, she saw Eyal entering the doorway, taking the suitcase from Ofek.
“What are you doing, Ofek?” she asked in surprise.
“I’m moving to live with Daddy,” he replied. She experienced a wave of disintegration. Not only did his words made it clear to her that Eyal was not planning to come back home, but the opposite. He already found an alternative apartment, and contrary to what she thought, her relationship with Ofek didn’t turn to anew, and he didn’t even find it necessary to talk to her about his departure. She tried to pretend that she accepted the verdict with equanimity, but didn’t succeed. Her agitation was evident in her face.
She managed to catch a moment with Eyal alone. “Are you taking revenge on me?”
“No, this was Ofek’s choice. As you see, he is back to himself, and he knows who his real parent is.”
Ofek and Eyal sat in the car. Suddenly, Ofek got out and went back to the house. He saw her troubled face and apologized. “I’m sorry, it was a sudden decision.” Sherry was happy that he came back in order to win her for an apology, but she immediately realized that she was wrong. “Daddy asked me to take Shahar.”
Sherry was confused. “Take Shahar?” For a moment, it seemed to her that Eyal also intended to take Shahar into his custody.
“Yes, he will bring her back in the evening.”
Sherry calmed down. She had no strength to struggle for Shahar. “Do you have a few minutes for me, Ofek? We need to talk.”
Ofek looked at her and turned his eyes towards the exit, worried that Eyal had to wait for him.
“Look Ofek, it is important for me to let you know that I love you, that I have always loved you. Not a day had passed without wanting to tell you this and hug you, but I was emotionally crippled. I did not know how to do it. I know that I should have taken care of this, maybe to go for professional help, but I didn’t do it because I thought I had all the answers.” Sherry bit her lower lip, trying hard to hold back her tears. “When you were injured...” Sherry tried not to break and not to shed a tear. Ofek sat across from her, motionless and silent.
“I was a wreck. I was a bad mother.” Sherry was silent for a while. “Can you give me a chance to be a good mother and fix myself?”
“What do you mean? That I’ll stay with you?” He asked reluctantly, thinking that she was trying to persuade him to stay with her instead of moving in with Eyal.
“No, I know that I have no chance against your father,” she smiled a bit. “I just want you to believe me that I love you, that I have always loved you.”
Ofek’s cell phone rang. “It’s Daddy, I got to go.” He called Shahar loudly in order to go down and Sherry sadly looked at them leaving the house. She never got a hug from Ofek.
She went into her painting room and began to paint another, called, ‘Separation.’ She was inside a car. Her face was smeared in the windshield. Her head was covered with chador and in a dark corner. Her mother was standing. It was clear that it was about Iran, during the escape from power. The painting was filled with horror during the Ayatollah’s regime.
Then she painted, ‘Fear,’ depicting the running to the border of Pakistan, the crawling under the fences and tearing her clothes. When everything was over, she realized that she was alone in the battle.
For years when she was painting, every painting required days and weeks. Now, these pictures were born in a quick flash of pain. Brushes were sliding on the canvas as if they were given the gift of thinking. And within three months, she created 22 emotional paintings that were attached to her belly button, as if they were born from her.
For two weeks she tried to think about how she would move on. It became clear to her that it was time to focus on her dream of becoming a significant figure in the world of painting. She decided to make contact with one of the museums in the country and request them to hold a special exhibit for her.
She went out from her workroom, she was happy to find Ofek in the kitchen. She warmed some vegetable schnitzel and sat beside him.
“What’s going on with your treatment?” she asked.
“Now, it depends on me. I work out at the sports center, and I am trying to get back in shape. This week, I noticed that there are some places in my body that have no sense of touch.”
She looked at him worriedly.
He smiled. “Sometimes it’s not bad. For example, you can step on my toes, and I won’t feel anything.”
“Really? It’s terrible.”
“Also, in my elbow.”
She looked at him ruefully.
“But, it’s okay. I’m not so upset with this.”
“Are you planning to go back to the army?”
Ofek played with the fork. “There is no use. In my condition, it’s more likely that they will give me an official role, so I thought it would be better if I started college.”
“What do you want to learn?”
“I haven’t decided yet. It all happened so fast.”
Sherry nodded.
“By the way, why is Daddy so mad at you?”
“Ask him.” She tried to take down the hard questions from her.
“I thought it was because of me. I thought that maybe when I was injured...” Ofek could not find the word.
“It’s not because of my relationship with you. You can calm down.”
“Then what? Did you cheat on him?”
“God forbid. He is the man of my life.”
“Did he cheat on you?”
“Not that I know,” she smiled.
“Did you do something else that Daddy can’t forgive you for?”
“I did, but it was not because of me. I was even hurt. I was a victim. You had also forgiven me, right?”
“I’m so sorry that you and Daddy are not on good terms. It would be nice if you would give the family a chance. We could have tried to be a loving family.
Sherry wished it, too.
He got up and walked towards the door. He went out and Sherry stood in the doorway, watching him walk towards the car. In the early stages of recovery, his steps were slow and measured. This time, his steps seemed confident and faster. Ofek entered into the car and turned his head to the left. Sherry noticed an increased range of movement. He took his hand out of the window to wave her goodbye and she waved back, happily. All his attention towards her made her happy.
35
On Thursday, just before the evening fell, Sherry was sitting on the stairs. She remembered that it was Valentine’s Day. From the day that she met Eyal, no Valentine’s Day had passed without a bouquet of flowers from him, even when he was in Lebanon for a long time. She looked around knowing that the chance of such bouquet to wait for her on the stairs was infinitesimal. Instead, small and dry leaves of the Poinciana tree were scattered on the stairs, and the garden that was invested and nurtured over the years now looked neglected and was crying for her caress.
Her cell phone rang, and she entered back home. On the screen appeared a call from abroad.
“How are you?” T
amar asked.
Sherry’s heart leaped with joy. She knew that when her sister was calling, it was a sign that she was outside the borders of Iran, and therefore they could meet. “Where are you?”
“In Los Angeles. We arrived here a few days ago.”
“Really? I want to see you?”
“Of course! We will meet, don’t worry. I will be here for a long time.”
“What do you mean?” Sherry prayed that Amir’s position would allow her to see her sister whenever she wanted.
“I will explain everything to you when you come. Listen, I’m here with the whole family, and we met Hidan here, Nazir’s friend, the man who bought your paintings. He left Iran a few years ago and opened a successful gallery here. Nazir is asking you to send some of your paintings here, and maybe Hidan would want to raise an exhibit for you.”
Sherry was excited. “I’d love to. I just finished 22 paintings, and I’m looking for a place to expose them. By the way, what is the name of his gallery? I want to read about it online.”
“Arthur Gallery – Art Tour.”
Sherry was shocked. She did not have to check online. Anyone who was in the art and painting business knew this gallery. “This is one of the most famous galleries,” Sherry said excitedly. “I will pack the paintings and send them to you today. Thanks, Tamar.”
“No need to thank me. I do not know anything about paintings. It’s Nazir, who pushed the issue. But yet, Hidan has to look at them, and we hope he will like them. How is Ofek?”
“He is much better. His condition is improving just as I wrote you in e-mail. Thank you, Tamar, I really appreciate your concern and your assistance. Now answer me, can I come and see you in Los Angeles?” she asked, pleading. “I have not seen you in 16 years, and I miss you to death. Honestly, I’m badly in need of you, in need of your hug.”
“Me too, so, tell me when you want to come and I will book a room for you in the hotel where I’m staying.”
“So, give me your cell phone number and I will update you.”
Sherry closed the phone after writing down Tamar’s number and immediately called Eyal to inform him that she had to fly to Los Angeles, and that he had to get ready to baby-sit. She knew that it was good to let him know as soon as possible, so that he could arrange his schedule.
He answered her, and she found herself talking to him with an evident excitement in her voice. “My sister just called me now. She is in Los Angeles and has organized an exhibit for me. So, I wanted to know if you could take Shahar? Otherwise, I will take her with me. I believe that my family there will agree to take care of her once in a while.”
“You can’t take her with you. She needs to live within a normal framework and not chase after her mother’s whims.”
“These are the only possibilities. She will stay with you or with me.”
“We’ll talk about it later. I’m busy right now.”
Sherry hung up, disappointed. She went to the kitchen, made a cup of coffee, and planned to sit on the stairs. A guy with a scooter stopped in front of the entrance gate and approached her. He handed her an envelope and asked her to sign. She took the white envelope from him. There was a logo from a law firm. She strongly bit her lower lip, feeling the accelerating and aggravating heartbeat. She opened the envelope and read the lines. Every word in the agreement cuts her body. Every sentence shocked her. These were not words combinations on a paper, but destructions of her house, destroyers of her life, of Ofek’s and Shahar’s life….because of the couple’s desire to divorce… he is interested to buy the half of the house on Jerusalem Street… unlimited and irregular visits because of his work in the army ... the amount of the child support will be... a divorce case had been filed in the court….
According to the letter, the court was set to finalize the divorce in one month’s time. She hadn’t agreed to the terms yet and the divorce date was already set. Eyal must have a good lawyer if he was able to run things so fast. Why was Eyal in such a hurry to separate from her? Did he have someone new? She shuddered at the thought. She had been ignoring the distant behavior of Eyal for months and tried to convince herself that he loved her and that he was just hiding it very successfully. Also, in her conversations with Ronit, she only focused on interpreting the behavior of Eyal instead of internalizing the facts. There were times that Ronit told her explicitly that she should move on with her life and forget Eyal, but Sherry insisted not to internalize things. Every act of rejection from Eyal was a new presumption to her and received positive meanings. Now that the letter was in her hands, she understood that she deluded herself.
She moved around the house restlessly and after an hour, she felt a strong need to pour her aching heart to Ronit. She ran to Ronit’s house, sweeping the street that was illuminated with dim lights. Upset, she opened the door, forgetting to knock and found herself crying, with shorts and a white shirt, in front of Eran, Ronit, Eyal and Natalie. Sherry looked at Natalie, whose lips were curled with a wicked smile. Her contorted eyes threw a winning smile to her, and her head was leaned on Eyal’s shoulder just like 21 years ago. Sherry turned her eyes to Eyal. Just like in life, his back was against her. He turned around to check the cause of silence around him. His eyes met Sherry, who was standing in front of him, defeated, thinking that an hour ago, she called him and he was busy. Spending time with Natalie was more important than the exhibit of her life.
Ronit quickly got up, but Sherry went out while Ronit followed her. “Sherry, I’m sorry.”
Sherry entered her house and slammed the door. Ronit came wheezing and entered the house without knocking. “Get out of here.” Sherry drove her away.
“I tried to talk to you several times about your relationship with him, but you’ve lived in denial,” Ronit said.
Sherry looked at her angrily. “Get out of here. We don’t have anything to talk about anymore.”
Ronit tried to grab Sherry’s hands, but Sherry shook her off and walked towards the door, opening it for Ronit. “You’re not wanted here. In a few days, the house will be transferred to Eyal’s name. Then you can visit here all you want. Until then, do not come near here.”
Ronit walked towards the door and stopped in the doorway. “They were in my house several times, even with her children one time.”
“What are you trying to do now, get me out from the competition after I already got the knockout? Is it not too late? Tell your friend that if Natalie comes close to my daughter, I will kill him!”
Sherry closed the door and sat under the olive tree. She looked at the sky and searched for Esther. This time, she wanted to dismantle the symbiosis that she made between Esther and Ronit. She wanted to know that losing Ronit was not necessarily losing Esther. Indeed, Esther’s silhouette appeared and again, stood beside Sherry during hard times.
A week after Sherry received the letter from Eyal’s lawyer, Sherry and her lawyer arrived at the appointed time in the office of Eyal’s attorney to talk about the final divorce agreement. Sherry sat across him, watching the large windows overlooking Tel Aviv—lots of buildings without any strip of green that looked like piles of debris. Eyal sat far away from her, his chair positioned diagonally. Eyal’s lawyer shook hands with Sherry and her lawyer with a face that was eager to fight.
The conversation moved to the arguments about sections and sub -sections. Eyal was forced to intervene and asked them to finish the procedure.
The agreement was transferred to the secretary for amendments. Their lawyers joked while Sherry and Eyal were sitting seriously, withdrawn. When the secretary returned, Sherry’s lawyer reads the amendments and passed to Sherry for inspection. There was a deafening silence. No one spoke while Sherry was reading the agreement. She gave back the agreement to the lawyer.
“Is everything all right?” Eyal’s lawyer asked.
“Basically, I agree with everything, but Eyal can get half of the money from our bank account. This belongs to both of us,” she said weakly, feeling the heaviness in her chest.
“No. I do not want the money,” Eyal answered, getting an angry look from his lawyer.
Sherry remembered how he used to criticize her for years because she was not ready to take her grandfather’s money, and now he was acting the same way.
A heated argument between the two lawyers began again. At the end, it was agreed that the house would be transferred to Eyal’s name in exchange of a certain amount that Eyal would give to Sherry.
“How much time do you need until you vacate the house?” Eyal’s lawyer asked Sherry.
Sherry felt the pain in full force again. Suddenly, what was left from 20 years was not love, not experiences, not holidays, not content, not a soul, but just a haste to board Natalie home. Not long ago, she thought that Eyal was not going to divorce her, rather that he was just taking a break, and he already rented an apartment. She received a letter from the lawyer, and moments later saw Natalie in his arms. She was so hurt and immediately answered without thinking completely. “I can leave as soon as possible, it is not a problem. I’m moving to Los Angeles.”
Sherry saw the surprised look on Eyal’s face, a look that seemed to cut her into half.
“And what about Shahar? Do you think that I will allow you to take her with you to Los Angeles? You are out of your mind!”
“There’s no choice. It’s obvious that she can’t stay with you.” Sherry knew that the term of his service in the army wouldn’t allow him to raise a child and, therefore, he would give up Shahar under her care.
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